real estate.

Finally… someone interviews Hamptons Chatter!!!

HAHA… CLICK BAIT… GOT CHA!     BUT DAMN IT… I’m upset!!    Why do I keep reading all of these magazine profiles with everyone in the Hamptons but ME!    It’s frustrating, I mean I’m more fabulous than the other guy you just profiled!   So rather than wait for some writer who doesn’t really know me tell you how fabulous I am,  I’ve decided to tell you myself.   I mean it is the Hamptons and it is all about me!! So here is my interview with me about me…

BRAD AND ANGELINA HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS BLOG.



So what brought you to the Hamptons?
I came out for a benefit to see my dear friend Christopher Rockefeller on a beautiful August day about 20 years ago.   I think it was a fundraiser for cats without tongues (“It’s really a travesty they’re the meow-less minority”).  I am very involved in so many causes but I don’t like to talk about them all, unless they honor me with a plaque. Anyway, I came out and just fell in love with the crowds that time of year.   It was so friendly and everyone just seemed to be enjoying themselves.  I mean how could I leave?

What don’t you like about the Hamptons?
Oh I can’t stand the McMansions.  They’re horrible.   The one that I live in is not a McMansion at all, although some may think it looks like a really glamorous one.    I hate the McMansions look,  so I did some renovations to really make my house a home.  For example, when I moved in all of the dishwashers were Bosch, I switched them all to Miele.  Voila! The house feels so completely different now, it accents the granite counter tops in a whole new way!

Where is your favorite place for dinner?
My own house.    My wife, my boyfriend and my trainer found me the most fabulous private chef, Wolfgang Von Trapp.    His vegetarian chili served over his secret edel-rice is fabulous!   It’s also gluten free, fat free and sodium free!    I mean who needs to go to a restaurant and see all those hungry people staring while you cut to the front of the line?    Eating at home is so much more civilized and when Wolfgang sings you’ll feel like running to the top of our burm and start spinning!

It’s an absolutely fabulous day when it’s sunny!

What’s your idea of the perfect summer afternoon in the Hamptons?
A warm sunny one.

How do you stay so fit?
I found this secret spin studio south of the highway off Georgica Pond which was started by a group of former Branch Dividians.   It’s a whole new way of working out with bright lights, sleep deprivation and chanting.    I sometimes go three or four times a day!     It’s reasonably priced too, just put them in your will and pay $50 for a 45 minute class.

What are you reading?
Right now I’m reading two books; “Being and Nothingness” by Jean-Paul Sarte and “Inferno” by Dan Brown.   I like to think when I read.

What’s your favorite place to shop?
I like stores!  It’s so incredible to go into a real building.  I know everyone else goes on and on about websites like Amazon and Zappos but you can’t see how you’ll look in front of other people on the Internet!  Besides isn’t it a little weird to go to lunch after shopping on a computer?   There are no bags.

By the way, did we say you’re charming, smart and good looking?!
You’re welcome, I like to use Kiel’s facial fuel.

 

Salsa… Soros… and more!

I’ve griped forever about how there isn’t a good Mexican “sit down” restaurant in the Hamptons.    I’ve complained and complained.  Yes, I like La Fondita and Sabrosa but I can’t really see having a nice quiet dinner at either location.     But this summer, it seems we finally can get the whole enchilada and enjoy it too!

