The future home of Home Goods in Wainscott.
In case you haven’t been paying attention, there’s been a lot of complaining about the new Home Goods Store currently under construction in Wainscott.    The building has been criticized for everything from being too close to the road to out of character for the Hamptons!   Really people?  Really?   It has cedar shingles, dormers and is no bigger than some guest cottages here on the east end.  It’s also alot better looking than the old Plitt Ford car dealership.  So why all the fuss?!!!  Well I guess some people here in the Hamptons have nothing else better to do.  So, that’s I’m here to put some of these Debbie and Donald Downers in line.   Besides, if you people stop the new Home Goods from coming to town, where else will I be able to buy an irregular coffee table, brand new Patrick Nagel prints or discontinued Isaac Mizrahi soap dishes?   In fact, there are bigger ugly fish to fry.  So, how about doing something with these local eyesores?

Located at the Hamptons Jitney stop in Wainscott, these cement benches are part of the welcome gate to some of the most expensive real estate in the country.    But admit it, you too thought they look like someone plucked them straight out of Pinelawn.  There is nothing attractive about these benches.   How about some Adirondack Chairs or perhaps a nice rope hammock? Those would be more Hamptons and you won’t need a Mary grotto to make it look complete!

A yabba dabba don’t!

It’s dusty, it’s rocky and it looks more like the gateway to Bedrock than the Hamptons!   Hello why can’t they make the quarry of Southampton Masonry more attractive!?   Yes, it’s a quarry but there is no reason they can’t plant some nice shrubs or something.  I mean,  use your imagination people!   Hire a talented landscaper and put some flair back on route 27.   Since it’s a rock pit and already looks like a home for a prehistoric family, why not add a Bedrock/Flintstones theme?!  Stop by the place in Southampton with all the dinosaurs out front.   I personally would love to see some Dino or Fred topiary!   It could be the year round Pumpkintown for Wainscott.   Besides, selling $20 juice boxes and souvenir photos with Fred and Wilma could be very profitable.

Holy creepazoids Batman, how come nobody is complaining about this seasoned greeting in Wainscott? Is it the pale complexion? Is it the beady eyes or the gaping open mouth that I find so odd?   I’m frightened every time I drive by!   This Santa looks like he’s an advertisement for Jerry Sandusky’s Christmas Kayaking adventure Camp.   I have nothing against Main Beach surf shop, Kayaks or even Santa but that mannequin is scarier than H-E-Double hockey sticks!!   There has to be a friendlier looking figure to go into this boat ? What about a real guy in Santa outfit or simplify with some holiday lights on a kayak without anybody on board?
Let’s hide behind the chainsaws!

You know that commercial for Geico on the air now?  It’s a group of teenagers running away from a Freddy Kruger kind of character and they make a “bad decision” and run into a creepy barn with chainsaws everywhere… well they filmed that here.   Yes, the former Star Room and Swamp location is scarier now than it was when it was littered with self entitled 20-somethings driving their Ferrari’s and Lamborgini’s and sipping $1000 bottles of D.P. at their reserved tables.   I’m not sure why this building hasn’t sold yet…. all it needs is some paint and a bulldozer!    Hey, what ever happened to CVS going in there anyway?

Finally, there is “Home Sweet Home Moving and Storage.”   It’s a good moving company and in fact, I recommend them to clients frequently.  But address the elephant in the room.  There is NOTHING “homey” or “sweet” about corrugated tin buildings.    Perhaps if they did a big needle point on the side of the building it would seem a lot more home sweet home like.  Think the old logo for the game show “Family Feud” being placed on the side of the building.

Time to wrap this up.  Other than the simple fear of an unintended drive through, the building is attractive and done by a group of professionals who in my opinion did a good job of keeping within the area’s aesthetic.    The business will bring jobs to the area and help a lot of residents pull a home together on a tight budget.    Let’s not waste our breath complaining about what is essentially a nice building that will help the community while there are empty shelves at the food pantries and actual homeless folks on the street!  Happy Holidays and remember you are lucky and blessed you live in one of the most beautiful places on earth!

Putting some Zen in Your Yogurt…. and Surfing for Surf Stats!


