southampton

Hamptons Multiplicity…. Directions Appreciated! Plus, Annie Hall Hits the Hamptons!

When I first moved out here, I lived on Three Mile Harbor Rd. in East Hampton, I mean Drive… actually it was Road!  Well that is exactly my point.   There’s a song by U2 called “Where the Streets Have No Name” but I sing a different tune here in the Hamptons.   It’s called where the “Where the Streets are Named Same!”

This particular problem was such a dilemma at my old house, Amazon Packages went to the address on Three Mile Harbor Drive and the group house there enjoyed my dvd copies of “Super Size Me” and the Star Wars box set!   It also was the cause of me nearly hitting a 4 ton boulder when a delivery meant for Drive ended up at my house on the Road and I plowed down my flag lot going 40 miles an hour (yes, too fast I know).    It also was also responsible for one of the greatest surprise of my life….. a new BMW convertible.    It was also a huge disappointment when said convertible was quickly picked up for the charity event on Three Mile Harbor Hog Creek (all true).    Doesn’t everybody want to live on a road called Hog Creek?   I mean its almost as glamorous as saying I live on Swamp Road with my own cement pond.

I know addresses for a living and even I find it confusing.  So while giggling about the drunken visitors with cab drivers that need a good two hours to make it from Bobby Van’s to their rented house on Hildreth (“no, it’s the one with cedar shingles and a pool in the backyard!”),  I started thinking, what are some of the most confusing addresses on the East End?     So, consulting my HC board of distrustees I threw the question out, “what are some of the most confusing common street names in the Hamptons?”    While I’m here to give you the results of my inquiry, let me first say if you live on a street named after a tree, you’re already screwed.  Also, if you’re going to any location in the Hamptons, make sure you get some cross streets for your GPS.  Because if you try calling from the car, odds are you won’t get a cell signal anyway!  So here they are in no way a thorough or scientific analysis; the more confusing addresses/street locations in the Hamptons where if you are hosting a party there…. give directions!

THE TREE STREETS:  Oak –17 Streets in Southampton and 7 in East Hampton, Cedar – (including Points, Views etch) 18 streets in Southampton and 6 in East Hampton, Pine – 23 in Southampton and 4 in East Hampton.

THE OLD FAMILY STREETS: Hildreth – (not including the stores) 9 streets in Southampton and 2 in East Hampton.    Halsey –10 in Southampton and 0 in East Hampton (I guess they couldn’t get a table at the old Della Femina) and Gardners – 4 in Southampton and 5 in East Hampton.   Luckily there are only one Tony Tiska’s Path and Uncle Leo’s Lane in all the Hamptons.

THE WATER STREETS: Bay – 24 in Southampton including the views and 12 in East Hampton, Ocean – 9 in Southampton and 8 in East Hampton, Beach – 8 in Southampton and 7 in East Hampton.

THE LOCATIONS: Middle – 5 in Southampton and 3 in East Hampton, Northwest – 1 in Southampton and 3 in East Hampton, Main – 3 in Southampton and 5 in East Hampton.

My suggestion for each town is to sell off the duplicate street names to corporate sponsors and lower our taxes.   But please for goodness sake, I will never live on Walmart or Chick-fil-A Boulevards!

My Autographed Copy!!!

Finally, some good celebrity news on the East End.   Sources tell me actress Diane Keaton’s recent book signing at BookHampton was a smashing success!  Not only did the actress stay and sign every copy of “Let’s Just Say it Wasn’t Pretty,” she was also hugging and posing for photos and laughing it up with the fans and staff of the store.    I never met Diane Keaton but always wanted to get the chance.   It’s so nice to hear about somebody so accomplished taking time to say hello to the average Joes…. If you can call Hamptons residents “average Joes.”

17,500 Reasons why the Kardashians Kame to the Hamptons…. plus it’s Totally 80’s Time at the Talkhouse!

The Klassiest Kids in Town!?

In case you’ve been living under a rock the Hamptons are buzzing with the comings and goings … or should I say Komings… ugh… no … comings and goings of the Kardashians.   If you don’t believe me go to Google and search “Kardashian Hamptons” and you’ll get about 17,500 news articles come up.   Meanwhile search “Hamptons Deer Cull” and you get 2 articles.   I’m so glad we have our priorities straight! Anyway, while you read about “13 Hot Spots Too Classy for the Kardashians” or even “9 Things to Know about their Summer in the Hamptons,”   I’m going to add one more tid-bit to the mix.   I’m hearing via the grapevine that producers for the show….. are not only asking to see if they can shoot in local restaurants and get all the patrons to sign releases but that they’re also allegedly asking to get it for free!      Their claim is that their show has done a lot to help businesses increase traffic and everyone should be thrilled to have KK-K shoot in their restaurant.    SO, how is it going?   My sources say not so good.   The “K’s” are going after spots that are already hot and don’t need “Z” list celebrities to promote their business.   Think about it, do you really think the Hamptons A list need an endorsement from the Kardashians?    I’m sure Jerry Seinfeld and Gwyneth are both waiting with baited breath to see where they’ve decided to dine!   By the way, let’s also be real here.. .they’re living in NOYAC…. not Southampton… I’m dying to know if they’ve made it yet to Cromer’s for some fried chicken or mac and cheese!?

