JANUARY IS THE CRUELEST MONTH!

T.S. Eliot once said, “April is the cruelest month.”   Well, let me just say anyone who was willing to write the lyrics for that awful Andrew Lloyd Webber musical gets no respect from me!   The Hamptons in January is truly the cruelest month!  Case I point, today I went to a home inspection and there was no heat.    The homeowner had winterized the property and it was a 20 degrees INSIDE!     Yeah, Hamptons real estate is so glamorous!     My feet are still numb, but I guess it’s better than working in a coal mine or being a food critic in Des Moines.

 

Anyway, all things considered the Hamptons are not a bad place to be even when it’s 5 degrees outside.     So, here they are in no particular order a few fun INDOOR things to do when the forecast has more negatives than a yelp review for a Cracker Barrel restaurant.

 

Montauk Salt Cave

The Montauk Salt Cave – Imagine sitting comfortably in a nice heated room as you breath in Himalayan salt infused air.    It’s like going to the beach but without a village parking sticker.    According to the company website, the cave helps revitalizes ones respiratory tract with lungs and nasal passages cleared from pollens, inflammations and other pollutants.  This is particularly handy if you’ve recently been spending anytime on Main St. Amagansett.   The cave has various scheduled sessions that included everything from guided mediations to reiki healing.    Locals secret:  Take a look on Groupon where the session are often offered at a steep discount.  For more information click HERE.

 

Photo: The Clubhouse East Hampton

The Fieldhouse East Hampton – If you haven’t gone yet you should.   Located on Daniels Hole Rd. in E. Hampton, this entertainment center has something for everyone.    There’s an arcade for the kids, bowling for the families, bocci balland corn hole for the millennials and a bar/restaurant with full a menu for people like me.    They also have a mini golf course but I don’t think that’s in the cards when it’s this cold.   Long needed on the east end, the Fieldhouse is perfect for everyone.  It’s especially great for parents who want to ignore their children with a cocktail as the little ones play games, win points and hopefully buy a prize.   If you want more information check out the website HERE.  Local secret:  Check out their Facebook page for special events and discounts.

 

 

The Spa at Gurney’s – Book a massage or treatment at the Seawater Spa then for a small facilities fee of $30 take a dip in the salt water pool, sweat in the sauna or sweat it out in the Swedish steam room.   The best part of the deal is actually swimming in the pool while overlooking the sand and surf through the expansive wall of glass doors.     Follow it up with a glass of wine and lunch at Tillie’s café.   Although last time I was there I got in trouble for trying to eat my tuna salad sandwich in the pool, so I don’t advise.    For more information you can click HERE.    Local secret:  Memberships are available for access to the fitness club and spa areas.

 

The Parish Art Museum – It’s indoors.  It has art.  I never took an art history class so it’s pointless for me to elaborate.   There are no dogs playing poker, toreadors on velvet or cats hanging onto bars so I’m lost.   I will say people seem to enjoy it and find it EDUCATIONAL.   For the latest exhibitions and hours click HERE.

 

So, there you go!  I know!  You’re welcome!  You don’t have to sit on the sofa binge watching Netflix the entire month.    There are actually things you can do INDOORS that are a little out of the normal routine.    Now, excuse me while I book my flight on Southwest.

 

LULU REOPENS!

It started with a spark and became a night of blazing suspense!    Lulu in Sag Harbor which was the site of a fire last month will reopen it’s doors today at 6pm!   In case you

Lulu2
Lulu Kitchen Sag Harbor is back in action!

 

missed it, the fire started in a small storage closet on the 81st floor and jeopardized party goers on the top floor “Promenade Room.”    But thanks to the quick thinking fire chief O’Halloran and the architect Doug Roberts who evacuated the party goers by rigging the scenic elevator, a breeches buoy and finally by exploding water tanks on the roof lives were saved!   Wait, err… that was the Towering Inferno!    Ok, after a kitchen fire and repair for some smoke damage, Lulu in Sag Harbor will be open once again to diners starting tonight at 6pm.

I like the Towering Inferno version better.

 

IS THE BUOY A BUST?? PLUS, HAPPY AS A CLAM IN EAST HAMPTON.

After floating gossip it seems, Bagel Buoy in Sag Harbor is no longer sunk.
The Village staple shuttered it’s doors or rather the lox were changed earlier this week.  A “notice of closure” was posted on the door and that had lips flapping all over town.

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Bobba Bye Buoy!?

While I am not a huge fan of Bagel Buoy and the surly staff it’s always sad to see this sort of thing happen.   Rumor has it a deal is in the works to bring Goldberg’s Bagels to the Bay Street location.   If you take a look at what they’ve done with the nightmare that was “Twice Upon a Bagel” in Wainscott, we can all rest easy knowing we’ll still have a good place to nosh!   But the story isn’t over yet, apparently the buoy was bobbing with business earlier today.   So grab your popcorn this battle of the bagels has apparently just begun.

Meanwhile, the site of the former “Service Station” (loved the salads and sandwiches) has reopened as the Quiet Clam 2.0 earlier this week.

