When I was younger, I once asked my mother about one of my friends who always bragged about the money his family had. She told me, “real money whispers, it doesn’t scream.” Hmmmmm….. “does that mean we have money?” She then laughed and said “hardly.” Anyway, I kind of feel the same way about a lot of things. I don’t trust the guy who always claims he’s “honest” and I don’t believe the person who brags about their social status.
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| If you booked it 20 minutes ago, you’re A List! |
That being said, It was the late 80’s and I was living in NYC having fun, care free, poor and young. I had no clue about how some people view the world. So, it was a shock to me when one of my close friends at the time announced to me he no longer wished to hang the same haunts with me anymore because, “there are no “A” list people in this crowd.” OK! Who knew New Orleans (where this person lived before NY) was a training ground for New York’s elite. Silly me. Well low and behold that same person is here in the Hamptons and no doubt glomming where ever there is glomming to be done! So that had me thinking. How do you really know if you’re on the “A” list in the Hamptons? After consulting with some of my fave’ Hamptons Chatter consultants I came up with the following quiz to help folks know where they rank in the hierarchy! So take the quiz if you dare! I’ll let you know how you did at the end!
Question 1: It’s a Saturday night in July and you have 2 house guests. There are 4 of you total and you all decide at the last minute to go out to dinner. Do you…
A) Not sweat it, there are like 5 restaurants you can call who will sneak you in!
B) Run over a few minutes early and hope they remember you and get you to the top of the list.
C) Go to the restaurant of choice and put your name on the list and wait.
D) Suggest the Princess Diner.
E) Burger bites to go from the Hess station in Wainscott.
Question 2: When it comes to getting a beach sticker, you….
A) Ask “what’s a beach sticker? I just walk out my door! ”
B) Get a new one and put it on your “beach car” next to the past 5 years of stickers!
C) Don’t need one, we bike!
D) Convince everyone Mastic-Shirley is still the Hamptons and hop in the car!
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| Yeah, Mariska is A list! |
Question 3: When discussing Hamptons Magazine or Dan’s, you remind everyone…
A) “I’ve been on the cover.” (or in the case of Dan’s painted the cover)
B) “Been profiled and or been on the “list” more than once!”
C) you were once in party picture, because you “photo bombed Alec Baldwin.”
D) you’ve “never been in Hamptons or Dan’s” but you’re a “regular in the Press police blotter.”
Question 4: Location is everything and your home is …
A) South of the Highway and super close to the beach.
B) Village/Village Fringe and definitely a good hood.
C) A 30 minute drive to town away from it all but really we don’t mind.
D) Can’t really say, they make us move the trailer every two weeks.
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| A “C” list event! |
Question 5: My typical Summer Saturday night consists of…
A) Inviting everyone to a fabulous benefit and I’m on the host committee.
B) Going to a fabulous benefit and my friend is on the host committee.
C) Hiding a bottle of booze, grabbing dinner from Citarella and heading to a beach.
D) Going to a dinner followed by Kareoke at my real estate agent’s house.
E) I desperately remain at home, inventing lovers on the phone.
Question 6: How would you best describe the interior of your home?
A) I had a fabulous up and coming designer create a unique style.
B) I had a fabulous up and coming designer help me from DWR/Restoration Hardware.
C) I had a fabulous up and coming designer from Home Goods in Riverhead.
D) I had a fabulous up and coming designer help me who was institutionalized in ’73.
E) I had my mother give me her old furniture.
Question 7: In the Hamptons being spotted with a celebrity is social gold! Would you say you hang with…
A) Madge, Jerry, J-Lo and we rotate hosting!
B) My friend who won a Emmy/Grammy or Tony back in the 80’s/90’s!
C) My friend who was a Real Housewife!
D) Khloe and Kourtney … in fact, I found them their store location!
E) My friend who was a guest on Jerry Springer! But the kid wasn’t his.
Question 8: When traveling to the East End in the summer do you…
Dan’s your gateway to A- List!
A) Stay put at the beach till Labor Day.
B) Have your driver take the back roads on Thursdays and Tuesdays.
C) Take the Ambassador or Luxury Liner.
D) Take the NJ Transit Casino bus to AC with the $15 in free quarters.
Question 9: One institution in the Hamptons is Murph’s Tavern in Sag Harbor. You ….
A) have been a few times with the nanny or tennis instructor so don’t tell my spouse.
B) Remark, “That bar on 114, I went a few times.”
C) Get your mail delivered there!
D) Sniff “Never, someone might see me!”
Question 10: A topic of conversation at dinner is …
A) The difficulty in finding a good personal chef!
B) The difficulty in finding a good caterer!
C) The difficulty in finding good take out food!
D) The A****** on the “B” weekend who keeps stealing your booze out of the refrigerator!
So here’s the key…. A answers are worth 10 points. B- 8 Points C- 7 Points D-6 points
E – minus one point and if none of the answers apply 7.5 points. Now grade yourself like you were back in High School! If you scored…
90-100 –YOU ARE “A” LIST!!! You are Hamptons Royalty and probably shouldn’t be reading this blog. Trust me it’s beneath you.
80-89– You are definitely B-List. I scored an 80 so I made B-List by the hair of my chinny chin chin! So there you have it my friend had every right to dump me! I’m soooo not A-List!
70-79 You are on the C list but loving life and I want to hang with you!
69 and below Can I recommend Wildwood Crest or Seaside Heights?
FINAL SCORING: Minus 90 points if you took this quiz seriously you loser! Otherwise, let me know how you did! Post away!
What does it say: If it’s on a Friday or Saturday night.. it means they have connections. They’re also not short on cash and willing to go head to head with some of the biggest attitudes in the Hamptons. If they order the zucchini chips (at N&T) or onion rings (Palm) they’re daring… not afraid of calories because they’ll be at the gym in the morning. It also says, they really know the menu. If one of the hostesses or maitre d’s say “hello,” you know they’re doing well because they obviously slipped one of them a few buck$ for Christmas. They deserve a least a second date or to go a few bases. If you’re date is on a Sunday or prixe-fixe night, it’s up to your discretion.
What does it say: Chances are your date is a summer renter here in the Hamptons. They’re still new to the scene so if you’re waiting for that invitation to Jerry Seinfeld’s residence forget it. If this is a first date, finish the evening and change your cell number. You can do better.
What does it say: Your date obviously knows some of the hidden treasures of the Hamptons. It also says, they’re willing to go to a quiet place and they’re not afraid to hold a conversation with you. They’re smart and into the finer things in life. Confident and not afraid to spend a little extra for something special. Now, I want to be clear we’re talking about the upstairs restaurant here… if you end up in the downstairs pub it only says one thing to me; THEY’RE MARRIED!
What does it say: If it’s Friday night and he’s taking you to Almond, he’s gay! If you already knew he was gay… then just enjoy he probably knows a lot of people.
What does it say: People go to Cyril’s for one reason to drink. Odds are your date just got out of rehab or is probably fresh from the daily Montauk AA meeting. I would also be suspect of everyone your date just said hello to, odds are they’re tomorrow’s date! If you drove separately (hopefully you did) pretend to get a text message and leave immediately to deal with a “personal issue.”