Stuff to do this Friday… I’m too frantic to be humorous!

So what to do this weekend???? One great event is on Saturday… The Hetrick Martin Institute, home to the Harvey Milk school in NYC is hosting it’s “Schools Out” party. It will be held at the beautiful home of Peter Wilson and Scott Sanders – 189 Further Lane, East Hampton.. It’s starts at 6pm and goes til 8:30pm. You can buy tickets at the door with cash, credit card or check… from a valid bank account of course!!! If you want more details on the organization or the event, I encourage you to visit the web site: http://www.hmi.org/Events.aspx
Also.. if you’re really bored my new favorite video in the world is on YOUTUBE.COM. It’s a literal lyrical version of singer Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” While I love the song the video is one Velveeta short of Pat Benatar’s “Love is a Battlefield” but it does come close! To quote one line “the gayest man on earth would find this over the top!” It also has a great line about “Spinning Ninjas.” Don’t ask… watch

Finally, a little real estate news. Rentals for the season are up by about 40% or more. While the prices are not what they used to be… renters are coming out to take advantage of the Hampton’s Blue Light Specials. But do me one favor folks.. please don’t offer $.40 cents on the dollar. Things haven’t gone that low. You might want to try Mastic instead.

New American cuisine.. and the New American Economy… friendly high end retailers!!! Yeah, I know I’m late.

Well first on my list today is that RUGOSA is now open!! Located at the site of the old  ALMONDCELLO an ALMONDITTO. Chef Bill Mammes has created a truly inspired menu. All of your favorite dishes with a destinctive East End flair.   While I only got to try a few of the dishes, I arrived for the opening night party a little late.. although I did show up early on Sunday… the party was on Tuesday.   Anyway what I did have was really impressive. If memory serves me right an awesome “carrot with ginger soup and mussles.” Also, a salt cod, I hate cod but it was was pretty terrific. Served with potato and grilled asparagus. Finally the ceviche, I didn’t get a chance to try it but Ben from the East Hampton Independent said a big thumbs up. Congrats to chef  Bill Mammes formerly of The Maidstone Club and general manager and  my budette Chimene Visser.   The interior by the way has been totally redone since Almoncello and it’s stunning (see above).

So I discovered that high end real estate is really a lot like high end retail. Some brokers are forcing themselves to be a lot nicer to both customers and other agents but the prices ain’t coming down!!! The following is a real conversation with “L” from HERMES in East Hampton. She was absolutly lovely and nice… I’m sure she’s now laughing with all of her co-workers at me.

Me: Hi, L. .. a friend of mine said you’re having a huge like 40% off sale. Is that true?

L: (giggiling) No,we en’t having a sale. (but very nice)

 

Me: Is ANYTHING on sale?!

 

L: No, we usually don’t have sales here.

 

Me: What about an outlet shop… do you have one in Riverhead at Tangier?

 

L: (totally serious) No we don’t have any outlet shops.

 

Me: Bummer. Thank you L.

L:  You’re welcome.. thanks for calling HERMES!

Ugh, it would have been so much funnier if she were nasty!!

L: (A very nice thank you) Thank you for calling Hermes.

TORY BURCH: After going through a myriad of voice mail options, no human beings were answering the phone. IRONY!?

Where the boys are…. and when are you too old ?

Well it’s been at least 6 years or so since The Swamp closed their doors and many across the Hamptons were forced to actually stay at home on Saturday nights. Well now you don’t have to hang with Paris at the Pink Elephant, The Lodge on Race Ln is holding what they’re calling “Saturday Soiree.” While I don’t’ think they’ll be too much dancing, the restaurant is opening up their outdoor patio area and bar for the occasion. I hope they serve those awesome free little hamburger sliders. I’m sure I’ll be one of the few who will actually eat them. Starvation is the new black for ohhh so many in the Hamptons. Anyway, if you need more details… call the lodge directly at 631-324-5022. The invite is to the left. I just hope they don’t do something lame like having stupid drink specials… you know the pink ones with names like the Liza and the Judy! That’s soooo 1989 Provincetown! We’re in the Hamptons damn it!

So, what to wear this Saturday… what to wear!? I can tell you it won’t be anything from
Abercrombie and Fitch. (left, yeah I fit right in!) While many of my friends say I could be a catalog model, it’s not Abercrombie and Fitch…. they’re implying more that I’m that guy in the blue polo shirt grilling the dogs in a Home Depot ad. I would just love to think I have the bod and youthful looks to pull off wearing A&F…. but I DON’T and most men over 35 don’t either. If you’re wearing a hoodie and you’re over 35 YOU HAVE ISSUES. In fact, I’m sure A&F is relieved I don’t wear their clothes. I’m also too old for roller blading, I know that but I may still one day dust off my blades and put on my helmet, wrist guards, knee guards, elbow guards and my ego guards to go for a spin. I make no illusions, I know I’ll look like a freak! I’m also too old to be listening to Timbaland, Anyone from American Idol and Miley Cyrus… Madonna is too old to be doing duets with them! I’ll stay with my Annie Lennox and Sting. Finally, I’m also too old to be hanging out at The Talkhouse in Amagansett. While I did go a few weeks ago to see “The English Beat” and really had a great time, the audience was MY AGE that night. If I go on a normal Saturday night, I skew the medium age by at least a good ten years. I’m over walking on crusty beer soaked floors, although they were fun back in the day. I hate growing up!!!

When will the Parrot finally take flight??.. don’t say anything in the Hamptons unless you want the world to hear !!

So, we’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting for the return of good mexican food to the Hamptons. I’m sure you’re all thinking I’m going to be mentioning a 7-11 Bean Burrito again.. but I can’t. I do love the nachos and the margaritas at La Superica in Sag Harbor but I’m not 25 and I actually like being able to hear my what my dinner companions say.. well certain dinner companions anyway.

I’m hoping BLUE PARROT will open soon. The longstanding tex-mex casa is being revised and revamped with the help of billionaire Ron Perelman, Jon Bon Jovi and Renee Zell…e…weigers..ener (I so can’t spell). The current owners promise it will have the same atmosphere as the old hangout but with a new chef and better food. I personally don’t remember what the food tasted like but the margaritas were amazing — oh maybe that’s why I never really tasted the food! I went by on Saturday morning.. no luck… called on Sunday… no answer and the message machine was full. Alright guys…we need guacamole now!! Open Already!!
Overheard:

A woman talking at the bar at Bobby Van’s about her upbringing; “Wolves would have done a better job than my parents!”

Two twentysomething Prada Princesses eating ice cream in East Hampton village and remarking on the young woman with her much older husband and their triplets: “Those aren’t children, they’re a science experiment!”
At a dinner party Saturday night held by a major Hollywood big-wig: “I take care of myself…. I treat my body well… I treat it like a pharmacy.”
Two “masters of the universe” discussing the new way of doing business: “I’m used to having free range in my business.” – I guess that’s not too bad… he could be a farmer with chickens?!