Have we really seen the bottom of the market? Plus it’s like a bedroom farce with 20% gratuity.

Prudential Douglas Elliman released it’s 3rd Quarter market overview for the Hamptons and the North Fork. In a nutshell a little bit of bad but better than expected with some very positive points. How so? Well, the inventory and price indicators were below the prior year and prior quarter. This is primarily due to the shift away from those high-end trophy properties. Meanwhile, the number of sales was up from the prior year! They’re also selling faster than they did last year.

If you want to read the complete report you can go to Prudential Douglas Elliman’s website; www.elliman.com So, finally I got the scoop on what’s going on at Nichols in East Hampton but it’s not a simple answer. Don’t worry folks the haunt which boasts such celebrity clientele as Sir Paul McCartney will feature those same deep fried breadsticks. Apparently the former owner of Ziggy’s in Bridgehampton is the new proprietor of Nichol’s. I have to say Ziggy’s was a great little place with good food and friendly staff, let’s hope they can keep it going in East Hampton.

Meanwhile, the former staff of Nichols is rumored to trying to do it on their own. After the last owner sold some of the employees said they want to try it for themselves. Yep, they’re going to open their own restaurant and are currently shopping for a location. Almond in Bridgehampton shut it’s doors last weekend after a long and extremely successful run. I heard they’re also shopping for a new location, no word yet on where they’re going. The rumors I’ve heard floated is owner Eric Lemonides is going to Sag Harbor in the former JLX Bistro. Also heard that Michael Gluckman of Boathouse fame just sealed a deal for the old Prime 103/Peconic Coast site. Meanwhile, some restaurants currently on the market for sale include Bamboo and to many folks surprise Della Famina! Apparently Jerry is selling more than his house. I guess this isn’t exactly news since he said to the Wall Street Journal back in September “basically, everything I own is up for sale,” Mr. Della Femina said, including his restaurant and newspaper. Della Famina went on to express his cynicism about the direction of the economy. Finally, some warm holiday wishes from the agents of Prudential Douglas Elliman in the Hamptons.

Happy Cyber Monday! And some Japanese guy from Canada is buying up the Hamptons!

So today is now something everyone is calling “CyberMonday.” It’s the day that retailers are promoting as the next best thing for the economy since “Black Friday.” It’s the day where America forgets about heading to the mall and instead logs onto their computers and shops! What a nice thing, right?! No fighting over parking or dealing with store employees who are trying to work scanners or fixing there mistakes as they wait for a manager with a “key!” Instead you just go online click a button and voila! Let’s just hope you don’t have a problem. Everyone keeps talking about scam websites. Also, what if it doesn’t fit or its defective!? Yikes, the next thing you know you’re on the phone with “Tiffany” in Mumbai and the problem just got worse!

We all love the internet but it’s a dangerous place and real estate agent’s aren’t immune from all of this either! Take this case in point… I’m minding my own business the other evening, shopping online…. wondering where in the world they find the models for L.L Bean! They all look like my grade school gym teachers (what a great insult! “You could be a model… for L.L. Bean) when I get an e mail for an offer on one of the properties I’m selling. Here it is:

Hello,

I will offer of $485,000.00 for the home. Please send me the contract for me to sign and return immediately this will be my retirement home and it will be a cash buy

1. I will want to close on 22nd December, 2010

2. I want to put down $5,000.00 Earnest money

3. $120,000.00 will be applied towards the closing balance

4. I want to put contingency on inspection on the contract.

My legal name is Jirou Hayashi of 2000 Sheppard Avenue, Toronto Ontario Canada M3N 2J1 and I am single, I will not be in Canada before the closing date to wire the funds to the attorney so I will advice you to send me an attorney information for a check to be drawn to give enough time for check clearance since I won’t be in Canada to wire funds for closing.

Please forward to me a purchase contract agreement in DocuSign format, DocuSign format is an electronic way of signing document. I am presently in a remote Japanese city and will not be able to access any documents in pdf because of no access to printing and scanning machines please note this.

My account manager Mr. Abraham Jacob will Issue payment in US Funds $155,000.00USD for 5,000.00, the will be for earnest money, second deposit of $120,000.00 and the remaining $360,000.00 will be disbursed accordingly.

My rep Mr. Abraham Jacob Esq. can be reach at: 1-647-862-1135, I strongly advice that I need an attorney to represent my interest in this transaction, my lawyer can pay to seller or title company so therefore I would like to deposit all payment with the lawyer.

Please I need the following information for your attorney immediately for payment

Law Firm Name……………………………………………

Law Firm Address……………………………………………….

Law Firm Telephone………………………………………………

Lawyer’s Name…………………………………………………..

