It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, No it’s YOUR NEIGHBOR…. and is Scuttle Hole the new L.I.E.?

Forget the privet hedge, drones are here!

Sure Martha Stewart loves her Drone according to Time Magazine but do her neighbors?    Yes, one man’s toy is another man’s torment and here in the Hamptons is no exception.    Sources have told me one high powered Hamptons resident has taken his/her  Hatfiled/McCoys situation with his/her next door neighbor to a new level.    This person is apparently buzzing the neighbors yard and taking pictures of sunbathing guests and family.   Yes these poor residents now are being harassed by a techno-voyeur!  While they haven’t reported anything to the police (Duh, who wants to end up in the police blotter) they have been soliciting help from landscapers, housekeepers etc on shooting that puppy down!   So forget the deer cull everyone, we’re hunting drones!

Meanwhile, as local towns continue to crack down on Realtors and their signs (smaller, smaller, smaller) locals have also started complaining about the proliferation of builder/contractor signs.  Yes, real estate is the best form of advertising and that’s why some local firms are leaving their signs up on homes that are not even on the market!    Take Scuttle Hole Rd. in Bridgehampton for example where one contractor has had a sign up for nearly 3 years and the property isn’t even for sale!    There’s also a similar situation on Ocean Rd. in Bridgehampton where one of my friends quipped, “it’s starting to look like the LIE before the Midtown Tunnel!”  Make fun of Realtors and our obsession with signs if you’d like but at least we limit ours in size and duration!  Shouldn’t a home actually be under construction or on the market for a sign to be put up?  Yeah, that one big guy out here has signs everywhere but he doesn’t leave them up for 2 years after the house sells!!!  I’m just saying! By the way, don’t even get me started on those pop up signs for the “Our drivers your car” signs on every corner!

 

17,500 Reasons why the Kardashians Kame to the Hamptons…. plus it’s Totally 80’s Time at the Talkhouse!

The Klassiest Kids in Town!?

In case you’ve been living under a rock the Hamptons are buzzing with the comings and goings … or should I say Komings… ugh… no … comings and goings of the Kardashians.   If you don’t believe me go to Google and search “Kardashian Hamptons” and you’ll get about 17,500 news articles come up.   Meanwhile search “Hamptons Deer Cull” and you get 2 articles.   I’m so glad we have our priorities straight! Anyway, while you read about “13 Hot Spots Too Classy for the Kardashians” or even “9 Things to Know about their Summer in the Hamptons,”   I’m going to add one more tid-bit to the mix.   I’m hearing via the grapevine that producers for the show….. are not only asking to see if they can shoot in local restaurants and get all the patrons to sign releases but that they’re also allegedly asking to get it for free!      Their claim is that their show has done a lot to help businesses increase traffic and everyone should be thrilled to have KK-K shoot in their restaurant.    SO, how is it going?   My sources say not so good.   The “K’s” are going after spots that are already hot and don’t need “Z” list celebrities to promote their business.   Think about it, do you really think the Hamptons A list need an endorsement from the Kardashians?    I’m sure Jerry Seinfeld and Gwyneth are both waiting with baited breath to see where they’ve decided to dine!   By the way, let’s also be real here.. .they’re living in NOYAC…. not Southampton… I’m dying to know if they’ve made it yet to Cromer’s for some fried chicken or mac and cheese!?

In honor of throwback Thursday, I’m doing a little plug for Stephen Talkhouse this weekend.  One of the best and underrated bands from the 1980’s is playing tomorrow night.   Yes, the English Beat featuring Dave Wakeling is coming to town.   I’ve seen the band here a few times over the past few years and in a way, it’s kind of a perennial.    Playing all their hits including “I Confess, Mirror in the Bathroom, Save it for Later” and even a few General Public songs (Wakeling was basically the heart of both bands), the show is amazing.  I think I’m too old to go to an arena and see anyone.     But the intimate setting of The Talkhouse makes for a really memorable night.    You can buy tickets here ahead of time and in case you don’t know the band, here’s one of my favorite songs by them… trust me you should go!

How Your Iphone Can Save You a Bundle on Your Hamptons Summer Rental…. Plus, Answering Those Pesky Questions About Insurance in the Hamptons!!!