In honor of throwback Thursday, I’m doing a little plug for Stephen Talkhouse this weekend.  One of the best and underrated bands from the 1980’s is playing tomorrow night.   Yes, the English Beat featuring Dave Wakeling is coming to town.   I’ve seen the band here a few times over the past few years and in a way, it’s kind of a perennial.    Playing all their hits including “I Confess, Mirror in the Bathroom, Save it for Later” and even a few General Public songs (Wakeling was basically the heart of both bands), the show is amazing.  I think I’m too old to go to an arena and see anyone.     But the intimate setting of The Talkhouse makes for a really memorable night.    You can buy tickets here ahead of time and in case you don’t know the band, here’s one of my favorite songs by them… trust me you should go!

Summer Showdown Part 1…. Time to Pencil the Calendar with the Best Benefits!

A worse Saturday night Janis Ian never imagined!

Guys, I hate to break the news to you but in spite of the temperatures, Memorial Day is right around the corner.    So while you’re thinking it’s time to trade in your Spanx for that moo moo you might want to also starting contemplating how your calendar is shaping up.    I mean really, nothing is worse for your social standing than having an open calendar!   So, if you don’t want to spend your early summer nights driving through the Burger King in Southampton, please consider going to these fun events and supporting their great causes!   I also did you the favor of giving you links to buy tickets for each event, just click on the event name!

Edit Windsor hosts the GLBT Network on 5/24.

Kicking it all off on 5/24/14 GLBT Services Network Summer Kickoff –  A newcomer to the Hamtons, “The Network”  offers a community center that serves as a safe place with counseling and various services for members of the community and most importantly of all, at risk youth.    The kickoff event will start at 2pm and is hosted at the Southampton home of Edie Windsor who you may or may not know was the driving force for the fall of the DOMA.   Tickets are reasonably priced at $75 now, $125 at the door.  The best reason to go:  It’s early in the day plus you get your chance to potentially meet the woman who could be considered the Rosa Parks of this generation.   Potential reason to skip it:  Probably not the best benefit for single women looking to meet the man of their dreams. But hey, you never know!   So after you had your first round you can head to…..

 The Miracle House Summer Kickoff – Miracle House is a non-profit extended stay facility that provides housing, counseling and support for those seeking treatment in NYC and need assistance.   The location is the Bridgehampton Surf an Tennis Club.. and this is a huge event.  While it started as an AIDS charity and therefore has a strong guy following,  it benefits everyone from young to old with any illness.  Tickets start at $300 and go up!  The best reason to go: Great atmosphere with a fun crowd and since most of the boys shame their friends that eat those puff pastries and pigs-in-the-blanket, there’s plenty of food!  Potential Reason to skip it:  You get shunned for eating the puff pastry!  But hey, I can live with being shunned.  Now pass that tray!

Fresh Air Home Sale and Auction Benefit Gala!

6/7/14 Southampton Fresh Air Home Sale and Auction Benefit Gala – Southampton FAH provides a camp experience for physically challenged youth with sailing, swimming, hiking, etc.   The benefit is held at their facility on Barkers Island Road in Southampton  It’s one of the more mellow benefits of the season but it’s a who’s who’s mixer for everyone in Southampton.   Tickets once again go for $300 and up.   The best reason to go:  The furniture in the silent auction is amazing stuff… plus it’s some of the best people watching ever!   Yes, people really do wear bright yellow pants with lime green tops! Potential reason to skip it:  The best auction items here go early and these are not TJ Maxx prices but hey it’s for a great cause!

6/21/14 The Ellen Hermanson Foundation Summer Solstice – Hosted at the Southampton home of

Chuck and Ellen Scarborough host Summer Solstice.

Chuck and Ellen Scarborough, the event offers cocktails and some of the best bites around!   Tickets are starting at $300.  The foundation is a grassroots organization that has become a truly amazing success story promoting women’s health issues through awareness and providing counseling and medical services on the East End.  The best reason to go:  When was the last time you were invited to Chuck and Ellen Scarborough’s house?  DUH!   Potential Reason to Skip It:  No you can’t stay overnight! Chuck and Ellen will be asking you to leave their house after the event!

6/28/14  American Heart Association’s Heart of the Hamptons – The Heart of the Hamptons Ball has raised over $2.5 million for the American Heart Association since it began 15 years ago.   The event is held at the Hayground School in Bridgehampton on Mitchell’s Lane.  Tickets start at $175 for after dinner party tickets and $500 for cocktails and dinner.    The best reason to go:  Great star spotting at this event…this year journalist Rita Cosby is emcee and everyone from Rudy Guiliani to Christie Brinkley have been spotted here!  You may even see some Z listers like Star Jones too! Potential Reason to skip it:   Lot’s of great music and dancing on a hot summer night equals lots of sweaty and ruined expensive outfits!   It’s not pretty!

