Sorry, I haven’t been around lately. I was busy doing this and doing that and I had a house full of Canadian Guests!!! They fly south every summer and stay for a weekend and usually bring good gifts… much easier than Canadian Geese!
Anyway, I’ve been talking to a few friends and myself included and here are a few rental stories from the war zone!
A couple has rented a 10,000 square foot house south of the highway called the land lord and started berating him!! Why?!?! Because there was NO TOASTER! Let’s just put it this way, the rental was well over $100k for A MONTH… and they’re pissed about a toaster!!! When my friend the landlord stated that indeed there was a toaster over in the kitchen, the horrified response from the renter was “Are you kidding, EVERYONE knows there’s a difference in how toast tastes from a toaster oven!”
Hmmmmmm… ok. On to the next. Things are a little slow in the purchase department lately although it IS picking up. None the less, some top agents are still taking out folks looking to rent…even short term. I recently had one who was looking at rentals up to $80,000 for July and August. When they finally found a house, where do you think they came in at?! Yup, $25,000! The landlord was gracious and declined the blue light special to his house. His comment, “I won’t travel and I’ll just stay home.”
Another story from the NW Woods where a house was infested with wood ants. Just imagine the horror of the agent who showed the house which was asking for $18,000 for the month of August, only to find piles of wood shavings all over the house and on top of mirrors and dressers (apparently that’s what happens with wood ants. When the agent apologized for showing the house in the current condition, the potential renters said, “I’ll take it but I want a bigger discount!”
A story from East Hampton, a tenant rents a house with a heated pool. The pool is heated by propane which comes in tanks and is delivered on an automatic basis. Well as everyone knows the weather has been a bit chilly lately. Well guess what happens when you run your pool gas heater all week?! It runs out of gas!!! Now the tenant who calls on Saturday is angry because she has a pool party for her 7 year old on Sunday afternoon…and the kids will have to swim in a cold pool! “You need to do something,” she yells at the landlord. Who actually can’t do anything… as anyone who has ever called Pulver gas on a Saturday afternoon can tell you! Anyway, enough for today, I have to get back to work. I promise I’m back!!
My apologies. I was out of town and I in my infinite wisdom forgot the power cord to my laptop. That of course meant … NO BLOGGING! I hope at least somebody missed me. So where was I? I had the joy of visiting Saugatuck Michigan. I was kind of freaked out actually, the people there were actually friendly and said “thank you, good morning and excuse me.” It was JUST like Citarella on Saturday afternoon!!! hahahahahhahahhahha!
Enough about Michigan…. One quick thing about the Hamptons. If you didn’t know head to Southampton next to the Elks Lodge! For the month of July, the Southampton Chamber of Commerce will host two Drive-In Movie Nights at the Southampton Elks property. On Tuesday, July 7, the Dreamworks animated film “Bee Movie” will play on the big screen. On Thursday, July 23, the movie choice will also be another Dreamworks animated feature, “Madagascar Escape 2 Africa.” The cost is about $40 per carload. Call the Southampton Chamber of commerce for details and tickets. 631-283-0402. COME ON… when was the last time YOU went to a drive in movie!!? Go!!!
(getting ready for action and a donut!)
What does it say: If it’s on a Friday or Saturday night.. it means they have connections. They’re also not short on cash and willing to go head to head with some of the biggest attitudes in the Hamptons. If they order the zucchini chips (at N&T) or onion rings (Palm) they’re daring… not afraid of calories because they’ll be at the gym in the morning. It also says, they really know the menu. If one of the hostesses or maitre d’s say “hello,” you know they’re doing well because they obviously slipped one of them a few buck$ for Christmas. They deserve a least a second date or to go a few bases. If you’re date is on a Sunday or prixe-fixe night, it’s up to your discretion.
What does it say: Chances are your date is a summer renter here in the Hamptons. They’re still new to the scene so if you’re waiting for that invitation to Jerry Seinfeld’s residence forget it. If this is a first date, finish the evening and change your cell number. You can do better.
What does it say: Your date obviously knows some of the hidden treasures of the Hamptons. It also says, they’re willing to go to a quiet place and they’re not afraid to hold a conversation with you. They’re smart and into the finer things in life. Confident and not afraid to spend a little extra for something special. Now, I want to be clear we’re talking about the upstairs restaurant here… if you end up in the downstairs pub it only says one thing to me; THEY’RE MARRIED!
What does it say: If it’s Friday night and he’s taking you to Almond, he’s gay! If you already knew he was gay… then just enjoy he probably knows a lot of people.
What does it say: People go to Cyril’s for one reason to drink. Odds are your date just got out of rehab or is probably fresh from the daily Montauk AA meeting. I would also be suspect of everyone your date just said hello to, odds are they’re tomorrow’s date! If you drove separately (hopefully you did) pretend to get a text message and leave immediately to deal with a “personal issue.”