SAG HARBOR IS IN DANGER… COOKIES AND BROWNIES WITH NO GUILT!!!

I’m starting to feel like the Terence Malick of bloggers right now.    In fact, I feel I’m in my “Tree of Life” phase, minus Brad Pitt and with even less enthusiasm from the audience.   But as my fortune cookie said the other day, “you must try or hate yourself for not trying.”  So here I am trying to bang out my ever so entertaining latest installment of “HAMPTONS CHATTER.”   – crickets –

Anyway, what everyone seems to be really discussing in my part of the world is about how Sag Harbor has turned a corner.   I’ve been nestled in Sag Harbor’s Main Street for the better part of 12 years (more on that later) and enjoyed it’s sophisticated small town feel.   From the “five and dime” to home design stores to the Golden Pear coffee shop, it was “hello”… “good morning”…. “have a good day.”    But as Whoopi said in the movie “Ghost,”   – –  “Sag Harbor, you’re in danger girl.”

The main culprit from what I hear is that “new restaurant” that shall remain unnamed.   According to reliable sources, just because the place is empty doesn’t mean they want your unpretentious butt sitting at one of their tables.   More than a few of my city and local friends have gone in only to be told, “we’re full!”    Wow!   I actually was curious and went to YELP to read some of the reviews.   I swear I remember reading them and they were pretty much the same thing, rude staff that had more attitude than Katherine Heigle at a “Grey’s Anatomy” reunion.   But guess what?! I went back to re-read these reviews (I wanted to post them here) and now I can’t find them!  Now I don’t want to start any sort of conspiracy here but …. seriously… unless I’m totally losing it they’ve gone MIA.   Anyway, I will ask is the food really that good?    I’m not a masochist anyway and I doubt a serving of moules et frites will change my life.  So, for now I’m happy going to the Sizzler Steakhouse.

My advice – – guys lighten up!  The great thing about Sag Harbor is it’s a friendly town with not a whole lotta attitude.     Yes, you’re the new kid in town and lots of overdressed and socially insecure people are posting  tons of photos on Instagram, blah blah blah.     “Look I got in and you didn’t!!!”   But this stuff wears thin when most of us are busy worrying about more mundane things like our families, health and paying bills.  Believe me the folks who are getting in WILL care when they’re the only people in the place.   Otherwise, they wouldn’t be posting their dinners on line!    “Look I got in… and I’m the only one here – because nobody really wants to be here” doesn’t have quite the same sexy allure.     I’ve seen it before over and over in the Hamptons and it will happen to you too… too much attitude can be the kiss of death.

Meanwhile, I was getting my morning coffee at Goldberg’s in Wainscott – a friendly place but I don’t eat carbs (lying).    When I came across the most interesting and delicious looking brownie.   Now remember, I don’t eat carbs or sweets (lying again) but when I read the story about this amazing bakery I felt the need to eat… I mean contribute.   It’s called South Fork Bakery.   According to their website:

South Fork Bakery’s purpose is to provide meaningful and
supportive employment to South Fork residents
with ADHD, Auditory Processing Disorders, Autism and
Developmental Disabilities. Employees are immersed
in all aspects of the business, including baking, packaging,
sales, marketing, and business management.

SOUTH FORK BAKER
SOUTH FORK BAKERY GOODIES

What a great idea and the brownies and cookies are great too (or so I heard – as I wipe brownie crumbs from my mouth)!    If you want more information click here!  You can also order products online.   So do something good for others and enjoy.    This stuff is better than moules et frites any day!

 

After more than 14 years in Sag Harbor I’ve decided to make a change.     I am now so very proud to be a member of Sotheby’s International Realty in East Hampton.    Located at 6 Main St.     Make sure to note it in your yellow pages book extra page, rolodex and filofax.   Now pick up that princess phone and give me a call.   You can google the number.

 

IF YOU WANT TO SPEAK LIKE A HAMPTONS INSIDER… READ THIS!

It’s now official, the Hamptons are now the sixth borough.    When you pick up your land line phone, you now have dial the area code for local calls.   It’s not that it’s a big deal but I kind of think it’s the tipping point for something.  I’m not sure what… but it’s definitely a tipping point for something.

New Technology is coming to the Hamptons!

