Tales from the Trenches… the renters and landlords from HELL!!! YES, they are true!!!

In case you weren’t aware, August 1st is High Noon in the Hamptons for real estate agents. WHY? Because it’s the day most of the rental customers move in for their end of the summer rentals. While real estate agents make more than say the girl at the Carvel, when people are paying some serious bucks the expectations are a little different. So, I did a little informal polling around town with home owners and a few agents from Prudential, Corcoran and the other guys and asked what are some of your favorite stories from the trenches. Here are a few of my personal favorites. The names have been changed to protect the stupid and innocent!

A TOAST TO THE BROKER: Friends of mine decided to rent their own home south of the highway for August and spend the month in Europe. They were relieved when they found a wealthy couple from out of state who would actually be moving in with their maid, butler and entire staff to look after their very pristine home. Well while their home was for the most part pristine the kitchen had issues. The issue? The toaster was sub par and required more than one cycle to get the bread golden brown. The irate renters insisted said landlords immediately get a new toaster that morning while they were “still having breakfast!” The landlord’s response was “Krups you!”

HALSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM: This comes from an agent who’s customers “The Smiths” have a bad short term memory and won’t settle for second best. Due to an influx of arriving renters and scheduling conflicts the agent “Halston” was unable to meet Mr & Mrs. Smith to let them in to their new August rental. No problem. They’ve been to the house before and Halston would leave them a key under the mat and meet them later to make sure everything is alright. Well the Smiths arrived and loved the house! “Halston, dont’ bother we’re fine… we’ll speak to you later if we have a problem!” Well two days later, “Halston we have a problem!” The Smiths were awoken early in the morning by the owners of the house! The homeowners were shocked to find someone sleeping in their beds! “Who are you people” the owners exclaimed!?” The Smiths were indignant and shocked, “we’re the people who rented this house!” There was only one problem, The Smith’s didn’t rent the house they rented the one next door!

GLEN OR GLENDA: What is an agent to do when he or she rents a home to someone who isn’t what they appear?! One broker went to the home at the owners request to find out who was the extra woman staying in their house?! They had rented it to a single gentleman who seemed to have shacked up and allowed a woman to move in without the landlords consent. Well imagine the surprise that nobody new had moved in. It was just a matter of the the tenants preference to wear heels and skirts while vacationing in the Hamptons. As if they’re weren’t already enough single women in the Hamptons!!!?

Finally a few quickie requests and complaints that agents have received over the past few years;

1) There is no hot water in the master shower… both knobs say cold!!
2) Can you help us change the light bulb in the night stand lamp, we’re not very mechanical!?
3) There are too many bugs in the back yard and there is no screened in porch, you need to do something!
4) Would the landlord mind cutting down the one tree? It’s blocking the late afternoon sun from the pool!
5) How would running the pool heater drain the propane tanks??!

Oh people, there are way more stories here to discuss. Perhaps I’ll have more in the days to come! But now you know why I haven’t blogged and what I’ve been dealing with!!!

Finally, to those folks that have that top agent representing their property. If they’re too busy to let another agent preview a $39 million dollar home, do you think they’re wasting their time showing your cheap $10 million dollar shack?! Any guesses who this broker is?

If you’re baking in the city… something cool to do… although I’m not talking temperature!

I just found this site which lists what movies are filming where in the city. Plus it also tells you about movie premieres, who will be there and when. This is for the true celebrity stalkers. It’s called “On Location Vacations” Anyway, for the stalkers, here’s the shortened link:

http://bit.ly/cxvjqQ

Meanwhile speaking of cool things. Some pics here from the Bay Street Theatre “Rock the Dock” and Hamptons Magazine’s annual CLAMBAKE! Included in the pics, Star Jones, Troy Roberts, Richard Kind, Mario Cantone, The Countess from Real Housewives, Richard and Sheila Kudlack, Mark Nelson, Anthony Rosina, Rob Rich, Laura Scott and Janine Dicenzo.

Just imagine Edward Everett Horton announcing; Friday Night Food Fever or Might I Munch at Midnight???

Yeah, Yeah, I know traffic sucked you didn’t have time to stop for dinner and you’re pulling into Southampton and you’re really really hungry. What to do?! Well, you can stop at BK or Mickey D’s but you’ll regret it later. Here’s my quick guide to what’s open til when along 27!

Roberts in Water Mill open til 10 pm. I love this place. My favorite dish is the Free-Range Organic” Chicken w/ Fresh Herbs & Gorgonzola Polenta for $32.00! A little more formal than Chef Robert Durkin’s Paradise in Sag Harbor with a warm in intimate atmosphere.

