the palm

Just imagine Edward Everett Horton announcing; Friday Night Food Fever or Might I Munch at Midnight???

Yeah, Yeah, I know traffic sucked you didn’t have time to stop for dinner and you’re pulling into Southampton and you’re really really hungry. What to do?! Well, you can stop at BK or Mickey D’s but you’ll regret it later. Here’s my quick guide to what’s open til when along 27!

Roberts in Water Mill open til 10 pm. I love this place. My favorite dish is the Free-Range Organic” Chicken w/ Fresh Herbs & Gorgonzola Polenta for $32.00! A little more formal than Chef Robert Durkin’s Paradise in Sag Harbor with a warm in intimate atmosphere.

Almond is more casual and on Friday night is a little congested. If you’re comfortable in a Chelsea restaurant on Saturday night then you’ll be find here. Almond is open til Midnight on Fridays. My favorite thing on the menu is the Roast Chicken..it’s a classic! Yes, I order chicken most of the time! And as if nobody knew this… a single gal will meet plenty of single guys there but they’ll be better suited for a partner in “Name that Showtune” than partner in courtship. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

If you want something a little more casual, there’s Bobby Van’s and World Pie in Bridgehampton. Both are open til Midnight and have great bar tenders. So what do you eat at World Pie? Try the Escargo! NOT! It’s the pizza… Duh! As for Bobby Van’s, I suggest the Asian Chicken Salad! Now let’s keep driving down 27….

Ok, I’m getting tired of writing this so here is the rest of 27
Town Line BBQ – 11 pm – the best onion rings!
The Palm – 10:30 or 11ish.. depending
Rowdy Hall – 11pm

But wait… if you’re coming out REAALLY REALLY REALLY LATE… the new and IMPROVED GULF Station in Bridgehampton is my new favorite… hey it’s not BP right?! It has a wide selection of delicacies ranging  are these nut free???? from microwavable burritos to those rotating hot dogs! A big minus in the staffing department. I got a nasty attitude when I asked them about the house specialty. They also couldn’t answer if the premade sandwiches were OK for someone with a nut allergy. I’m sorry, I don’t always carry an Epi pen and need to be cautious with my car passengers!! Overall I give it a C.

3 quick benefits to tell you about! ANN LIGUORI FOUNDATION OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE DINNER DANCE AT DUCK WALK VINEYARDS, WATER MILL. Benefiting American Cancer Society and Healthy Children. The food is provided by OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE (Why they never opened in Southampton is still a mystery to me) Saturday 6:30-11:00 PM. DUCK WALK VINEYARDS. WATER MILL. (917)488-1412 innerview@aol.com.

also Saturday ROCK THE DOCK FOR BAY STREET! AT THE SUMMER GALA BENEFIT BASH at 6:30 PM. Joy Behar of The View and Mario Cantone of Sex and the City 2 are the hosts… I have my earplugs ready! It will be held at the Long Wharf in Sag Harbor. Cocktails, Hors d’oeuvres, Sit-down Dinner, Dancing, Silent Auction events@baystreet.org or 631.725.0818 for info. baystreet.org.

Finally… HSN EVENTS FOR WEEKEND OF JULY 16, 2010

FRIDAY JULY 16, 2010
Hamptons Social Series At Lily Pond Benefiting The Help for Orphans International. Jill Zarin and R.Couri Hay invite you to the third installment of the Hamptons Social Series at Lily Pond to honor the Help for Orphans International on Friday, July 16th. Doors open at 9 p.m. with cocktails followed by a light buffet supper by Philippe at Lily Pond’s new garden patio and a portion of the proceeds from every check will go to Help for Orphans International . For reservations RSVP@hamptonssocialseries.com or visit Hamptonssocialseries.com. Lily Pond, 44 Three Mile Harbor, East Hampton.

SATURDAY, JULY 17, 2010
ANN LIGUORI FOUNDATION OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE DINNER DANCE AT DUCK WALK VINEYARDS, WATER MILL. Benefiting American Cancer Society and Healthy Children, Healthy Futures Romantic weekends away, local and worldwide golf course giveaways, Judith Ripka jewlery, and various sports memorabilia are some of the fabulous items up for auction at this event. It is a great opportunity to get amazing prizes and help a great cause. 6:30-11:00 PM. DUCK WALK VINEYARDS. WATER MILL. (917)488-1412 innerview@aol.com.