First in Southampton is Union Cantina.   Located at the site of the former Southampton Public House,   the “Cantina” opened in mid-June and has been packing it’s tables ever since.   So far, the reviews have been pretty good.   I haven’t yet been but FOHC (Friends of Hamptons Chatter) have been telling me the foods pretty solid… not outstanding but good.    The standouts according to my sources are the enchiladas, roasted peach glazed pork and the freshly made salsa.  While the prices are certainly not Taco Bell they’re not exactly Nello either.    So based on the word of mouth around town it seems Union Cantina is worth a visit.    If you’ve been, let me know what you think.
Secondly,  The Blue Parrot in East Hampton has long been a punch line for bad food and bad service in my book forever!  I went a few years ago when it first opened under the new management which includes Jon Bon Jovi and the girl from Jerry Maguire who has a name I can’t spell.   The food was overpriced, lousy and served with a snarl from the surly staff.      If that wasn’t bad enough they used to have a bouncer there which would have lead you to believe, folks were clamoring to get inside…. and they weren’t.   Anyway, for whatever reason I decided to stop by for a visit last week after a hiatus of close to three years.      The first thing I encountered was a friendly staff and no bouncer!     I had to wait while my table was being prepped so I sat at the bar and had a really great margarita… at $15 bucks it was no bargain but the pour was generous and the mason jar/drinking glass was filled pretty high.
I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I like you!!!

After about 5 minutes, the table was ready and I sat down as fresh tortilla chips and salsa were being dropped off at the table.      That was followed by the house Oaxaca salad and Lime Chipotle fajitas.  While I know fajitas aren’t exactly gourmet and probably not the best way to judge the cuisine, I have to say they were really good and served with fresh made corn tortillas.     By the way, yes you can make bad fajitas I should know, I worked at a Chi Chi’s in college (for those of you who don’t know, it was the Mexican Olive Garden of the 80’s).     My partner in crime Peter had the fish tacos which which also garnered a big thumbs up.      The final verdict is that I take back all the negative things I’ve said in the past about Blue Parrot.    The snarky Go Fund Me page for the chef to take cooking lessons has been taken down and my mea culpa is complete.     So ,  if you’ve not been to The Blue Parrot in years, take my advice and give it another shot.

Finally, just in time for August some good news about what makes the Hamptons such a fun place to live.    According to sources, billionaire investor George Soros made a stop with a few friends at the American Hotel in Sag Harbor.   While that’s not anything to set rumors flying what happened when the check was delivered is the interesting part.  Apparently Mr. S. (as I call him) paid his hefty check with 4 figures not including cents and added on a 100%+ tip for the staff.     While I haven’t been able to confirm this Christmas come early gift from the tight lipped staff at the hotel… my sources are pretty reliable.     Besides, what’s so wrong with being nice!?

7 RANDOM THOUGHTS ABOUT THE HAMPTONS SUMMER ’16!

One of the fun things about writing this blog is the fact it’s a blog.     This isn’t done for any other reason than my own amusement.   I can write thoughts and impressions on just about everything, except relatives.   That being said, today I’m just jotting some really tangential thoughts about living on the east end.   In no particular order of importance are my unrelated musings about my little part of the world this summer.

Life in the fast lane…….

1)  Do they really need speed traps on Route 27 when the average speed on weekends is about 10 miles an hour?     Seriously, I’ve noticed this over and over again.   Considering traffic is worse this year than last (yes, we say this every year) I don’t understand.    Maybe there* not actually speed
traps and instead just looking for the next Range Rover to go by with an inexperienced driver texting like mad on the way to Tracy Anderson.   Speaking of which….

2)  Wouldn’t it be great if they opened a Planet Fitness next to Tracy Anderson in Water Mill!?    I don’t know why but I just find this idea so appealing.   Come to think of it, let’s open a Ben and Jerry’s on the other side.

3)  I’m over screaming children in restaurants…. when I was a kid, my parents would have killed (me) if I ran around and screamed in a public space.   But then again,  the only two restaurants my parents ever took me to were Rustler Steak House and Perkins Pancakes.   Anyway, we digress.   The bottom line is I’m not spending top dollar to eat out and have your kid scream in my ear!  When my nieces and nephews were little and screaming, I wouldn’t go to do dinner with them so I’m sure as hell not having dinner with your kid!  I know I sound cranky but whatever.    I also want to say your kid isn’t that cute!

4)  There is nothing better than taking a boat at twilight and heading to dinner.   Especially when it’s someone else’s boat!!!

5)  Is it really worth $100 for a pound of Lobster Salad?

Season’s Greetings… it could be July 4th!

