So a few years ago, I did a posting about how when it comes to dating, where you go can tell you a lot about the person. It’s also a good guide to picking the right location for someone who is truly special. Well as we all know, it’s always changing here on the East End with new restaurants and some of the old favorites. So here is my updated 2012 dating guide for Hamptons restaurants. This is more geared towards the ladies but guys, use it as a guide as well. Perhaps you can make a better impression on your next blind date.
Restaurant: Nick and Toni’s , The Palm or East Hampton Grill
What does it say: If it’s on a Friday or Saturday night.. it means they have connections. They’re also not short on cash and willing to go head to head with some of the biggest attitudes in the Hamptons. If they order the zucchini chips (N&T) onion rings (Palm) or buttermilk biscuits (EHG) they’re daring… not afraid of calories because they’ll be at the gym in the morning. It also says, they really know the menu. If the bartenders or waitresses know them by first name, they’re generous and good tippers. They deserve a least a second date or to go a few bases. If you’re date is on a Sunday or prixe-fixe night, it’s up to your discretion.
Additional Advice: My advice hasn’t changed much since last time on these, avoid topics or conversations dealing with the following: ex-wives, alimony or investing with Bernie Madoff. Notably missing from this list is the American Hotel which I think has truly earned it’s reputation as the wax museum of the Hamptons. If you go on a date there, you’re probably double dating with someones parents and as Whoopi said in GHOST, “you’re in danger girl!”
Restaurant: Players Club & Agave (Bridgehampton)
What does it say: Chances are your date is a summer renter here in the Hamptons. They’re still new to the scene so if you’re waiting for that invitation to Gwyneth’s or Sarah Jessica Parker’s forget it. If this is a first date, finish the evening and change your cell number. You can do better. Besides, if it were in the city you know they’d be taking you to Scores or El Torito!
Additional Advice: Avoid topics relating to home ownership in the Hamptons, real estate, St. Barth’s at Christmas and flying coach versus first class.
Restaurant: 1770 House
What does it say: Your date obviously knows some of the hidden treasures of the Hamptons. It also says, they’re willing to go to a quiet place and they’re not afraid to hold a conversation with you. You’re date is likely confident and not afraid to spend a little extra for something special. Now, I want to be clear we’re talking about the upstairs restaurant here… if you end up in the downstairs pub it only says one thing to me; THEY’RE MARRIED!
Additional Advice: If your upstairs you can pretty much discuss anything, they obviously are open and willing to talk. If your DOWNSTAIRS avoid discussing wives, mistresses, explaining difficult things to children and commuting to the city from Nassau County.
What does it say: If it’s Friday night and he’s taking you to Almond, he’s gay! If you already knew he was gay… then just enjoy he probably knows a lot of people.
Additional Advice: If it’s Saturday, I’m not quite sure what to do but I think you’ve done ok. If it’s Friday and your on a hetero date… avoid topics like musicals, football and closets. It will only make you both uncomfortable.
My last note today and probably the most obvious!
Restaurant: Cyril’s or Murph’s Tavern
What does it say: People go to Cyril’s and Murph’s for one reason; to drink! If someone actually takes you there on a date it could be they’re fresh out of rehab or about to go! I would also be suspect of everyone your date just said hello to, odds are they’re tomorrow’s date! If you drove separately (hopefully you did) pretend to get a text message and leave immediately to deal with a “personal issue.”
Additional Advice: Avoid such topics as binge drinking, rehab, STD’s, sobriety or monogamy! Also having the number for a cab service in speed dial will be really helpful!
If like last time, today’s blog offends anyone.. I apologize, it was written with a sense of humor. But remember, there’s a little bit of truth in every jest! Finally, a little poll…. Who has the best burger in the Hamptons. I’ve asked a few folks and these five seem to be the frontrunners. Remember to vote early and often!