Who said there is no excitement in the Hamptons in the winter. Take the following case of the mischievous Beagle mix known as Russell. This morning as I was finishing my final cup of coffee before heading out the door and emergency arose. NO, it had nothing to do with Ann Currie saying something inane again on the Today show. It involved a loud bark coming from the back yard.
As I went outside, I saw my trusty and well behaved girl Boo digging away at the side of the pool house! What was she doing?? Wait there’s another bark coming from… GASP…. underneath the pool house!!! Oh my god, I had visions of Jo Beth Williams somehow working her way into a TV version of what could be a truly tragic event!!! “BABY JESSICA 2; RUSSELL’S TRAPPED!” The air was filled with tension and suspense. But as often is the case in times of tragedy, the spirit of man causes him to rise to the occasion. WE ARE ALL HEROES DEEP DOWN INSIDE (cue David Bowie song)!
Luckily my trusty house manager Daniel Strohmeir was there with crow bar in hand. If you know me well, you know why I often owe mine, Boo, Peter and Russell’s very survival to Daniel. This morning all of our lives came crashing together in what could have been a tragedy!! In all seriousness for a second, I got scared when the little guy stopped barking for a few minutes. I actually got a shiver thinking what if somehow Russell really got himself hurt down… choking or suffocating! Yikes, maybe I should have called the fire department. I mean they rescue cats out of trees right?!
No, never call the fire department or the police in the Hamptons unless it’s an absolute emergency. Because knowing my luck Russell would pop out the minute I did and I would end up being disgraced in the community fire/police blotter as the neurotic crack pot who called over his dog chasing a rabbit under a pool house. Read the Hamptons police blotters and you learn so much about the community. My favorite of late was the gentleman crackpot on Georgica beach who called 911 after a dog owner forgot to pick up some poop! It’s a true story and no it wasn’t me. I was on a cruise and have proof to back my claims. Now back to the rabbit chasing Russell. Did I say he was chasing a rabbit before?! Well that’s my theory anyway. 
Anyway, after about 90 minutes of tension, tears and fears. Russell was liberated thanks to a quickly kicked and pulled hole in the floor. Russell didn’t say much about his ordeal after the liberation. But I have noticed he’s all of a sudden taken an interest in the New York City Marathon website. Is his surfing of said website an indication he’s planning to run like a certain Chilean Miner next fall! ONLY TIME WILL TELL!! By the way, I think I want Doug Savant to play me in the TV version, don’t you think that’s good casting?! (photo of a concerned Boo, eager to help-she did actually start digging a hole and ripping shingles off the house)
Finally some quick Almond update gossip. Rumors are floating that Eric Lemonides will take almond into… ta dah… BOBBY VANS. While I really doubt that scenerio big time. My bets are going to COPA around the corner. The School Street restaurant has been kind of quiet lately. It’s just my theory anyway!
Finally, here is Russell. He’s my recently adopted BEAGLE/JACK RUSSELL TERRIER mix. He’s apparently got a new hobby. He likes running back and forth over the invisible fence and giving him self a little jolt! I can’t figure it out why he continues to do this! Anyone having any suggestions I’ll be happy to hear them.
So today is now something everyone is calling “CyberMonday.” It’s the day that retailers are promoting as the next best thing for the economy since “Black Friday.” It’s the day where America forgets about heading to the mall and instead logs onto their computers and shops! What a nice thing, right?! No fighting over parking or dealing with store employees who are trying to work scanners or fixing there mistakes as they wait for a manager with a “key!” Instead you just go online click a button and voila! Let’s just hope you don’t have a problem. Everyone keeps talking about scam websites. Also, what if it doesn’t fit or its defective!? Yikes, the next thing you know you’re on the phone with “Tiffany” in Mumbai and the problem just got worse!
One last thing! I saw the new musical WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. It’s been eviscerated by the critics but you know what? It was actually a really enjoyable show! Patti LuPone, Brian Stokes Mitchell and Sheree Renee Scott headline a quirky, ambitious and fun show. I loved the movie version and I think the show, (although the music is lacking) is a worthy follow up. I thought BILLY ELLIOT was awful and it won the TONY! Once again, what do I know.
Ironic, one of my favorite Marx Brothers lines came to mind last night (see today’s headline). But no I didn’t say it! I was enjoying my dinner in the basement of 1770 House last night when a rather loud woman next to me was extolling the virtues of a certain “News” channel. She claimed it was the only one that gave viewers the “whole story.” I nearly lost it! Now, I can’t get into it for legal reasons but I did give her a piece of my mind and tried to educate her to the best of my ability. I mean, she had a sort of “sapphic” (not that there is anything wrong with that) look to her and to me she seemed like a chicken defending Colonel Sanders. I don’t think it worked.
And now speaking of the Marx Brothers… this coming Saturday Bay Street Theatre will be showing “MONKEY BUSINESS!” It’s no “Night at the Opera” but any Marx Brothers is a good Marx Brothers. Admission is $5 or you can throw in a dinner at the American Hotel for $25 including the movie ticket. Now that’s an awesome deal if you ask me. (The American Hotel 631-725-3535)