So today is now something everyone is calling “CyberMonday.” It’s the day that retailers are promoting as the next best thing for the economy since “Black Friday.” It’s the day where America forgets about heading to the mall and instead logs onto their computers and shops! What a nice thing, right?! No fighting over parking or dealing with store employees who are trying to work scanners or fixing there mistakes as they wait for a manager with a “key!” Instead you just go online click a button and voila! Let’s just hope you don’t have a problem. Everyone keeps talking about scam websites. Also, what if it doesn’t fit or its defective!? Yikes, the next thing you know you’re on the phone with “Tiffany” in Mumbai and the problem just got worse!
We all love the internet but it’s a dangerous place and real estate agent’s aren’t immune from all of this either! Take this case in point… I’m minding my own business the other evening, shopping online…. wondering where in the world they find the models for L.L Bean! They all look like my grade school gym teachers (what a great insult! “You could be a model… for L.L. Bean) when I get an e mail for an offer on one of the properties I’m selling. Here it is:
Hello,
I will offer of $485,000.00 for the home. Please send me the contract for me to sign and return immediately this will be my retirement home and it will be a cash buy
1. I will want to close on 22nd December, 2010
2. I want to put down $5,000.00 Earnest money
3. $120,000.00 will be applied towards the closing balance
4. I want to put contingency on inspection on the contract.
My legal name is Jirou Hayashi of 2000 Sheppard Avenue, Toronto Ontario Canada M3N 2J1 and I am single, I will not be in Canada before the closing date to wire the funds to the attorney so I will advice you to send me an attorney information for a check to be drawn to give enough time for check clearance since I won’t be in Canada to wire funds for closing.
Please forward to me a purchase contract agreement in DocuSign format, DocuSign format is an electronic way of signing document. I am presently in a remote Japanese city and will not be able to access any documents in pdf because of no access to printing and scanning machines please note this.
My account manager Mr. Abraham Jacob will Issue payment in US Funds $155,000.00USD for 5,000.00, the will be for earnest money, second deposit of $120,000.00 and the remaining $360,000.00 will be disbursed accordingly.
My rep Mr. Abraham Jacob Esq. can be reach at: 1-647-862-1135, I strongly advice that I need an attorney to represent my interest in this transaction, my lawyer can pay to seller or title company so therefore I would like to deposit all payment with the lawyer.
Please I need the following information for your attorney immediately for payment
Law Firm Name……………………………………………
Law Firm Address……………………………………………….
Law Firm Telephone………………………………………………
Lawyer’s Name…………………………………………………..
Regards,
Jirou Hayashi
What a nice man! He has to be real! His prose sounds like he’s bad with English… like written menu at a certain restaurant I frequented in the city AND he wants an inspection!!! He has to be real! I didn’t even have to show him the house! Ohhhh… if it’s too good to be true maybe it isn’t!?
So I google the attorney’s name and apparently Jirou has been making offers from Florida to California! Go ahead, you do it! On TRULIA.COM there were postings with essentially the same letter I received over and over and over and over again. In fact one poor broker wrote about how her sellers already started moving out of the house!!
Apparently it’s some sort of fishing scam where they acquire information on the seller and then use that to apply for credit cards, loans, etc. Bummer too, I had already spent the money on The Motorized Monocycle from Hammacher Schlemmer!!! ( http://bit.ly/h7rPy9 ) At least there is no gruff looking model like L.L. Bean. Sadness ensued.
Anyway, I’m not alone in the Hamptons. I mentioned this in an e mail to some agents and got back 4 or 5 e mails where Jirou was buying their listing too! Once again, mom was right, if it’s too good to be true it usually is just that! But she also told me I could grow up one day and become an L.L. Bean model. Hmmmmm what was she trying to tell me!?
One last thing! I saw the new musical WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. It’s been eviscerated by the critics but you know what? It was actually a really enjoyable show! Patti LuPone, Brian Stokes Mitchell and Sheree Renee Scott headline a quirky, ambitious and fun show. I loved the movie version and I think the show, (although the music is lacking) is a worthy follow up. I thought BILLY ELLIOT was awful and it won the TONY! Once again, what do I know.
Ironic, one of my favorite Marx Brothers lines came to mind last night (see today’s headline). But no I didn’t say it! I was enjoying my dinner in the basement of 1770 House last night when a rather loud woman next to me was extolling the virtues of a certain “News” channel. She claimed it was the only one that gave viewers the “whole story.” I nearly lost it! Now, I can’t get into it for legal reasons but I did give her a piece of my mind and tried to educate her to the best of my ability. I mean, she had a sort of “sapphic” (not that there is anything wrong with that) look to her and to me she seemed like a chicken defending Colonel Sanders. I don’t think it worked.
And now speaking of the Marx Brothers… this coming Saturday Bay Street Theatre will be showing “MONKEY BUSINESS!” It’s no “Night at the Opera” but any Marx Brothers is a good Marx Brothers. Admission is $5 or you can throw in a dinner at the American Hotel for $25 including the movie ticket. Now that’s an awesome deal if you ask me. (The American Hotel 631-725-3535)
I’m going to go through today’s blog and basically type a stream of consciousness here! I can’t believe it but in a land where people can spend almost $100 for lobster salad, Bentley’s abound and a million dollars barely buys you shack people are still going hungry in the Hamptons. No, this has nothing to do with a detox program, these are people who don’t have the money to buy food. It’s women, it’s men and it’s old people and it’s young people, it’s immigrants and bonackers here who are going hungry! IN THE HAMPTONS FOLKS!!! One of the their last resorts has long been the respective food banks. But unfortunately cuts in funding and the tough economy have caused the shelves to go bare. I know we get hit with tons of charities this time of year but it takes so little to drop a can or a buck in a food pantry box. One of my agents is a volunteer at the East Hampton food bank and she said things are not good. So come on people, here’s your chance to show the Hamptons aren’t as nasty as the line at Scoop Du Jour on 4th of July! We can do it!
Well I heard it through the grapevine… and not from Marvin Gaye… that Almond will be moving to a new home. Apparently owner Eric Lemonides couldn’t come to terms with the landlord of what I thought for years was a cursed property. Almond proved me wrong! It’s been a hit since day 1. I don’t have any idea where the Almond gang will be moving but the current establishment will be shuttering sometime in early December. Almond is an institution in the Hamptons and I have no doubt Eric’s loyal following out here as well as in the city will follow him! Chelsea Clinton has been reported to be a frequent visitor among a slew of other celebrities but my favorite star siting was always Peter Jennings. He was pretty much a regular there every Friday night back in the day. I guess as one door closes another opens. I only hope Almond moves closer to East Hampton, it would be easier for me! OK, one quick question, with a million vacant restaurant properties (JL East, Star Room, Poxabogue, etc.) in the Hamptons, does the landlord really think now is a good time to play hardball?
Also, a game changer for me. I finally learned how to tie a Windsor Knot! My friend Paul Zweben who is the ultimate metrosexual has long chided me for tying my knots like I was still a 5th grader in Catholic School. Well now my Hermes ties will finally look presentable!! So how did I do it? The way any adult in the 21st century learns anything. I went to YOU TUBE! Ha. Here it is!!