HATE CROWDS? NO RESERVATIONS?! NO PROBLEM!! A QUICK GUIDE TO HAMPTONS DELIVERY!

One of the things I like least about summer in the Hamptons is the crowds.   While I’m not an agoraphobic, the idea of dealing with traffic and pushy patrons is sometimes more than I can handle. Besides, I get extreme guilt leaving my dogs behind… because they like to party as much as the next animal.  So, unlike NYC where you can have a cup of coffee delivered for free, finding door to door service out east is a little more difficult.   Virtually nobody delivers in the Hamptons. I know White’s Pharmacy delivers… but cough drops and Metamucil don’t quite satisfy my hunger like they should.   What do you do when your cupboards are bare, traffic is backed up and everybody is hungry?   Well, here’s the skinny on getting chubby without leaving home…..

There are two.. repeat only TWO Chinese restaurants that I think are worth the weight in MSG. Number 1 (631-726-8080) in Water Mill and Pheonix in Wainscott (631-537-0011).    There are a few others in the area but one of them actually has Immodium on the menu which to me is a big red flag…OK I’m kidding.   While my two recommendations aren’t exactly Shun Lee or Mr. Chow’s, they’re both good, hearty and reasonably priced.  My personal favorites are the “scallion pancakes” at Pheonix and the “spicy chicken and broccoli” at #1.    Both are the best Chinese delivery in the HAMPTONS!  Although, that’s kind of like saying it’s the friendliest restaurant in France.

When it’ comes to Pizza. There are no Domino’s in the Hamptons. Which is a good thing. But darn it, why is it so hard to get a pizza brought to your door on a rainy Saturday night!?   Well there are only a few choices for delivery pizza at a good price.  In Montauk, you have Sausages (631-668-1144) .. In Bridgehampton there’s American Pie (631-613-6177) in the Commons and Southampton has Paul’s (631-283-1861) and Melrose East.   In East Hampton you have Pizza and Things Spring’s Pizza. Customers like it for their reasonable prices, friendly staff and fresh ingredients (631) 324-7974.

Also in East Hampton, the Red Horse Market will deliver groceries or prepared foods with a $100 minimum purchase.  I’m pretty sure you can get them to bring one of their pizzas to the door as well.  By the way, throw a fresh mozzarella in there for good measure and melt some extra on the pie.

If you’re looking for something a little more exotic you can try Saaz in Southampton.    They deliver and according to some, they’ll go all the way to East Hampton.    That’s a good thing too since the New York Times raved the food is “uniformly excellent… a long overdue addition to Hamptons dining.”     Saaz – (631) 259-2222 – is located just as you come into Southampton on CR 39 at the former site of Mason Ole  – where Montezuma always got his revenge!      Saaz is a much better welcome to the east end!

While I’m sure there are others that may deliver, this is the list I came up with based on my own personal experience and those I know around town.

New Snack Food Coming to the Hamptons… Ore Ida and Totino’s must be nervous!

I don’t know if this ironic but as the tundra on the east end is finally melting,  there appeared a sign suggesting that my one of my favorite frozen foods is getting it’s due in the Hamptons.

The site of the establishment known as The Pizza Place in Bridgehampton is apparently becoming a Goldberg’s Bagels and Pizza.   Now, I don’t know if they’ll be selling pizza and bagels or pizza-bagels but I’ll tell you if it’s the latter, Ore Ida foods are going to be mad!   It’s not the oddest combination ever but it is a bit different.   Anyway, here’s a helpful hint for the owners of this establishment, make a drive through window in the front!!!  That would be awesome!

Bridge Cafe, Ziggy’s, M+M is now an office!
Meanwhile, the former site of Bridge Cafe, Ziggy’s and M+E Restaurant on Sag Harbor Turnpike will not be coming back as another restaurant anytime soon.   It’s been renovated and now is an office for a builder and contractor.  Is it me but is every builder now taking high profile locations for their offices?   Well, they say real estate is the best form of advertising and builders are the new Starbucks in the Hamptons!
Bissell Spot Clean… a life saver!
Finally, last week I wrote about the best housewarming gift in the Hamptons and it was quite popular.   So, I’m going to do it again and give Hamptons folks another must have item!  If you have guests and or pets who are sloppy and have bad bladders….   with me the dogs are fine it’s the guests that have the problem… you need to get a Bissell spot clean.   So, let me paint a picture for everyone.  You’re hosting a party and you’re serving … let’s say…. pizza-bagels and someone drops theirs on the floor sauce side down.   Well go grab the spot cleaner spray the area and vacuum the water up!   I’m telling you this machine is a life saver and can be used on both rugs and furniture.     Also, if you’re a tenant and you don’t want to get billed for damages because one of your guests couldn’t make it outside in time to go, voila!   These machine really works.  You can buy it online or at the local Kmart or hardware store for about $100.   Trust me you’ll thank me!
Don’t fear the pizza bagel!

The Hamptons… We’re Not as Expensive as You Think!

One of the biggest complaints I hear about the Hamptons is that it’s “expensive.”   While it’s a valid complaint when you consider things like the “lobster salad” at Loaves and Fishes (Loans and Finances) with it’s hefty $80+/lb price tag, for the most part we’re not that much different than any other seasonal beach resort.   I’m here to make you feel HAPPY about living on the East End.  Things are expensive in nearly all resort towns and here are that stats to prove it.    Just know I didn’t pick any crazy overpriced outlets, this is a legit comparison.  It’s very scientific statistical analysis too and I should know, I took Stats #202 twice!

