3 HINTS TO RENT YOUR HOUSE THIS SUMMER AND BAD WEATHER, NO PROBLEM – LET’S GOLF!

Every now and then this blog is inspired by the muses.  But first I need to clarify, I’m   talking about that Olivia Newton-John kind of muse, not by the classic Greek muses.     So what was my latest inspiration?  Was it to quit my job and open an elaborately decorated roller-disco?  No, it was to help you my friends!  Help you turn your house into an actual Xanadu that people will want to rent this summer!

1-  Make sure the house is uncluttered and neutralized.    By neutralized I mean take all of those quirky little decorative choices you’ve made and turn them into a Pottery Barn dream!   Floral patterns are a no.   Besides, Laura Ashley has been dead since 1985.  It’s time to move on.   Think basic, basic, basic; monochromatic bed spreads, curtains and

Floral
Yeah, nothing says summer rental like flowers!

carpeting.      Also, put away all of those family photos that litter your foyer, bedroom and den.    Yes, you can tell potential renters you’re going to put them away but it’s better to make it look like an easy task rather than relocating the National Portrait Gallery.     Speaking of art, that thing on the refrigerator isn’t that good and your kid is no Renoir.   Give it to Grandma.  Besides, she loves that ####, go ahead and make her day.

2 – Now that your house doesn’t look like the before from an episode of “Horders,”  call a photographer and have the home professionally shot.    You get what you pay for and it’s worth it.    You’ll get better money if the house shines and it won’t shine if you take photos from your iphone or Polaroid Swinger.      Talk to your real estate agent and ask for suggestions.  I’m sure they’ll be able to provide you with a few names.

3- Speaking of real estate agents… make sure they know you’re on the market for rent.   That means get it into the local database and unless you’re living in the Taj Mahal it’s a good idea to make sure you keep it as an “open listing.”    No agent is going to retire from the 10% you pay on the rental lease so at least make it an enticing proposition.     More and more agents are putting listings into the system as “exclusive rentals” and that’s a mistake.    You’ve just drastically reduced your potential showings.  But if the idea of meeting agents or giving out keys makes you nervous, hire an agent and have them list your property at compelling split with the other agents.   That means, you’re listing agent takes 20% and the agent who brings the tenant get’s 80% of the 10%.    Think about it this way, agents are not doing this as a hobby, they want to make money.   Make it worth it!

So once you get your house ready for rental, I’m sure a few of you out there would like nothing more than to relax with a nice round of golf.   But if the idea of flying to Florida seems too daunting a task (I’m assuming you don’t want to golf with snow on the ground), you may want to just take your clubs and head to Toilsome Rd. in East Hampton for a visit with PGA Pro Eric Schultzel.   His training facility there is completely indoors and weather is no problem.     Click the video below to get a little preview.

Visiting Eric’s Golf Simulator Studio from Patrick Mclaughlin on Vimeo.

You can also click here to visit Eric’s site or give him a call at 631-527-5959

 

 

 

 

“WHAT’S NEW.. BUENOS AIRES?!” PLUS, GOING, GOING, ALMOST GONE!

Bay Street Theater in Sag Harbor has announced the three productions planned for the 2018 Summer Season. The first will be the World Premiere of FELLOW TRAVELERS, (May 29 – June 17), a new play that examines the relationship between legendary theater artists Arthur Miller and Elia Kazan and their close relationship to Marilyn Monroe.  The show examines how the politics of the McCarthy era affected the friendship between the two and their work.

The second will be FROST/NIXON (June 26 – July 22), by Peter Morgan. The third production is the musical EVITA, (July 31 – August 26) by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice.    I have to say,  I love the selection and given the current political climate right now these plays couldn’t be more relevant.    I think I’ve seen Evita more than any other Broadway show, Lupone, Rogers and others.    One of my favorite numbers is “A New Argentina” which is the end of the first act.    If you’ve only seen the movie, take a minute and watch this highlight from the 1980 Tony Awards with Patti Lupone as Eva Peron.

 

It’s a great piece of theatre which I think was overly modulated and homogenized for the movie.    So homogenized in fact I still refer to the cheesy celluloid version as “Velveeta.”

IMG_8834
Yeah, I know the window is dirty.  What’s your point?

Now from the don’t say I didn’t tell you department!   East Hampton Village Beach passes for the Summer of ’18 are almost gone!   According to agents at village hall only about 200 of the 3100 permits still remain.  If you can’t make it out here you can go online andtake your chances and mail in your application.   Click here for the details.    Just remember if you don’t have a pass some select beaches will be selling daily passes, so you won’t be totally out of luck.   But here is a better idea, you can get a bike and pedal there AND save about $40 by skipping the SoulCycle class.   But what fun would that be?  Nobody will get to see how good you look in your new Lululemon outfit!

