ANSWERING SAG’S KNEAD FOR DOUGH… AND IT’S THE ____ OF THE HAMPTONS.

I hope it doesn’t sound too too cheesy,  but I’ve been working on some snappy lines about the newest restaurant to open its doors in Sag Harbor.    Yes, I know I need to work on my delivery.    Anyway, for now I’ll just give you a piece of my mind about Sag Pizza.

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11am and they’re lining up!

Located in the site of the former Conca D’oro (they even kept the sign),  the newly renovated and sleekly designed restaurant opened it’s doors to a hungry horde earlier today.   Perhaps it’s because it’s from the same folks that brought us LT Burger that had them lining up outside an hour before a single pie was tossed.   So, how is it?   I thought it was pretty darn good, especially since they were only opened for about an hour.    While I heard some grumbling about having to wait in line to get a slice, it’s the first day folks!   I’m sure they know there’s mushroom for improvement and given the folks running the place,  they’ll get there soon enough.   Now, to the really important part… the food itself.    I had a slice of the margherita and one of the pepperoni.   Both were made with fresh mozzarella and sauce on a thin crust that was nicely complimented by a slight smoky

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Sagpizza.com

flavor from the wood burning oven.   Overall, a solid slice and a welcome addition to Sag Harbor.      If you want more menu information, click on the restaurants website here.    Let me know what YOU think.

You know how when you go to any town in the U.S. and the locals have a funny way of referring to their community,   you know like in Bayonne you’ll meet someone and they’ll tell you how “people call us the Paris of New Jersey!”    Hmmm, while I’m not sure I usually agree with these analogies I will tell you, I do have a few of my own about certain things in the Hamptons.    In fact, I asked some of my friends if they had some quaint ways to refer to the sites and sounds of the Hamptons.   Here are a few of my favorites:

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Madison and Main

Madison and Main Sag Harbor is the 42nd and Broadway of the Hamptons.    With pedestrians that don’t look, drivers who don’t know how to drive and more cars than these two streets can handle,  I can see it.      Hit that intersection on a Saturday at 7pm in July and August and you’ll be looking for the dirty Elmo to come take his picture with your kids for $5.

Stop and Shop stores are the DMV of the Hamptons.  Perhaps it’s the long lines.    It could also be the parking lot that’s full with the mayhem and madness of novice drivers.  Maybe it’s the cranky cashiers or maybe it’s the fact you really don’t want to buy the produce at either that this comparison makes sense.   Either way, I’m not a fan of either and they apparently bought their dingy lighting from the same place.

Gucci pants, shoes, shirt and an Hermes belt are the Garanimals of the Hamptons.    Remember those kids who used to eat the glue in 3rd grade?    The ones who were lucky enough to have their mother tell them to always make sure they wear a giraffe pants with a giraffe shirt?!   Well some of them grew up and now live in the Hamptons.   Yes, t

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It matches!!!!

hey’re here and still dressing with the same amount of thought as they did when they were in phonics class.    It’s a thoughtless uniform but with a more expensive flair.     By the way, I would wear these Garanimals too if I had the money to spare.

Tesla is the Honda of the Hamptons.   If you live in a normal part of the world you go out to dinner, the movies or wherever and you park in a lot that’s probably Honda heavy.    It’s a good car.  It’s a sensible car.    It’s also the vehicle, 90 percent of your friends drive in the rest of the world.    Well this isn’t Cherry Hill here.    It’s the Hamptons.    Yes, sensible has a different look here on the East End.    But hey, I do like these cars.   I’m not knocking them.   BUT, if only there was a supercharging station closer than Southampton.

Amagansett is the Tribeca of the Hamptons.    It’s young, it’s hip, it’s loaded with celebs, it’s trendy and the coffee shops are so hip they hurt!    I hope I don’t need to explain this further.     If you don’t believe me, stop by Jack’s coffee anytime from now to Labor day.   Oh, and if you ever see a guy wearing gap khaki shorts and a polo shirt who stands out like a sore thumb in town…. that’s me.

