I STILL CAN’T HEAR YOU… CITARELLA IS GOING WHERE?!

Voice mail a day late, dropped called, unsent text messages and lots of screaming “Can you hear me now!?” Yes, phone service is that bad in the Hamptons.     If you’re curious how bad, look no further than the map right below.  It’s from a website called Open Signal  (you can click here)and it details just how difficult it is to get a call through on the East End.  To add more fuel to the fire, consider the surge of summer visitors (all with smart phones) which tax an already inadequateScreen Shot 2018-08-01 at 4.28.30 PM number of cell towers to the point where communicating is virtually impossible.  But it’s more than just a problem with AT&T, Verizon or T-mobile.    We the residents of the Hamptons need to speak out to our elected officials and say, allow new towers to go up.    It’s not a matter of cell phones being a luxury, they are a necessity not only in business and basic communications but in safety as well.   So many residents out here don’t even have land lines and the spotty service is now endangering lives.     Our officials are doing what we on the East End tell them to do.  But enough is enough, we need to bite the bullett and run the risk of having towers in our own back yards so perhaps we can avoid a tragedy before it happens.

Meanwhile, there is a big rumor floating around Sag Harbor.   Unfortunately, I’m having

citarella2
Citarella East Hampton

a hard time confirming but several well placed sources have told me Citarella will soon be landing in the village.    I don’t want to say where it will be going but thank heaven you folks don’t need me to tell you.      So, is it a good thing or bad thing?   That depends upon who you ask.   I will say it’s almost as controversial as when CVS was coming to town.  Look for some shuttered doors in the fall and the market to be going into the vacant spaces after a major renovation.

 

 

SOMETHING BREWING IN SOUTHAMPTON… AND PLEASE DON’T TELL ME WHAT ZILLOW SAYS ABOUT YOUR HOUSE!

Something Brewing.. time to change the label!

I can barley stand it!   It has some folks hops-ing mad!   Apparently the spuds will no longer be flowing on Bowden Square.   In spite of an announcement back in October that the Southampton Publick House would be staying put at the current location, word has gotten out that folks will soon have to fasten their beer goggles in a new location.    Since 1996 the brewery and restaurant have been a staple around town but it seems the new building owners have other plans.    According to some local insiders, the location will soon be home to a “high end Mexican Restaurant.”     Now if you’ve ever read this blog before… that’s a huge deal for me yet I hate to see an old favorite move to somewhere new.     While the Publick house will go on… like Celine Dion’s heart…. it will according to insiders have to be in a new location.   Sometimes a little change will do you good.

Oh is that the blood rushing to your head?

Now for a little advice.   If you want to send any real estate agent’s boiling blood further to their head just say the following sentence, “BUT Zillow said my house is worth X!”   It’s the bane of many a real estate agent and brokers existence.   In fact, The Los Angles Times  recently tackled the issue of “Zestimantes” (Zillow’s estimate) and how many claim they’re wildly inaccurate.    In fact, I have to say part of the big problem with Zillow’s “formula” is that it can’t really take into account factors like condition and location (waterfront, south of the highway, village).    So how inaccurate are these “Zestimates?”  Well the CEO of Zillow was recently quoted as saying they’re “a good starting point” and have a “median error rate of about 8%.”   Obviously this error rate varies in different markets and Zillow even says so at the bottom of the Zestimates page.     While I couldn’t locate the margin in our area, I can tell you that my own personal home fluctuated by about $5,000,000 in a period of 6 months.    Now, I know you think Hamptons Chatter just rakes in the money but the initial high estimate they gave my home was crazy.   I’d move out in hours if I could get that number tomorrow!    Yep, I would guess their error rate in the Hamptons is a heck of a lot more than a 8%.   It’s a big miss in the Hamptons… like an Ishtar big miss!  A “Missestimate” if you will.     So the take away from all of this… talk to an agent or do your homework (Zillow.com is a great source for closed prices) and don’t try let some silicon valley geek tell you what your home is worth.   Besides,  how could you put a price on that “Sistine Chapel” painting on your master bedroom ceiling?

