17,500 Reasons why the Kardashians Kame to the Hamptons…. plus it’s Totally 80’s Time at the Talkhouse!

The Klassiest Kids in Town!?

In case you’ve been living under a rock the Hamptons are buzzing with the comings and goings … or should I say Komings… ugh… no … comings and goings of the Kardashians.   If you don’t believe me go to Google and search “Kardashian Hamptons” and you’ll get about 17,500 news articles come up.   Meanwhile search “Hamptons Deer Cull” and you get 2 articles.   I’m so glad we have our priorities straight! Anyway, while you read about “13 Hot Spots Too Classy for the Kardashians” or even “9 Things to Know about their Summer in the Hamptons,”   I’m going to add one more tid-bit to the mix.   I’m hearing via the grapevine that producers for the show….. are not only asking to see if they can shoot in local restaurants and get all the patrons to sign releases but that they’re also allegedly asking to get it for free!      Their claim is that their show has done a lot to help businesses increase traffic and everyone should be thrilled to have KK-K shoot in their restaurant.    SO, how is it going?   My sources say not so good.   The “K’s” are going after spots that are already hot and don’t need “Z” list celebrities to promote their business.   Think about it, do you really think the Hamptons A list need an endorsement from the Kardashians?    I’m sure Jerry Seinfeld and Gwyneth are both waiting with baited breath to see where they’ve decided to dine!   By the way, let’s also be real here.. .they’re living in NOYAC…. not Southampton… I’m dying to know if they’ve made it yet to Cromer’s for some fried chicken or mac and cheese!?

In honor of throwback Thursday, I’m doing a little plug for Stephen Talkhouse this weekend.  One of the best and underrated bands from the 1980’s is playing tomorrow night.   Yes, the English Beat featuring Dave Wakeling is coming to town.   I’ve seen the band here a few times over the past few years and in a way, it’s kind of a perennial.    Playing all their hits including “I Confess, Mirror in the Bathroom, Save it for Later” and even a few General Public songs (Wakeling was basically the heart of both bands), the show is amazing.  I think I’m too old to go to an arena and see anyone.     But the intimate setting of The Talkhouse makes for a really memorable night.    You can buy tickets here ahead of time and in case you don’t know the band, here’s one of my favorite songs by them… trust me you should go!

Do You Make the Cut?! Take the Quiz to See if You Qualify for The Hamptons “A LIST!”

When I was younger, I once asked my mother about one of my friends who always bragged about the  money his family had.   She told me, “real money whispers, it doesn’t scream.”    Hmmmmm….. “does that mean we have money?”  She then laughed and said “hardly.”    Anyway,  I kind of feel the same way about a lot of things.   I don’t trust the guy who always claims he’s “honest” and I don’t believe the person who brags about their social status.

If you booked it 20 minutes ago, you’re A List!

That being said, It was the late 80’s and I was living in NYC having fun, care free, poor and young.    I had no clue about how some people view the world.   So, it was a shock to me when one of my close friends at the time announced to me he no longer wished to hang the same haunts with me anymore because, “there are no “A” list people in this crowd.”   OK!   Who knew New Orleans (where this person lived before NY) was a training ground for New York’s elite.    Silly me.   Well low and behold that same person is here in the Hamptons and no doubt glomming where ever there is glomming to be done!  So that had me thinking.  How do you really know if you’re on the “A” list in the Hamptons?   After consulting with some of my fave’ Hamptons Chatter consultants I came up with the following quiz to help folks know where they rank in the hierarchy!    So take the quiz if you dare!    I’ll let you know how you did at the end!

Question 1:   It’s a Saturday night in July and you have 2 house guests.   There are 4 of you total and you all decide at the last minute to go out to dinner.   Do you…

A)   Not sweat it, there are like 5 restaurants you can call who will sneak you in!
B)   Run over a few minutes early and hope they remember you and get you to the top of the list.
C)   Go to the restaurant of choice and put your name on the list and wait.
D)   Suggest the Princess Diner.
E)   Burger bites to go from the Hess station in Wainscott.

Question 2:  When it comes to getting a beach sticker, you….

A)  Ask “what’s a beach sticker?  I just walk out my door! ”
B)  Get a new one and put it on your “beach car” next to the past 5 years of stickers!
C)  Don’t need one, we bike!
D)  Convince everyone Mastic-Shirley is still the Hamptons and hop in the car!

Yeah, Mariska is A list!

Question 3:  When discussing Hamptons Magazine or Dan’s, you remind everyone…
A)  “I’ve been on the cover.” (or in the case of Dan’s painted the cover)
B)  “Been profiled and or been on the “list” more than once!”
C)  you were once in party picture, because you “photo bombed Alec Baldwin.”
D)  you’ve “never been in Hamptons or Dan’s” but you’re a “regular in the Press police blotter.”

Question 4:  Location is everything and your home is …
A) South of the Highway and super close to the beach.
B) Village/Village Fringe and definitely a good hood.
C)  A 30 minute drive to town away from it all but really we don’t mind.
D) Can’t really say, they make us move the trailer every two weeks.

