Lighting the Hamptons one lamp at a time!

Wainscott, the land of quarries and Speedway Stations has two new things to actually brag about.     The opening of the new Home Goods and the arrival of Osteria Salina at the former site of Georgica Restaurant and night club.  I’ll have more on the restaurant tomorrow!

After lots of moaning and complaining, Home Goods has finally arrived at it’s new location at 368 Montauk Highway. The newly constructed building drew some fire from local officials and some residents for it’s hulking size and close proximity to the road.   But after all the fears and wolf crying, the Hamptons have survived the opening and from the reaction of the crowds it’s a big improvement over what was an abandoned car dealership.   The cedar shake building which is lushly landscaped opened it’s doors Sunday and it was packed to the rafters.
See I’m not kidding!


So why was it so crowded?   Well the discounted purveyor of all things domestic featured everything from Pratesi sheets to Baccrat and Waterford wine glasses at around 50% off of normal retail prices. They also have a good collection of linens and even some furniture and rugs.   Yes, the Hamptons may be considered a land of excess but that doesn’t mean they don’t like a good bargain here on the east end.     I really believe this will be good for all the business owners in the area since it will attract folks who normally wouldn’t travel to Wainscott to shop.   The more the merrier and the more cash for everyone who buys lunch, doesn’t find the right sofa, needs a new bed or has been wanting to get some new blinds!Meanwhile, after about a month the gym in Sag Harbor is open once again.   It’s cleaner, lighter and has a slew of fancy new lockers.    While much of the old equipment has returned, the fresh coat of paint and what I guess was a really good cleaning has actually made a difference.    The gym has never looked better and the towels are new too!    If you don’t believe me… see for yourselves!   By the way, don’t get confused, the entrance has moved to the center of the building and there’s a fancy new reception desk as well.


The future home of Home Goods in Wainscott.
In case you haven’t been paying attention, there’s been a lot of complaining about the new Home Goods Store currently under construction in Wainscott.    The building has been criticized for everything from being too close to the road to out of character for the Hamptons!   Really people?  Really?   It has cedar shingles, dormers and is no bigger than some guest cottages here on the east end.  It’s also alot better looking than the old Plitt Ford car dealership.  So why all the fuss?!!!  Well I guess some people here in the Hamptons have nothing else better to do.  So, that’s I’m here to put some of these Debbie and Donald Downers in line.   Besides, if you people stop the new Home Goods from coming to town, where else will I be able to buy an irregular coffee table, brand new Patrick Nagel prints or discontinued Isaac Mizrahi soap dishes?   In fact, there are bigger ugly fish to fry.  So, how about doing something with these local eyesores?

Located at the Hamptons Jitney stop in Wainscott, these cement benches are part of the welcome gate to some of the most expensive real estate in the country.    But admit it, you too thought they look like someone plucked them straight out of Pinelawn.  There is nothing attractive about these benches.   How about some Adirondack Chairs or perhaps a nice rope hammock? Those would be more Hamptons and you won’t need a Mary grotto to make it look complete!

A yabba dabba don’t!

It’s dusty, it’s rocky and it looks more like the gateway to Bedrock than the Hamptons!   Hello why can’t they make the quarry of Southampton Masonry more attractive!?   Yes, it’s a quarry but there is no reason they can’t plant some nice shrubs or something.  I mean,  use your imagination people!   Hire a talented landscaper and put some flair back on route 27.   Since it’s a rock pit and already looks like a home for a prehistoric family, why not add a Bedrock/Flintstones theme?!  Stop by the place in Southampton with all the dinosaurs out front.   I personally would love to see some Dino or Fred topiary!   It could be the year round Pumpkintown for Wainscott.   Besides, selling $20 juice boxes and souvenir photos with Fred and Wilma could be very profitable.

Holy creepazoids Batman, how come nobody is complaining about this seasoned greeting in Wainscott? Is it the pale complexion? Is it the beady eyes or the gaping open mouth that I find so odd?   I’m frightened every time I drive by!   This Santa looks like he’s an advertisement for Jerry Sandusky’s Christmas Kayaking adventure Camp.   I have nothing against Main Beach surf shop, Kayaks or even Santa but that mannequin is scarier than H-E-Double hockey sticks!!   There has to be a friendlier looking figure to go into this boat ? What about a real guy in Santa outfit or simplify with some holiday lights on a kayak without anybody on board?
Let’s hide behind the chainsaws!

You know that commercial for Geico on the air now?  It’s a group of teenagers running away from a Freddy Kruger kind of character and they make a “bad decision” and run into a creepy barn with chainsaws everywhere… well they filmed that here.   Yes, the former Star Room and Swamp location is scarier now than it was when it was littered with self entitled 20-somethings driving their Ferrari’s and Lamborgini’s and sipping $1000 bottles of D.P. at their reserved tables.   I’m not sure why this building hasn’t sold yet…. all it needs is some paint and a bulldozer!    Hey, what ever happened to CVS going in there anyway?

Finally, there is “Home Sweet Home Moving and Storage.”   It’s a good moving company and in fact, I recommend them to clients frequently.  But address the elephant in the room.  There is NOTHING “homey” or “sweet” about corrugated tin buildings.    Perhaps if they did a big needle point on the side of the building it would seem a lot more home sweet home like.  Think the old logo for the game show “Family Feud” being placed on the side of the building.

Time to wrap this up.  Other than the simple fear of an unintended drive through, the building is attractive and done by a group of professionals who in my opinion did a good job of keeping within the area’s aesthetic.    The business will bring jobs to the area and help a lot of residents pull a home together on a tight budget.    Let’s not waste our breath complaining about what is essentially a nice building that will help the community while there are empty shelves at the food pantries and actual homeless folks on the street!  Happy Holidays and remember you are lucky and blessed you live in one of the most beautiful places on earth!