Bikini Busters… the 7 deadly sweet and savory sins of Hamptons Dining! Plus it’s a time warp in Sag Harbor this weekend.

In case you missed it, a few weeks ago the Wall Street Journal announced that the Hamptons have gone  healthy.    The opening of the new Juice Lane in Wainscott, Soul Cycle and Tracy Anderson apparently have constituted a trend and now we’re all supposed to look like Brangelina.    Well, not so fast WSJ!   While, I’m not saying they’re going to start serving fried Coca Cola at Nick and Toni’s (look it up, it’s a real thing) there are quite a few pot holes and road blocks on the road to wellness here in the Hamptons.    So, here are my favorites and I hope you find as tempting as I do…

Dangerous territory!

1) Sam’s- East Hampton – It’s the pizza and chicken Parmesan that get me every time.     The cheese is thick on both and the sauce is thick and tasty, just like my mama never made (she was Lithuanian and Irish neither which are known for good cuisine).

2) Round Swamp Farm- East Hampton – What’s not to like?!  The cinnamon buns, the coffee cake, the guacamole, the chicken salad, the chocolate chip cookies…. oh, the list goes on and on your gut!    This place is not where you want to go while dieting.    I dare you to go into there and leave with just one thing!  It’s not going to happen!

3) Dreesen’s Donuts at Scoop Du Jour – East Hampton –  The donuts are freshly made and need I say more!?   It’s deep fried dough with sugar!   You could serve me deep fried wood with sugar and I bet I’d eat it but the dough is a little easier to chew…. fluffier too!

4) Bobby Van’s – Bridgehampton – If you’re allergic to shellfish you may want to avoid the shrimp nachos at Bobby Van’s.  But if you’re not, get ready for a spicy blob of shrimp, chips, jalapenos, guacamole and enough cheese to keep Lipitor profitable for the next century.    Yeah, the Chinese Chicken Salad is good too but for some reason it doesn’t seem as decadent.

Yeah, they look sweet and innocent at Mary’s.

5) Mary’s Marvelous – Amagansett – When Ina Garten shuttered the Barefoot Contessa years ago, I went into a deep depression.  WHERE WILL I BUY MY COCONUT CUPCAKES?!    Yes, I could go buy Ina’s cake mix but that would leave evidence around the house.    Luckily Mary’s is there to fill the void!   Her sandwiches and muffins are great too but it’s the coconut cupcake that is the standout!    If you don’t know my cousins Eileen and GiGi or Ina for some CC’s of lovin’ (as I call them) make sure you go to Mary’s and eat them there.   Coconut shreds are often a dead give away.

6) Fresno – East Hampton –  Tons of good stuff on the menu and a bar/restaurant scene that’s fun and unpretentious is what keeps me going back to this East End staple.    From some of the same people that bring you Red Bar and Beacon this is the closest to my house so I’m a little biased.  I’m also terminally in love with the Sticky Toffee cake desert.   I also drool over their …staff… I mean burgers and fries.   Gosh, I only hope I look attractive in my Sans-a-belt pants with Spanx
when I got there next time!!!?

Fat Free Biscuits at Grill…NOT!

7) The East Hampton Grill – Yeah, I know I write a lot about this place.  I’m the mayor on foursquare.com and yes they know my name ( no, smarty pants I tip well so that’s not the reason!).    The buttermilk biscuits, the ribs and the home made hot fudge (that I think comes with Ice Cream) are all impossible to avoid.  Although I don’t eat them all together at the same time…. hey wait… hot fudge on ribs and buttermilk biscuits on the side… no stop it… wait…

On an entirely different note, they’re having a Soap Box Derby this weekend in Sag Harbor.   The big event will take place this Sunday afternoon on High Street.   The festivities will begin with a parade down Main Street at 1pm (they have a parade for everything in Sag Harbor) followed by the big race on High Street.     While my 25 year old nephew had no clue what a soap box derby was, I proudly told him to keep an eye out for the kids named Spanky McFarland and Alfalfa Switzer.   They’re both heavily favored to win!    There’s still no word if Darla and Petey will be there.

Just imagine Edward Everett Horton announcing; Friday Night Food Fever or Might I Munch at Midnight???

Yeah, Yeah, I know traffic sucked you didn’t have time to stop for dinner and you’re pulling into Southampton and you’re really really hungry. What to do?! Well, you can stop at BK or Mickey D’s but you’ll regret it later. Here’s my quick guide to what’s open til when along 27!

Roberts in Water Mill open til 10 pm. I love this place. My favorite dish is the Free-Range Organic” Chicken w/ Fresh Herbs & Gorgonzola Polenta for $32.00! A little more formal than Chef Robert Durkin’s Paradise in Sag Harbor with a warm in intimate atmosphere.

Almond is more casual and on Friday night is a little congested. If you’re comfortable in a Chelsea restaurant on Saturday night then you’ll be find here. Almond is open til Midnight on Fridays. My favorite thing on the menu is the Roast Chicken..it’s a classic! Yes, I order chicken most of the time! And as if nobody knew this… a single gal will meet plenty of single guys there but they’ll be better suited for a partner in “Name that Showtune” than partner in courtship. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

If you want something a little more casual, there’s Bobby Van’s and World Pie in Bridgehampton. Both are open til Midnight and have great bar tenders. So what do you eat at World Pie? Try the Escargo! NOT! It’s the pizza… Duh! As for Bobby Van’s, I suggest the Asian Chicken Salad! Now let’s keep driving down 27….

