AUGUST IN THE HAMPTONS… NO RESERVATIONS… NO PROBLEMS… THE BEST GOURMET TO GO!

Yes, it’s finally August in the Hamptons.     The water is warm.  The sun is shining.   Traffic is bumper to bumper on 27 with Range Rovers in full bloom.    While SoulCyle’s parking lot looks like a WWF pay per view.    But enough about all the things we cherish in the Hamptons during August. Instead lets talk about a major first world problem that so many of us know first hand,  the difficulties with getting a weekend restaurant reservation!

Yes, it’s the time of year when 25 minutes turns into 2 hours for a bar table.    It’s more than any south of the highway socialite should have to endure.   But luckily for you Paris, Kimye and all of the other society readers of Hamptons Chatter, you don’t have to suffer in silence any longer!   Here are a few ideas for getting gourmet meals in your very home without having to stoop to pizza or any sort of wonton that comes in a paper carton.

Free form lasagna from JK Chef Collection

1) Call JKChef Collection – 631-460-0010 – started by chef Jeff Purrazzi and Jack Kelly, the service has a stable of top tier chefs that come to you and and will handle the entire meal from soup to nutted apple tare-tatine.   According to Purrazzi, “The process of hiring a private chef is pretty easy.   We normally speak with our clients over the phone and get an overview of the families culinary likes and dislikes…

…. from the formal dining to the beach BBQ.  The key is to match the clients needs to the perfect chef.   Once we do that, we put the two together to create the perfect dinner menu.”    Prices vary based on the size of party and the duration of the event.   If you like more information you can visit their website www.jkchefcollection.com or give them a call at 631-460-0010.    Make sure to tell them Hamptons Chatter sent you!

2) Saaz -1746 CR 39 Southampton – 631-259-2222 – Gourmet Indian food that in it’s short in town has garnered a large and loyal following.    The location is easy since it’s virtually the first restaurant you see as you drive into the Hamptons.    The full menu including a slew of vegetarian dishes is available online and they even deliver to a large chunk of the east end.  So skip the pizza and go for some steamed chicken somos instead!

Salmon Tartare – Fresno

3) Fresno – 8 Fresno Place East Hampton – 631-324-8700 – New American cuisine at it’s best.   Head Chef Gretchen Menser’s rotating menu of classic crowd pleasers with an epicurean twist is why updated menu and get your tilefish or osso bucco to go! Diners have been lining up at this East Hampton favorite for years.    But the real reason I’m mentioning this here is you can go online, check out the

4) East Hampton Grill – 99 North Main St. East Hampton – 631-329-1955 – Walk right by the crowd at one of the most popular Hamptons restaurants, step up to the bar and grab your grub and get out of there.     Yep, the home of the “heavenly biscuits” will pack your dinner for you to enjoy in your own kitchen.   The menu is available online and updated frequently.    While I’m not sure I would get the oysters to go (a little messy) from the fresh fish, to the roasted chicken and the french dip all are made from scratch daily and travel well.  But most important of all, the clean up is a breeze.

The french dip at East Hampton Grill – ask for horseradish!

5) The Seafood Shop -356 Montauk Highway, Wainscott – 631-537-0633 –   Yes you can buy your shrimp and your fresh fish for home cooking but you can also get a complete dinner on the fly without breaking a sweat.   Lobsters, grilled fish and fresh salads and even a chicken breast sandwich are all on the take out menu.    It’s a complete menu available online that is updated with specials daily and diverse enough for even the finickiest of diners.      It might not be fancy but the food is awesome!

So there you have it 5 ideas for the hungry agoraphobic in all of us.

7 RANDOM THOUGHTS ABOUT THE HAMPTONS SUMMER ’16!

One of the fun things about writing this blog is the fact it’s a blog.     This isn’t done for any other reason than my own amusement.   I can write thoughts and impressions on just about everything, except relatives.   That being said, today I’m just jotting some really tangential thoughts about living on the east end.   In no particular order of importance are my unrelated musings about my little part of the world this summer.

Life in the fast lane…….

