While you might be familiar with some of the more famous homes of the Hamptons, Grey Gardens, The Creeks or even the Orgy House, there are probably a few you haven’t heard of yet. Why? Because it’s what agents refer to certain homes behind the owner’s back…. and it’s not necessarily a compliment. By the way, I won’t disclose any of the addresses but that doesn’t mean I won’t tell you when I see you.
First off, I knew of a listing a few years ago in Hampton Bays and the agents around town were referring to it as “Moscow on the Peconic.” Apparently the décor was so unique the agents equated it to a “Russian bordello.” Gilded faucets and ceilings, elegant
patterned marble floors and chandeliers that would convince you that the interior
designer was Vladimir Putin. It was as if you took the Trump Tower penthouse and put it on the water. By the way, I had my own listing that I used to refer to as the “bordello” a few years ago. It wasn’t an easy sell.
Speaking of waterfronts, there is one in Sag Harbor that has some interesting qualities. It’s dark, cavernous and overflowing with nautical touches. Any guess how a few agents described it to me? It’s like living in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride at Disney World. Wow! I wonder if you could just say it’s where they actually filmed it and maybe get some p.r.? I mean who would be the wiser?
But don’t think it’s all about movie themes in some of these homes. Sometimes you can get the association with a store or restaurant. One Southampton home which is overflowing with Asian accents, industrial grade carpeting and Formica countertops is affectionately known as the “Benihana” house. I also know of another home in East Hampton that’s walls are so overloaded with posters, knick-knacks and flair it’s just referred to as “TGIFriday’s.” Wow, why do I suddenly have a craving for some shrimp tempura and potato skins?
Finally, one of my favorites is a home I think I coined with the nick name “1313 Mockingbird Lane.” Yes, if you’ve ever driven to or from Sag Harbor and East Hampton you’ve no doubt seen this lovely little ditty! It’s kind of funny but who knew a cedar shingled beach house could look so sinister? But everyone has their own style and once size doesn’t fit all. I’m sure there are some folks out there who think my prominent oil based painting of Bella and Russell is kinda tacky. I have no problem with that I get my own joke. But don’t you ever dare insult my collection of Hummel figurines.
Well this Friday it’s Memorial Day weekend and the beginning of the Summer Season. But before we take off our suits and ties for the season, a little advice for landlords and tenants in the Hamptons the season is about to begin. Trash is not automatically picked up by the town. You need to either drop it off at the
local dump or hire a trash service to come and pick up your refuse. You know like Norsic or Mickey’s. It is not recommended that you take your Hefty or Glad bags and throw them over the fence onto another person’s property. Yes, this really happened to a landlord who discovered a years worth of garbage as they were prepping their property for summer tenants. Ain’t the Hamptons just so glamorous!?
So, last night I had the chance to visit the highly anticipated Wolffer Kitchen in Sag Harbor. So here’s the good news and the bad news. The good news is it’s pretty good. The bad news is it should have been better. Since it’s the first foray into food for the local vineyard, I’ll give them time to let this potentially fine dine breath. Located at 29 Main Street in the village, the restaurant opens with a series of folding doors that open up and make it a great place to dine and watch the world go by. The menu on the other hand is a little more closed with a smaller selection of options. The wine menu on the other hand is rather extensive and features of course Wolffer wines, numerous imports and this in addition to a few local vineyards including Bedell.
The service as I sat for dinner last night was on their game from start to finish. I started my dinner with a small Greek salad which was absolutely fantastic, a perfect size with a delicate blend of feta, olives and greens. Oh my god, do I now sound like a food critic? I have to stop! Anyway, for an entree I had fresh tuna grilled over pasta which was nice and light but a little too light on flavor. My dining companion (who you can figure out) had a vegetable platter with I believe some fava beans and he thought it was awesome. Perhaps the comment that I’m more “suited for heavier flavors”, i.e. bolognese is my favorite should be taken into account. So what I’m saying is I liked Wolffer Kitchen, I just wasnt’ crazy about it. Perhaps I’ll hit it up again once they get more time under their belt but I have no doubt it’s going to get better! Wolffer Kitchen is open daily at 5:30pm and takes reservations on their facebook page or by calling 
According to Hollywood trades, filmmaker RJ Cutler, who last directed the Anna Wintour/Vogue movie The September Issue, is setting his sites on the Hamptons. He apparently got the green light from Warner Bros. on a movie about a group of teenage Au Pairs who spend the Summer working in the Hamptons. The movie will be based on a novel by Melissa de la Cruz. The girls apparently from different socioeconomic backgrounds balance their domestic work with the carefree and unpretentious life in our little part of the world (yes,I’m being sarcastic). The pic is being produced by GREY GARDENS star Drew Barrymore. I guess she really likes it out here! Hey Drew, I have a couple really great listings I want to show you!