BLOCKING THE BROKER BULL AND HOW WE CAN STILL SAVE THE HAMPTONS!

I’ve always wondered what the owners of those 10, 20 or 30 million dollar homes in the Hamptons would say if they knew that the “power broker” agent they hired, rarely accompanied showings in their home?!  While not all of these brokers do it but it’s more common than you think!     In my opinion at least 50% of brokers go ahead of time and unlock the home or leave a key under the mat.    Seriously!   Think about it.   If they have say 40-50 listings and they’re as busy as they’re telling you, how can they possibly be there to actually “SELL” the house.   Nobody knows a house better than an owner, but it’s an agents job to be there and explain why the home is worth it and actually earn their 6%!

Kevo lock…tells you who is coming and going!

So what is a seller to do?  Well one solution that I encourage is to install a KEVO Keyless entry system.   This nifty system retails for about $220 dollars on Amazon and allows you to unlock your door just by tapping on it, thanks to Bluetooth technology that will detect the smart phone in your pocket or a fob for those less tech savvy.   The best part about this is you can also give “e-keys” to your agent, friends, workmen, whoever to let them in when you’re not around.  It also keeps track of who is coming and going and when.    It’s a good way to see if your agent is really showing your house in addition to telling you when and how often.

Meanwhile, if you’re reading social media of any sort you probably noticed it’s crankville here on the east end.   The locals say the summer people are nasty and rude and the summer people say the same thing in reverse.    Either way, it’s tense out here and it’s something my friend on Facebook “Robert” called “S.A.D.” – Summer Affective Disorder.  Although I’ve gotten accustomed to this seasonal fatigue we have a new honor here on the east end,  Conde Nast Traveller placed the Hamptons in their “Top 10 Undfriendliest Places” in the U.S.”    It’s enough to make someone move to Asbury Park… NOT!    But let’s be real here.  It can be unfriendly but it’s not too late.   I’m asking everyone who reads this blog to take the following few steps and we can turn the Hamptons into the Stepford of beach communities in no time!

1 – Say “thank you.”  – Nobody is entitled to have a door open for them unless they’re going into K-Mart’s auto doors.    If I hold a door for you, it’s not an admission of your entitlement or my own social guilt.   It’s just a matter of being human!    So pay it forward, just say “thank you!”

Yes, Johnny is just adorable!

2 – Don’t expect others to tolerate your bad behavior or that of your children! – True stories here…. Scenario 1 – I tell a small child not to step in the busy street while their parents are busy staring into Tory Burch, as the parent rushes I stop the kid from going forward to which the little spawn screams “Don’t tell me what to do, you’re not my father.”   NICE!  But what’s worse is the father doesn’t say thank you or apologize for the kids obnoxious response!   Hmmmm.   Scenario 2 – local bagel store starts making my bagel for me when I stop the clerk and say it’s not what I requested and correct the order.   When checking out, I say to the worker “sorry for the confusion.”   But rather than say, “no problem,” she grunts and continues to ignore me!   I wasn’t rude so don’t be rude to me!   Golden rule folks, treat others as you want to be treated no matter who they are and what car they drive  (YES, having driven both a Ford Taurus and a BMW there’s discrimination on both sides).

3- Smile and lighten up Frances! – It’s summer and it’s the Hamptons folks!   DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY WE ARE?!   There’s nobody launching rockets at your house or depriving you of your ability to shop Citarella!   Take a deep breathe, enjoy the moment and realize you’re in one of the most spectacular places on the planet!    Life can be a beach you just have to let it happen!

 

Three little bears, rentals and summer tales… and a few reminders for the tenants!!!

If only tenants were funny like John Candy!
While I don’t consider Memorial Day Weekend the true D-day for summer rentals.  That day is of course the first Friday of August. It does sometimes get a bit hairy for everybody.  So how do I know? Well as we all know brokers and agents love to tell  war stories.  So, I’ve been collecting some tales while buying martinis or Malbacs.   Believe me it’s worth it and the stories are quite entertaining.

In vino or vodka veritas!   Although I’ve personally had nothing but smooth sailing with all of my landlords and tenants (Is my nose bigger?) this year, I’ll be happy to share with you some of my favorite anecdotes … so far… from the summer of 2013!