Meanwhile, I never realized it but when you sell real estate on the East End you start to speak a language all of it’s own.   A few months ago I started noting the terms I use with some of my other friends in the biz out here to describe the people and places in our humble little neck of the woods.   So here they are in no particular order or significance, additions to the lexicon of selling Hamptons real estate.

TMS or Taj Mahal Syndrome – this is when a home seller thinks their particular property is the best of the best.   Yes, it involves an inflated price tag on their home and total denial of the realities of the market place.    While they love their gilded fish faucets in the downstairs powder room, very few consumers will put a value on such a luxurious fixture.   It doesn’t matter how much they cost.  It’s really a frustrating affliction for realtors because how do you not insult your sellers while explaining, “everyone thinks your #@#***%  gilded fish are hideous?”

Catfished – this term is actually used more often when discussing Facebook profiles  but can also be used to describe when some customers actually see an advertised listing in person.     Thanks to

Catfished:  photoshopping happens

modern technology and overseas sweat shops, it’s easier for property photos to be “enhanced” without spending a fortune.    A gaping hole in the roof?   No problem, it’s solved with a click of a mouse and a wave of a pen.   So imagine, the buyers delight when they actually see the house in person!?  They’ve been “catfished.”

A Kobe –  Remember when Kobe Bryant got tangled up in a sex scandal a few years back?  A few nasty headlines and the next thing you know is his wife got a brand new bauble the size of Texas?   Well it happens here too. So, while diamonds are a girls best friend, real estate is many a girls BFF (rings can get lost).   Now, I don’t want to sound sexist.  There are more than a few men out there getting their “kobes” too. But while I’ve also noticed it’s usually spouse #2 who gets these 8000 square foot multi-million dollar baubles, there really is nothing wrong with it.    I’m happy to helps someone “kobe” anyone, anytime.

Earhardt – Yes, I’ve written about this before but a great term is worth repeating.   This one was shared to me by one of our local cab drivers a few years ago.    This is a person who is renting a home in the Hamptons but can’t remember where it’s located.    A reference to the pioneer and missing aviator Amelia Earhardt.    These particular folks are usually spotted wandering around early in the season on the streets of the east end looking for the cedar shingled house with the pool in the back yard.

Yes it’s fun being here in the playground of the rich, famous and sometime clueless… where we have a lifestyle and a language all our own!

 

10 GREAT PLACES TO FIGHT THE FLAB IN THE HAMPTONS

Yeah, that’s me up top… CENTER!

Summer in the Hamptons …  a time for sitting in hours of traffic on route 27.   A time for attending overpriced benefits and rubbing shoulders with walking wax figures.   A special time when other annual occurrences like budding flowers, warm breezes the privileged 20-somethings getting sick on the streets of Montauk are common. It’s also that time of year where you get to remind yourself how completely inadequate you look in that bathing suit.

But before you break out the Barry Manilow and Carpenters albums… remember you don’t have to look like the before picture on the back of that comic book.   The east end is a great place to back in shape and stuff that gut into a wild bikini! Biking, jogging and back yard swims are some of the easiest ways here to burn the calories and fight the fat.    But if you’re like me and require a little more motivation from an instructor or hot gym goer next to you, take note.  Hamptons  Chatter is here with 10 of the best places to workout this coming season.
1) Flywheel Sports – East Hampton located at 65 Montauk Highway and Flywheel at Sag Harbor Gym, 1 Bay Street Sag Harbor. The original spin studio where some folks can burn over 1000 calories in a single class.   A great place to be seen and see some of the more famous faces of the Hamptons (Broderick, Baldwin, Zellwegger… or you know the girl from Jerry Macguire) including instructor Holly Rillinger who is the star of Bravo’s Work Out New York!    Pay by the class or get a membership but no matter what, make sure to book your classes in advance.
2) Yoga Shanti – Sag Harbor located at 32 Bridge Street.  Get toned, fit and sweat at one of the most noted yoga studios around.  There are classes for everyone from beginner to expert. Prices vary and there are some famous faces here too.   One of the more frequent and notable patrons is entrepreneur and producer Russell Simmons. You can pay by the class, package or membership.  It’s a good idea to book your classes in advance here as well. There is also a complete schedule online so check it out.  
By the way, if you’re looking for something a little less “precious,” try Karma Diva in East Hampton.  It’s the yin to Yoga Shanti’s yang.