1)  Do they really need speed traps on Route 27 when the average speed on weekends is about 10 miles an hour?     Seriously, I’ve noticed this over and over again.   Considering traffic is worse this year than last (yes, we say this every year) I don’t understand.    Maybe there* not actually speed
traps and instead just looking for the next Range Rover to go by with an inexperienced driver texting like mad on the way to Tracy Anderson.   Speaking of which….

2)  Wouldn’t it be great if they opened a Planet Fitness next to Tracy Anderson in Water Mill!?    I don’t know why but I just find this idea so appealing.   Come to think of it, let’s open a Ben and Jerry’s on the other side.

3)  I’m over screaming children in restaurants…. when I was a kid, my parents would have killed (me) if I ran around and screamed in a public space.   But then again,  the only two restaurants my parents ever took me to were Rustler Steak House and Perkins Pancakes.   Anyway, we digress.   The bottom line is I’m not spending top dollar to eat out and have your kid scream in my ear!  When my nieces and nephews were little and screaming, I wouldn’t go to do dinner with them so I’m sure as hell not having dinner with your kid!  I know I sound cranky but whatever.    I also want to say your kid isn’t that cute!

4)  There is nothing better than taking a boat at twilight and heading to dinner.   Especially when it’s someone else’s boat!!!

5)  Is it really worth $100 for a pound of Lobster Salad?

Season’s Greetings… it could be July 4th!

6) If you’re being honored by a particular charity and asked to make a speech, please make it about the charity and not about yourself.  “I’m so busy but I find time… my personal assistant has been swamped…. my new shoes hur!”  UGH! Really?   Hamptons residents are very generous and love supporting the charities of their choice and…. squirrel… make sure to buy tickets for Gimme Shelter Animal Rescue benefit next week it’s a good one… also the LGBT Network’s Sunset on the Harbor….. but please don’t mistake my donation as an invitation to go on about YOU!

7) Finally,  I was taught long ago you never go to someone’s house for dinner empty handed.    I think it’s a nice practice.   But for the love of g-d, if you’re going to re-gift the bottle of wine you received two weeks earlier at your dinner party take the old tag off.     Oh, and by the way if I’m the one who brings said bottle back to your house, please don’t let everyone know!   Maybe I didn’t like that cheap garbage you gave me!!!

*yeah I know it should be they’re… I’m just getting even with the grammar police!

WHAT’S IN…. WHAT’S OUT… SUMMER ’16 IN THE HAMPTONS! PLUS MIXING,MINGLING AND MORE AT THE OLD STOVE PUB!

Trends may come and go but when it comes to the Hamptons, trends come and go like tissue paper.   So, while it wasn’t that long ago Rick Astley and torn sweatshirts were all the rage here on the east end… shut up, it really was hip not that long ago.   There are new trends that have invaded homes from Westhampton to Montauk this year and lucky for you, I’m here to tell you all about them.     Because as everyone knows… I define what’s cool!   Cool like listening to Barry Manilow at a TGI Friday’s.

In:  Buddhaberry, Sag Harbor – GENIUS!   Self serve frozen yogurt where children young and old can fill up their cups to the rim and pay by the weight!   Yes,  it’s also really good and healthier than ice cream as long as you don’t pile on the Reese’s and gummy bears.    It’s also a scene on weekend nights with more mingling than Tindr.
Out:   Speedway, Wainscott –  Yes, they have Ben and Jerry’s but the melted and refrozen texure just isn’t quite as appealing as it was when Rick Astley ruled the airwaves!
HOT!  Especially the Brazil thing.. but not Zika Brazil!
In:  Havaianas –  Cheap fashionable footwear that says, “Hey, I don’t need no stinkin’ Gucci loafers to look cool.”
Out:  Crocs –   Do I really need to spell it out?   They jumped the shark when you could spot them easily at the Mall of America.
Vineyardvines.com

 

 In:  Vineyard Vines –  Great polo shirts, shorts, t-shirts and more with snappy yet preppy designs that aren’t a ton of money.    There is also a great outlet store at Tanger in Riverhead for those of you who are even cheaper than I am.
Out:  US. Polo Association Polo Shirts  – Ummmmmmmm, We know they’re not Ralph Lauren, so why are you trying to fool us?
 