Regards,
Jirou Hayashi

What a nice man! He has to be real! His prose sounds like he’s bad with English… like written menu at a certain restaurant I frequented in the city AND he wants an inspection!!! He has to be real! I didn’t even have to show him the house! Ohhhh… if it’s too good to be true maybe it isn’t!?

So I google the attorney’s name and apparently Jirou has been making offers from Florida to California! Go ahead, you do it! On TRULIA.COM there were postings with essentially the same letter I received over and over and over and over again. In fact one poor broker wrote about how her sellers already started moving out of the house!!

Apparently it’s some sort of fishing scam where they acquire information on the seller and then use that to apply for credit cards, loans, etc. Bummer too, I had already spent the money on The Motorized Monocycle from Hammacher Schlemmer!!! ( http://bit.ly/h7rPy9 ) At least there is no gruff looking model like L.L. Bean. Sadness ensued.

Anyway, I’m not alone in the Hamptons. I mentioned this in an e mail to some agents and got back 4 or 5 e mails where Jirou was buying their listing too! Once again, mom was right, if it’s too good to be true it usually is just that! But she also told me I could grow up one day and become an L.L. Bean model. Hmmmmm what was she trying to tell me!?

One last thing! I saw the new musical WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. It’s been eviscerated by the critics but you know what? It was actually a really enjoyable show! Patti LuPone, Brian Stokes Mitchell and Sheree Renee Scott headline a quirky, ambitious and fun show. I loved the movie version and I think the show, (although the music is lacking) is a worthy follow up. I thought BILLY ELLIOT was awful and it won the TONY! Once again, what do I know.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception!!!

Ironic, one of my favorite Marx Brothers lines came to mind last night (see today’s headline). But no I didn’t say it! I was enjoying my dinner in the basement of 1770 House last night when a rather loud woman next to me was extolling the virtues of a certain “News” channel. She claimed it was the only one that gave viewers the “whole story.” I nearly lost it! Now, I can’t get into it for legal reasons but I did give her a piece of my mind and tried to educate her to the best of my ability. I mean, she had a sort of “sapphic” (not that there is anything wrong with that) look to her and to me she seemed like a chicken defending Colonel Sanders. I don’t think it worked.

Anyway, if you get a chance, go to 1770 house. They have one of the best prix fixe dinners around. You can order from the pub menu in the basement or from the upstairs menu. Either way, I love it and it’s a great deal! $35 for a three course meal or $19.95 for a two course off of the pub menu. On the pub menu is the meatloaf that the Barefoot Contessa, Ina Garten twittered was the best she ever had. I have to say, I agree! Anyway, if you want to make reservations or get more details at www.1770house.com and I hope for your sake there is no Faux News on!

And now speaking of the Marx Brothers… this coming Saturday Bay Street Theatre will be showing “MONKEY BUSINESS!” It’s no “Night at the Opera” but any Marx Brothers is a good Marx Brothers. Admission is $5 or you can throw in a dinner at the American Hotel for $25 including the movie ticket. Now that’s an awesome deal if you ask me. (The American Hotel 631-725-3535)

Finally, if you’re having computer trouble STAPLES in Bridgehampton is doing free computer cleanups. They’ll help you defrag your computer, scan for viruses and get it running smooth in no time at all. It’s free so don’t let them sell you anything except for one of the “EASY” buttons! I love those!!

Get off your duff and do something about all of this stuff!!!

I’m going to go through today’s blog and basically type a stream of consciousness here! I can’t believe it but in a land where people can spend almost $100 for lobster salad, Bentley’s abound and a million dollars barely buys you shack people are still going hungry in the Hamptons. No, this has nothing to do with a detox program, these are people who don’t have the money to buy food. It’s women, it’s men and it’s old people and it’s young people, it’s immigrants and bonackers here who are going hungry! IN THE HAMPTONS FOLKS!!! One of the their last resorts has long been the respective food banks. But unfortunately cuts in funding and the tough economy have caused the shelves to go bare. I know we get hit with tons of charities this time of year but it takes so little to drop a can or a buck in a food pantry box. One of my agents is a volunteer at the East Hampton food bank and she said things are not good. So come on people, here’s your chance to show the Hamptons aren’t as nasty as the line at Scoop Du Jour on 4th of July! We can do it!

So after you drop that food in the food pantry box…if you’re bored head over to the 23rd annual Color theme Christmas Party on December 4th at Blue Sky in Sag Harbor. Bring another can for the food bank there and a $20 bill to get in and make sure you wear something SILVER! Why Silver I have no idea. The party starts at 7pm and you get to hear the Lone Sharks play. They’re a band in case you didn’t know. It’s all for a good cause so get on it!!!