New Snack Food Coming to the Hamptons… Ore Ida and Totino’s must be nervous!

I don’t know if this ironic but as the tundra on the east end is finally melting,  there appeared a sign suggesting that my one of my favorite frozen foods is getting it’s due in the Hamptons.

The site of the establishment known as The Pizza Place in Bridgehampton is apparently becoming a Goldberg’s Bagels and Pizza.   Now, I don’t know if they’ll be selling pizza and bagels or pizza-bagels but I’ll tell you if it’s the latter, Ore Ida foods are going to be mad!   It’s not the oddest combination ever but it is a bit different.   Anyway, here’s a helpful hint for the owners of this establishment, make a drive through window in the front!!!  That would be awesome!

Bridge Cafe, Ziggy’s, M+M is now an office!
Meanwhile, the former site of Bridge Cafe, Ziggy’s and M+E Restaurant on Sag Harbor Turnpike will not be coming back as another restaurant anytime soon.   It’s been renovated and now is an office for a builder and contractor.  Is it me but is every builder now taking high profile locations for their offices?   Well, they say real estate is the best form of advertising and builders are the new Starbucks in the Hamptons!
Bissell Spot Clean… a life saver!
Finally, last week I wrote about the best housewarming gift in the Hamptons and it was quite popular.   So, I’m going to do it again and give Hamptons folks another must have item!  If you have guests and or pets who are sloppy and have bad bladders….   with me the dogs are fine it’s the guests that have the problem… you need to get a Bissell spot clean.   So, let me paint a picture for everyone.  You’re hosting a party and you’re serving … let’s say…. pizza-bagels and someone drops theirs on the floor sauce side down.   Well go grab the spot cleaner spray the area and vacuum the water up!   I’m telling you this machine is a life saver and can be used on both rugs and furniture.     Also, if you’re a tenant and you don’t want to get billed for damages because one of your guests couldn’t make it outside in time to go, voila!   These machine really works.  You can buy it online or at the local Kmart or hardware store for about $100.   Trust me you’ll thank me!
Don’t fear the pizza bagel!

The Banana Splits…. and Which Professionals have the most psychopaths… I know what I think!?

In another strike against the average Joe, the Banana Republic store in Bridgehampton Commons has packed up and split.    While I don’t really buy my clothes at Kmart (OK, I bought a few Land’s End sweaters there) nor do I shop Bergdorf Goodman (OK I bought a few things there too), B.R. was one of the rare quality middle of the road shops out here in the Hamptons.    When I tried calling the company for a response, the woman on the phone couldn’t tell me why they left town but she did tell me she could save me 10% on my next purchase if I opened a Banana Republic credit card.

In other sad news, TheWeek.com has posed the question, “which professions have the most psychopaths?”  Now before you start thinking about “American Psycho,”  lets take a look at the definition of Psychopathy.   By definition, Psychopathy is a “personality disorder that has been variously described as characterized by shallow emotions (in particular reduced fear) stress tolerance, lacking empathy, cold heartedness, egocentricity …. and antisocial behaviors such as parasitic lifestyle and criminality.”  So those two sales agents that brawled at The Hotel a few weeks ago probably  psychopaths, it’s more likely they have anger issues.   So do you want to take a guess where sales people came on the list?  They were #4!  YIKES! Wedged between media personalities and surgeons.   That’s not such bad company is it?   So who are some of the biggest psychopaths I met working here on the East End?  Well, I never blog and tell.  But buy me a drink sometime… in vino veritas!

Finally, so why is this picture on my blog?  Because I can.  Happy Birthday Bella!!!

 

 

Your Real Estate Agent Isn’t as Important as You Thought! Plus, a FRESH success in Bridgehampton.

 

My friend, agent and former co-manager Tom MacNiven likes to quote George McGovern who  proclaimed: “the longer the title the less important the job. ”   Somehow, I always knew they were both right.
Well, now  when it comes to the real estate sharks swimming the waters of the Hamptons, (and the entire state) the State of New York agrees! At the end of this month licensed New York State agents
will no longer be able to display those cheesy fabricated self-anointed monikers that do nothing but take up space on business cards and email signatures.   So, sadly I have now abdicated my crown and will no longer be known as Patrick Mclaughlin, Senior Czar of Hamptons House Hunting and Associate Broker.  Soon, there will be no more Semi-Senior Co-Directors of Whichamacallit or Executive Vice Presidents of the Supply Closets.    I’m happy with this, as long as nobody can one up me!!
Now, there are only two designations are acceptable:  LSA: Licensed Sales Associate and LBA: Licensed Broker Associate.   The latter requires a little more experience and sales transactions but it is NOT an MBA or even a certificate from University of Pheonix.   If you ain’t one, you gotta be the other.   I’ve also just been informed that at the end of this month I must “surrender” my old, titled business cards.    So, if I can’t have a title can I have a raise?