6) If you’re being honored by a particular charity and asked to make a speech, please make it about the charity and not about yourself.  “I’m so busy but I find time… my personal assistant has been swamped…. my new shoes hur!”  UGH! Really?   Hamptons residents are very generous and love supporting the charities of their choice and…. squirrel… make sure to buy tickets for Gimme Shelter Animal Rescue benefit next week it’s a good one… also the LGBT Network’s Sunset on the Harbor….. but please don’t mistake my donation as an invitation to go on about YOU!

7) Finally,  I was taught long ago you never go to someone’s house for dinner empty handed.    I think it’s a nice practice.   But for the love of g-d, if you’re going to re-gift the bottle of wine you received two weeks earlier at your dinner party take the old tag off.     Oh, and by the way if I’m the one who brings said bottle back to your house, please don’t let everyone know!   Maybe I didn’t like that cheap garbage you gave me!!!

*yeah I know it should be they’re… I’m just getting even with the grammar police!

WHAT’S IN…. WHAT’S OUT… SUMMER ’16 IN THE HAMPTONS! PLUS MIXING,MINGLING AND MORE AT THE OLD STOVE PUB!

Trends may come and go but when it comes to the Hamptons, trends come and go like tissue paper.   So, while it wasn’t that long ago Rick Astley and torn sweatshirts were all the rage here on the east end… shut up, it really was hip not that long ago.   There are new trends that have invaded homes from Westhampton to Montauk this year and lucky for you, I’m here to tell you all about them.     Because as everyone knows… I define what’s cool!   Cool like listening to Barry Manilow at a TGI Friday’s.

In:  Buddhaberry, Sag Harbor – GENIUS!   Self serve frozen yogurt where children young and old can fill up their cups to the rim and pay by the weight!   Yes,  it’s also really good and healthier than ice cream as long as you don’t pile on the Reese’s and gummy bears.    It’s also a scene on weekend nights with more mingling than Tindr.
Out:   Speedway, Wainscott –  Yes, they have Ben and Jerry’s but the melted and refrozen texure just isn’t quite as appealing as it was when Rick Astley ruled the airwaves!
HOT!  Especially the Brazil thing.. but not Zika Brazil!
In:  Havaianas –  Cheap fashionable footwear that says, “Hey, I don’t need no stinkin’ Gucci loafers to look cool.”
Out:  Crocs –   Do I really need to spell it out?   They jumped the shark when you could spot them easily at the Mall of America.
Vineyardvines.com

 

 In:  Vineyard Vines –  Great polo shirts, shorts, t-shirts and more with snappy yet preppy designs that aren’t a ton of money.    There is also a great outlet store at Tanger in Riverhead for those of you who are even cheaper than I am.
Out:  US. Polo Association Polo Shirts  – Ummmmmmmm, We know they’re not Ralph Lauren, so why are you trying to fool us?
 
In:  Bagels from Goldberg’s in Wainscott – Fresh bagels with friendly service and no weird lectures about the state of immigration at the register.   I love this place!
Out:  Thomas’ Bagels from Walbaums in East Hampon – you would have thought I was drowning kittens in the salt water pool when I brought these home a few weeks ago.   I apologize everyone!  It will never happen again!
Old stove pub…

It’s ain’t the Swamp but…..

drinks in the yard!!!
Finally something that hopefully will be very “In” for this summer….  Saturday cocktails at the Old Stove Pub iin Sagaonponack.   Every Saturday from 5-7pm, they’ll be opening their doors to east end members of the LGBT community for a Saturday mixer.  Discount drinks and free passed appetizers will be offered in addition to a chance for great mixing and mingling.   There’s also plenty of parking available and you’ll have the chance to see if anyone with a sense of fashion still wears Crocs.   If they do, I predict they will be shunned!  The Old Stove Pub is located at 3516 Montauk Highway, opposite Town Line Rd.     631-537-3300
See you at Old Stove Pub… Saturdays 5-7pm.