2014

Hamptons Snow and Tell… Meredith’s Mistake… and Sag Harbor’s Newest Chef!

Meredith…. what went wrong?

Yes, the weather outside is frightful…  so frightful in fact I actually stayed inside, drank coffee and while I was loading kerosine into heaters and batteries into my zillions of lanterns, I watched  the “Meredith Vieira Show!”   I know, I sound like a doomsday prepper!   Anyway, it’s  so sad,  Meredith had the potential to be the new Phil Donahue but instead she’s busy trying to imitate the “Ellen” show.  Why????!   I guess what the television executives are thinking is nobody with half a brain watches television during the day.  Well I guess they’re not wrong but with the ability to watch TV on your phone and everyone having a built in DVR, won’t audiences follow smart programming?  Vieira was great on The View, 60 Minutes and the Today Show.   She was smart and approachable and added a spark to most anything she touched.  What happened!? Oh well but I digress…

Something’s cooking at Baron’s cove!

Some interesting news is thawing around town, while construction continues on the former Baron’s Cove Hotel, the restaurant that’s going into the new facility has apparently lined up a new chef to run the roost.   Rumor around town is that chef Matt Boudreau will be overseeing the new waterfront eatery.    In case you don’t know the name, Matt was the chef at Vine Street Cafe on Shelter Island for the past few years.     While I do love spending the extra $16 bucks and 40 minutes travel time going to “The Rock”, I’m kind of excited to make the trip for some good bolognese a little closer!  Hint to Matt – – – the bolognese on the menu!      In case you weren’t aware, Baron’s Cove was bought by Cape Advisers the folks behind the Watchcase factory a few years ago.  They’ve since started a major renovation of the site and after some back and forth, got permission to open a restaurant on the site with some restrictions.

Meanwhile, the numbers are out and things are looking up for real estate in the Hamptons!   Douglas Elliman just released it’s fourth quarter 2014 “Elliman Reports” for Long Island, Hamptons and North Fork, as well as our Decade (2005-2014) versions of those same markets. The reports are produced in conjunction with Miller Samuel and provide “the most comprehensive and neutral market insight available.”

The Hamptons finished the year with a strong performance. The quarter totals had the most sales in nearly a decade and the highest median sales price in more than seven years.  Along with the rise in sales, inventory remained stable which kept the market moving at a fast pace.

 

If you’d like the read the rest… check it out on Elliman.com!

The Chinese Democracy of Blog Posts… The Winners and Losers of Summer 2014!

Yes, sometimes it’s worth the wait and other times it’s the equivalent of “The Phantom Menace.”     Its been a few weeks since I’ve sat in front of this computer and contemplated a new installment of Hamptons Chatter.   But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about this blog.     Some of the observations I’ve made over the past few weeks but weren’t worthy of a full musing are being poured into this latest posting.   So, will it be worth it?   Of course because doesn’t everyone love when someone else tells them if they’re hip or hopeless?

Chef Eric Miller created a winner with Bay Kitchen!



New Restaurant:

Winner:  Bay Kitchen in East Hampton –  Bay Kitchen has it all;  a killer review in the NY Times under it’s belt, a killer location and good service.
Loser:     Harlow in Sag Harbor – It had the location and the buzz but bad service and bad attitudes killed the fun quicker than your elderly grandmother’s surprise visit during that last college toga party.
Drink: 
Winner:  Channing Daughters, Wolffer and Bedell Rose wines –  A shortage of local rose wine says it all.  It was “THE” drink at benefits and bbq’s this past summer.
Loser:    The BBC at Cyril’s –  a temporary loss of a liquor license  not to mention that you
get a blood alcohol spike by just walking in the parking lot (you could lose that sobriety chip), led to a summer of despair for more than a few fans of Napeague’s favorite haunt.
Fitness:

Winner:   Studio 89 in Sag Harbor – Rich Decker has created a bright, clean and airy space where they actually like their clientele!Loser:       Equinox Fitness – You guys keep taunting us with opening in the Hamptons.  Until you do you will remain on the loser list!  If you open out here next year, we’ll talk!

Hamptons Celebrity:
Winner:   Jimmy Fallon – He’s now a Hamptons home owner and you’ll see him tooling around town year round.   He’s taken over the Tonight Show and invigorated it with his own brand of humor and made it his own.  It’s the same way he behaves at restaurants and stores around town; friendly and approachable.   Why can’t all celebrities be more like Jimmy Fallon!?Loser:     He’s Chevy Chase and you’re not… and neither is Jimmy Fallon!  That is a good thing. The humorless and unfriendly failed talk show host, unemployed sit com star and father in law to a midnight swimming lad who had the town searching frantically at night for his whereabouts is nothing like Fallon.   Hey Chevy, if you’re not busy maybe you can finally make “Snow Day 2?”Hamptons Media/News source:
Winner:  Hamptons Magazine  – The biggest and the best and the only one that doesn’t take resort living too seriously.  Hamptons magazine is the fun yearbook for the East End and the only one I know people actually talk about during the summer!  “Hey, you were on the list!”  Hint!