In:  Bagels from Goldberg’s in Wainscott – Fresh bagels with friendly service and no weird lectures about the state of immigration at the register.   I love this place!
Out:  Thomas’ Bagels from Walbaums in East Hampon – you would have thought I was drowning kittens in the salt water pool when I brought these home a few weeks ago.   I apologize everyone!  It will never happen again!
Old stove pub…

It’s ain’t the Swamp but…..

drinks in the yard!!!
Finally something that hopefully will be very “In” for this summer….  Saturday cocktails at the Old Stove Pub iin Sagaonponack.   Every Saturday from 5-7pm, they’ll be opening their doors to east end members of the LGBT community for a Saturday mixer.  Discount drinks and free passed appetizers will be offered in addition to a chance for great mixing and mingling.   There’s also plenty of parking available and you’ll have the chance to see if anyone with a sense of fashion still wears Crocs.   If they do, I predict they will be shunned!  The Old Stove Pub is located at 3516 Montauk Highway, opposite Town Line Rd.     631-537-3300
See you at Old Stove Pub… Saturdays 5-7pm.

IF YOU WANT TO SPEAK LIKE A HAMPTONS INSIDER… READ THIS!

It’s now official, the Hamptons are now the sixth borough.    When you pick up your land line phone, you now have dial the area code for local calls.   It’s not that it’s a big deal but I kind of think it’s the tipping point for something.  I’m not sure what… but it’s definitely a tipping point for something.

New Technology is coming to the Hamptons!

Meanwhile, I never realized it but when you sell real estate on the East End you start to speak a language all of it’s own.   A few months ago I started noting the terms I use with some of my other friends in the biz out here to describe the people and places in our humble little neck of the woods.   So here they are in no particular order or significance, additions to the lexicon of selling Hamptons real estate.

TMS or Taj Mahal Syndrome – this is when a home seller thinks their particular property is the best of the best.   Yes, it involves an inflated price tag on their home and total denial of the realities of the market place.    While they love their gilded fish faucets in the downstairs powder room, very few consumers will put a value on such a luxurious fixture.   It doesn’t matter how much they cost.  It’s really a frustrating affliction for realtors because how do you not insult your sellers while explaining, “everyone thinks your #@#***%  gilded fish are hideous?”

Catfished – this term is actually used more often when discussing Facebook profiles  but can also be used to describe when some customers actually see an advertised listing in person.     Thanks to

Catfished:  photoshopping happens

modern technology and overseas sweat shops, it’s easier for property photos to be “enhanced” without spending a fortune.    A gaping hole in the roof?   No problem, it’s solved with a click of a mouse and a wave of a pen.   So imagine, the buyers delight when they actually see the house in person!?  They’ve been “catfished.”

A Kobe –  Remember when Kobe Bryant got tangled up in a sex scandal a few years back?  A few nasty headlines and the next thing you know is his wife got a brand new bauble the size of Texas?   Well it happens here too. So, while diamonds are a girls best friend, real estate is many a girls BFF (rings can get lost).   Now, I don’t want to sound sexist.  There are more than a few men out there getting their “kobes” too. But while I’ve also noticed it’s usually spouse #2 who gets these 8000 square foot multi-million dollar baubles, there really is nothing wrong with it.    I’m happy to helps someone “kobe” anyone, anytime.

Earhardt – Yes, I’ve written about this before but a great term is worth repeating.   This one was shared to me by one of our local cab drivers a few years ago.    This is a person who is renting a home in the Hamptons but can’t remember where it’s located.    A reference to the pioneer and missing aviator Amelia Earhardt.    These particular folks are usually spotted wandering around early in the season on the streets of the east end looking for the cedar shingled house with the pool in the back yard.

Yes it’s fun being here in the playground of the rich, famous and sometime clueless… where we have a lifestyle and a language all our own!