4) East Hampton Indoor Tennis – East Hampton located at 175 Daniels Hole Rd. – Before you question why I’m suggesting a tennis club let me tell you the average Joe can burn about 700 calories an hour playing tennis.  But if you want something a little more intense check out the tennis aerobics on Tuesday and Thursday mornings at the club.   To say you’ll be dripping wet is an understatement.   Pay by the class or become a member the choice is yours.     The staff is friendly and you can play indoor and out.    Click above or here to go to the website.

5) Crossfit Hamptons– Southampton located at 375 County Rd. 39.  – Rather than me trying to explain it.. watch an eye candy video about what exactly crossfit entails.  A little bit of this a little bit of that and bodies in motion.  Click here for more details on how to sign up for a Crossfit Hamptons class.

Yeah, that looks easy!!!

6) Barry’s Bootcamp – Amaganett located at 199 Main St. and Wainscott 352 Montauk Highway.  – If Xenu started teaching fitness classes… it would be Barry’s Bootcamp. Although it’s the new guy in town it’s already garnered a cult like following.    In all honesty, I’ve never gone but my friends who’ve attended are addicted.   Click here for more details.

7)  Lift Hamptons – Wainscott located at 354 Montauk Highway – A boutique gym located next to the best cookie shop in the Hamptons (Levan Bakery).    I know it seems like some sort of a sick joke but once you pass the temptation you’ll find a motivating bright and zen like atmosphere perfect for your morning workout.   Memberships are based on an hourly rate and include one on one training.    Click here for more information.

8 & 9 ) East Hampton YMCA – 2 Gingerbread Lane and Southampton Town Recreation Center – 1370 Majors Path.   – Both places have it all but at a fraction of the price of the “other” gyms in town. There are no celeb siteings but if you want to live like a local and save some money on getting fit…. click here for Southampton or here for East Hampton YMCA.   Fees vary based on residency in both locations.

10) Truth Training – East Hampton located at 5 Railroad Ave.. – Truth Training is a strength based workout, programming and lifestyle series that revolves around the “foundation” exercises.   Think of it as a P90X class right here live in the Hamptons with some of the best and most educated trainers around.     Click here for class schedules and rates.     

Ok, there it is.. 10 Great places to get your body ready for the beach.    Woah, this blog was exhausting.    Now, it’s time for my burger, fries and beer at the Corner Bar in Sag Harbor!   Just kidding… off to the basement for my Peloton bike.   I don’t want to see any of you losers when I work out!!!   Kidding again…. sort of.

A BIG EMPTY SCOOP IN EAST HAMPTON… PLUS FINDING MY FURRY FRIEND A HOME!

Just what East Hampton needs before the season… another commercial property going vacant.  Yes, the scoop is that Scoop is shuttering it’s doors on Newton Lane in the next weeks.   The two decade old luxury retailer is holding an inventory liquidation sale right now.   Known for their eclectic brands of high end duds,  rumor has it that the retailer will be shuttering all their doors in the next few weeks.   According to reports, they already shut their Soho outlet sometime earlier this week.

Soho…Soho??? Is that anywhere near the Tanger Mall in Riverhead?   Damn, I’ve been living here in the Hamptons too long.  ANYWAY, it’s time to get your butt to the store before their inventory is gone!    If you can’t make it, you can always go to their website www.scoopnyc.com,   where the discounts have already begun.

Speaking of sales and saving money,  the clock is ticking for Suffolk county homeowners looking to file for a property tax grievance.   The deadline is end of business day this Monday the 16th.   If you want more information, you can go to the NY State website and then click on your individual town.    You can also do a quick google search online for one of a number of tax reduction services.   Most of them don’t charge anything unless you actually get a reduction.   If you do, they’ll take about 50% of your first year’s savings.   Check with each service about their individual fees and procedures.

Meet Mattie!!!

Finally, a little bragging from me.   For the next few weeks, I’m working together with the folks at Gimme Shelter Animal Rescue in Southampton to feature an adoptable “Pet of the Week.”   You can see the ad in Dan’s Papers or follow me on Twitter or Instagram.   While I’m sure some of you out there would have preferred that I sponsor a “Penthouse Pet” of the week, I thought it would be more beneficial to feature the one that would likely be better company!    if you want more information about my buddy Mattie, check out www.gimmeshelteranimalrescue.org.

Have a great weekend everyone!