What’s New in the Hamptons Hood ’14… or What Happened While You Spent The Winter with People!

It has nothing to do with Nixon or Kung Fu pandadiplomacy.com

While the folks over at Curbed Hamptons talk about all the new restaurants this year, I decided to go a different direction and talk about all the other stuff!     Which calls to mind, I once had a very successful client in my car some time back talking about all things Hamptons.  As we drove by the East Hampton movie theatre he asked me, “Kung Fu Panda’, what’s that about?”   Really?  He wasn’t kidding. Isn’t it obvious that its a morality tale about a poor tailor and his struggle with alcoholism set in pre war Europe! UH… Kidding!  It’s a frigging cartoon about a Panda that knows Kung Fu!   So, that being said, I wonder what they’re going to think when they drive by Panda Diplomacy in Water Mill!   website.  It’ looks pretty cool and I have no doubt it’s what everyone will be wearing at The American Hotel this summer!  Ok, well maybe not there.  The wax museum has it’s own separate dress code.  Well, for those of you that don’t know it’s a surfing apparel, boards and accessories store.   Located at 760 Montauk Highway in Water Mill, better known as the shopping center where there used to be Blockbuster-Citarella-Water Mill Cupcake-Avanti-Subway-Foodies and the soon to be opened West Elm Shopping Center.    If you want more info on surfing pandas, check out the

Citarella has hit Southampton!   While it’s not a “full fledged” supermarket according to sources.   It is no doubt a welcome addition to a town that has the second worst supermarket in the Hamptons Walbaum’s which only comes after Walbaum’s in East Hampton.  The store got approved earlier this
month by the Southampton Village Planning board and quickly settled into their Hampton Street location.   While some locals have voiced their concern over the potential parking problems let me accentuate the positive, THEY HAVE FRESH FOOD!

Another newcomer is located on Main St. in Bridgehampton and it’s called BLOW.  No, it’s not that kind of place!  Get your minds out of the gutter people… this isn’t Nevada!  It’s a hair salon that’s specializing in blow outs for ladies and the occasional puffy haired gentleman about to kick up their heels at the given Hamptons benefit!    If you want more information on getting glamours you can check out their website here!    If you want the other kind you need to get on a plane and head to Vegas or perhaps Amsterdam (ohhhh Amsterdam… more on that later… apparently the Dutch love the Hamptons).

If you’re like me one of the greatest things about living out east is not the surf, the beaches, world class boating, golf or even the lack of good cell phone reception.   It’s the fact we have some of the best damn food anywhere.  One of those that has a reputation of being the best of the best is Tate’s Bakery and now they’re selling their White Chocolate Macadamia cookies among other masterpieces out of the Red Horse Market in East Hampton.  But if you’re worried about your waistline  don’t fret, the cookies are sugar, fat, calorie and dairy free…. NOT… if you have to read the calorie label, move on!   I have not doubt there is like 12 pounds of butter in each cookie but damn, they’re awesome!   They make great chipwiches too… just in case you need more calories!


But if you’re worried about calories and such silliness, fear not Barry’s Bootcamp is opening a new outlet in Amagansett this summer.    Yes, the home of sadistic (IMHO) workouts that burn tons of calories!  According to Racked.com  the location will feature healthy to go meals from Hu Kitchen.      Great news but I’ll pass on the meals, there’s a coconut cupcake (from Mary’s) with my name on it!  The gym is located at 199 Montauk Highway, right behind Mary’s Marvelous!   Did I mention Mary’s coconut cupcake?  It’s another Hamptons masterpiece and makes a great reward for just doing one of their  before I do one of their infamous 1000 calorie burning classes. UGH!

Finally one more thing new in the Hamptons this summer!  A deadly new tick born disease!  Goody!  I’m not going to bore or kill the mood by writing about it.  If you’re curious let the kill joys at CBS News do it for you here.    In the meantime, i’m going to get some new panda surf clothes and eat my cookies and cupcakes in peace!

Random Musings Vol 1. .. Cinco De Mayo, Subway and A Senior Project Sells in East Hampton!

Sometimes,  there’s a lot going on in the Hamptons.   This week is no exception.   So rather than try to write stuff and link it together for a blog… not that I ever really write anything coherently…. I’m just going to throw stuff out there and here it is… oh and Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone!

Speaking of Mexican…  Sabrosa Grill is opening in Water Mill next to the Hess Station.  Let the battle of the burritos begin.     While I don’t think Sabrosa will require you to microwave your own
meal, I still have high hopes for their food.    It’s apparently a chain like Chipotle and it’s headquartered in Lancaster, PA.  Everyone knows the Amish are experts in Mexican cuisine.   Check out their website here. 

Size didn’t matter to Hamptonites!

A $5 Footlong Fiasco – Subway in Water Mill is no more…. it recently closed it’s doors at the most cursed location on the East End.   You know the one where there was once a Citarella, Blockbuster, Video, Water Mill Cupcake, Foody’s, Avanti and Muse among others. Apparently nobody cares about size in the Hamptons…. LOL! NOT!I don’t normally stop and take photos but this scene on the corner of Stephen Hands Path and 114 in East Hampton just jumped out at me.    What do you think this picture is saying?

Patriotic decorating in the Hamptons!


An innovative high school design!

