7 RANDOM THOUGHTS ABOUT THE HAMPTONS SUMMER ’16!

One of the fun things about writing this blog is the fact it’s a blog.     This isn’t done for any other reason than my own amusement.   I can write thoughts and impressions on just about everything, except relatives.   That being said, today I’m just jotting some really tangential thoughts about living on the east end.   In no particular order of importance are my unrelated musings about my little part of the world this summer.

Life in the fast lane…….

1)  Do they really need speed traps on Route 27 when the average speed on weekends is about 10 miles an hour?     Seriously, I’ve noticed this over and over again.   Considering traffic is worse this year than last (yes, we say this every year) I don’t understand.    Maybe there* not actually speed
traps and instead just looking for the next Range Rover to go by with an inexperienced driver texting like mad on the way to Tracy Anderson.   Speaking of which….

2)  Wouldn’t it be great if they opened a Planet Fitness next to Tracy Anderson in Water Mill!?    I don’t know why but I just find this idea so appealing.   Come to think of it, let’s open a Ben and Jerry’s on the other side.

3)  I’m over screaming children in restaurants…. when I was a kid, my parents would have killed (me) if I ran around and screamed in a public space.   But then again,  the only two restaurants my parents ever took me to were Rustler Steak House and Perkins Pancakes.   Anyway, we digress.   The bottom line is I’m not spending top dollar to eat out and have your kid scream in my ear!  When my nieces and nephews were little and screaming, I wouldn’t go to do dinner with them so I’m sure as hell not having dinner with your kid!  I know I sound cranky but whatever.    I also want to say your kid isn’t that cute!

4)  There is nothing better than taking a boat at twilight and heading to dinner.   Especially when it’s someone else’s boat!!!

5)  Is it really worth $100 for a pound of Lobster Salad?

Season’s Greetings… it could be July 4th!

6) If you’re being honored by a particular charity and asked to make a speech, please make it about the charity and not about yourself.  “I’m so busy but I find time… my personal assistant has been swamped…. my new shoes hur!”  UGH! Really?   Hamptons residents are very generous and love supporting the charities of their choice and…. squirrel… make sure to buy tickets for Gimme Shelter Animal Rescue benefit next week it’s a good one… also the LGBT Network’s Sunset on the Harbor….. but please don’t mistake my donation as an invitation to go on about YOU!

7) Finally,  I was taught long ago you never go to someone’s house for dinner empty handed.    I think it’s a nice practice.   But for the love of g-d, if you’re going to re-gift the bottle of wine you received two weeks earlier at your dinner party take the old tag off.     Oh, and by the way if I’m the one who brings said bottle back to your house, please don’t let everyone know!   Maybe I didn’t like that cheap garbage you gave me!!!

*yeah I know it should be they’re… I’m just getting even with the grammar police!

WHAT’S IN…. WHAT’S OUT… SUMMER ’16 IN THE HAMPTONS! PLUS MIXING,MINGLING AND MORE AT THE OLD STOVE PUB!

Trends may come and go but when it comes to the Hamptons, trends come and go like tissue paper.   So, while it wasn’t that long ago Rick Astley and torn sweatshirts were all the rage here on the east end… shut up, it really was hip not that long ago.   There are new trends that have invaded homes from Westhampton to Montauk this year and lucky for you, I’m here to tell you all about them.     Because as everyone knows… I define what’s cool!   Cool like listening to Barry Manilow at a TGI Friday’s.

In:  Buddhaberry, Sag Harbor – GENIUS!   Self serve frozen yogurt where children young and old can fill up their cups to the rim and pay by the weight!   Yes,  it’s also really good and healthier than ice cream as long as you don’t pile on the Reese’s and gummy bears.    It’s also a scene on weekend nights with more mingling than Tindr.
Out:   Speedway, Wainscott –  Yes, they have Ben and Jerry’s but the melted and refrozen texure just isn’t quite as appealing as it was when Rick Astley ruled the airwaves!
HOT!  Especially the Brazil thing.. but not Zika Brazil!
In:  Havaianas –  Cheap fashionable footwear that says, “Hey, I don’t need no stinkin’ Gucci loafers to look cool.”
Out:  Crocs –   Do I really need to spell it out?   They jumped the shark when you could spot them easily at the Mall of America.
Vineyardvines.com

 

 In:  Vineyard Vines –  Great polo shirts, shorts, t-shirts and more with snappy yet preppy designs that aren’t a ton of money.    There is also a great outlet store at Tanger in Riverhead for those of you who are even cheaper than I am.
Out:  US. Polo Association Polo Shirts  – Ummmmmmmm, We know they’re not Ralph Lauren, so why are you trying to fool us?
 
In:  Bagels from Goldberg’s in Wainscott – Fresh bagels with friendly service and no weird lectures about the state of immigration at the register.   I love this place!
Out:  Thomas’ Bagels from Walbaums in East Hampon – you would have thought I was drowning kittens in the salt water pool when I brought these home a few weeks ago.   I apologize everyone!  It will never happen again!
Old stove pub…

It’s ain’t the Swamp but…..

drinks in the yard!!!

Finally something that hopefully will be very “In” for this summer….  Saturday cocktails at the Old Stove Pub iin Sagaonponack.   Every Saturday from 5-7pm, they’ll be opening their doors to east end members of the LGBT community for a Saturday mixer.  Discount drinks and free passed appetizers will be offered in addition to a chance for great mixing and mingling.   There’s also plenty of parking available and you’ll have the chance to see if anyone with a sense of fashion still wears Crocs.   If they do, I predict they will be shunned!  The Old Stove Pub is located at 3516 Montauk Highway, opposite Town Line Rd.     631-537-3300
See you at Old Stove Pub… Saturdays 5-7pm.