Well the big review is in and Fresh in Bridgehampton must be breathing a big sigh of relief or at least doing a small dance of celebration.  Scoring a “VERY GOOD” review, Fresh has managed what very

www.freshhamptons.com

few have managed to do;  create a restaurant with good food and good service that won’t break the bank.   I think it’s everything the former home of “Southfork Kitchen,” would have loved to accomplish.   It’s just a shame that the old owner was too busy blogging instead of watching the restaurant.  Blogging is such a waste!!

In fact, The New York Times said, “Fresh is an exciting restaurant with innovative portion options and creative, good-for-you food that is also delicious.”   So good for them and when they’re done if they could give some cooking lessons to the folks at a few restaurants out here, the world would be a better place!

The weird and wonderful world of Hamptons Real Estate!!! Part 1,324,9897… and some potentially grate I mean GREAT news for Southfork Kitchen!

It boggles my mind sometimes how people think the Hamptons market works and what the agents actually do out here.   The following tales have no particular theme, thread or commonality other than they both make me scratch my head with a big WTF?!    The first hilarious tale I have this week involves an e-mail I received earlier this week.  I think it’s kind of a perennial here on the east end and I call it….

Fast Times and Hamptons High!

Here’s what it said: 
Hey my friends and I are having trouble finding a house available for rent for the weekend of the 20th to 22nd of June and were wondering if you had any eligible houses. It would be around 40 people for two nights. You can reach me at (516) 996-xxxx!

 

Ok, 40 people for 2 nights at the end of June?  Now, I’m not exactly a rocket scientist but something tells me this is a graduation party.   Besides, does anyone really want to stay in a house for two days with 40 people.   I can barely stand when there’s more than 4 in my house and I have plenty of space.    Also there is the part about, “my friends and I are having trouble finding a house.”  REALLY!?!?!?  I’m shocked, doesn’t everyone want 40 people to rent their house for 2 days!?  What could go wrong? By the way, I really wanted to correct the grammatical errors and send it back to the sender, “are you really sure you’re ready to graduate?”

Bad Ideas… 40 people for a two day rental!


War of the Roses – Hamptons Style
A while back I was handling the sale of a property where the owners were going through …. shall I say… a bitter and nasty divorce.   To give you some idea, if they had a baby Solomon would’ve had to cut the kid in two.  There was no middle ground!   But wait, it gets better they were living in the house together until it sold!!!   Yep, it was fun.   Well, one day, we had scheduled an open house and I spoke to the husband and left the wife a message.     I assumed all was well until I arrived and found the wife’s boyfriend parading around the house naked.   As I was putting out my wrap sandwiches for the fellow brokers and prospective buyers said boyfriend informed me “I fell off my bike and scraped my butt, so I can’t wear any pants.”  Hmmmm.   What about a blanket?  Nope, that won’t do it either, the fabric would be irritating.     Can you go into a room and I’ll keep people out of that one?  Sure, that sounds liek a good idea.  Well despite my best warnings a neighbor who was “curious” didn’t listen to me and went into the room!   OMG…SCREEECH!   If only I had foresight to sell tickets!!

Therapy and Miscellaneous Sightings!  
Your broker knows more about you than you think.   Especially if you’re the type that likes to leave everything out in the open.     Some of the things I’ve come across  (I don’t particularly like this part of the job) range from the weird to the gross and the down right crazy.   Now, some were former listings of mine and some were left in the open of houses I have shown for rent and for sale.    Once agin here are some of the wackiest things, in no particular order: condoms new and used (ewwwww), humongous bongs, the book “Toxic Parents,” weird porn dvd’s,  half eaten sandwiches with 3″of mold, phallic toys, lice shampoo (ewwwwwwwwww again),  self portraits on velvet, labeled urns with an entire family on the fireplace mantel, court appearance notices and my personal favorite a geek shrine to C3P0 and R2D2 (literally A SHRINE!).    I really can’t make this stuff up.

 

Southfork Kitchen

Finally a little bit of news that’s a tad more normal.   A change of hands at the Southfork Kitchen in Bridgehampton.    A recent press release announced,  “Glad you made it through the winter of 2013, Southfork Kitchen did not.  We have passed the torch to the next chef, Todd Jacobs who will continue with local, season and sustainable cuisine.  We thank you for your patronage….”  I’m not sure if he’s the same Todd Jacobs but if he is the one I found in Google.. it sounds promising.  According to his bio of Atlantica Restaurant in Long Beach, “Todd Jacobs, chef/owner of Tierra Mar and Atlantica is a graducate of the French Culinary Institute in Manhattan.  He spent six years running the kitchen at the American Hotel which received the Di Rona Award while he was there.”   Sorry Southfork Kitchen but I found your menu, expensive odd and pretentious.   Here’s hoping for new and better things!