The Chinese Democracy of Blog Posts… The Winners and Losers of Summer 2014!

Yes, sometimes it’s worth the wait and other times it’s the equivalent of “The Phantom Menace.”     Its been a few weeks since I’ve sat in front of this computer and contemplated a new installment of Hamptons Chatter.   But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about this blog.     Some of the observations I’ve made over the past few weeks but weren’t worthy of a full musing are being poured into this latest posting.   So, will it be worth it?   Of course because doesn’t everyone love when someone else tells them if they’re hip or hopeless?

Chef Eric Miller created a winner with Bay Kitchen!

New Restaurant:

Winner:  Bay Kitchen in East Hampton –  Bay Kitchen has it all;  a killer review in the NY Times under it’s belt, a killer location and good service.
Loser:     Harlow in Sag Harbor – It had the location and the buzz but bad service and bad attitudes killed the fun quicker than your elderly grandmother’s surprise visit during that last college toga party.
Winner:  Channing Daughters, Wolffer and Bedell Rose wines –  A shortage of local rose wine says it all.  It was “THE” drink at benefits and bbq’s this past summer.
Loser:    The BBC at Cyril’s –  a temporary loss of a liquor license  not to mention that you
get a blood alcohol spike by just walking in the parking lot (you could lose that sobriety chip), led to a summer of despair for more than a few fans of Napeague’s favorite haunt.

Winner:   Studio 89 in Sag Harbor – Rich Decker has created a bright, clean and airy space where they actually like their clientele!Loser:       Equinox Fitness – You guys keep taunting us with opening in the Hamptons.  Until you do you will remain on the loser list!  If you open out here next year, we’ll talk!

Hamptons Celebrity:
Winner:   Jimmy Fallon – He’s now a Hamptons home owner and you’ll see him tooling around town year round.   He’s taken over the Tonight Show and invigorated it with his own brand of humor and made it his own.  It’s the same way he behaves at restaurants and stores around town; friendly and approachable.   Why can’t all celebrities be more like Jimmy Fallon!?Loser:     He’s Chevy Chase and you’re not… and neither is Jimmy Fallon!  That is a good thing. The humorless and unfriendly failed talk show host, unemployed sit com star and father in law to a midnight swimming lad who had the town searching frantically at night for his whereabouts is nothing like Fallon.   Hey Chevy, if you’re not busy maybe you can finally make “Snow Day 2?”Hamptons Media/News source:
Winner:  Hamptons Magazine  – The biggest and the best and the only one that doesn’t take resort living too seriously.  Hamptons magazine is the fun yearbook for the East End and the only one I know people actually talk about during the summer!  “Hey, you were on the list!”  Hint!

Loser:     Hamptons Chatter –  Inconsistent updates with a bad layout and too snarky for my taste!   Besides does anybody read that blog anyway?
Fashion Statement:
Winner:   Vineyard vines – Their polos are stylish and reasonably priced!  It’s cool preppy chic and you can’t buy them at TJ Maxx.   Not that there is anything wrong being a Maxinista!  It’s also not
contributing to Polo-fication of East Hampton.
Loser:  Crocs –   If I have to tell you why, then you shouldn’t be reading this blog!

Do You Make the Cut?! Take the Quiz to See if You Qualify for The Hamptons “A LIST!”

When I was younger, I once asked my mother about one of my friends who always bragged about the  money his family had.   She told me, “real money whispers, it doesn’t scream.”    Hmmmmm….. “does that mean we have money?”  She then laughed and said “hardly.”    Anyway,  I kind of feel the same way about a lot of things.   I don’t trust the guy who always claims he’s “honest” and I don’t believe the person who brags about their social status.

If you booked it 20 minutes ago, you’re A List!

That being said, It was the late 80’s and I was living in NYC having fun, care free, poor and young.    I had no clue about how some people view the world.   So, it was a shock to me when one of my close friends at the time announced to me he no longer wished to hang the same haunts with me anymore because, “there are no “A” list people in this crowd.”   OK!   Who knew New Orleans (where this person lived before NY) was a training ground for New York’s elite.    Silly me.   Well low and behold that same person is here in the Hamptons and no doubt glomming where ever there is glomming to be done!  So that had me thinking.  How do you really know if you’re on the “A” list in the Hamptons?   After consulting with some of my fave’ Hamptons Chatter consultants I came up with the following quiz to help folks know where they rank in the hierarchy!    So take the quiz if you dare!    I’ll let you know how you did at the end!

Question 1:   It’s a Saturday night in July and you have 2 house guests.   There are 4 of you total and you all decide at the last minute to go out to dinner.   Do you…

A)   Not sweat it, there are like 5 restaurants you can call who will sneak you in!
B)   Run over a few minutes early and hope they remember you and get you to the top of the list.
C)   Go to the restaurant of choice and put your name on the list and wait.
D)   Suggest the Princess Diner.
E)   Burger bites to go from the Hess station in Wainscott.

Question 2:  When it comes to getting a beach sticker, you….

