IF YOU WANT TO GET INVITED BACK FOR SUMMER 2020?

A few years ago, I gave some homeowners the ultimate guide (click here) to getting rid of those guests that just can’t take a hint.    You know the types, that turn a two day invitation into a living hell only to discuss extending their stay!   Well, today’s blog isn’t about how to get them to leave,  it’s about giving them parameters for being invited next summer!   Yep print this out and leave it on the dresser or send this blog link with a wink and a nod and say, “but you know I don’t mean YOU!”

So here you go, my attempt at preventing animosity, hurt feelings, bruised egos…

keebler elf
I don’t work in the Hamptons!

and most of all bloodshed.  This is the ultimate Hamptons chatter guide for  houseguests on HOW TO GET INVITED BACK!

1- Pick up your dishes!  The sink isn’t magic and those dishes you leave in the sink don’t get rinsed and put into the dishwasher by a group of unemployed Keebler elves.

This means your coffee cups, wine glasses, bagel dishes and jam crusted knives need YOU  to rinse them off and put them into the dishwasher!   If the said washer is dirty and the housekeeper has the day off, here’s a great way to earn brownie points… empty the thing!!!

2- Don’t use a new towel every ten minutes!    Most of us don’t have a full time staff or an unlimited supply of bath and beach towels.     One of the biggest complaints I hear from Hamptons homeowners is when guests go through the linen closet booty like tissue paper.

Try limiting your use to one beach/pool towel and one bath towel.   Unless you’re helping with the lawn or cleaning my septic tank, odds are you can hang your towels and reuse the next day!

3-Don’t drink (or eat) more than you bring –  If you bring one bottle of Boone’s Farm Blue Hawaiian wine feel free to drink it and offer your host a glass.  Do not take said Blue Hawaiian put it on a shelf and then proceed to drink all of my Sancerre.  That’s just not nice!    Buy a nice bottle of wine anytime you visit the Hamptons … it’s the right thing to do.  Also, if you plan on going on a bender, it’s a good idea to make it a case.

4- No fighting –  You might not think this needs to be mentioned but believe you me…. it’s worth bringing up.     If you want to be a good guest don’t fight with the hosts, don’t fight with the other guests and don’t fight with your companion.    This means avoid drinking too much, don’t talk about politics and religion and don’t be cranky.   Always remember, you got invited because your hosts enjoy your company…. be enjoyable!

5- If you’re in a bad mood or don’t feel like socializing don’t come!   Yes, most Hamptons homes have wi-fi.  Yes,  the guest rooms are comfortable.   Yes, most have central air.   But if that’s an excuse for staying in your room all day, why are you even there!!!!????     Stay in the city or check into a Holiday Inn express… you’ll feel smarter!

6 – Eat in the Kitchen – Do you do that at your own home?   Do not take Toasted Coconut Entenmann Donuts without a napkin into the bedroom or anywhere else around the house.    Also, eating your chicken salad sandwich with a side of guac and chips in the pool and hot tub is kind of a faux pas.

7- Wear clothes around the house –  I know.   I didn’t think this needed mentioning TOO but butts aren’t always good.   Especially if you’re sitting in someone’s living room.    But  then again if you look like a supermodel….

Now excuse me, as I wrap up this blog.  I’ll now get off my soapbox and put some of that soap in the washer and start cleaning more of your towels.

HOW TO BEAT THE TRAFFIC WHEN YOU’RE HUNRGY or HANGRY!!

Is it just me or does it seem like every car on the road right now is a Volvo with Vermont plates?  Not only that but they’re stopping cold in the middle of the road to make a right turn!!!?   SHOOT ME!    While I’m not a total misanthrope (PSAT study class word) ,  the idea of venturing into the wild wild world of the Hamptons in August is sometimes too much for me.  So what to do?!    Well finally there’s something new to say about the lame situation of food delivery out here!    UBER EATS has finally arrived… while the selection is a bit limited there are a few not too expensive standouts;  The Seafood Shop and

seafood shop
www.theseafoodshop.com

The Highway Diner in Wainscott and Buoy One Seafood in East Hampton.    All will bring fully cooked dinners right to your right door.    But if breakfast is your thing there’s also more to the skinny on getting chubby without leaving home. 

Grindstone Donuts in Sag Harbor is also delivering!!!   In case you’ve never been to Sag Harbor on a weekend morning and saw the line out the door, you know I have you’re attention on this!  I mean we’re talking “DONUTS.”   But if you think I’m talking “Dunkin,” you couldn’t be more wrong.      I’m talking a brioche style donut with flavors like smores, lemon poppy and classic glaze!    Recently I had the chance to stop by and talk to owner Kyle Shanahan about what brought him to town and why his a hole cut above the rest!

 

Finally, in addition to Uber Eats there are Chinese restaurants that I think are worth their weight in MSG.   Number 1 (631-726-8080) in Water Mill and Phoenix in Wainscott (631-537-0011).    There are a few others in the area but one of them actually has Immodium on the menu which to me is a big red flag…OK I’m kidding.   While my two recommendations aren’t exactly Shun Lee or Mr. Chow’s, they’re both good, hearty and reasonably priced.   Both are the best Chinese delivery in the HAMPTONS!  Although, that’s kind of like saying it’s the friendliest restaurant in France.

MUST READ: NEW RULES ON SUMMER RENTALS… BUT FIRST CIABATTA TRY THIS PLACE!

A view to a kill… of your diet!
A really cook kinda bakery! Carissa’s new location!

