IF YOU WANT TO GET INVITED BACK FOR SUMMER 2020?

A few years ago, I gave some homeowners the ultimate guide (click here) to getting rid of those guests that just can’t take a hint.    You know the types, that turn a two day invitation into a living hell only to discuss extending their stay!   Well, today’s blog isn’t about how to get them to leave,  it’s about giving them parameters for being invited next summer!   Yep print this out and leave it on the dresser or send this blog link with a wink and a nod and say, “but you know I don’t mean YOU!”

So here you go, my attempt at preventing animosity, hurt feelings, bruised egos…

keebler elf
I don’t work in the Hamptons!

and most of all bloodshed.  This is the ultimate Hamptons chatter guide for  houseguests on HOW TO GET INVITED BACK!

1- Pick up your dishes!  The sink isn’t magic and those dishes you leave in the sink don’t get rinsed and put into the dishwasher by a group of unemployed Keebler elves.

This means your coffee cups, wine glasses, bagel dishes and jam crusted knives need YOU  to rinse them off and put them into the dishwasher!   If the said washer is dirty and the housekeeper has the day off, here’s a great way to earn brownie points… empty the thing!!!

2- Don’t use a new towel every ten minutes!    Most of us don’t have a full time staff or an unlimited supply of bath and beach towels.     One of the biggest complaints I hear from Hamptons homeowners is when guests go through the linen closet booty like tissue paper.

Try limiting your use to one beach/pool towel and one bath towel.   Unless you’re helping with the lawn or cleaning my septic tank, odds are you can hang your towels and reuse the next day!

3-Don’t drink (or eat) more than you bring –  If you bring one bottle of Boone’s Farm Blue Hawaiian wine feel free to drink it and offer your host a glass.  Do not take said Blue Hawaiian put it on a shelf and then proceed to drink all of my Sancerre.  That’s just not nice!    Buy a nice bottle of wine anytime you visit the Hamptons … it’s the right thing to do.  Also, if you plan on going on a bender, it’s a good idea to make it a case.

4- No fighting –  You might not think this needs to be mentioned but believe you me…. it’s worth bringing up.     If you want to be a good guest don’t fight with the hosts, don’t fight with the other guests and don’t fight with your companion.    This means avoid drinking too much, don’t talk about politics and religion and don’t be cranky.   Always remember, you got invited because your hosts enjoy your company…. be enjoyable!

5- If you’re in a bad mood or don’t feel like socializing don’t come!   Yes, most Hamptons homes have wi-fi.  Yes,  the guest rooms are comfortable.   Yes, most have central air.   But if that’s an excuse for staying in your room all day, why are you even there!!!!????     Stay in the city or check into a Holiday Inn express… you’ll feel smarter!

6 – Eat in the Kitchen – Do you do that at your own home?   Do not take Toasted Coconut Entenmann Donuts without a napkin into the bedroom or anywhere else around the house.    Also, eating your chicken salad sandwich with a side of guac and chips in the pool and hot tub is kind of a faux pas.

7- Wear clothes around the house –  I know.   I didn’t think this needed mentioning TOO but butts aren’t always good.   Especially if you’re sitting in someone’s living room.    But  then again if you look like a supermodel….

Now excuse me, as I wrap up this blog.  I’ll now get off my soapbox and put some of that soap in the washer and start cleaning more of your towels.

HOW TO BEAT THE TRAFFIC WHEN YOU’RE HUNRGY or HANGRY!!

Is it just me or does it seem like every car on the road right now is a Volvo with Vermont plates?  Not only that but they’re stopping cold in the middle of the road to make a right turn!!!?   SHOOT ME!    While I’m not a total misanthrope (PSAT study class word) ,  the idea of venturing into the wild wild world of the Hamptons in August is sometimes too much for me.  So what to do?!    Well finally there’s something new to say about the lame situation of food delivery out here!    UBER EATS has finally arrived… while the selection is a bit limited there are a few not too expensive standouts;  The Seafood Shop and

seafood shop
www.theseafoodshop.com

The Highway Diner in Wainscott and Buoy One Seafood in East Hampton.    All will bring fully cooked dinners right to your right door.    But if breakfast is your thing there’s also more to the skinny on getting chubby without leaving home. 

Grindstone Donuts in Sag Harbor is also delivering!!!   In case you’ve never been to Sag Harbor on a weekend morning and saw the line out the door, you know I have you’re attention on this!  I mean we’re talking “DONUTS.”   But if you think I’m talking “Dunkin,” you couldn’t be more wrong.      I’m talking a brioche style donut with flavors like smores, lemon poppy and classic glaze!    Recently I had the chance to stop by and talk to owner Kyle Shanahan about what brought him to town and why his a hole cut above the rest!