Loser:     Hamptons Chatter –  Inconsistent updates with a bad layout and too snarky for my taste!   Besides does anybody read that blog anyway?
 
Fashion Statement:
Winner:   Vineyard vines – Their polos are stylish and reasonably priced!  It’s cool preppy chic and you can’t buy them at TJ Maxx.   Not that there is anything wrong being a Maxinista!  It’s also not
contributing to Polo-fication of East Hampton.
Loser:  Crocs –   If I have to tell you why, then you shouldn’t be reading this blog!

A Toast for Tacos…. Plus, Hamptons Hostility 2014!

For those who know me, thanks for your well wishes.   Sorry the blog takes a back seat to life but that’s the way the cookie crumbles.    So now that let’s get back to the “Chatter.”

Well traffic is terrible, temperatures and tempers are rising and the Hamptons is now entering into what I affectionally call “Seasonus Horribus.”  But while some folks find this time of year a bit challenging others relish in the chaos.      Yes, there are folks who miss the city and are pining away… and not the kind with sap… for a little hostility and confrontation.   Yes, it’s the 2014 edition of Hamptons Hostility!!!   The top 5 places where you can be as nasty as you want to be and where a middle finger is just another way of saying hello!  So here in my humble opinion, are the top five nastiest locations for this year….

1) 7-11 Manorville –  While technically not in the Hamptons, it’s definitely a ritual stop for more than a few city dwellers on their way out east.   My experience involved the doubling of coffee cups and the managers instance that I pay and additional $0.50!  “But sir, the sleeve doesn’t prevent the cup from getting crushed in the cars cup holder.”   So, while the manager didn’t care for my explanation and threw me more attitude than Lizzy Grubman in a parking lot (you would have thought I dropped a 2 gallon Big Gulp on the floor) I left both cups on his counter.   Fifty cents for an extra cup, really?!  That is extortion in my opinion and not nice.   I’m now doing my stops at the Cumberland Farms.

2) The intersection of CR39A and Rt 27! – The place where allowing a car to merge in front of you is as welcome as a root canal or IRS audit!  It’s also totally racist where German sedans have no tolerance for American hybrids or trucks (and vice versa).    I could tell you the way to avoid this area but why would I want to ruin my good thing!!!

Yes, I know this is the one in Riverhead!

3) CVS Pharmacy (Southampton & East Hampton) – It’s the Motor Vehicles of pharmacies!   While I have no complaints about the general staff, you know the human cashiers etc.   The pharmacy has long lines and an indifferent staff that really gets annoyed with questions.   But if that wasn’t enough,  try to deal with their automated phone system!   Lord help you if you need an Epi pen in a hurry!

4) Cavinola’s Cheese Shop (Sag Harbor)- Yes, apparently Ina Garten thinks this shop is the big cheese..  but I think it’s more tres fromage! The selection is actually extensive and good but please don’t dare question the prices.  When I made the mistake of grimacing at one particular price, I got an annoyed response of “then don’t buy it.”   Wow, that was nice!  So guess what… I didn’t …..and that cheese stood alone!   I then took a quick trip to Schivoni’s who also has a great selection for a fraction of the price!    I mean, I shop at Round Swamp Farm so I’m not afraid of prices but at least be friendly!  What do I need to bring a camera crew!?

 

5) Nick & Toni’s (the bar) – This is not about the restaurant or the employees.  It’s about the patrons who sit at the bar.   If you spend any time in the Hamptons there are going to be nights when nobody is around and you want to go out and mingle and have some dinner.  Well if you’re sitting at the bar at N&T’s bring a book.     The atmosphere there is so chilly you’ll feel like a Kardashian walking into the  Maidstone Club.  But hey, sometimes you wanna go where (signing the “Cheers” theme) “nobody wants to know your name.

Honorable Mention:  Rushmeyer’s in Montauk.   The perfect place to hang if you’re going out on daddy’s credit card.     It’s like “Logan’s Run” meets the Hamptons.