Kardashian Schadenfreude and Summer Rental Warnings from the PeanutGallery… Volume 3!

If nobody wants them can we put them on Petfinder.com?

In case you were wondering, that giant retching sound you’ve been hearing lately isn’t from a new wave of salmonella poisoning on the East End it’s the reaction to reports there are new residents coming to town.  Yes, the buzz on social media this week is all about the Kardashians!!   Which is also  spawning something I’m calling “Kardashian Schadenfreude.”    Sorry Kortney, Kim and Klanapin the buzz for your impending arrival is not so good.     East Hampton resident’s are cheering they’re “going to Southampton” and Southampton residents are saying “uh-uh, they’re going to East.”   Either way, it could be a Katastrophe for Kourtney and Kompany.  So while only time will tell where they’re actually going, I would like to offer the ladies some advice: learn to spell your names Korrectly and see if Snooki has a share available in her house… you’ll be much happier

So, we are coming down to the wire for the summer rental season.  In spite of the snow this week, Memorial Day is still coming.    So in addition to my warnings for all potential renters about the danger of becoming Earhardt’s (HC  6/6/11)…. and making sure to use a camera or I Phone to record the condition of their house… I have a few more items they may want to double check before signing on the dotted line and sending that wire transfer!  So, why revisit this topic?  Because everyone is a critic.   So after reading a few,  “You forgot to mention, this, this and this.”   So being the professional whiner listen to-er I am, I decided to mention a few more.   Here are some of the top summer rental disasters than can easily be avoided!    And if the peanut gallery isn’t happy, go write your own blog!  (insert a mental happy face emoticon here!)

 

This is not a pool heater!

1) Hot, Hot, Hot!  – In case you weren’t aware, many times the agents who rent your home are not the agents who put the house into the listing system.  Mistakes happen and unfortunately when an agent rents a home saying there is central air when there isn’t (this one happens more often than you think) it get’s uglier than a “Mama’s Family” reunion movie!  For renters, look around for the vents for central air, check the thermostats and do a quick scan for window units.  If you’re a landlord, make sure you go online to the agency that’s renting your home and check the information they have on their website.    While I can’t say how it works at other companies, at Elliman.com, it’s as easy as writing your address on the search bar.  It’s also not a bad idea to make sure the heat is functioning for those early and late summer nights.  Come to think of it.. you may have rented house with a heated pool but it’s not such a bad idea to make sure there is an actual heater.  Sorry but coffee warmers do not constitute a pool heater.

2)  Tour Groups – Now I’ve been on every side of this equation and it really isn’t much fun for anyone involved.   The house is rented and a listing agent has to show it! Many of these tenants have paid top dollar to spend their summer out here sitting on Route 27…errrrr.. I mean enjoying the beach and fresh air of the Hamptons.  Imagine how they feel having truck loads of people coming in and out of their homes while trying to recover from the night before at Pink Elephant!   In fact, I showed a listing last year where my customers were contemplating a purchase only to be told by tenants, “the house stinks!”   It’s only too bad the listing agent wasn’t there to run interference.    So get an agreement before hand, it could prevent everyone from being perceived as nasty tenants, mean real estate agents, nosey buyers or crazy landlords.    Speaking of landlords, you may also want to make an agreement about when they can stop by as well to get that jacket out of the storage locker or their kids bike pump.   It’s good to keep everyone happy… happy… happy…. like that Pharrell song!

Sweaty summer sittin’

3)   Sittin’ and Grillin’ – Once again, it’s a good idea to have your agent get a list of what lawn furniture is included in the seasonal rental and if an outdoor grill is part of the deal.   Some leases include all of this others don’t… read your lease and find out!    In fact, if the furniture is yet to be purchased, I suggest making sure it’s indicated in writing what type of furniture will be made available.  I couldn’t think of anything worse than thinking of a nice teak set which instead turns into a strip nylon folding chair.    Landlords have been known to do it… and it’s a no-no…  an ounce of prevention!   Also, It would be a disaster if you had our daughter’s wedding at the house and there was only one lawn chair not as described! *
*obscure 80’s reference, if you get it let me know and I’ll owe you one!  No googleing!

4)  “Dah Plane Boss Dah Plane” – Yes, we know you come to the Hamptons for peace and quiet but we also have highways here and airports… and a train too!    Here’s two simple words I can tell everyone “Google Earth.”   Yep, check the address out and look at the aerials.  If you’re near an airport or a train or a highway, you know you’re going to hear things.    But remember, it’s not Queens so it’s probably not going to be as bad as you think but it doesn’t hurt to be forewarned.

Now, hopefully this is my last dire warning rental blogs.   I’m starting to feel like Chicken Little!