 

DOPPIO’S DILEMNA…. AND YOU KNOW IT’S AUGUST …UMMMM JULY IN THE HAMPTONS WHEN……

Yesterday’s tomorrow is today…. right?

It’s Peyton Place in Sag Harbor these days as the questions abound…. Is Doppio history or on hiatus.   Yesterday, state officials along with a few men in blue (you never know when some employee might want to sneak off with salt and pepper shakers) came in and locked the restaurant down and threw up a “SEIZED” sign!   Well it didn’t take long but a few hours later one of the owners or employees was out there with a sign and free lemonade promising it will be “back to business as normal.”   Well it’s now 11:30 am and Hamptons Chatter was late to go to press today and the doors are all still locked and there isn’t an employee in site. There is also no lemonade today but did you really think someone could serve free drinks in Sag Harbor without getting into trouble?

Rumors about Doppio’s demise have been floating around since this winter.    After a promising start and lots of fanfare last year bad attitudes and mediocre food turned the eatery into a ghost town by Labor Day.   This year I have to say the food has improved and the staff is a heck of a lot friendlier.    Everyone should get a second chance and I’m hoping they make it work.    I’ll keep you updated on the progress and update here as needed.    It would be fun to set up a webcam, right?

UPDATE 2:38pm:  It’s still closed, still dark and Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.
UPDATE 4:19pm:  The day glow orange sign is gone and they’re getting ready to reopen.  A stirring saga is over. 

Bad reviews can’t stop this bear!

 

  • Meanwhile, it’s beginning to feel a lot like August around here int he Hamptons.   I know every year we all complain the crowds are bigger, the traffic is worse, the lines are longer, blah, blah, blah than the year before.   But you know what?  I’m convinced it really is crazier than ever out here … and there isn’t a Kardashian in sight!   The way I know is the annual tell tale signs, that usually happen in late August are already upon us.   It’s like a swallows of Capistrano situation here but with BMW’s.   Here are the signs it’s bursting at the seams on the East End;

A movie like “Ted 2” can sell out on Sunday night at 10pm.   Yes, it’s only scored a lame 45% on Rotten Tomatoes but it’s doing bang up business in East Hampton.   I can’t imagine anyone wanting to pay to see this after the director’s really really bad “A Million Ways to Die in the West,”  but if your choice is between this and “Me, Earl and the Dying Girl” one title does sound a little better for fun summer viewing.

Scads of Toddlers are playing under hot coffee pots at bagel stores and coffee shops while their attentive parents are texting away on their I-phones!   Now, I always find this annual occurrence to be a bit scary.  I mean I’m not a parent nor do I have any intuitive parental skills but I kind of find it stupid to let children play unsupervised under a scalding coffee pot!    Call me wacky!

It takes an hour to get from Southampton to East Hampton village on a week night and Sag Harbor Village looks like East Hampton Village!    Folks, if you live within walking distance to any of these villages (remember that’s why you paid what you did!), why in the world are you driving a 10th of a mile to get there?!  Getting stuck in traffic on Butter Lane…. I’m sorry I just don’t get it!   But then again there are a lot of things I don’t understand….. like why everyone and their mother is now publishing a magazine this summer!  I read Hamptons Magazine, Hamptons Real Estate Showcase  and Dan’s…. sorry that’s it folks… the rest I toss in the circular file!   I would also read Curbed.com if it ever went to print… I hope I earn brownie points on these.

The uniform at Rowdy Hall is Gucci, Prada and Birkin  The home of Hamptons casual and arguably one of the best burgers around becomes a tornado of tags and logos as the normally low key crowd gets outnumbered and out dressed.    I know it’s competitive out there and everyone wants too look good but isn’t this a casual beach community?  Couldn’t we all just embrace the softer side of Sears?
hahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahaahhahhah

RECON FROM HARBOR MARKET AND THE BEST OF OVERPRICED HAMPTONS!

The New Harbor Market!