I’ve been whining with my Sancerre for years now about the state of Mexican cuisine here in the Hamptons.      While we still don’t have a decent sit down restaurant (yes, I revisited Blue Parrot one more time, it was awful and expensive -$20 burrito with what I’m pretty sure was microwaved chicken) that serves a full south of the border menu we do have another entry into the good… actually really good food to go category.   Formerly of the Wainscott Seafood shop, chef Peter Ambrose has taken his successful Endless Summer brand and opened a new taco shop at the home of the former “Food and Co.”
“Pete’s Endless Summer Taco Shop” is a welcome addition to east end cuisine.    The menu which features his famous fish tacos, along with such delicacies as braised duck, nori brined applewood barbecue chicken (which blew me away… really good) and vegan selections is fairly basic but full of gourmet varieties of the Mexican treats.    There are no fajitas or burritos on the menus but there’s plenty here to choose from and at a really reasonable prices, especially for the Hamptons.     Prices start at $5 per taco or 3 for $13-$16 and make this easy to go down.   Fries, salads, fresh guacamole and home made grilled tomato salsa are also available.    If you want more information go to www.peterambrose.com or call them at 631-527-5515.    Pete’s Endless Taco Shop is located at 283 Pantigo Road, East Hampton.   Also make sure to try the deserts from Jennifer Corzzo… delicious!

The Thing That Wouldn’t Leave…. Dealing With Guests that Don’t Take Hints!

It’s about a week to go till all hell breaks loose here in the Hamptons.    We’re of course talking about the official beginning of the summer season.   So while we trumpet the return of warm weather,  the traffic jams and Lyme disease there’s also something else on the horizon.   As anyone who lives on the east end can tell you….. it’s the return of the house guests!

Now, I know that my house is definitely much more fun now that ice has finally melted on the driveway.     So, it comes as no surprise to me that the casual requests for weekend visits increase ten fold when the mercury starts rising.

While I love the guests there are times when having visitors can become a scene more frightening than a Steven Segall movie marathon!     In fact it reminds me of the old Saturday Night Live skit (back when it was funny) of “The Thing That Wouldn’t Leave” (see the video below).     So, what do you do with guests that really believe “mi casa is su casa?”

Can you get them to leave with out being insulting?   Of course you can and I’m here to tell you how to do it!   It’s a simple three phase tactic that Martha Stewart would love and yet you’ll still have them running for the doors.  You might even get a thank you note later too!

The Thing Wouldn’t Leave from AFTRS Radio on Vimeo.

Phase 1:  Internet Interception – It’s a fast paced world and one would think that when visiting one of the most beautiful locations on earth, visitors here would actually enjoy shutting the world off!   HA!  Right!   In the Hamptons where dinner tables are silent only because everyone is texting someone else more interesting at another table, staying in touch is like air to breathe.    So what better way to give a guest a gentle nudge then to cutting off their connection to the world in addition to severing them from Netflix and sending their “House of Cards” addiction into a tailspin…. unplug the wifi router!    The fear of actually having to carry a conversation is often all you need to get your life back again and send your guest fleeing.  By the way, if my sister is reading this it actually did go down when you were here last time!  I swear!

The breakfast of chumps!

Phase 2: The Morning Jolt –  They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day.   So what better way to suck the energy out of the overly intrusive guest then starting their day on the wrong foot!  Here’s how you do it!  You hide the Keurig, the Starbucks and the bagels and instead replace them with something terrifying;   Instant coffee, generic cereal and tang!    Nothing says you couldn’t care less than spending less!     After day one of having to run to town to actually get something potable and edible your guest will be dreaming of a blanket in Sheep Meadow!   “Trust me guys, Toasted Oats are actually better tasting than Cheerios!  Really!”

Yes, they’ll have a headache and you’ll get rid of one!

Phase 3: The Cold Shoulders – After a day of Soulcycle, beach combing and a walk down Ralph Lauren Boulevard….errrr… I mean Main St. East Hampton,  there is nothing more refreshing than a hot relaxing shower.   So what’s a guest going to do when the hot water runs out before they have a chance to freshen up!   But alas you won’t have to fib to your guest about a faulty hot water heater, you’ll merely tell them it’s part of your fitness routine…. you know using the cold to burn fat!     Think about this way, you’re also helping them prevent their skin from drying out and invigorating their day since they didn’t have any coffee that morning!     It’s the alternative to Canyon Ranch and the only cost is you leave the house a day early!

In summary, this blog was done in the name of helping OTHERS.   All of the guest in my house are welcome to stay as long as they want… family is welcome to stay the entire month of July….. and guests of guests of relatives of guests are also welcome!  ANYTIME!

MY FINAL THOUGHT OF TODAY:  I see they’re advertising a “new” production of Les Miserables on Broadway.    I was wondering do you get a choice of fish or chicken with this production?!

It’s so good you’ll drop your fork!