Beach Picnic w/ Lobster:
Seafood Shop – Wainscott    $45/person  –  includes lobster, some corn and a few other sides.
Clam Bake to Go – Martha’s Vineyard MA. $38/Person – includes lobster , some corn and a few other sides.
Now, that isn’t too crazy a difference is it?!  But then again, we’re not comparing this to say Seaside Heights NJ.  I mean, let’s not go overboard!
Sam’s Pizza…. pizzzzzzaaaaaaaaaa.
Pizza:
Sam’s Restaurant – East Hampton – $20.50 for a 16″ pepperoni pizza.
Panzone’s Pizza – Beach Haven, LBI – NJ – $19.90 for a 16″ peperoni pizza.
I could have done a comparison here of say Little Caesar’s… but once again pizza-pizza should be compared to pizza-pizza.   Sam’s only serves pizza.  I’m really trying to keep this comparison fair.
Oceanfront Home:
5 Bedroom Oceanfront Home with pool – Longport NJ – $6,595,000 asking price over 5000 s/f
5 Bedroom Oceanfront Home with pool – Southampton (Meadow Lane) -$28,000,000 asking price for over 5000 s/f
Killing property values???
Ok, so when it comes to everything but housing, the Hamptons are a bargain.  As long as you don’t go anywhere too nice, or too expensive and don’t need a place to live!   We’re just like everyone else!  We’re just like small town America, except we have Tiffany, a zillion Ralph Lauren stores, Saint Ambrose and Gwyneth Paltrow.    All we need now is a Wal-Mart!
Finally it’s the home stretch folks, a few days left till Tumbleweed Tuesday.  But guess what I’m already searching for 2014 seasonal rentals.  Seriously!

Bikini Busters… the 7 deadly sweet and savory sins of Hamptons Dining! Plus it’s a time warp in Sag Harbor this weekend.

In case you missed it, a few weeks ago the Wall Street Journal announced that the Hamptons have gone  healthy.    The opening of the new Juice Lane in Wainscott, Soul Cycle and Tracy Anderson apparently have constituted a trend and now we’re all supposed to look like Brangelina.    Well, not so fast WSJ!   While, I’m not saying they’re going to start serving fried Coca Cola at Nick and Toni’s (look it up, it’s a real thing) there are quite a few pot holes and road blocks on the road to wellness here in the Hamptons.    So, here are my favorites and I hope you find as tempting as I do…

Dangerous territory!

1) Sam’s- East Hampton – It’s the pizza and chicken Parmesan that get me every time.     The cheese is thick on both and the sauce is thick and tasty, just like my mama never made (she was Lithuanian and Irish neither which are known for good cuisine).

2) Round Swamp Farm- East Hampton – What’s not to like?!  The cinnamon buns, the coffee cake, the guacamole, the chicken salad, the chocolate chip cookies…. oh, the list goes on and on your gut!    This place is not where you want to go while dieting.    I dare you to go into there and leave with just one thing!  It’s not going to happen!

3) Dreesen’s Donuts at Scoop Du Jour – East Hampton –  The donuts are freshly made and need I say more!?   It’s deep fried dough with sugar!   You could serve me deep fried wood with sugar and I bet I’d eat it but the dough is a little easier to chew…. fluffier too!

4) Bobby Van’s – Bridgehampton – If you’re allergic to shellfish you may want to avoid the shrimp nachos at Bobby Van’s.  But if you’re not, get ready for a spicy blob of shrimp, chips, jalapenos, guacamole and enough cheese to keep Lipitor profitable for the next century.    Yeah, the Chinese Chicken Salad is good too but for some reason it doesn’t seem as decadent.

Yeah, they look sweet and innocent at Mary’s.

5) Mary’s Marvelous – Amagansett – When Ina Garten shuttered the Barefoot Contessa years ago, I went into a deep depression.  WHERE WILL I BUY MY COCONUT CUPCAKES?!    Yes, I could go buy Ina’s cake mix but that would leave evidence around the house.    Luckily Mary’s is there to fill the void!   Her sandwiches and muffins are great too but it’s the coconut cupcake that is the standout!    If you don’t know my cousins Eileen and GiGi or Ina for some CC’s of lovin’ (as I call them) make sure you go to Mary’s and eat them there.   Coconut shreds are often a dead give away.

6) Fresno – East Hampton –  Tons of good stuff on the menu and a bar/restaurant scene that’s fun and unpretentious is what keeps me going back to this East End staple.    From some of the same people that bring you Red Bar and Beacon this is the closest to my house so I’m a little biased.  I’m also terminally in love with the Sticky Toffee cake desert.   I also drool over their …staff… I mean burgers and fries.   Gosh, I only hope I look attractive in my Sans-a-belt pants with Spanx
when I got there next time!!!?

Fat Free Biscuits at Grill…NOT!

7) The East Hampton Grill – Yeah, I know I write a lot about this place.  I’m the mayor on foursquare.com and yes they know my name ( no, smarty pants I tip well so that’s not the reason!).    The buttermilk biscuits, the ribs and the home made hot fudge (that I think comes with Ice Cream) are all impossible to avoid.  Although I don’t eat them all together at the same time…. hey wait… hot fudge on ribs and buttermilk biscuits on the side… no stop it… wait…

On an entirely different note, they’re having a Soap Box Derby this weekend in Sag Harbor.   The big event will take place this Sunday afternoon on High Street.   The festivities will begin with a parade down Main Street at 1pm (they have a parade for everything in Sag Harbor) followed by the big race on High Street.     While my 25 year old nephew had no clue what a soap box derby was, I proudly told him to keep an eye out for the kids named Spanky McFarland and Alfalfa Switzer.   They’re both heavily favored to win!    There’s still no word if Darla and Petey will be there.