A “C” list event!

Question 5: My typical Summer Saturday night consists of…
A) Inviting everyone to a fabulous benefit and I’m on the host committee.
B) Going to a fabulous benefit and my friend is on the host committee.
C) Hiding a bottle of booze, grabbing dinner from Citarella and heading to a beach.
D) Going to a dinner followed by Kareoke at my real estate agent’s house.
E) I desperately remain at home, inventing lovers on the phone.

Question 6:  How would you best describe the interior of your home?
A)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer create a unique style.
B)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer help me from DWR/Restoration Hardware.
C)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer from Home Goods in Riverhead.
D)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer help me who was institutionalized in ’73.
E)  I had my mother give me her old furniture.

Question 7:  In the Hamptons being spotted with a celebrity is social gold!  Would you say you hang with…
A)  Madge, Jerry, J-Lo and we rotate hosting!
B)  My friend who won a Emmy/Grammy or Tony back in the 80’s/90’s!
C)  My friend who was a Real Housewife!
D)  Khloe and Kourtney … in fact, I found them their store location!
E)   My friend who was a guest on Jerry Springer!  But the kid wasn’t his.

Question 8:  When traveling to the East End in the summer do you…

Dan’s your gateway to A- List!

A)   Stay put at the beach till Labor Day.
B)   Have your driver take the back roads on Thursdays and Tuesdays.
C)   Take the Ambassador or Luxury Liner.
D)   Take the NJ Transit Casino bus to AC with the $15 in free quarters.

Question 9:   One institution in the Hamptons is Murph’s Tavern in Sag Harbor.    You ….
A) have been a few times with the nanny or tennis instructor so don’t tell my spouse.
B) Remark, “That bar on 114,  I went a few times.”
C) Get your mail delivered there!
D) Sniff “Never, someone might see me!”

Question 10:   A topic of conversation at dinner is …
A) The difficulty in finding a good personal chef!
B) The difficulty in finding a good caterer!
C) The difficulty in finding good take out food!
D) The A****** on the “B” weekend who keeps stealing your booze out of the refrigerator!

So here’s the key…. A answers are worth 10 points.  B- 8 Points  C- 7 Points   D-6 points
E – minus one point and if none of the answers apply 7.5 points.   Now grade yourself like you were back in High School!  If you scored…

90-100 –YOU ARE “A” LIST!!! You are Hamptons Royalty and probably shouldn’t be reading this blog.  Trust me it’s beneath you.

80-89–    You are definitely B-List.   I scored an 80 so I made B-List by the hair of my chinny chin chin!  So there you have it my friend had every right to dump me!  I’m soooo not A-List!

70-79    You are on the C list but loving life and I want to hang with you!

69 and below  Can I recommend Wildwood Crest or Seaside Heights?

FINAL SCORING: Minus 90 points if you took this quiz seriously you loser!    Otherwise, let me know how you did!  Post away!

It’s that time of year, Beach Permits are selling like hot cakes… again!!! Plus, bracing for the rude Hamptons!

Yep, the snow just melted but already we’re fast approaching the end of the line for the most prized posession of Summer 2013!  I’m of course talking about East Hampton Village Beach permits.   While the price has risen to $375.00 for this coming season, that hasn’t stopped the rush.    While town permits for East Hampton Town and Southampton Village and Town beach permits are unlitmited and they don’t run out, EHV sells about 3000.    As of today, there are only about 300 or so permits left.   So, if you’re curious how to get a permit and where you can use them, click here.   That means there are only about 10% left, sadly I had to use a calculator to figure that out.    So unless you want to bike to beach after that Fly Wheel spin class you better hurry!!!

So, while Summer is right around the corner that got me to thinking is it really that bad out here during the season?  I mean are the lines at the Golden Pear any longer … are the waiters and waitresses less patient… is the parking lot at King Kullen any less aggressive?   Well in my 3rd and final chat with author Steven Gaines and film reviewer and stand up comic Bill McCuddy we addressed the very nature of Hamptons culture… RIGHT OR RUDE!?  Which also happens to be the name of Bill’s new web page and facebook fan page.   Check it out and let me know what you think.

 

A special OCSAR’S edition… plus a little chat on celebs in the Hamptons!

Hi guys, I normally don’t post on Saturdays but what the heck.  It’s Oscar Weekend in Hollywood and since we here in the Hamptons have our fair share of residents attending, I thought it was worth a bonus  Hamptons Chatter on the connection between the two.     Yeah,  I know this isn’t quite the quality of say the Today Show but we’ll get there soon.  It’s been a long time since I did anything like this and my editor is doing his best to make us all look good.   So, that being said my second VIDEO blog.      Is it a  little wacky and rambling, yes.  But I hope you enjoy anyway.   A special thanks to my former anchor Bill McCuddy for doing this along with Steven Gaines, Author of Philistines at the Hedgerow.  So live from my kitchen… Hamptons Chatter!