 

 

DKSH & GOOP TOO! THE HARBOR GETS A CELEBRITY INFLUX …. PLUS THE ART OF STAGING!

 

muse sag
Tutto Il Giorno – Coming soon to Sag Harbor

While the weather outside is still a loooooong way from summer, things are apparently heating up in Sag Harbor.    The big gossip? That the site of the former restaurant Muse will soon be a new outpost for DKNY and her daughter’s Tutto Il Giorno restaurant.    Apparently the designer with the garlic touch is close to inking a deal to buy the building next to the laundromat and Yummilicious for a little under $6 million bucks.   The space which also has a small retail space to the side will also be the future home of the retail store Urban Zen which according to their own facebook page features, “A philosophy of living inspired by Donna Karan. “I have spent decades dressing people. Now I want to address them.”  I swear it says that!   You can’t make this stuff up!   But what ever you think, the food at Tutto rocks!  Good news for the Harbor.

 

 

Switching now to really annoying quotes from rich people.   Everyone’s least favorite celebrity, Goop will be moving into the site currently occupied by Urban Zen on Bay St.   My head already hurts form this news.  I really hope it’s just gossip but I do believe my sources.    Yes, Gwyneth Paltrow the woman who claims she learned about discrimination from donning a fat suit in Shallow Hal is coming to Sag Harbor.    OH! She also said with a straight face “being on set is more difficult than being an ordinary working mom.” Yes, that Oscar winning cultural guru is bringing her absurdly priced retail items to the Hamptons again (Amagansett dodged the bullet ).     Oh joy!    I don’t know what to say.  In one year we lose Conca d’Oro and instead get the woman responsible for these pearls of wisdom.  Insert crying, eye-rolling, sick, laughing emoji here!

 

goop
“The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the American’s. – GP

Well enough about celebrity real estate and let’s talk about real real estate.  Like what to do to help you get that house sold!  Recently I brought my friend Susan Beard who is a local designer and stager to help me with this listing here.   It was no easy task but she was up to the challenge and helped the owners and me bring this East Hampton home from shab to fab (insert eye roll emoji here).    Seriously though, she did a great job.

 

 

If you want to contact Susan about helping you sell or design advice, e mail her at susan.beard@gmail.com

 

 

 

Summary of Summer ’17

I know I’ve been a bit remiss in writing my blog this summer.     But while I’m sure none of you lost sleep awaiting my latest post, at least know you’re always reading something relatively fresh.    I mean how easy would it be to turn this into a “Men’s Health” type blog where I just repeat the same old stories with different fonts over and over again. “How lose 20 lbs by Labor Day, How to Have Your Best Summer Ever, Bathing Suits for Every Build.”  Blah Blah Blah.

In the meantime, I have so many things I wanted to write about over the course of the past few months but I never had time to put finger to key or at least the focus.     So rather than do one long coherent post, I’m just going to let it all out.   So, now here are my observations during the summer of ’17 on the East End and my hopes for next year.

Wifi cafe icon set
SUMMER OF ’18… NOT AT MY HOUSE!

 

  • Next summer, I will be hooking up a for pay wi-fi system at my house.    The first 24 hours are free, after that it’s $99.00 a day.    I mean are you here to visit me or watch Netflix?!
  • “Casual” in the Hamptons means only 3 people insult your outfit.
  • It’s really not cool to gasp at another person’s sunburn.   Yes, it hurts and the look of horror doesn’t help in any way what soever.
  • How does one get a speeding ticket on Rt. 27 in the Summer????
  • If you’re under 5’1” then maybe driving a Range Rover two days a week for three months a year isn’t really a good idea.    Doing it while texting is an ever worse idea. May I suggest maybe getting a Smart Car and leaving the phone on the seat beside you!?
  • When driving west, isn’t it a little weird that Stephen Hands is so close to Daniels Hole?
  • My favorite overheard conversation at the Golden Pear, “She wore Lululemon to her f*****g wedding!”
  • Next year, I dare restaurants in the Hamptons to offer discounts for people who leave their smart phones in the car!  I really think it would actually improve things more than you think.
  • Speaking of restaurants… I’m sorry but if I am paying more than $25 for an entree, I don’t want to hear your kids screaming in my ears at dinner.  If you can afford the entree you can afford a baby sitter for an hour.
  • Finally, September is really the best month in the Hamptons.    But please don’t tell anyone or write a stupid blog telling others.   Let’s just keep it between us.

 

JUST YOUR AVERAGE HAMPTONS LUNCH….

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