WISHES FOR 2020! PLUS A TASTY PRIX FIXE!

I’m still reeling from the coal in my stocking this holiday season.    I mean I’m not poor, poor, pitiful me but I was hoping for a brand new shiny MacBook so I could bring you  more Hamptons Chatter!    But enough complaining!   Because the optimist that I am, my gaze is now turning toward the new year!    So what will it take to make me truly happy…. other than a good script of Zoloft?   Wait no further, here are my wishes for not only me but everyone in the Hamptons.    Remember, a few years ago I wished for a few  more good Mexican restaurants and now we have two (Coche Comedor and K Pasa).

Domino’s Pizza or Little Caesars – Since Phoenix restaurant in Wainscott closed the home delivery thing in the Hamptons sucks.    I grew up in suburbia and although we didn’t have Ubereats or anything of a sort, we at least had pizza delivery!!    While I know the above pizza companies aren’t exactly gourmet, they deliver!   I’m not picky, I’m just lazy.

More Cell Towers – A few years ago, I wrote a blog about all the dead zones out east (click here)   Well not much has changed in the 6  years since I wrote that piece.    If you don’t believe me how bad it is on the East End, download the Open Signal app.   It will

CELLMAP2
A VERY CRUDE MAP;  A is an ATT dead zone.  V is Verizon dead zone.

show you how bad it actually gets.    The one thing that has changed is that more folks are abandoning landlines for cell service only.     Where a few years ago, cell phones were a luxury they are now necessity.    The fact the Hamptons have such limited service is not only dangerous it’s irresponsible.  UPDATE:   It looks as if something is happening soon… for ATT users !!!  CLICK HERE

An Upgraded Movie Theater – I love going to the movies.   The popcorn, the shared experience and the amazing real estate commercial before the film even starts are all part of a great evening.    But lately, I’m having CINEMA ENVY.    Social media posts by all of those snowbirds in Florida flaunting reclining chairs and big glasses of Chardonnay while watching Star Wars have me wanting that experience here.

Tuto
Cool Temps & Red Hot Deal

I know most folks would pay more just to avoid having the seat where your legs are in your mouth and a spring is puncturing your back.

Well enough wishing and complaining for now anyway.    If you’re looking for something good to do this time of year and I know the options are limited… I’m going to start talking about some of the great prix fixes going on right now.   My first choice right now is Tutto Il Giorno in Southampton and Sag Harbor.   On Thursday and Sunday’s they’re offering a 3 course dinner and two glasses of wine for 2 at $59.00 (not including tip).   Considering that’s the price of a single entree at some places, this is a great deal.   Not only that the food is off the hook but not exactly low calorie.    I will also say, this place has some of the best atmosphere of any eatery on the East End.    Well that’s it for me this time around.. MANGIA!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TRES FROMAGE… WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THAT ANNOYING “?”

If you’ve driven through Bridgehampton anytime in say the past 5 months, you probably noticed an annoying question mark posted for all to see.    While I like a good mystery as questionmarkmuch as the next Scooby Doo or Shaggy, after months of watching the virtual gut renovation of the former Hudson Blue/Mercado/Agave restaurant I had enough.   So I started sniffing around.    So, after looking through windows (I saw some bistro chairs and a POS system) and a few phone calls to the right people I’ve discovered it’s apparently going to be ‘french bakery and cafe.”   Ohhhh laa laaa.  Yes, once again my hopes of having an Ihop in the Hamptons have been dashed.     I don’t know much more than what I’ve told you but I’ll keep you informed as I hear anything new.  I mean this is a blog, not the NY Times… I can only investigate so much.

Meanwhile, the summer may be over but there’s still plenty to do here on the east end.  This Thursday the Hamptons International Film Festival kicks off their 27th year with a special screening of Mariah Carey’s directorial debut of her “Citizen Kane” remake.   The film starring Steven Seagal already took the top prize at the Cannes … Ok, I can’t even joke about this anymore it’s too sick.   But could you imagine?    It would make Madonna’s Swept Away look like… well Citizen Kane!     Actually I don’t know what the kick off film is but you can CLICK HERE and get all the details that you need for buying tickets and what’s playing.     I will tell you the BIG ticket this year is Martin Scorsese’s THE IRISHMAN, starring Robert DeNiro.     The festival starts Thursday and ends Monday the 14th.

IF YOU WANT TO GET INVITED BACK FOR SUMMER 2020?

A few years ago, I gave some homeowners the ultimate guide (click here) to getting rid of those guests that just can’t take a hint.    You know the types, that turn a two day invitation into a living hell only to discuss extending their stay!   Well, today’s blog isn’t about how to get them to leave,  it’s about giving them parameters for being invited next summer!   Yep print this out and leave it on the dresser or send this blog link with a wink and a nod and say, “but you know I don’t mean YOU!”