The Hello Kitty Brothel (google the image you’ll understand) in Sag Harbor better known as Yummlicious is getting some new competition.   Located on Main Street in Sag Harbor at the former Well Nest is “Buddha Berry Frozen Yogurt.”   Billing itself as a waffle and coffee bar  the frozen dessert factory features a solid wall full of contemporary and classic flavors from cookies and cream to old fashioned Chocolate chip mint.   There is also plenty gummy bears, chocolate chips and sprinkles to pile on top and put any spoiled Hamptons child into a diabetic shock!   I mean nothing says healthy like frozen yogurt topped with gummy bears and chocolate!   But wait… or should I say weight….  the frozen yogurt is SELF SERVE and they charge you by the weight!!!   This is pure genius that so why mom and dad are busy texting the yoga instructors and trainers, little Veruka and Spalding (after he gets the foot off the boat) can go to town and force their proud parents to pay the tab.      This is like putting free crappy prizes in Frosted Flakes genius!!!     While I can’t say if the yogurts good or bad, I had no patience to have anyone weigh my cookies and cream so you’ll have to go try it yourself.    They also have a zen yogurt garden too!

Trendy surfers form Montauk!
Meanwhile,  I don’t surf and I have no intention to be shark bait anytime in the near future.  But I know plenty of folks that do and its always great running into them on the beach checking the waves. But here’s a question for my friends who enjoy dressing in Neoprene and hopping into the surf; why not just go on line and check out the conditions online Sufline.   Featuring  live web cams from Main Beach and other local surf spots, boarders (do they call themselves that?)  can also get detailed reports on wind, tides and swell conditions.   Now, isn’t that easier than driving all the way to the beach to check on the surf?     OK, now get off your computer and go hang 10.
Get down tonight!   KC and the Sunshine Band!
Ok, now call me cynical but there is an unintentially humorous interview with K.C. of the Sunshine Band fame over on Hamptons.com.    Now I’m not picking on the poor interviewer who did this one, she probably had no idea who was interviewing.   In a nutshell for those of you who don’t know, they had slew of catchy dance hits in the mid 70’s and had a song on the second album B-side of Saturday Night Fever.  The coffee through the nose moment for me when reading this was, “With so much love for music I wondered why it had been so long since his last album?”   REALLY?  Answer:  Demand… It’s not 1977!!   Now comes the part where I’m nice.   I do have KC and the Sunshine band on my 70’s play list on my I pad and I bet the show this weekend at the Ross School will be an absolute blast with some good retro disco dancing.   If you want tickets to go see one of the “most dynamic front men in music” you can get tickets and information here.    So put on your boogie shoes and get going!  Ewww…. Boogie shoes… gross!

You have been warned … act now or you’ll be lugging your cooler and hanging at Jones Beach!!!

EVERY YEAR… I tell everyone to get beach permits early. But do half of you listen to me?? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Last year permits ran out in March and I’m sure this year will be no different. I called the East Hampton
Village offices and they told me they’re already sold 1200 of the available 2700. It’s only FEBRUARY!! You need the permit on your car starting May 15th through September 15th. Main Beach and Two Mile Hollow Beach are the only village beaches where you can pay by the day for parking – $20 per day, weekdays only, not available on weekends or holidays. I’m not sure why you can’t on weekends but remember, it’s the Hamptons and logic stops at the Shinnecock canal!

Village parking permits are free to residents of the village and cost $300 per vehicle for non-village residents with a valid vehicle registration. Non-resident permits are limited in number and are issued on a first-come, first-serve basis. They already sold 1200… did I say that?!

Village parking permits are available at Village Hall, open 9 am to 4 pm, Monday to Friday. Residents must show proof of residency if you want a freebie. Both residents and non-residents must provide a valid vehicle registration. You got to remember, they’re serious about this permit stuff… If you don’t believe me read the following quote from the department of redundancy department of East Hampton’s website: “Town of East Hampton parking permits are not valid at village beaches and village permits are not valid at town beaches. There are no town, county, or state beaches in the Village of East Hampton.” Damn it!!!

In other East Hampton news, Sea Spray Cottages are nestled behind ocean dunes on a narrow strip between the ocean and and Hook Pond just east of Main Beach at the end of Ocean Avenue. The 13 cottages were once part of the famous Sea Spray Inn. The Village now owns and rents the cottages during the summer season from the second week in May until the third week in September. Well their auctioning off the leases for this coming summer. But if you think they’ll be cheap… think again. The leases are expected to garner prices well into the six figures. If you want more details… do a google search My computer is acting up ad I need to finish before it crashes! Don’t buy an HP Touch Smart!!!!