Call it the Baby Jessica event of the Hamptons… or the Chilean Dog Minor of East Hampton!! TV Movie is soon to follow!!

Who said there is no excitement in the Hamptons in the winter. Take the following case of the mischievous Beagle mix known as Russell. This morning as I was finishing my final cup of coffee before heading out the door and emergency arose. NO, it had nothing to do with Ann Currie saying something inane again on the Today show. It involved a loud bark coming from the back yard.

As I went outside, I saw my trusty and well behaved girl Boo digging away at the side of the pool house! What was she doing?? Wait there’s another bark coming from… GASP…. underneath the pool house!!! Oh my god, I had visions of Jo Beth Williams somehow working her way into a TV version of what could be a truly tragic event!!! “BABY JESSICA 2; RUSSELL’S TRAPPED!” The air was filled with tension and suspense. But as often is the case in times of tragedy, the spirit of man causes him to rise to the occasion. WE ARE ALL HEROES DEEP DOWN INSIDE (cue David Bowie song)!

Luckily my trusty house manager Daniel Strohmeir was there with crow bar in hand. If you know me well, you know why I often owe mine, Boo, Peter and Russell’s very survival to Daniel. This morning all of our lives came crashing together in what could have been a tragedy!! In all seriousness for a second, I got scared when the little guy stopped barking for a few minutes. I actually got a shiver thinking what if somehow Russell really got himself hurt down… choking or suffocating! Yikes, maybe I should have called the fire department. I mean they rescue cats out of trees right?!

No, never call the fire department or the police in the Hamptons unless it’s an absolute emergency. Because knowing my luck Russell would pop out the minute I did and I would end up being disgraced in the community fire/police blotter as the neurotic crack pot who called over his dog chasing a rabbit under a pool house. Read the Hamptons police blotters and you learn so much about the community. My favorite of late was the gentleman crackpot on Georgica beach who called 911 after a dog owner forgot to pick up some poop! It’s a true story and no it wasn’t me. I was on a cruise and have proof to back my claims. Now back to the rabbit chasing Russell. Did I say he was chasing a rabbit before?! Well that’s my theory anyway.
Anyway, after about 90 minutes of tension, tears and fears. Russell was liberated thanks to a quickly kicked and pulled hole in the floor. Russell didn’t say much about his ordeal after the liberation. But I have noticed he’s all of a sudden taken an interest in the New York City Marathon website. Is his surfing of said website an indication he’s planning to run like a certain Chilean Miner next fall! ONLY TIME WILL TELL!! By the way, I think I want Doug Savant to play me in the TV version, don’t you think that’s good casting?! (photo of a concerned Boo, eager to help-she did actually start digging a hole and ripping shingles off the house)

Finally some quick Almond update gossip. Rumors are floating that Eric Lemonides will take almond into… ta dah… BOBBY VANS. While I really doubt that scenerio big time. My bets are going to COPA around the corner. The School Street restaurant has been kind of quiet lately. It’s just my theory anyway!

Ok something nice about this weather! Yes, that is my finger!!! PLUS MUSINGS ON WHY BEAGLES ARE JUST BAD!!!!

I know I’ve been bad about blogging here but I promise I’ll be better in 2011! Anyway, as you can see by the photo, the Hamptons CAN be fun in the winter. This is the Buckskill Skating Club, located on yes… you guessed right.. Buckskill Rd. in East Hampton. My suggestion though is if you’re not under 9 years old (which I am not, although some say I look young for my age) go during the week when it’s not so crowded with daredevil youngsters. I mean I don’t want to break a hip or anything!! Not that I would since I’m so young. I wrote about this last year and how for about $20 you can rent skates, exercise outside and breathe some fresh air.

Now on to other topics. Real quick, rumors galore about what restaurants are moving where. Let me tell you I’m hearing from a reliable source that Bamboo is not becoming ALMOND. Apparently there will be a new sushi restaurant in the location and they’re souping up the place and hoping to be open before April.

The other rumor about NICHOL’S.. they are still very much open and the food is actually as good as before and perhaps even a little better and less greasy! I know that’s a turn off for some.
Finally, here is Russell. He’s my recently adopted BEAGLE/JACK RUSSELL TERRIER mix. He’s apparently got a new hobby. He likes running back and forth over the invisible fence and giving him self a little jolt! I can’t figure it out why he continues to do this! Anyone having any suggestions I’ll be happy to hear them.

Finally, what Hamptons real estate agent WAS actually a female prison guard. We all know she looks the part but did you know she REALLY WAS a guard!??? I’m just asking!

Have we really seen the bottom of the market? Plus it’s like a bedroom farce with 20% gratuity.

Prudential Douglas Elliman released it’s 3rd Quarter market overview for the Hamptons and the North Fork. In a nutshell a little bit of bad but better than expected with some very positive points. How so? Well, the inventory and price indicators were below the prior year and prior quarter. This is primarily due to the shift away from those high-end trophy properties. Meanwhile, the number of sales was up from the prior year! They’re also selling faster than they did last year.

If you want to read the complete report you can go to Prudential Douglas Elliman’s website; www.elliman.com So, finally I got the scoop on what’s going on at Nichols in East Hampton but it’s not a simple answer. Don’t worry folks the haunt which boasts such celebrity clientele as Sir Paul McCartney will feature those same deep fried breadsticks. Apparently the former owner of Ziggy’s in Bridgehampton is the new proprietor of Nichol’s. I have to say Ziggy’s was a great little place with good food and friendly staff, let’s hope they can keep it going in East Hampton.