A)  Ask “what’s a beach sticker?  I just walk out my door! ”
B)  Get a new one and put it on your “beach car” next to the past 5 years of stickers!
C)  Don’t need one, we bike!
D)  Convince everyone Mastic-Shirley is still the Hamptons and hop in the car!

Yeah, Mariska is A list!

Question 3:  When discussing Hamptons Magazine or Dan’s, you remind everyone…
A)  “I’ve been on the cover.” (or in the case of Dan’s painted the cover)
B)  “Been profiled and or been on the “list” more than once!”
C)  you were once in party picture, because you “photo bombed Alec Baldwin.”
D)  you’ve “never been in Hamptons or Dan’s” but you’re a “regular in the Press police blotter.”

Question 4:  Location is everything and your home is …
A) South of the Highway and super close to the beach.
B) Village/Village Fringe and definitely a good hood.
C)  A 30 minute drive to town away from it all but really we don’t mind.
D) Can’t really say, they make us move the trailer every two weeks.

A “C” list event!

Question 5: My typical Summer Saturday night consists of…
A) Inviting everyone to a fabulous benefit and I’m on the host committee.
B) Going to a fabulous benefit and my friend is on the host committee.
C) Hiding a bottle of booze, grabbing dinner from Citarella and heading to a beach.
D) Going to a dinner followed by Kareoke at my real estate agent’s house.
E) I desperately remain at home, inventing lovers on the phone.

Question 6:  How would you best describe the interior of your home?
A)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer create a unique style.
B)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer help me from DWR/Restoration Hardware.
C)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer from Home Goods in Riverhead.
D)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer help me who was institutionalized in ’73.
E)  I had my mother give me her old furniture.

Question 7:  In the Hamptons being spotted with a celebrity is social gold!  Would you say you hang with…
A)  Madge, Jerry, J-Lo and we rotate hosting!
B)  My friend who won a Emmy/Grammy or Tony back in the 80’s/90’s!
C)  My friend who was a Real Housewife!
D)  Khloe and Kourtney … in fact, I found them their store location!
E)   My friend who was a guest on Jerry Springer!  But the kid wasn’t his.

Question 8:  When traveling to the East End in the summer do you…

Dan’s your gateway to A- List!

A)   Stay put at the beach till Labor Day.
B)   Have your driver take the back roads on Thursdays and Tuesdays.
C)   Take the Ambassador or Luxury Liner.
D)   Take the NJ Transit Casino bus to AC with the $15 in free quarters.

Question 9:   One institution in the Hamptons is Murph’s Tavern in Sag Harbor.    You ….
A) have been a few times with the nanny or tennis instructor so don’t tell my spouse.
B) Remark, “That bar on 114,  I went a few times.”
C) Get your mail delivered there!
D) Sniff “Never, someone might see me!”

Question 10:   A topic of conversation at dinner is …
A) The difficulty in finding a good personal chef!
B) The difficulty in finding a good caterer!
C) The difficulty in finding good take out food!
D) The A****** on the “B” weekend who keeps stealing your booze out of the refrigerator!

So here’s the key…. A answers are worth 10 points.  B- 8 Points  C- 7 Points   D-6 points
E – minus one point and if none of the answers apply 7.5 points.   Now grade yourself like you were back in High School!  If you scored…

90-100 –YOU ARE “A” LIST!!! You are Hamptons Royalty and probably shouldn’t be reading this blog.  Trust me it’s beneath you.

80-89–    You are definitely B-List.   I scored an 80 so I made B-List by the hair of my chinny chin chin!  So there you have it my friend had every right to dump me!  I’m soooo not A-List!

70-79    You are on the C list but loving life and I want to hang with you!

69 and below  Can I recommend Wildwood Crest or Seaside Heights?

FINAL SCORING: Minus 90 points if you took this quiz seriously you loser!    Otherwise, let me know how you did!  Post away!

Forget the Piping Plover… is there a NEW endangered species in the Hamptons??!

Let’s face it… we live in a one horse town out here! One horse in the sense that it’s a one industry town. An industry where you keep your friends close and your enemies closer! Well the publisher at Hamptons Cottage and Garden made a lot of friends last week and even more enemies. The reason, a full issue that consisted almost entirely of Corcoran ads. I’ve spoken with a couple brokers from all the companies and they’ve pretty much said the same thing, “who would advertise in HC&G now?!” Now if you look at the last issue and compare it to Jason Binn’s Hamptons Magazine, the Corcoran stunt in my assesment was a last ditch effort at life support. Fourth of July through the end of the summer, most magazines are ripe with ads and articles perfect for your coffee table. If you take a look at the current issue which was post “C” issue, it was more of a leaflet than a magazine. HC&G used to be a great magazine and still is in some respects. I’m just wondering how they can stick around? By the way, I keep seeing new magazines tossed everywhere. ENOUGH! Between Dan’s, Hamptons, HC&G and the papers, how much can you read on one weekend?! But of course you’ll always have time for my blog! Hello? HellOOOOO!? Does anyone read this anyway???!