JANUARY IS THE CRUELEST MONTH!

T.S. Eliot once said, “April is the cruelest month.”   Well, let me just say anyone who was willing to write the lyrics for that awful Andrew Lloyd Webber musical gets no respect from me!   The Hamptons in January is truly the cruelest month!  Case I point, today I went to a home inspection and there was no heat.    The homeowner had winterized the property and it was a 20 degrees INSIDE!     Yeah, Hamptons real estate is so glamorous!     My feet are still numb, but I guess it’s better than working in a coal mine or being a food critic in Des Moines.

 

Anyway, all things considered the Hamptons are not a bad place to be even when it’s 5 degrees outside.     So, here they are in no particular order a few fun INDOOR things to do when the forecast has more negatives than a yelp review for a Cracker Barrel restaurant.

 

Montauk Salt Cave

The Montauk Salt Cave – Imagine sitting comfortably in a nice heated room as you breath in Himalayan salt infused air.    It’s like going to the beach but without a village parking sticker.    According to the company website, the cave helps revitalizes ones respiratory tract with lungs and nasal passages cleared from pollens, inflammations and other pollutants.  This is particularly handy if you’ve recently been spending anytime on Main St. Amagansett.   The cave has various scheduled sessions that included everything from guided mediations to reiki healing.    Locals secret:  Take a look on Groupon where the session are often offered at a steep discount.  For more information click HERE.

 

Photo: The Clubhouse East Hampton

The Fieldhouse East Hampton – If you haven’t gone yet you should.   Located on Daniels Hole Rd. in E. Hampton, this entertainment center has something for everyone.    There’s an arcade for the kids, bowling for the families, bocci balland corn hole for the millennials and a bar/restaurant with full a menu for people like me.    They also have a mini golf course but I don’t think that’s in the cards when it’s this cold.   Long needed on the east end, the Fieldhouse is perfect for everyone.  It’s especially great for parents who want to ignore their children with a cocktail as the little ones play games, win points and hopefully buy a prize.   If you want more information check out the website HERE.  Local secret:  Check out their Facebook page for special events and discounts.

 

 

The Spa at Gurney’s – Book a massage or treatment at the Seawater Spa then for a small facilities fee of $30 take a dip in the salt water pool, sweat in the sauna or sweat it out in the Swedish steam room.   The best part of the deal is actually swimming in the pool while overlooking the sand and surf through the expansive wall of glass doors.     Follow it up with a glass of wine and lunch at Tillie’s café.   Although last time I was there I got in trouble for trying to eat my tuna salad sandwich in the pool, so I don’t advise.    For more information you can click HERE.    Local secret:  Memberships are available for access to the fitness club and spa areas.

 

The Parish Art Museum – It’s indoors.  It has art.  I never took an art history class so it’s pointless for me to elaborate.   There are no dogs playing poker, toreadors on velvet or cats hanging onto bars so I’m lost.   I will say people seem to enjoy it and find it EDUCATIONAL.   For the latest exhibitions and hours click HERE.

 

So, there you go!  I know!  You’re welcome!  You don’t have to sit on the sofa binge watching Netflix the entire month.    There are actually things you can do INDOORS that are a little out of the normal routine.    Now, excuse me while I book my flight on Southwest.

 

Are Rich People trying to Impersonate Me?! I Smell a Scam in East Hampton!

What can I say, it’s been busy in the Hamptons lately and this weekend will be no exception, even in the middle of WINTER!   Yes, WINTER… the Winter Warlock is working overtime this weekend; there’s snow, the winter Olympics .. very little day light….
Winter Winter Everywhere!

and Sag Harbor hosts it’s Third Annual Harborfrost.    It’s relatively new tradition with fireworks, parties, art exhibits and the locals coming out of hiding to celebrate all things cold and frosty.  But if you really want to know what Harborfrost is really like, let me quote what a friend of mine calls it, “Spring training for St. Patrick’s day in Montauk.”   Anyway, here is the schedule and web site for HarborFrost 2014!   Go have fun people and be safe!  Also, take heart, EH Village beach passes are now on sale!  Winter will soon be a thing of the past like “Beliebers.”

Meanwhile, It’s been a weird couple of days.   First, there was the angry man calling from “Microsoft” who wanted me to give him access to my computer, apparently there getting error message from my “windows computer.”  As he demands,  “Push the Microsoft Flag key and control,” I inquire who exactly he wants to speak to… I mean he has my computer registered in his files, right?    Once again he demands I listen to him but he still doesn’t know my name!  If you’re really interested, google it apparently it’s a common scam.  I actually find these scammers kind of fun to tease, I’m lonely!

