bridgehampton

A few reasons why you won’t be getting top dollar for your house!

So, the news seems to keep improving for the housing market.  In fact the premier report of the Hamptons market from Miller Samuel and Douglas Elliman (yeah, I’m a little biased but I’m pretty sure Douglas Elliman is the only firm that hires an outside appraiser Jonathan Miller to compile their report ) showed growth for the east end with all indicators pointing to this momentum continuing into 2013.   In fact, it appears to be the best market in about 5 or 6 years.     But even with all of this are you sure you’re still getting top dollar when selling your property?   Well there are a couple of mistakes I see sellers make over and over again and they can be affecting your bottom line.    Hopefully you’ll find my two cents worth more than a couple bucks.

 

A whole site dedicated to bad pics.  courtesy: badmlsphotos.com

1) Lousy photos – remember the old days where real estate agents would have you primp and prime for that public open house.  Well, those open houses are important too but odds are this won’t be the first time the potential buyers will be seeing your house.   Most buyers begin their search on the web and when the photos stink, they’re not even going to take the time to see your house in person.     If your broker or agent isn’t spending the money to have a professional shoot your house, they’re not the agent for you.   It’s amazing to me how some properties even in  the 3, 4, 5 or higher range have photos their agent took with their own digital camera.    If you don’t believe me, go take a look on HREO.COM, some of those photos are just plain bad!

2) Cruddy Curb Appeal – We all know that updated kitchens and bathrooms will do a lot to help sell a house but if front of the house is a mess, odds are potential buyers won’t even take the time to cross the front door.   So, if the paints chipping off the front door , you can easily see the foundation and the ’69 GTO still on cinder blocks in the drive way you may want to reconsider putting your house on the market.

3) Buckets of Clutter – I know you know this and your listing broker probably does too.  So, why not listen to them and get rid of all the extra furniture, nick knacks and the piles of pictures.    If you’re having a hard time separating yourself from some of your beloved possessions try renting a storage space or one of those “PODS,”  and have it take away.

I don’t do previews and I’ll get to you when I do!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

4) The Rock Star Broker – They’re #1 they have 99 listings and they have bigger fish to fry than your “shack”.    Now, don’t get me wrong and it’s not sour grapes, there are some really great top brokers out here.  They have teams and assistants that juggle all of the balls with team work and could cook a souffle at the same time.  The sad truth though is  they’re not as common as you think.   In fact, I hear it over and over again from other agents across the board, “they refused to let me preview” or “they never return my calls.”   Hmmm, even the greenest of agents sometimes hits a home run and sells that zillion dollar property.    It’s simple math, the more people that get easy access to your house the better offer.  If your broker uses the words “I” and “me” too often, that should be your first tip off.

5) Pathetic Pricing – time but they’re not  Don’t make it about you… when you’re pricing your home it’s about the facts and the stats!!!  How much will a qualified buyer be willing to pay for your house.   Buyers don’t care about home much you paid for it or how much money you’ll need to pocket at the end of transaction.  They also don’t care about the custom gilded tub or the fung shui designed rose garden odds are those improvements were done for you and mean little to the potential buyers.  I admit it’s not a science and brokers don’t ever really know at what price a home will sell.  But they should have a good idea based on recent comparable sales and what’s currently on the market.  Remember, sellers typically get the best prices for their property early in the game.  So, price it right from the start and avoid aggravation and frustration.   As I’ve said before,  If you’re friend thinks it’s such a steal at that price, why don’t they buy it??!

Finally, the folks over at Designing the Hamptons have identified the location of this years designer showcase house!!  So, where is it… you have to click on their link to find out.  It’s their scoop and more importantly, I’m so over this designer show houses.    You know it’s been done to death when they start doing these in Hackensack N.J. and they HAVE!!   I’d rather see someone build and decorate a house with stuff on a budget… say … from Sears…or Home Goods now that I’d pay to see…. MOVE THAT BUS!!!

Hamptons Hostility… If you miss the city don’t worry, there are plenty of unfriendly places here too!

I have an old friend named Hope, not that she’s old but I’ve known her forever. Anyway, she used to have this idea that New Yorkers are basically masochistic at heart.  They loved to be abused.  She often toyed with the idea of opening a restaurant named “Insults,”  where diners can come for a good meal and get insulted as they dine.  Now, I personally loved the idea, I knew it would be successful too!  I mean it took the term “home style” to the next level!  It was like a Saturday night at my house growing up!!!

Anyway, this theory explains why some of the most popular places on the East End are some of it’s most unfriendly!  So where, who , why?   Here is my list; THE TOP 5… Hostile Hamptons Hot Spots!!!