Lisa Perry’s never ending senior high school home economics project is coming to East Hampton.   I guess if anyone has enough money they can take liberties with the word “style.” This beautiful ditty to the left which just screams fashion sense is now available on E-bay!  No, YOU have to pay THEM!

They go lightly in the night!

Speaking of style… somewhere the stylish Audrey Hepburn is shedding a tear.   The Tiffany and Company on Main Street is no more!  Apparently they went lightly one night a few weeks ago. Sadly, there will be no Breakfast at Tiffany’s in the Hamptons you’ll instead how to go to London Jewelers … “Breakfast at London Jewelers”… hmmmmmm…. not as catchy!
Moon river and me…………….

Finally, is it just me but does driving along Route 27 feel a lot like playing the old video game Frogger?!   Maybe we can make this into an actual game avoid a big hole and get 100 points…  medium 50  points… small 10!?

Come on Baby Light My Fire!!! Warm Ideas for a Very Cold Day!

With Valentine’s day right around the corner and the 12″ of snow on the ground I know a lot of you are thinking about a nice romantic evening with a glass of wine….. or 6…. in front of a roaring fire!    So are there any good spots for that romantic dinner before dipping into the champagne glass tub (you know what I’m talking about) without heading to the Poconos?    Yes, there are my friends and I’m here to tell you more!

First up… The American Hotel, Sag Harbor. –    The Hotel has a big huge hearth and a style from an era gone by…. and I’m not talking about the clientele.   Big fluffy chairs a warm wooden bar and some nice dark lightening that would make Joan Rivers look like Kate Upton…. or at least Florence Henderson.   It’s the perfect date night location with a solid menu, great service and dim flickering lights that are going to make you look good!

Hey baby, am I making you hot?  At  EH GRILL.

1770 House, East Hampton.   –  I  love this place but I’m particularly fond of eating in the basement.  Its far less formal than the main dining room and they have the rustic brick walls, gas fireplace and some of the best meat loaf I’ve ever had!     Be sure to make a reservation if you want to eat downstairs, it’s now more popular than ever before.     A nice relaxing place to spend your Valentines Day.

East Hampton Grill, East Hampton. –  Where did you think the EH Grill would be, Quogue!?   A great
bar scene, great food, a huge fireplace and some of the fastest service on the East End.  So, why is fast service so important?   Well if you’re looking to get lucky that night, who has time for a 5 hour dinner!?!?

Robert’s, Water Mill.   –  If one of you is from Southampton and the other is from East Hampton, this is the perfect place.   My favorite dish there is the “penne bolognese”… but I can’t eat that anymore. Summer is around the corner…. oh hell i’ll order it anyway.   Featuring a great menu, great service, a really extensive wine list and a toasty gas fireplace, Robert’s is a great place for a little smooching.

There are two more I want to mention but I’m running out of space.  Red Bar in Southampton is another great location for a romantic evening, featuring it’s great open space and plenty of candle light.   Also, Race Lane in East Hampton…. Big sofas in front of a fireplace… enough said.

Finally for those desiring something a little off the beaten Hamptons path, may I suggest going to Riverhead.   No, I won’t suggest going to the only waterfront McDonald’s with boat slips in the country (trivia fact.. check it out) but rather one of the most innovative and different restaurants I’ve experienced in a long time.   THE RIVERHEAD PROJECT or RHP is located at 300 E. Main St., Riverhead and in addition to the chic decor, diverse menue and great service there are some out of the box events like “The Wine Project” … with a sommolier supervised wine pairing dinner and “The Movie Project”… which is…. well you get it.  Go to their website for more information.   It’s fun stuff!  Recently, I had the chance to talk with owner Dennis McDermott (formerly of The Frisky Oyster in Greenport ) and chef Lia Fallon about what makes RHP so unique.


The Evil that is Pumpkin Town….the Benefits of Solar Power…. and This “Cidiot” Wants His Money Back!!!!!

It’s that time of year again… the crowds are gone, the water is warm and the parents of young ones are being tortured into stopping by Pumpkin Town on Rt. 27!    Yes, the venerable Water Mill attraction is back for another season of traffic jams, expensive cider and even more expensive pumpkins.   Now, I’ve got to be honest I’ve never gone to Pumpkin Town.   All of the information I’m conveying is second hand, so I don’t know if the rumors of that big new red barn are true.   I’ve heard many theories about the red barn ranging from they’re selling Halloween masks that are electronically turning children  into zombies… a la Halloween 3: Season of the Witch… to an overpriced food court.   I’m guessing both are pretty strong possibilities!     So there is my warning to the unsuspecting parent.   Luckily for everyone, it’s only for another 30 days.

Meanwhile, it seems more and more home owners are weighing the option of adding solar power to help fill their power needs.    Recently I gathered some “solar experts” to discuss the benefits, costs and benefits of upgrading a home with this green technology.    It’s just a basic overview but it’s full of tidbits that I think make a great introduction to solar power.


Finally… I’m getting tired of these “Cidiots Go Home” postings.    I find it offensive!!!   My main complaint is the penmanship  is horrible!  You would think that all of the tax money these “cidiots” pay that the local schools would teach their students how to write!  Hello, haven’t they heard of the Palmer Method?  Now since, I more or less consider myself a cidiot, I want my tax money back!