Then I got an e mail from someone saying, “I hope you don’t mind me e mailing you at this address?   I googled real estate, hamptons and Patrick and I found your business contacts.    Apparently the e mail we’ve been communicating on has been redacted!”  REDACTED?   I had to look that word up to find out it basically means deleted.
After I emailed saying, “refresh my memory, what were we talking about?”   The nice gentleman figured out he had been had.     Apparently some clown from god knows where took my photo and my name and proceeded to list a summer rental on Air BNB for a home on Lily Pond Lane, East Hampton!!!   Now call me wacky but do you really think anyone who has an oceanfront on Lily Pond lane is going to list on Air Bnb?    Is Jon Bon Jovi or Martha Stewart perhaps impersonating me on the
The Air BNB ad , I didn’t place!!!

Interwebs?  What, can’t they just send unwanted pizzas or ring the doorball and run away to the neighbors they don’t like?!   I mean this is crazy!!!  Anyway, the nice people at Airbnb.com caught this before me and the ad was taken down.   But how weird is this   (See it below).    So buyer… or renter beware when you’re surfing online!     This is almost as weird as when Amex asked me if I bought 10 cases of horse feed in Kentucky!   Besides if you’re going to steal anyones identity… I mean really… you couldn’t pick someone more glamorous than me!?
Also, don’t mind if I rub this in… DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME FOLKS USE A BROKER OR AGENT!

Take a hike!!! It’s actually a glorious day… something to do for a change!

So the temperature in the Hamptons is relatively warm. Well not 80 degrees warm but high 40’s. Hey it’s not all that bad! If you missed the Polar Bear Plunge a few weeks ago, you still have a great opportunity to get outdoors today and have some fun. My suggestion today is go hang out with a Seal. No, not the singer. The animal.. or mammal… or whatever… this isn’t 5th grade science class people this is LIFE… and I have no idea what they are. But I do know they’re cute. Are they friendly? Well you got me on that one too, although i do hear they’re good conversationalists but you can’t believe a word they say. Everyone knows seals are b.s. artists!

Anyway, hop in the car and head to Montauk. It’s time for the annual seal migration and the best place to see them hanging out is The Montauk State Park seal haulout site. It’s easy to get to but you have to go during low tide. Seals love low tide apparently, who knew!?!? Check the tide tables for a low tide at Montauk Point’s north side. Then check the weather forecast for wind strength and direction; avoid anything too severe unless it’s from the southwest, south or southeast… I have no idea why.

The best access is to park at the south end of Camp Hero Road (near the Point Woods Trailhead), walk across the highway (Route 27) and head north on the well marked “Seal Haulout Trail.” In less than a mile you will reach the low bluff overlooking Block Island Sound and a view of all of the glacial boulders that comprise the playground on which the seals bask.

Although seals can rest, and even sleep, in the water, basking behavior is an important energy conservation strategy. If you want a guided tour check out the COASTAL RESEARCH AND EDUCATION SOCIETY OF LONG ISLAND INC.’S website. They frequently run tours in Montauk and in Westhampton.

http://www.cresli.org/cresli/seals/sealpage.html

They also have some tips on seal behavior and other stuff. Have a great weekend everyone!

It’s time to get your Hamill Camel on!!!

HOT TIMES KEEPING COOL WITH THE TRENDY OF EAST HAMPTON!!!

For better or worse… it’s winter in the Hamptons so you might as well make the most of it. This weekend, ice skating returns to Buckskill Tennis Club or as it’s known in the winter BUCKSKILL WINTER CLUB. While some egg heads in the Hamptons may choose to muse about Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s “One Hundred Years of Solitude” while penning the details about the BUCKSKILL SKATING RINK – I kid you not… check this link…

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/10/business/10pursuits.html

I will merely proceed with the bare bones facts!! The rink operates during daylight hours (they used to do night skating but cranky neighbors complained). The NHL sized rink opens around 7:30 am for open skating closes around 9 am for special events (Hockey, lessons, etc.) and reopens in the afternoon til about 5:30pm.

The rink has it’s own Zamboni machine to keep the ice clear and smooth. There’s also an outdoor fire pit and a concession stand serving hot chocolate and other refreshments. The cost for Children is $8. on weekdays and $12 on weekends and $12 and $18 for adults. Skates are also available for rent $3 for kids $5 for adults. All in all, it’s not too expensive and a heck of a lot more fun than skating on the unsalted sidewalks in front of Walbaums or sliding in the greasy parking lot!

For more details you can also call 631-324-2243. There were rumors that Sag Harbor was also trying to do a rink on the wharf but apparently we were SAVED by a certain organization.