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Have you ever met a noisy clam?

While I haven’t been in yet, my spies say it’s actually worth a visit. The menu is a throw back to when the establishment was “The Quiet Clam” before it was “Nichol’s” back in the last century. Yes, they have clams on the menu along with burgers, pizzas and more. I promise I’ll have more to come. But from what I’ve been hearing on social media the place will be getting a thumbs up.

UPDATE:   I went in and it was “meh.”  Right now there is no liquor license so it’s BYOB.   The lunch menu was limited and there were NO clams but the dinner version seems a bit more promising.   I’ll have to go back when they get their act together.

Finally, in case you missed it EMP House reservations went on lin

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$95 and NO Doritos bag!?

e earlier this week via an American Express website. Well if you snooze you lose and I apparently snoozed. After going live at 9am, by noon the only slots left available were at 5 pm or 10 pm. While this might not pose a problem if you’re 25 or 85 years old, the rest of us younger side of middle age folks (no comments from the peanut gallery) are S.O.L. While there still be walk-ins available for the picnic tables in the back, my attention is more focused on something called the “Taco Experience” for $95 – $125 per person. I’m just hoping that tequila is included with that number!  Hahahahhahhhahhaahhhhahah. I know it’s the Hamptons!

SAG HARBOR IS IN DANGER… COOKIES AND BROWNIES WITH NO GUILT!!!

I’m starting to feel like the Terence Malick of bloggers right now.    In fact, I feel I’m in my “Tree of Life” phase, minus Brad Pitt and with even less enthusiasm from the audience.   But as my fortune cookie said the other day, “you must try or hate yourself for not trying.”  So here I am trying to bang out my ever so entertaining latest installment of “HAMPTONS CHATTER.”   – crickets –

Anyway, what everyone seems to be really discussing in my part of the world is about how Sag Harbor has turned a corner.   I’ve been nestled in Sag Harbor’s Main Street for the better part of 12 years (more on that later) and enjoyed it’s sophisticated small town feel.   From the “five and dime” to home design stores to the Golden Pear coffee shop, it was “hello”… “good morning”…. “have a good day.”    But as Whoopi said in the movie “Ghost,”   – –  “Sag Harbor, you’re in danger girl.”

The main culprit from what I hear is that “new restaurant” that shall remain unnamed.   According to reliable sources, just because the place is empty doesn’t mean they want your unpretentious butt sitting at one of their tables.   More than a few of my city and local friends have gone in only to be told, “we’re full!”    Wow!   I actually was curious and went to YELP to read some of the reviews.   I swear I remember reading them and they were pretty much the same thing, rude staff that had more attitude than Katherine Heigle at a “Grey’s Anatomy” reunion.   But guess what?! I went back to re-read these reviews (I wanted to post them here) and now I can’t find them!  Now I don’t want to start any sort of conspiracy here but …. seriously… unless I’m totally losing it they’ve gone MIA.   Anyway, I will ask is the food really that good?    I’m not a masochist anyway and I doubt a serving of moules et frites will change my life.  So, for now I’m happy going to the Sizzler Steakhouse.

My advice – – guys lighten up!  The great thing about Sag Harbor is it’s a friendly town with not a whole lotta attitude.     Yes, you’re the new kid in town and lots of overdressed and socially insecure people are posting  tons of photos on Instagram, blah blah blah.     “Look I got in and you didn’t!!!”   But this stuff wears thin when most of us are busy worrying about more mundane things like our families, health and paying bills.  Believe me the folks who are getting in WILL care when they’re the only people in the place.   Otherwise, they wouldn’t be posting their dinners on line!    “Look I got in… and I’m the only one here – because nobody really wants to be here” doesn’t have quite the same sexy allure.     I’ve seen it before over and over in the Hamptons and it will happen to you too… too much attitude can be the kiss of death.

Meanwhile, I was getting my morning coffee at Goldberg’s in Wainscott – a friendly place but I don’t eat carbs (lying).    When I came across the most interesting and delicious looking brownie.   Now remember, I don’t eat carbs or sweets (lying again) but when I read the story about this amazing bakery I felt the need to eat… I mean contribute.   It’s called South Fork Bakery.   According to their website:

South Fork Bakery’s purpose is to provide meaningful and
supportive employment to South Fork residents
with ADHD, Auditory Processing Disorders, Autism and
Developmental Disabilities. Employees are immersed
in all aspects of the business, including baking, packaging,
sales, marketing, and business management.

SOUTH FORK BAKER
SOUTH FORK BAKERY GOODIES

What a great idea and the brownies and cookies are great too (or so I heard – as I wipe brownie crumbs from my mouth)!    If you want more information click here!  You can also order products online.   So do something good for others and enjoy.    This stuff is better than moules et frites any day!

 

After more than 14 years in Sag Harbor I’ve decided to make a change.     I am now so very proud to be a member of Sotheby’s International Realty in East Hampton.    Located at 6 Main St.     Make sure to note it in your yellow pages book extra page, rolodex and filofax.   Now pick up that princess phone and give me a call.   You can google the number.