ROCK THE DOCK FOR BAY STREET! AT THE SUMMER GALA BENEFIT BASH at 6:30 PM. w/ HOSTS: Joy Behar of The View & Headline News & Mario Cantone of Sex and the City. The Long Wharf in Sag Harbor. Cocktails, Hors d’oeuvres, Sit-down Dinner, Dancing, Silent Auction & Live Music by DJ Tom Finn (“The King of Spin” – Avenue Magazine) and Escola de Samba BOOM! events@baystreet.org or 631.725.0818 for info. baystreet.org.

2nd Annual MARTININS FOR MUTTS! Sat 5 to 8 pm. Cocktails, entertainment, Raffle, Silent Auction at 214 Toppings Path in Sagaponack. A $40 minimum donation in advance or $50 AT the door. RSVP to Michelle@LCARF.org or visit lcarf.org for more info.

Change, Change, Change…. or maybe not and your friend who got a $40,000 oceanfront rental is lying!

I keep hearing everyone talk about how “The Hamptons have changed so much over the past few years.” Well, I beg to differ. I’ve compiled a list of things that are still the same out east. And remember as Carly Simon sang, “these are the good old days.”

The best steak place in town is still The Palm.

Sushi is still free Thursday nights at Bamboo.

The bagels at Hampton Bagels on North Main are still the best.

The staff at Bagel Buoy in Sag Harbor is still nasty.

The American Hotel still has a great Saturday night bar crowd.

The lines at Walbaums in East Hampton are still way too long.

Friday night at Almond is still a bad place for DWF’s to meet SWM’s but hey, it’s still fun!

Howie at Paradise is still the best bar tender.

Driving out on Friday night to the Hamptons can still take almost as much time as flying from NY to LA. Thank god we know Howie!

I’ll still have to wait in line to get into Georgica.

There are still no $40,000 oceanfront summer rentals in Bridgehampton despite what your friend’s friend is saying.

The East Hampton police still hit the beach at 9:01a on weekends to ticket dog owners.

You still need a mortgage to get a lunch at the Golden Pear.

And finally… the donuts at Scoop Du Jour are still just as good as when they were Dresen’s.

So stop your belly aching folks and just enjoy the summer!!!

Finally… If you read this blog than you know about Russell my new terrorist… I mean dog. Anyway, he’s here thanks to the folks at Last Chance Animal Rescue Fund of the Hamptons. Russell is also a big martini drinker so it only makes sense that he and I attend the first annual “Martini’s for Mutts” to benefit the Last Chance Animal Rescue Fund, on Saturday, Aug. 29, from 5 p.m to 8 p.m. Yeah, I’m giving you plenty of advance notice.

Enjoy an evening of poolside cocktails to benefit this most worthy cause at the home of Edward Montak and Michelle Neufeld, at 214 Toppings Path in Sagaponack.

Last Chance Animal Rescue Fund is a charitable, not-for-profit organization, created to save the lives of animals. The organization states “We rescue animals that are located in “KILL” facilities and underwrite the costs of relocating them to “NO KILL” facilities in hopes of finding them a forever family. The minimum donation is $30. RSVP at neufeld.michelle@gmail.com.

http://www.lcarf.org/about.php

Also, look for last years weekly afternoon tea dance to be relocated to Bamboo in East Hampton. Details to come…

Come along hear the song that we’re singing… come on get HAPPY!

It was a beautiful week in the Hamptons but not for humpback whales unfortunately. Anyway, an awesome week and Friday is of course full of rain. What can you do today to put you back in that happy mood??? Why go to a HAPPY HOUR of course. So, if you’re looking for some suggestions here is a really great one!!!