It’s here!! After much anticipation Carissa’s Bakery has expanded and opened a new cafe at the former home of Turtle Crossing in East Hampton! If you don’t know Carissa’s you should! The Village favorite that features some of the most awe inspiring cakes, pies and breads (sourdough pickled rye bread… OMG!) will now serve a full menu from breakfast to dinner at the new cafe. While I haven’t sat down to eat a full meal yet at the new location, the facility at 221 Pantigo place is impressive. I recently had one of their amazing gourmet sandwiches which has me eager to come back and try their soon to be expanded menu along with one of their carefully curated wines. The fact Carissa’s serves from mainly local providers and features one of the more innovative menus I’ve seen, has me thinking this new addition to East End dining will be packed. If you want more information about the new cafe or on Carissa’s original bakery you can click here.

Left Facing Red For Rent Real Estate Sign in Front of Beautiful House.

Meanwhile if you’ve ever rented your home in the Hamptons, here is a bit of news you can’t afford to ignore. Effective July 14th landlords are now limited to collect no more than one months rent in advance for any lease. This means a whole new way of doing business for agents in these neck of the woods. For example, a summer rental from Memorial Day to Labor day would usually require about 50% up front at the signing of the lease and the remainder due before taking possession. Now, a landlord can connect no more than one month’s rent in advance and that includes security deposit! Considering most landlords in the Hamptons handle these rentals themselves, it’s an added layer of headache for anyone who wants to take that summer trip and leave the mayhem of summer. In addition to all of this there are now caps on late fees, tenant screenings and time frames for evictions. If you want more information on this headache inducing new way of doing things, make sure to click here on attorney Andrew Lieb’s outline of the new regulations in this weeks Dan’s Papers.

INSTAGRAM COOL AND ANOTHER REASON WHY RENTING OFF THE INTERNET IS RISKY!

FOR RENTAGAIN!??? A few days ago, I got an inquiry about one of my rental listings.    While this is pretty common this time of year, what was unusual is that the inquiry came from a young woman in the city who apparently had been in communication with “me.”   Lucky for her, she accidently deleted the email chain and had to google “me” to make contact again.  The only problem is she was not corresponding with me but rather someone who had cloned my rental listing online and placed a short term rental ad on Craigslist.    It’s sad but this is not the first time this has happened to me.    Apparently this person was charging $500/night for 6+ bedroom house south of the highway with the money due upfront.   Hey, once again if it looks too good to be true kids…. it’s probably a scam.     Meanwhile, I encouraged her to either use a broker or even look at sites like VRBO and skip Craigslist.     In the end I alerted to Craigslist to this fraudulent ad and 5 days later, they’ve yet to remove it.     I know I didn’t post it nor did the owner of the house.     Meanwhile, if any of you are planning to impersonate me online….. can you at least give me six pack abs in any of the photos?

Now after dealing with all of this drama, I’m going to spend some time relaxing and go cruising on Instagram.    I mean, what better way to appreciate the Hamptons than eating cookies, lying on the sofa and seeing how much more fun everyone else is having!!?   But before I tell you who I’m following, feel free to follow me at @PJMHAMPTONS.     You can learn all about my dogs, Tate’s cookies and my latest properties for sale.

@roundswampfarm & @loavesandfishesfoodstore –  The ultimates in Hamptons food porn!   I mean how else would you learn that the Jalapeno Bean Burger is back or th

Raspberry+Almond+Cookies
Lisa’s Raspberry cookie @roundswamnpfarm

at you need an almond cheese danish!?

@hamptonsrealestateshowcase – a quick peek at some of the newest and best real estate properties around.

@thewatermillcenter – The center that hosts one of the funkiest events of the summer also gives you an amazing look into some cutting edge art pieces via their Instagram posts.   Featuring everything from Lady Gaga to well, who knows this is a must follow.

@hamptonscarspotter – exotic, classic and anything that looks cool on wheels is featured in this east end account.   So far, they’ve not yet featured my 14 year old Jeep Sahara with 100k miles but hey the summer is still young.

@libbylangdon – Libby is an interior designer and TV personality with quick ideas for making your home a little more “Hamptons.”   Her sunny and perky and informative posts will wake you up faster than two cups of espresso!

@modelbartenders – if you don’t have good looking friends you might as well have some good looking staff.  RIGHT?! Ok, technically this is a NYC based account but they do serve the Hamptons and it features models!  EYE CANDY!

@truth_training – you’ll never get to be a @modelbartender unless you work out like the folks on this account.   I find it so inspiring I’m going to do some kettlebell lifts right after I finish the cinnamon roll from @roundswampfarm.  Seriously though there is some great information about their classes and ideas for fighting flab.

Cover_White
The new book by @justfredericoazevedo

 

@hedgeshamptons – meet the brokers, celebrity news and go behind the hedges (get it?) of some of the most stunning homes you can’t afford.      Yep, its total real estate porn and worth following!

@justfredericoazevedo and @hollander_design – two of the hottest landscape designers around!     Be inspired by Frederico Azevedo and Ed Hollander or just be wowed by their stunning landscape designs.   It’s like a walk in the park without leaving your sofa… or your Tate’s cookies.

@gimmeshelteranimalrescue – Cuteness overload and they’re all available for adoption!  Share some of their posts and maybe you can get a furry fur legged friend a home.

@Mecoxbaydairy – it’s a glimpse into country living at its best.   Cheese.  MMMMMMM… CHEEEESSEEE.   Oh and there’s also COWS!   Who doesn’t like looking at the face of a cow!!?  Of course, unless it’s before your going to LT Burger.

 

cows
@mecoxbaydairy … COWS!