Almond is more casual and on Friday night is a little congested. If you’re comfortable in a Chelsea restaurant on Saturday night then you’ll be find here. Almond is open til Midnight on Fridays. My favorite thing on the menu is the Roast Chicken..it’s a classic! Yes, I order chicken most of the time! And as if nobody knew this… a single gal will meet plenty of single guys there but they’ll be better suited for a partner in “Name that Showtune” than partner in courtship. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

If you want something a little more casual, there’s Bobby Van’s and World Pie in Bridgehampton. Both are open til Midnight and have great bar tenders. So what do you eat at World Pie? Try the Escargo! NOT! It’s the pizza… Duh! As for Bobby Van’s, I suggest the Asian Chicken Salad! Now let’s keep driving down 27….

Ok, I’m getting tired of writing this so here is the rest of 27
Town Line BBQ – 11 pm – the best onion rings!
The Palm – 10:30 or 11ish.. depending
Rowdy Hall – 11pm

But wait… if you’re coming out REAALLY REALLY REALLY LATE… the new and IMPROVED GULF Station in Bridgehampton is my new favorite… hey it’s not BP right?! It has a wide selection of delicacies ranging  are these nut free???? from microwavable burritos to those rotating hot dogs! A big minus in the staffing department. I got a nasty attitude when I asked them about the house specialty. They also couldn’t answer if the premade sandwiches were OK for someone with a nut allergy. I’m sorry, I don’t always carry an Epi pen and need to be cautious with my car passengers!! Overall I give it a C.

3 quick benefits to tell you about! ANN LIGUORI FOUNDATION OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE DINNER DANCE AT DUCK WALK VINEYARDS, WATER MILL. Benefiting American Cancer Society and Healthy Children. The food is provided by OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE (Why they never opened in Southampton is still a mystery to me) Saturday 6:30-11:00 PM. DUCK WALK VINEYARDS. WATER MILL. (917)488-1412 innerview@aol.com.

also Saturday ROCK THE DOCK FOR BAY STREET! AT THE SUMMER GALA BENEFIT BASH at 6:30 PM. Joy Behar of The View and Mario Cantone of Sex and the City 2 are the hosts… I have my earplugs ready! It will be held at the Long Wharf in Sag Harbor. Cocktails, Hors d’oeuvres, Sit-down Dinner, Dancing, Silent Auction events@baystreet.org or 631.725.0818 for info. baystreet.org.

Finally… HSN EVENTS FOR WEEKEND OF JULY 16, 2010

FRIDAY JULY 16, 2010
Hamptons Social Series At Lily Pond Benefiting The Help for Orphans International. Jill Zarin and R.Couri Hay invite you to the third installment of the Hamptons Social Series at Lily Pond to honor the Help for Orphans International on Friday, July 16th. Doors open at 9 p.m. with cocktails followed by a light buffet supper by Philippe at Lily Pond’s new garden patio and a portion of the proceeds from every check will go to Help for Orphans International . For reservations RSVP@hamptonssocialseries.com or visit Hamptonssocialseries.com. Lily Pond, 44 Three Mile Harbor, East Hampton.

SATURDAY, JULY 17, 2010
ANN LIGUORI FOUNDATION OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE DINNER DANCE AT DUCK WALK VINEYARDS, WATER MILL. Benefiting American Cancer Society and Healthy Children, Healthy Futures Romantic weekends away, local and worldwide golf course giveaways, Judith Ripka jewlery, and various sports memorabilia are some of the fabulous items up for auction at this event. It is a great opportunity to get amazing prizes and help a great cause. 6:30-11:00 PM. DUCK WALK VINEYARDS. WATER MILL. (917)488-1412 innerview@aol.com.

ROCK THE DOCK FOR BAY STREET! AT THE SUMMER GALA BENEFIT BASH at 6:30 PM. w/ HOSTS: Joy Behar of The View & Headline News & Mario Cantone of Sex and the City. The Long Wharf in Sag Harbor. Cocktails, Hors d’oeuvres, Sit-down Dinner, Dancing, Silent Auction & Live Music by DJ Tom Finn (“The King of Spin” – Avenue Magazine) and Escola de Samba BOOM! events@baystreet.org or 631.725.0818 for info. baystreet.org.

2nd Annual MARTININS FOR MUTTS! Sat 5 to 8 pm. Cocktails, entertainment, Raffle, Silent Auction at 214 Toppings Path in Sagaponack. A $40 minimum donation in advance or $50 AT the door. RSVP to Michelle@LCARF.org or visit lcarf.org for more info.