Hi all, just remember Hamptons Chatter is not a daily, a weekly or any other type of regular anything.  I also refuse to take any sort of literary Metamucil!   I only speak when I feel inspired to speak, when the muses have touched me or when something around town really pisses me off.    So guess what? The muses haven’t touched me but I am a little…. wait no negativity here either.   I need to breathe.   Hmm.   OK now for the not angry edition of Hamptons Chatter or as Curbed.com editors have been known to call this “HC.”    I can live with that… HC!

Well, I finally had the chance to go the new Harbor Market and Kitchen in Sag Harbor to see if all the fuss and arguing was worth it.  Well, here I am to tell you it was much ado about nothing!   The place looks fantastic, beautiful barn doors, cedar shingles and the whole exterior of the place is totally in keeping in with the neighborhood aesthetic.     The food by the way, is also pretty good especially the pizzas but only order when you’re not in a hurry.   As for the much feared industrial sounds coming from the roof and the awful unattractive roof…. well it’s pretty damn quiet and its way more attractive than that house on 114 that looks like it’s being built for the Munsters or the hideous colors radiating from Yummilicious!   Not that I don’t love Yummilicious.

I don’t know the owners of the market but I can tell you they’ve had their hands full battling to open the market… remember this is the same street where panties were twisted over a huge pair of legs…. but there efforts have paid off.    The interior is beautiful and the sandwiches, salads and the macaroni and cheese are pretty good too!    So go, check it out and decide for yourself…. and decide if the world really changed that much on Henry Street!?

But you know different things find different things offensive.     What do I find offensive??????   Some of the prices we are forced to pay here around town in the Hamptons!  Here is my brief list of some of the worst offenders.  Now remember, I don’t mind paying big bucks for the guacamole at Round Swamp Farm because it’s amazing.   What I do resent is mediocre products at premium prices. But remember, this is not an angry blog.  I’m staying positive.   So here are some of the most positively overpriced items I can think of on the East End…. 2015 Edition!

No supersizing here – Sanscerre that is Sen-sationally expensive!!

Sen Restaurant – This Sag Harbor establishment is always packed and I get it.   The food is good but a dinner for two with a few glasses of wine and some sushi shouldn’t cost nearly $300 bucks!    Well, part of it might have been the very stingy pours of Sancerre wine, I’m convinced that I the owner or manager was inspecting before going to the waiting tables.  REALLY? It’s a $14 dollar glass of wine… you’re not going to lose money if they give some lucky diner an extra ouce!    It will be a long time before I go to Sen again, instead I’ll head to Zokkon in East Hampton which is a fraction of the cost and just as good.   It’s also never packed there…. but it should be… great food and friendly prices!

Any Taxi in the Hamptons – I recently went from the Hampton Jitney to BMW in Southampton.   How far was that?  What 300 yards?!  It cost me nearly $20 dollars because it was a flat rate. Apparently that is for all cabs across the board… or so I’m told   Now before you all go saying I’m lazy and should have walked, I had a ton of luggage.   But really… $20?!  I could have taken a cab from the Upper East Side to Midtown for less.   But hey, it’s the Hamptons where some take the motto “if you have to ask the price then you shouldn’t be here!”

Babette’s East Hampton –  How much would you pay for a Western Omelette?     How about $18.95 at this Village eatery.   There really isn’t much to say here… I mean it’s an omelette!    Instead of getting eggs here, how about getting the same dish at Princess Diner for $9.95.   By the way, what’s with the .95 cents, is it some sort of weird egg law or tax?   For crying out loud people, say what it is for real;  $10 and $19.

East Hampton and Southampton Parking Tickets – Go to the beach without a permit or park on one of the lanes and you’re going to get slapped with a $150 parking ticket.   Yup, that’s like getting two California Rolls and a glass of wine at a certain restaurant!  By the way, don’t try messing with any of the brownies – the kids that write the tickets… nothing to do with Tate’s or Round Swamp Brownies…. wait I’m hungry!   OH, don’t mess with the kids writing tickets in any of the villages, they may be taking their SAT’s in the fall but these kids do not fool around!

Well, I’m back to pure happy thoughts now!    So I’m done writing.