The future home of Home Goods in Wainscott.

Located at the Hamptons Jitney stop in Wainscott, these cement benches are part of the welcome gate to some of the most expensive real estate in the country.    But admit it, you too thought they look like someone plucked them straight out of Pinelawn.  There is nothing attractive about these benches.   How about some Adirondack Chairs or perhaps a nice rope hammock? Those would be more Hamptons and you won’t need a Mary grotto to make it look complete!

A yabba dabba don’t!

It’s dusty, it’s rocky and it looks more like the gateway to Bedrock than the Hamptons!   Hello why can’t they make the quarry of Southampton Masonry more attractive!?   Yes, it’s a quarry but there is no reason they can’t plant some nice shrubs or something.  I mean,  use your imagination people!   Hire a talented landscaper and put some flair back on route 27.   Since it’s a rock pit and already looks like a home for a prehistoric family, why not add a Bedrock/Flintstones theme?!  Stop by the place in Southampton with all the dinosaurs out front.   I personally would love to see some Dino or Fred topiary!   It could be the year round Pumpkintown for Wainscott.   Besides, selling $20 juice boxes and souvenir photos with Fred and Wilma could be very profitable.

Let’s hide behind the chainsaws!

You know that commercial for Geico on the air now?  It’s a group of teenagers running away from a Freddy Kruger kind of character and they make a “bad decision” and run into a creepy barn with chainsaws everywhere… well they filmed that here.   Yes, the former Star Room and Swamp location is scarier now than it was when it was littered with self entitled 20-somethings driving their Ferrari’s and Lamborgini’s and sipping $1000 bottles of D.P. at their reserved tables.   I’m not sure why this building hasn’t sold yet…. all it needs is some paint and a bulldozer!    Hey, what ever happened to CVS going in there anyway?

Finally, there is “Home Sweet Home Moving and Storage.”   It’s a good moving company and in fact, I recommend them to clients frequently.  But address the elephant in the room.  There is NOTHING “homey” or “sweet” about corrugated tin buildings.    Perhaps if they did a big needle point on the side of the building it would seem a lot more home sweet home like.  Think the old logo for the game show “Family Feud” being placed on the side of the building.

Time to wrap this up.  Other than the simple fear of an unintended drive through, the building is attractive and done by a group of professionals who in my opinion did a good job of keeping within the area’s aesthetic.    The business will bring jobs to the area and help a lot of residents pull a home together on a tight budget.    Let’s not waste our breath complaining about what is essentially a nice building that will help the community while there are empty shelves at the food pantries and actual homeless folks on the street!  Happy Holidays and remember you are lucky and blessed you live in one of the most beautiful places on earth!