So here you go, my attempt at preventing animosity, hurt feelings, bruised egos…

keebler elf
I don’t work in the Hamptons!

and most of all bloodshed.  This is the ultimate Hamptons chatter guide for  houseguests on HOW TO GET INVITED BACK!

1- Pick up your dishes!  The sink isn’t magic and those dishes you leave in the sink don’t get rinsed and put into the dishwasher by a group of unemployed Keebler elves.

This means your coffee cups, wine glasses, bagel dishes and jam crusted knives need YOU  to rinse them off and put them into the dishwasher!   If the said washer is dirty and the housekeeper has the day off, here’s a great way to earn brownie points… empty the thing!!!

2- Don’t use a new towel every ten minutes!    Most of us don’t have a full time staff or an unlimited supply of bath and beach towels.     One of the biggest complaints I hear from Hamptons homeowners is when guests go through the linen closet booty like tissue paper.

Try limiting your use to one beach/pool towel and one bath towel.   Unless you’re helping with the lawn or cleaning my septic tank, odds are you can hang your towels and reuse the next day!

3-Don’t drink (or eat) more than you bring –  If you bring one bottle of Boone’s Farm Blue Hawaiian wine feel free to drink it and offer your host a glass.  Do not take said Blue Hawaiian put it on a shelf and then proceed to drink all of my Sancerre.  That’s just not nice!    Buy a nice bottle of wine anytime you visit the Hamptons … it’s the right thing to do.  Also, if you plan on going on a bender, it’s a good idea to make it a case.

4- No fighting –  You might not think this needs to be mentioned but believe you me…. it’s worth bringing up.     If you want to be a good guest don’t fight with the hosts, don’t fight with the other guests and don’t fight with your companion.    This means avoid drinking too much, don’t talk about politics and religion and don’t be cranky.   Always remember, you got invited because your hosts enjoy your company…. be enjoyable!

5- If you’re in a bad mood or don’t feel like socializing don’t come!   Yes, most Hamptons homes have wi-fi.  Yes,  the guest rooms are comfortable.   Yes, most have central air.   But if that’s an excuse for staying in your room all day, why are you even there!!!!????     Stay in the city or check into a Holiday Inn express… you’ll feel smarter!

6 – Eat in the Kitchen – Do you do that at your own home?   Do not take Toasted Coconut Entenmann Donuts without a napkin into the bedroom or anywhere else around the house.    Also, eating your chicken salad sandwich with a side of guac and chips in the pool and hot tub is kind of a faux pas.

7- Wear clothes around the house –  I know.   I didn’t think this needed mentioning TOO but butts aren’t always good.   Especially if you’re sitting in someone’s living room.    But  then again if you look like a supermodel….

Now excuse me, as I wrap up this blog.  I’ll now get off my soapbox and put some of that soap in the washer and start cleaning more of your towels.

HOW TO BEAT THE TRAFFIC WHEN YOU’RE HUNRGY or HANGRY!!

Is it just me or does it seem like every car on the road right now is a Volvo with Vermont plates?  Not only that but they’re stopping cold in the middle of the road to make a right turn!!!?   SHOOT ME!    While I’m not a total misanthrope (PSAT study class word) ,  the idea of venturing into the wild wild world of the Hamptons in August is sometimes too much for me.  So what to do?!    Well finally there’s something new to say about the lame situation of food delivery out here!    UBER EATS has finally arrived… while the selection is a bit limited there are a few not too expensive standouts;  The Seafood Shop and

seafood shop
www.theseafoodshop.com

The Highway Diner in Wainscott and Buoy One Seafood in East Hampton.    All will bring fully cooked dinners right to your right door.    But if breakfast is your thing there’s also more to the skinny on getting chubby without leaving home. 

Grindstone Donuts in Sag Harbor is also delivering!!!   In case you’ve never been to Sag Harbor on a weekend morning and saw the line out the door, you know I have you’re attention on this!  I mean we’re talking “DONUTS.”   But if you think I’m talking “Dunkin,” you couldn’t be more wrong.      I’m talking a brioche style donut with flavors like smores, lemon poppy and classic glaze!    Recently I had the chance to stop by and talk to owner Kyle Shanahan about what brought him to town and why his a hole cut above the rest!

 

Finally, in addition to Uber Eats there are Chinese restaurants that I think are worth their weight in MSG.   Number 1 (631-726-8080) in Water Mill and Phoenix in Wainscott (631-537-0011).    There are a few others in the area but one of them actually has Immodium on the menu which to me is a big red flag…OK I’m kidding.   While my two recommendations aren’t exactly Shun Lee or Mr. Chow’s, they’re both good, hearty and reasonably priced.   Both are the best Chinese delivery in the HAMPTONS!  Although, that’s kind of like saying it’s the friendliest restaurant in France.