Normal people sit over there!   We will ignore you!

1) Navy Beach – Sure the views are great and the crowd is good looking but unless you’re hanging with Giselle or Kate Upton you can forget about getting decent service.   I went a few days ago with some of my middle aged friends, yeah the ones in their early 40’s and late 30’s.  We couldn’t get the waitress’ attention for anything.   The food came out sporadically, some had food others didn’t.  When we asked management, it was brought to our attention that the order was too confusing so it was our fault half of us weren’t being fed!   As for getting a second round of drinks, I would have been better off going to Gossman’s to get them.

2) Citarella East Hampton – “Excuse me mam’ if I could get a half pound of the Alpine Lace Low Fat Swiss.”  “Excuse me.. ?”   “Excuse me mam’?!”  “Can I get… (she cuts me off) “YEAH I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME.”   Charming!  But if only this were an isolated incident.   While the guys in the fish department are actually friendly, it doesn’t make up for the rest of the store.  I guess if you don’t enjoy your job, you’re not exactly smiling to the customers. There must be a lot of unhappy people at Citarella.

3) Goldberg’s Bagels (Southampton) –  To me the Goldberg’s in Southampton is last chance to get a cup of coffee before hitting the highway.  But yet, it’s nothing like going into the Bagdad Cafe.   It’s surly city with an exclamation point!!!   But unlike other establishments,  I know, I actually think I got a handle on why they’re not happy flipping their flagels!     It’s the fear of working too close to 27 and the terror they live with that a speeding BMW may one day careen off the highway and create a drive in window!   Meanwhile, if you go to Goldberg’s in East Hampton, FRIENDLY, FRIENDLY, FRIENDLY.   So I know my 27 theory must be the reason!

GROUND ZERO FOR HOSTILITY!

4) East Hampton Parking lot behind Walbaum’s – I know it’s not me but EVERYONE in that lot is nasty.  Perhaps the fact it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground has something to do with it!   It starts with the aggressive drivers and trickles right down to the overly aggressive “brownies” who are no doubt getting paid in Clearasil.  The biggest mystery to me is how it could be the nicest beach day of the year….  and that lot will still be packed!!!   WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SHOPPING NOW!?!?  Do it in the city, it’s easier!  Perhaps the heart of the unfriendly is the actual Walbaum’s!   Everyone in this place is either annoyed or uninterested!  I never went to a Soviet grocery store during the cold war but I imagine it must have been a lot like this; long lines, hostile help and lousy produce… in my opinion anyway.

5) Pierre’s Cafe Bridgehampton – Do I really need to elaborate? It’s French!  I’m talking about the little walk in place next door to the restaurant.    It’s a little bit of Paris right in the heart of the Hamptons, “you stupid American!”

I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccck! Again. Today’s topic… an unsuspecting, devastating and very stylish looking danger in the Hamptons!!!

So, June was indeed a busy month for me.  But I’m not going to go into that.  I’ve got a few good blog postings in me and I promise I’ll try to get them out soon!  So where to begin?

Innocent looking… yes!?

Well, the thing that came to mind and got me back to my keyboard was a little tidbit that came from a friend who’s a volunteer fireman in Bridgehampton.    While I see many folks out there in the Hamptons pouring into Spanks and hiking the beach in Christian Louboutin’s all for the sake of appearances.  Where am I going with this?  Well, the town of East Hampton just bought matching Moncler outfits for their entire fire department!  Just kidding.   Let me get back to my point that is really actually quite off point.

Well you know those shiny candle lanterns that adorn so many Hamptons landscapes, well apparently they’re  deadly?  Ok, well maybe not deadly but they created a virtual TOWERING INFERNO the other day in Bridgehampton that would do Irwin Allen proud!   Apparently one home owner left one of these stylish and sleek adornments outside during last weeks heat wave.  The problem was the glass on the lantern acted as a sort of magnifying glass and burned a hole right in the side of the unsuspecting homeowners beautiful cedar shake abode!  YIKES!   Talk about a need for some Restoration Hardware… get it?

Finally, a little chuckle from the crazy tenants file!  You know that red switch for the furnace and hot water heater?  Well in some of the older homes, these switches look like something more out of Doctor Frankensteins lab.  I mean Dr. Frankunsteen’s lab.   Anyway, its a bad place for your wife to hang her purse!  Because when you hang a purse on the switch, it goes down and the furnace goes off and you have no hot water.  It’s that simple.  You’re a CEO and you needed me to figure that one out?!  Just saying!