While the Hamptons often aspire to be a competitor for the bright lights of Broadway, this isn’t always a goal within reach. I’ve been told by many local parents and students that the productions at Wainscott Senior High School are must sees and “Broadway caliber productions.” Well, I’m here to tell you their lastest prouction of “A Chorus Line” is more deserving of a comparison to cafeteria Beef-A-Roni than an overcooked burger from Joe Allen’s.

For starters, the staging is clumsy and the choreography basic. Lead dancers, Sophmore Tiffany Smith and Senior Jim Flatley would be better dancing the Hokey Pokey than attempting their neutered version of “The Music and the Mirror.” Neither has the chops to be a lead dancer of anything let alone a “broadway caliber” production. They have two left feet in spades and I only hope that Mr. Flatley’s movements are better suited for his position on the Varsity Volleyball team.

One of my favorite numbers from the Broadway show is the funny and sexy “Dance 10, Looks 3.” But once again, this prodction failed to impress. Freshman Pamela Ferdyn tries her hardest to belt it out and impress as she pleads, “still on unemployment, dancing for my own enjoyment.” Yet, while she warbles we see her inevitable future. I give her credit for trying but all in all it’s dance 5, singing 3 and looks also 3. But it goes beyond Ms. Ferdyn’s performance and not entirely her fault. Chita Rivera and Kevin Kline couldn’t save this poorly directed production. Helpful hint to the staff at WSSH, don’t have the shop teacher direct the next spring muscial.

Now I don’t want to say everything about this production is terrible. The final musical number, the ubiquitous “One” is shortened to a manageable 1 minute. Also, the seats were comfortable and Luigi’s italian bistro across the street is offering a 30% dinner discount with every proof of torture/ticket stub. I recommend the chicken parmesean with a small caesar salad.

The show is playing only one more performance, tonight April 1st. April fools day. So I hope you enjoy your evening.

Finally… someone interviews Hamptons Chatter!!!

HAHA… CLICK BAIT… GOT CHA!     BUT DAMN IT… I’m upset!!    Why do I keep reading all of these magazine profiles with everyone in the Hamptons but ME!    It’s frustrating, I mean I’m more fabulous than the other guy you just profiled!   So rather than wait for some writer who doesn’t really know me tell you how fabulous I am,  I’ve decided to tell you myself.   I mean it is the Hamptons and it is all about me!! So here is my interview with me about me…


So what brought you to the Hamptons?
I came out for a benefit to see my dear friend Christopher Rockefeller on a beautiful August day about 20 years ago.   I think it was a fundraiser for cats without tongues (“It’s really a travesty they’re the meow-less minority”).  I am very involved in so many causes but I don’t like to talk about them all, unless they honor me with a plaque. Anyway, I came out and just fell in love with the crowds that time of year.   It was so friendly and everyone just seemed to be enjoying themselves.  I mean how could I leave?

What don’t you like about the Hamptons?
Oh I can’t stand the McMansions.  They’re horrible.   The one that I live in is not a McMansion at all, although some may think it looks like a really glamorous one.    I hate the McMansions look,  so I did some renovations to really make my house a home.  For example, when I moved in all of the dishwashers were Bosch, I switched them all to Miele.  Voila! The house feels so completely different now, it accents the granite counter tops in a whole new way!

Where is your favorite place for dinner?
My own house.    My wife, my boyfriend and my trainer found me the most fabulous private chef, Wolfgang Von Trapp.    His vegetarian chili served over his secret edel-rice is fabulous!   It’s also gluten free, fat free and sodium free!    I mean who needs to go to a restaurant and see all those hungry people staring while you cut to the front of the line?    Eating at home is so much more civilized and when Wolfgang sings you’ll feel like running to the top of our burm and start spinning!

It’s an absolutely fabulous day when it’s sunny!

What’s your idea of the perfect summer afternoon in the Hamptons?
A warm sunny one.

How do you stay so fit?
I found this secret spin studio south of the highway off Georgica Pond which was started by a group of former Branch Dividians.   It’s a whole new way of working out with bright lights, sleep deprivation and chanting.    I sometimes go three or four times a day!     It’s reasonably priced too, just put them in your will and pay $50 for a 45 minute class.

What are you reading?
Right now I’m reading two books; “Being and Nothingness” by Jean-Paul Sarte and “Inferno” by Dan Brown.   I like to think when I read.

What’s your favorite place to shop?
I like stores!  It’s so incredible to go into a real building.  I know everyone else goes on and on about websites like Amazon and Zappos but you can’t see how you’ll look in front of other people on the Internet!  Besides isn’t it a little weird to go to lunch after shopping on a computer?   There are no bags.

By the way, did we say you’re charming, smart and good looking?!
You’re welcome, I like to use Kiel’s facial fuel.