The Palm in East Hampton is having what they call PRIME TIME, weekdays at the bar. While drinks are full priced the appetizers and nibbles are dirt cheap. A platter of KOBE BEEF SLIDERS which are normally $10 are $3.50!!! Yes, $3.50 and no they don’t cheat you out and give you a spa portion! In fact, all of their PRIME BITES MENU is $3.50each! What a deal… Filet Mignon Capri Sandwiches, Calamari Fritti, Mini Broiled Crab Cakes and tons more. It’s totally awesome. If you haven’t been to the bar at The Palm, the bar itself is small but there’s plenty of booths, tables and comfy chairs. The only downside of this is the occasional overbearing scent of cologne or perfume. I’m not sure why Hai Karate and Jean Nate wearers favor The Palm. It’s just one of those eternal mysteries only Leonard Nimoy would dare explore!!

Finally, my last place for a great happy hour is my sofa with a nice glass of anything. OK, maybe not anything… I don’t like Riesling or Sterno! Anyway, have a great Friday night all!!! Hope to see you soon!

IT’S DATE NIGHT IN THE HAMPTONS… AND LOCATION MEANS EVERYTHING!!!

So many of my friends…mostly gay men and women ask me for my impressions on various restaurants and what they mean in the dating sense. Like in the city a friend of mine would call and say, “I’m going on a date tonight… we’re going to Per Se.” I would usually respond to that with “awesome… you got a winner or you found a winner and you’re willing to spend some bucks.” So, in the Hamptons what does it tell you when the person picks the restaurant. TONS! If you read below I’ll answer all your questions. Now remember, this guide and glossary is only good if you’ve been asked to one of these establishments. It’s also a good guide to picking the right location for someone who is truly special.

Restaurant: Nick and Toni’s , The Palm or the American Hotel.

What does it say: If it’s on a Friday or Saturday night.. it means they have connections. They’re also not short on cash and willing to go head to head with some of the biggest attitudes in the Hamptons. If they order the zucchini chips (at N&T) or onion rings (Palm) they’re daring… not afraid of calories because they’ll be at the gym in the morning. It also says, they really know the menu. If one of the hostesses or maitre d’s say “hello,” you know they’re doing well because they obviously slipped one of them a few buck$ for Christmas. They deserve a least a second date or to go a few bases. If you’re date is on a Sunday or prixe-fixe night, it’s up to your discretion.

Underlying issues: My advice would be to avoid any topics or conversations dealing with the following: ex-wives, alimony or investing with Bernie Madoff.

Restaurant: Matto

What does it say: Chances are your date is a summer renter here in the Hamptons. They’re still new to the scene so if you’re waiting for that invitation to Jerry Seinfeld’s residence forget it. If this is a first date, finish the evening and change your cell number. You can do better.

Underlying issues: Avoid topics relating to home ownership in the Hamptons, real estate, St. Barth’s at Christmas and flying coach versus first class.

Restaurant: 1770 House

What does it say: Your date obviously knows some of the hidden treasures of the Hamptons. It also says, they’re willing to go to a quiet place and they’re not afraid to hold a conversation with you. They’re smart and into the finer things in life. Confident and not afraid to spend a little extra for something special. Now, I want to be clear we’re talking about the upstairs restaurant here… if you end up in the downstairs pub it only says one thing to me; THEY’RE MARRIED!

Underlying issues: If your upstairs you can pretty much discuss anything, they obviously are open and willing to talk. If your DOWNSTAIRS avoid discussing wives, mistresses, explaining difficult things to children and commuting to the city from Nassau County.

Restaurant: Almond

What does it say: If it’s Friday night and he’s taking you to Almond, he’s gay! If you already knew he was gay… then just enjoy he probably knows a lot of people.

Underlying issues: If it’s Saturday, I’m not quite sure what to do but I think you’ve done ok. If it’s Friday and your on a hetero date… avoid topics like musicals, football and closets. It will only make you both uncomfortable.

My last note today and probably the most obvious!


Restaurant: Cyril’s

What does it say: People go to Cyril’s for one reason to drink. Odds are your date just got out of rehab or is probably fresh from the daily Montauk AA meeting. I would also be suspect of everyone your date just said hello to, odds are they’re tomorrow’s date! If you drove separately (hopefully you did) pretend to get a text message and leave immediately to deal with a “personal issue.”

Underlying issues: Avoid such topics as binge drinking, rehab, STD’s, sobriety or monogamy!

If today’s blog offends anyone.. I apologize, it was written with a strong sense of humor. But remember, there’s a little bit of truth in every jest!