START FILLING THE CALENDAR, THE SUMMER BENEFIT SEASON WILL SOON BE HERE!

Cocktails on the beach!

5/28/16 Kicking it all off this year is the GLBT Network of Long Island’s Summer Kick-off.   Yes, there is a lot of kicking involved on this date.  But what did you expect from a gay event?    The Network is an association of non-profits that work to serve the LGBT community both young and old from Queens (the location) to… Montauk.  The group started a community center in the Hamptons, the first of it’s kind on the east end.   In fact, all proceeds from this event are earmarked for the center located at the Whaler’s Church in Sag Harbor.     The location is the Bridgehampton Surf an Tennis Club.. and this is the first big event of the season.   Tickets start at $250 till this Friday and then go to $300, which is pretty reasonable for a Hamptons event with open bar and appetizers.  The best reason to go: Other than the mingling and the scenery, the silent auction will feature everything from VIP spa treatments to having drinks with Bravo’s Andy Cohen.  Potential Reason to skip it:  If you’re expecting a scantily clad beach party forget it.  It’s Memorial Day weekend on the ocean… it’s more like sweaters and long pants. But hey, you’re still on the beach and there hopefully won’t be any snow!

6/4/16 Southampton Fresh Air Home Sale and Auction Benefit Gala – Southampton FAH provides a camp experience for physically challenged youth with sailing, swimming, hiking, etc.   The benefit which is called the “GREATEST YARD SALE ON EARTH” is held at their facility on Barkers Island Road in Southampton  It’s one of the more mellow benefits of the season but it’s a who’s who mixer for everyone in Southampton.   Tickets start at $250 and go and up.     The best reason to go:  The furniture in the silent auction is amazing stuff… they’re are also great trips and everything from teeth whitening to fishing trips available.  It’s not Home Goods prices but there are still some good deals!    Potential reason to skip it:  The competition for best outfit is very stiff… don’t go in your jeans and a t-shirt, this crowd really knows how to work a whale belt!

6/25/16 American Heart Association’s Heart of the Hamptons -Is widely recognized as one of the premier philanthropic and festive events in the Hamptons. The Heart of the Hamptons Ball has raised over $2.5 million for the American Heart Association since it began 15 years ago.   The event is held at the Hayground School in Bridgehampton on Mitchell’s Lane. Tickets start at $500 and go up.    The best reason to go:  The Goody Bag is one of the best of the season!   Have you seen any wrinkles on my face lately!?  NO, that’s because I got this amazing moisturizer in last years bag!   Potential Reason to skip it:   Just because you devour every passed hors d’ourves at the cocktail hour doesn’t mean you have an inside track for winning those training sessions in the silent auction.  FAT ALARM!

Save the dates!!!!

7/23/16 The Ellen Hermanson Starry Night Summer Gala – The foundation is unique in its commitment to helping breast cancer patients and their families cope with the changing nature of the physical and emotional aspects of breast cancer.  The foundation is responsible for also funding some amazing projects that have helped women and their families right here on the east end.   The event will be held this year at the Southampton Hospital grounds on Wicapogue and Olde Town Roads.  The event which features silent auction, cocktails and dancing starts at 7pm and tickets begin at around $400.    The best reason to go:  Dancing, dancing, dancing…. this party is fun.  It’s for a serious cause but it doesn’t mean you can’s shake your booty!    Potential Reason to skip it:  If you’re wishing for a quiet night with passed food and a string quartet, this is not your kind of party.

 

 

 

Sag Harbor Shuffles….. Plus Memorial Day – Benefit Update!

He former home of The Cuddy!

Big news in Sag Harbor, the site of the former Phao… The Cuddy… and whatever else… well it is now becoming a branded restaurant for Wolffer Wines.    Yes, I will miss The Cuddy’s burgers! Early reports had the property opening soon as a tasting room but I’ve heard it’s actually going to have a full blown menu and be a real restaurant.   It will have a “high profile” chef that has already signed on to get behind the grill… or the stove… or the deep fryer… whatever they’ll have!    No word on weather they’ll have a steady reserve of Wolffer Rose to last through the summer.   Remember last year, our rose cups runnith dry!

Meanwhile, don’t cry for Espresso Argentina… they’re coming back to town.   Yes, the home of the best turkey focaccia sandwiches ever..anywhere… will be going into the space formerly occupied by Cigar Bar…. hopefully they’ll get rid of stale beer and stale cigarette smell. The property was vacant for the past few seasons and is already undergoing renovations! So now, you can get your sandwich and have your Yummylicious too (you know the place that looks like a “Hello Kitty” brothel).

Finally, one of the big benefits for years in the Hamptons was The Miracle House Memorial Day Kickoff at Bridgehampton Surf and Tennis Club.   It was wall to wall people every year and guests mingled with celebrities like Taylor Dane, Andy Cohen and Cheyenne Jackson.   Well the organization which housed severely ill adults in NYC sadly shuttered last year.   It was a loss for the community in NYC and created a hole in the all important Hamptons benefit schedule.   Well now comes word that the date and the location have been reserved by the  LGBT Network of Long Island.   Tickets will start at a affordable $250 for the cocktail party and are already available with additional information on the organizations website!