As Roseanne Roseanneadanna used to say, “it’s always something” and that goes double for anyone who is thinking about becoming a landlord or tenant during the Hamptons rental season.    While the always informative John Viteritti recently suggested in Hamptons.com to get it in writing, the incidents of craziness somehow still manage to find themselves into both sides of the equation. Yes,

Roseanne Rosanneadanna

the tenant who demands a refund because the toaster doesn’t work on one side or the landlord who changes the locks because you’ve had too many house guests (yes, both are true incidents), having things in writing is really really important.   But you know there’s one other thing that both sides can do to protect themselves, their wallets and their sanity; take pictures!   Yep, a simple photograph and not anything provocative that a landlord might find say in a porn movie or magazine and get upset about (yeah, that happened out here too) but rather pictures of the furniture, the rugs, the walls and of the general condition of the house.

The Summer tenant and landlords potential best friend!
It’s so simple and with smart phones now taking better quality photos than ever before there is no excuse.    If you’re the landlord or the tenant, go through the house from top to bottom and make sure you show the sofa stain that was or wasn’t there.    Show the rug that has the coffee stain or that was just freshly cleaned.  In other words, make sure that you document the condition of the house!   I’ve seen way too many fights over security deposits to name so why not take the extra half hour and get proof about the condition of the property.   In most smart phones, the photographs and videos are saved with time and date so that also eliminates any question about when potential damages happened.    So take it from me and no matter how nice your landlord or tenants seem, tell the sofa to say “cheese” and take it’s picture.     You’ll thank me later… its good insurance that your protected!

Speaking of insurance, it’s one of the most widely asked questions by potential buyers in the Hamptons.   In fact, Mr. Richard Failor from Fort Lee, NJ recently wrote me and asked;  Can I get insurance in the Hamptons? Will it be expensive?   Do I have to buy insurance on my house?  What about flooding?  Hey, you know what Mr. Failor, you’re driving me nuts!    So rather than spending time to research and answer all of your annoying questions, I sat down with John Wiltershire who is director in the personal insurance department and private client services unit at Frank Crystal and Associates in Southampton and got him to give me the skinny on INSURANCE IN THE HAMPTONS……

 

Are Rich People trying to Impersonate Me?! I Smell a Scam in East Hampton!

What can I say, it’s been busy in the Hamptons lately and this weekend will be no exception, even in the middle of WINTER!   Yes, WINTER… the Winter Warlock is working overtime this weekend; there’s snow, the winter Olympics .. very little day light….
Winter Winter Everywhere!

and Sag Harbor hosts it’s Third Annual Harborfrost.    It’s relatively new tradition with fireworks, parties, art exhibits and the locals coming out of hiding to celebrate all things cold and frosty.  But if you really want to know what Harborfrost is really like, let me quote what a friend of mine calls it, “Spring training for St. Patrick’s day in Montauk.”   Anyway, here is the schedule and web site for HarborFrost 2014!   Go have fun people and be safe!  Also, take heart, EH Village beach passes are now on sale!  Winter will soon be a thing of the past like “Beliebers.”

Meanwhile, It’s been a weird couple of days.   First, there was the angry man calling from “Microsoft” who wanted me to give him access to my computer, apparently there getting error message from my “windows computer.”  As he demands,  “Push the Microsoft Flag key and control,” I inquire who exactly he wants to speak to… I mean he has my computer registered in his files, right?    Once again he demands I listen to him but he still doesn’t know my name!  If you’re really interested, google it apparently it’s a common scam.  I actually find these scammers kind of fun to tease, I’m lonely!

Then I got an e mail from someone saying, “I hope you don’t mind me e mailing you at this address?   I googled real estate, hamptons and Patrick and I found your business contacts.    Apparently the e mail we’ve been communicating on has been redacted!”  REDACTED?   I had to look that word up to find out it basically means deleted.
After I emailed saying, “refresh my memory, what were we talking about?”   The nice gentleman figured out he had been had.     Apparently some clown from god knows where took my photo and my name and proceeded to list a summer rental on Air BNB for a home on Lily Pond Lane, East Hampton!!!   Now call me wacky but do you really think anyone who has an oceanfront on Lily Pond lane is going to list on Air Bnb?    Is Jon Bon Jovi or Martha Stewart perhaps impersonating me on the
The Air BNB ad , I didn’t place!!!

Interwebs?  What, can’t they just send unwanted pizzas or ring the doorball and run away to the neighbors they don’t like?!   I mean this is crazy!!!  Anyway, the nice people at Airbnb.com caught this before me and the ad was taken down.   But how weird is this   (See it below).    So buyer… or renter beware when you’re surfing online!     This is almost as weird as when Amex asked me if I bought 10 cases of horse feed in Kentucky!   Besides if you’re going to steal anyones identity… I mean really… you couldn’t pick someone more glamorous than me!?
Also, don’t mind if I rub this in… DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME FOLKS USE A BROKER OR AGENT!