Meanwhile, the former staff of Nichols is rumored to trying to do it on their own. After the last owner sold some of the employees said they want to try it for themselves. Yep, they’re going to open their own restaurant and are currently shopping for a location. Almond in Bridgehampton shut it’s doors last weekend after a long and extremely successful run. I heard they’re also shopping for a new location, no word yet on where they’re going. The rumors I’ve heard floated is owner Eric Lemonides is going to Sag Harbor in the former JLX Bistro. Also heard that Michael Gluckman of Boathouse fame just sealed a deal for the old Prime 103/Peconic Coast site. Meanwhile, some restaurants currently on the market for sale include Bamboo and to many folks surprise Della Famina! Apparently Jerry is selling more than his house. I guess this isn’t exactly news since he said to the Wall Street Journal back in September “basically, everything I own is up for sale,” Mr. Della Femina said, including his restaurant and newspaper. Della Famina went on to express his cynicism about the direction of the economy. Finally, some warm holiday wishes from the agents of Prudential Douglas Elliman in the Hamptons.

Happy Cyber Monday! And some Japanese guy from Canada is buying up the Hamptons!

So today is now something everyone is calling “CyberMonday.” It’s the day that retailers are promoting as the next best thing for the economy since “Black Friday.” It’s the day where America forgets about heading to the mall and instead logs onto their computers and shops! What a nice thing, right?! No fighting over parking or dealing with store employees who are trying to work scanners or fixing there mistakes as they wait for a manager with a “key!” Instead you just go online click a button and voila! Let’s just hope you don’t have a problem. Everyone keeps talking about scam websites. Also, what if it doesn’t fit or its defective!? Yikes, the next thing you know you’re on the phone with “Tiffany” in Mumbai and the problem just got worse!

We all love the internet but it’s a dangerous place and real estate agent’s aren’t immune from all of this either! Take this case in point… I’m minding my own business the other evening, shopping online…. wondering where in the world they find the models for L.L Bean! They all look like my grade school gym teachers (what a great insult! “You could be a model… for L.L. Bean) when I get an e mail for an offer on one of the properties I’m selling. Here it is:

Hello,

I will offer of $485,000.00 for the home. Please send me the contract for me to sign and return immediately this will be my retirement home and it will be a cash buy

1. I will want to close on 22nd December, 2010

2. I want to put down $5,000.00 Earnest money

3. $120,000.00 will be applied towards the closing balance

4. I want to put contingency on inspection on the contract.

My legal name is Jirou Hayashi of 2000 Sheppard Avenue, Toronto Ontario Canada M3N 2J1 and I am single, I will not be in Canada before the closing date to wire the funds to the attorney so I will advice you to send me an attorney information for a check to be drawn to give enough time for check clearance since I won’t be in Canada to wire funds for closing.

Please forward to me a purchase contract agreement in DocuSign format, DocuSign format is an electronic way of signing document. I am presently in a remote Japanese city and will not be able to access any documents in pdf because of no access to printing and scanning machines please note this.

My account manager Mr. Abraham Jacob will Issue payment in US Funds $155,000.00USD for 5,000.00, the will be for earnest money, second deposit of $120,000.00 and the remaining $360,000.00 will be disbursed accordingly.

My rep Mr. Abraham Jacob Esq. can be reach at: 1-647-862-1135, I strongly advice that I need an attorney to represent my interest in this transaction, my lawyer can pay to seller or title company so therefore I would like to deposit all payment with the lawyer.

Please I need the following information for your attorney immediately for payment

Law Firm Name……………………………………………

Law Firm Address……………………………………………….

Law Firm Telephone………………………………………………

Lawyer’s Name…………………………………………………..

Regards,
Jirou Hayashi

What a nice man! He has to be real! His prose sounds like he’s bad with English… like written menu at a certain restaurant I frequented in the city AND he wants an inspection!!! He has to be real! I didn’t even have to show him the house! Ohhhh… if it’s too good to be true maybe it isn’t!?

So I google the attorney’s name and apparently Jirou has been making offers from Florida to California! Go ahead, you do it! On TRULIA.COM there were postings with essentially the same letter I received over and over and over and over again. In fact one poor broker wrote about how her sellers already started moving out of the house!!

Apparently it’s some sort of fishing scam where they acquire information on the seller and then use that to apply for credit cards, loans, etc. Bummer too, I had already spent the money on The Motorized Monocycle from Hammacher Schlemmer!!! ( http://bit.ly/h7rPy9 ) At least there is no gruff looking model like L.L. Bean. Sadness ensued.

Anyway, I’m not alone in the Hamptons. I mentioned this in an e mail to some agents and got back 4 or 5 e mails where Jirou was buying their listing too! Once again, mom was right, if it’s too good to be true it usually is just that! But she also told me I could grow up one day and become an L.L. Bean model. Hmmmmm what was she trying to tell me!?

One last thing! I saw the new musical WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. It’s been eviscerated by the critics but you know what? It was actually a really enjoyable show! Patti LuPone, Brian Stokes Mitchell and Sheree Renee Scott headline a quirky, ambitious and fun show. I loved the movie version and I think the show, (although the music is lacking) is a worthy follow up. I thought BILLY ELLIOT was awful and it won the TONY! Once again, what do I know.