Ok, I’m getting tired of writing this so here is the rest of 27
Town Line BBQ – 11 pm – the best onion rings!
The Palm – 10:30 or 11ish.. depending
Rowdy Hall – 11pm

But wait… if you’re coming out REAALLY REALLY REALLY LATE… the new and IMPROVED GULF Station in Bridgehampton is my new favorite… hey it’s not BP right?! It has a wide selection of delicacies ranging  are these nut free???? from microwavable burritos to those rotating hot dogs! A big minus in the staffing department. I got a nasty attitude when I asked them about the house specialty. They also couldn’t answer if the premade sandwiches were OK for someone with a nut allergy. I’m sorry, I don’t always carry an Epi pen and need to be cautious with my car passengers!! Overall I give it a C.

3 quick benefits to tell you about! ANN LIGUORI FOUNDATION OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE DINNER DANCE AT DUCK WALK VINEYARDS, WATER MILL. Benefiting American Cancer Society and Healthy Children. The food is provided by OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE (Why they never opened in Southampton is still a mystery to me) Saturday 6:30-11:00 PM. DUCK WALK VINEYARDS. WATER MILL. (917)488-1412 innerview@aol.com.

also Saturday ROCK THE DOCK FOR BAY STREET! AT THE SUMMER GALA BENEFIT BASH at 6:30 PM. Joy Behar of The View and Mario Cantone of Sex and the City 2 are the hosts… I have my earplugs ready! It will be held at the Long Wharf in Sag Harbor. Cocktails, Hors d’oeuvres, Sit-down Dinner, Dancing, Silent Auction events@baystreet.org or 631.725.0818 for info. baystreet.org.

Finally… HSN EVENTS FOR WEEKEND OF JULY 16, 2010

FRIDAY JULY 16, 2010
Hamptons Social Series At Lily Pond Benefiting The Help for Orphans International. Jill Zarin and R.Couri Hay invite you to the third installment of the Hamptons Social Series at Lily Pond to honor the Help for Orphans International on Friday, July 16th. Doors open at 9 p.m. with cocktails followed by a light buffet supper by Philippe at Lily Pond’s new garden patio and a portion of the proceeds from every check will go to Help for Orphans International . For reservations RSVP@hamptonssocialseries.com or visit Hamptonssocialseries.com. Lily Pond, 44 Three Mile Harbor, East Hampton.

SATURDAY, JULY 17, 2010
ANN LIGUORI FOUNDATION OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE DINNER DANCE AT DUCK WALK VINEYARDS, WATER MILL. Benefiting American Cancer Society and Healthy Children, Healthy Futures Romantic weekends away, local and worldwide golf course giveaways, Judith Ripka jewlery, and various sports memorabilia are some of the fabulous items up for auction at this event. It is a great opportunity to get amazing prizes and help a great cause. 6:30-11:00 PM. DUCK WALK VINEYARDS. WATER MILL. (917)488-1412 innerview@aol.com.

ROCK THE DOCK FOR BAY STREET! AT THE SUMMER GALA BENEFIT BASH at 6:30 PM. w/ HOSTS: Joy Behar of The View & Headline News & Mario Cantone of Sex and the City. The Long Wharf in Sag Harbor. Cocktails, Hors d’oeuvres, Sit-down Dinner, Dancing, Silent Auction & Live Music by DJ Tom Finn (“The King of Spin” – Avenue Magazine) and Escola de Samba BOOM! events@baystreet.org or 631.725.0818 for info. baystreet.org.

2nd Annual MARTININS FOR MUTTS! Sat 5 to 8 pm. Cocktails, entertainment, Raffle, Silent Auction at 214 Toppings Path in Sagaponack. A $40 minimum donation in advance or $50 AT the door. RSVP to Michelle@LCARF.org or visit lcarf.org for more info.

We’re not in Bridgehampton anymore!!!

Just checking in for a flight out of the country. I got here way early due to the heightened security alert due to a certain incident that happend in Detroit. Well there I was wandering past the Wok and Roll and the Del Taco when low and behold I see it’s “Bobby Van’s.” Yes, the watering hole and hangout for AA dropouts from all over the Hamptons. It’s an abbreviated menu but the food is pretty good. It’s located in the American Airlines terminal. Notice the dark wood interior… much different than the Sabarro pizza in Islip Airport. Consider it your last taste of the Hamptons before that out of town flight

When will the Parrot finally take flight??.. don’t say anything in the Hamptons unless you want the world to hear !!

So, we’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting for the return of good mexican food to the Hamptons. I’m sure you’re all thinking I’m going to be mentioning a 7-11 Bean Burrito again.. but I can’t. I do love the nachos and the margaritas at La Superica in Sag Harbor but I’m not 25 and I actually like being able to hear my what my dinner companions say.. well certain dinner companions anyway.

I’m hoping BLUE PARROT will open soon. The longstanding tex-mex casa is being revised and revamped with the help of billionaire Ron Perelman, Jon Bon Jovi and Renee Zell…e…weigers..ener (I so can’t spell). The current owners promise it will have the same atmosphere as the old hangout but with a new chef and better food. I personally don’t remember what the food tasted like but the margaritas were amazing — oh maybe that’s why I never really tasted the food! I went by on Saturday morning.. no luck… called on Sunday… no answer and the message machine was full. Alright guys…we need guacamole now!! Open Already!!
Overheard:

A woman talking at the bar at Bobby Van’s about her upbringing; “Wolves would have done a better job than my parents!”

Two twentysomething Prada Princesses eating ice cream in East Hampton village and remarking on the young woman with her much older husband and their triplets: “Those aren’t children, they’re a science experiment!”
At a dinner party Saturday night held by a major Hollywood big-wig: “I take care of myself…. I treat my body well… I treat it like a pharmacy.”
Two “masters of the universe” discussing the new way of doing business: “I’m used to having free range in my business.” – I guess that’s not too bad… he could be a farmer with chickens?!