 

 

 

 

HOW (some) BROKERS REALLY DESCRIBE YOUR HOUSE!!!

While you might be familiar with some of the more famous homes of the Hamptons, Grey Gardens, The Creeks or even the Orgy House, there are probably a few you haven’t heard of yet.    Why?  Because it’s what agents refer to certain homes behind the owner’s back…. and it’s not necessarily a compliment.     By the way, I won’t disclose any of the addresses but that doesn’t mean I won’t tell you when I see you.

First off, I knew of a listing a few years ago in Hampton Bays and the agents around town were referring to it as “Moscow on the Peconic.”  Apparently the décor was so unique the agents equated it to a “Russian bordello.”   Gilded faucets and ceilings, elegant

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Yeah, it kind a looked like this!

patterned marble floors and chandeliers that would convince you that the interior

designer was Vladimir Putin.    It was as if you took the Trump Tower penthouse and put it on the water.    By the way,  I had my own listing that I used to refer to as the “bordello” a few years ago.    It wasn’t an easy sell.

 

Speaking of waterfronts, there is one in Sag Harbor that has some interesting qualities.    It’s dark, cavernous and overflowing with nautical touches.   Any guess how a few agents described it to me?   It’s like living in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride at Disney World.     Wow!   I wonder if you could just say it’s where they actually filmed it and maybe get some p.r.?  I mean who would be the wiser?

But don’t think it’s all about movie themes in some of these homes.   Sometimes you can get the association with a store or restaurant.    One Southampton home which is overflowing with Asian accents, industrial grade carpeting and Formica countertops is affectionately known as the “Benihana” house.     I also know of another home in East Hampton that’s walls are so overloaded with posters, knick-knacks and flair it’s just referred to as “TGIFriday’s.”   Wow, why do I suddenly have a craving for some shrimp tempura and potato skins?

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The Original???

Finally, one of my favorites is a home I think I coined with the nick name “1313 Mockingbird Lane.”    Yes, if you’ve ever driven to or from Sag Harbor and East Hampton you’ve no doubt seen this lovely little ditty!       It’s kind of funny but who knew a cedar shingled beach house could look so sinister?      But everyone has their own style and once size doesn’t fit all.   I’m sure there are some folks out there who think my prominent oil based painting of Bella and Russell is kinda tacky.    I have no problem with that I get my own joke.    But don’t you ever dare insult my collection of Hummel figurines.

 

Well this Friday it’s Memorial Day weekend and the beginning of the Summer Season.  But before we take off our suits and ties for the season, a little advice for landlords and tenants in the Hamptons the season is about to begin.   Trash is not automatically picked up by the town.    You need to either drop it off at the

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This is how we… and you should do it!l

local dump or hire a trash service to come and pick up your refuse.  You know like Norsic or Mickey’s.    It is not recommended that you take your Hefty or Glad bags and throw them over the fence onto another person’s property.     Yes, this really happened to a landlord who discovered a years worth of garbage as they were prepping their property for summer tenants.     Ain’t the Hamptons just so glamorous!?

 

 

A SNOW JOB …. SAG GETS JUST WHAT IT NEEDS-NOT… AND LAST CALL FOR BEACH PERMITS!

So you ran to the store and you bought all the eggs, bread and milk you could find and now you’re eating French toast for dinner.    You was had people!  Yep, after much hype and hoopla , the blizzard that wasn’t hit the East End.

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EH Main St. after “Fluffy”

Forecasters were so convinced of this snowpocalypse that they even gave it a name.   I can’t remember what it was and it’s a good thing.    As we all know, it was a big snooze here.    While we did have some icing roads and a power outage in The Springs, the most significant impact of the storm I’m now calling “Fluffy” was a down tree in the middle of Main Street East Hampton.    So there you have it, now it’s time for spring to begin.

 

Sag Harbor needs lots of things… a shoe repair shop, a great day spa, a doggy day care or even a Cheesecake Factory or Outback Steakhouse as discussed in previous blogs.

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Another bank..