 

Finally, in addition to Uber Eats there are Chinese restaurants that I think are worth their weight in MSG.   Number 1 (631-726-8080) in Water Mill and Phoenix in Wainscott (631-537-0011).    There are a few others in the area but one of them actually has Immodium on the menu which to me is a big red flag…OK I’m kidding.   While my two recommendations aren’t exactly Shun Lee or Mr. Chow’s, they’re both good, hearty and reasonably priced.   Both are the best Chinese delivery in the HAMPTONS!  Although, that’s kind of like saying it’s the friendliest restaurant in France.

EH VILLAGE BEACH PASS UPDATE… & MY LIFE BEHIND BARS!

I can feel it!  The days are longer and the weekends are getting a little more crowded with city folk looking for their summer retreat.     So while we all enjoy the re-leaf of spring and increasing temperatures, it’s actually time for beach lovers to think about Summer!   Yep, those coveted East Hampton Village beach passes have been on sale for a

beachpermit17b.jpg
2019 EH VILLAGE BEACH PASS

while now and the supplies are running low.   According to the folks at the Village Clerk’s offices there are currently less than 200 still available for the Summer ’19 season.   But don’t panic if you can’t make it out here to pick up your sticker.    You can go online and purchase your pass.     If you need the link, click here.    Remember, you need the pass to legally park at village beaches after 9 am to 4pm from May 15th to September 15th.   I know with the cold damp weather it might not seem like it,  but summer is approaching faster than you know.

Sometimes you really wanna go where everybody knows your name.   One way to ensure that will happens is to get in on what more and more Hamptons homeowners are discovering, bars are the new media rooms.   Yep, you heard me right!    It’s something I discovered for myself a few years ago when my partner and I bought our “spec” house in East Hampton.     In the family room was a big, bulky and industrial looking wet bar.   It felt like my college pub without the brokgreenhollowbaren glass and funky smell.    My first thought was to pull the sucker out but after our first get together we noticed this had become the focal point for the party.    Eventually, we renovated and changed the bar to its current state (pictured) where it is still the place everybody hangs!    It really makes entertaining fun and apparently I’m not the only one who think so.   In just the past few months I’ve listed homes both new and old with expansive set ups; wine fridges, sinks, dishwashers, ice machines, etc.    But most important of all buyers are looking for homes that have these entertaining centers.   I guess it’s all part of what author Faith Popcorn called cocooning.  Home is the place to be and people enjoy bringing the outside world into their homes.  Now if I could only get my dog to change his name to Norm.   Below some of the more impressive  (but far from the only) bars currently on the market.  It’s a far cry from that 1970s basement version with the budweiser light and shag carpet.

Lower Level entertaining at 633 Hedges Lane, Sagaponack.  $9,995,000.  Listed by Douglas Elliman… yours truly!    Click for more details.

633_Hedges_Lane__Sagaponack_(10)

Arts and Crafts coolness at 44 Little Noyac Path, Water Mill.   $5,950,000.   Listed by Douglas Elliman Joe Piccininni  Click Here for more. 

JoeP

Rooftop cocktails at 6 Union Street, Sag Harbor.  $7,495,000.   Listed by Compass Kathy Zappola & Scott Strough.  Click here for details.

Screen Shot 2019-03-29 at 12.37.53 PM

 

CHEERS!!!

 

MIDWINTER BLUES?!

I know we’re all counting the days till spring.    But if you can’t shake the cold in your bones you might as well celebrate it.   That’s why Sag Harbor’s annual “Harbor Frost” is a welcome event during these cold weather doldrums.    Some of the events include a culinary stroll, art exhibits, live music, fireworks and of course the annual “Frosty Plunge.”   This is not to be confused with a “polar bear plunge” which happened earlier this year.  One involves sun starved adults and teens jumping into frigid waters for two seconds so they can take selfies and tell their friends.   The other involves sun starved adults and teens jumping into frigid waters for two seconds so they can take selfies and tell their friends.  If you want more details on Harbor Frost click here.    If your curious about how much Hampton folk love their cold water plunges, take a look at the video below from the East Hampton New Year’s Polar Plunge.

So, if you’re like me … winter is the perfect time for binge watching and seeing all the movies you never had a chance to catch at the theatre.   But if you’ve been suckered like me into upgrading

IMG_1138to the new “Altice” cable system, you’ve been cursing and screaming more than binging and drooling.     The new “higher tech” system that was formerly known as Optimum sounds great.   Each box is a router which you can pause and rewind shows.  There’s also more storage on the DVR that actually can be controlled with voice recognition.  It all sounds great!  If it works!  It doesn’t.   The boxes are constantly frozen, the DVR rarely works and the whole “router” thing is a complete joke!   I’m not saying it’s a complete flop but I’m tempted to go to one cable box and do the rest via Amazon Firestick or Google Chrome.      The ironic thing is I also had a chance to chat with a few of their own employees on the street and even they said the new system is filled with bugs.

So, the moral of today’s blog is go outside, get off your sofa and be social!   Besides, yourTV doesn’t work anyway.