Now, this doesn’t seem very comfy does it?
Yes,the traditional “tenant goes to the wrong house” I heard happened again this year.  Although unlike previous tales where there was a key indeed hidden in the fake rock by the side door, nobody actually moved into the wrong location!   Somebody ate my porridge .. slept in my bed and ordered something on my pay per view account!!!
Ah, that’s nothing compared to what one agent told me.   Let’s call this agent “Ted.”  Well being the good agent he is Ted went to meet his tenants with a bottle of champagne (darn, there is a lot of drinking in the Hamptons) as they moved into their new summer rental.  Well when hewent to check on the house, not only did Goldilocks sleep in the bed she liked it so much she took it with her!  Yes, that’s right.    Ted had bedlam because of not one but two missing beds.  Apparently the landlord had decided to throw out some saggy mattresses but forgot to replace them!   OOOPS!   Luckily tragedy was avoided since there are like 20 Sleepy’s from Southampton to Amagansett.

Finally, this is an oldie but a goodie.   Nobody decided to clean up after the bears left the cottage! The house keeper didn’t show??!?  shocking!   OOOOPS AGAIN!   Luckily in this case the agent was a good sport and ran home to their house to get a vacuum cleaner and some clean sheets.  The crisis was averted and everyone lived happily ever after …or at least until they got stuck in traffic on 27 Monday afternoon (I heard 4 hours E. Hampton to the city!).

Well last year, I did a little video for Elliman about what to expenses to anticipate for summer rentals.   It’s on You Tube but didn’t get posted anywhere for people to find it.  So, I am once again posting (with a little Hamptons Chatter Intro) this video reminder of what tenants should expect when they rent in the Hamptons.  Feel free to use this video my fellow agents but next time you’re buying the drinks!

Lights, Camera, Hamptons!!! Yes, SJP.. you won’t be the only one bringing home the bacon!

Well Ferris Bueller’s days off are finally over. Word has it that Matthew Jessica Broderick has signed up to star in a new series about the Hamptons. According to a report in Reuters, the actor who has been “long courted” by networks to do a television show has finally relented. (What networks where they?! History Channel, Lifetime or worse NBC?!) Yes, it’s NBC but after the great LENO experiment I guess they’re scrambling for anything to fill air!

Anyway, Jessica Broderick is attached to star in NBC’s comedy pilot “Beach Lane,” which was apparently given a green light Monday.

“Beach Lane,” is being produced by Universal Studios and Lorne Michaels’ Broadway Video… and if you have any doubt if it will be a quality project just rent the movies “Superstar, It’s Pat or A Night at the Roxbury! Yes, Mr. Michaels knows funny! The series will revolve around a celebrity author played by Jessica Broderick who is hired by an irresponsible millionaire heir to run his struggling small-town newspaper in the Hamptons. Sounds familiar huh?! Right?!

Now, ok “30 Rock” is one of the best shows on television but without Tina Fey, will this puppy fly? Broderick’s involvement in “Beach Lane” comes on the heels of his guest stint on NBC’s “30 Rock,” which is also produced by Michaels.

Michaels is executive producing “Beach Lane” with Marci (Calvin’s daughter) Klein, a coproducer on “30 Rock.”

So, now can I suggest some characters for the show?! I promise they won’t all be real estate agents but since they are the majority of the inhabitants out here…

Here’s two great characters for the show! In fact, let’s make them a couple who are high powered real estate agents who like going to restaurants, getting toasted and screaming to patrons to “f-ing google” their names!?! I envision lots of hilarity, bar fights and bitch slapping from this duo of characters, what do you think? I think Danny Devitio and Joan Rivers would be perfect casting!!!

Hmmmm… one more… how about the corrupt town mayor who skims money out of the town funds for personal pet projects and personal expenses!! He’ll be charming and suave. I see Larry David cast in this part!!!

OK, my last one… the lovable and dashingly handsome restaurateur who always buys dinner for a handsome and charming real estate blogger!!! I imagine Brad Pitt staring as the restaurant owner. Too obvious!?