One thing they don’t need is another bank.    Well guess what Hamptons folks, your prayers have once again been ignored.   JP Morgan Chase has set its sites on the location once occupied by Capital One.   An application has been made with the Village of Sag Harbor to obtain a “Certificate of Appropriateness from the Village Board of Historic Preservation and Architectural Review.”     I personally will benefit from the fact I don’t have to pay a service fee for ATMs in town since I bank at Manufacturers Hanover….err I mean Chemical Bank…. I mean Chase.    But a bank?!  How boring… like a real estate office.

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99 of these puppies left!

Beach Permits…  you can’t live with them and you can’t live without ’em.    But while Southampton Village and Flanders Village continues to sell permits in unlimited numbers, the can’t be said of East Hampton Village.    So, how many are left?   According to my top secret reconnaissance (i.e. I made a phone call) there are only 100 passes are left!  So take two minutes and go online here and get your beach pass, otherwise you might as well go to Ocean City, MD.  I would have insulted New Jersey here but my family keeps getting nasty about my blog posts!  OOOPS… I meant to give you the link to get your passes online!  Yep you can do that by clicking here.

 

 

MMMMMMMMMM…. DONUTS… AND TUNA TARTARE! -UPDATED!!!

In case you missed it there was a lot of buzz a few months ago as Tom Colicchio and Topping Rose House parted ways.    Much of the well deserved criticism revolved around the fact that the prices were steep and the food was just a tad too “precious.”     Well, when it was recently announced that Jean-Georges Vongerichten would be moving into that prime location, it was with a skeptical eye that many Hamptons folks awaited the arrival of it’s latest celebrity chef.     I mean, doesn’t everyone want quail and sweet breads when visiting the beach?

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Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm…. donuts!

But guess what?  A good thing happened on the way to Bridgehampton.   Rather than taking a step on the fancy side, the restaurateur took a page more from his Inn at Pound Ridge menu and gave it a Hamptons spin.    Jean-Georges at the Topping Rose House is now open and ready for business.  While make no mistake the bill is going to cost you a few more dollars than an Olive Garden Prix Fixe, the prices are reasonable by local standards and the menu is actually pretty accessible.   The restaurant was open over the Memorial Day and served dishes from the new menu including; Tuna Tartare with Avacado and ginger marinade for $22, Kale Salad with Lemon and Parmesan $15, Parmesan Crusted Organic Chicken for $32 and a Cheeseburger with Frizzled Onions and House made pickles for $21.     For the vegetarian in the group, they also have a Garden Vegetable Brown Rice bowl with Salsa Verde for $26.    While I haven’t had the chance to check it out yet, if it’s anything like the Westchester outlet I have no doubt it will be packed from now until Labor Day!  For more information or reservations, you can try calling 631-537-0870 or go online by clicking here!

Meanwhile, something is apparently brewing in Sag Harbor and Homer Simpson will very happy.    I was on the street and I glazed over to find out that  Grindstone Coffee and Donuts is coming to town.   The hole deal is getting ready to set up shot at the location that was formerly occupied by Pepalajefa at 7 Main Street in Sag Harbor.   Fronted by two veteran coffee shope folks,  locals Kyle Shanahan and Anna Coffman will have brioche style donuts in such mouth watering flavors as strawberry shortcake, chocolate coconut and of course the traditional glazed!  The two are also making a point of sourcing all of the ingredients from local providers like Mecox Dairy and Amber Waves Farm in Amagansett.    In fact, they’re taking the local angle so seriously they’ve decided to start working on a beach plum filled jelly donut recipe.     But if you’re hoping these will be low calorie, fat free, taste free confections, forget it.  The plan is for real “super buttery brioche donuts”… dare I say it’s a the Hamptons answer to a cronut….. a bronut?    The shop will also have a range of gourmet coffees and teas to help unclog your arteries.       Look for Grindstone Coffee and Donuts to open sometime at the end of the month!    One final thought before I go?  Some folks say, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”… except for donuts which say, “skinny can go “f” itself.”