rentals

LINK-O-RAMA! Get Your Hamptons Beach Passes Right Now!

The Hottest ticket avoid-er around!

I recently mentioned to a friend that I had posted all the links to get East Hampton Village, EH Town, Southampton Village and SH Town beach permits.   “Where did you post it?”   In my latest blog!  “I didn’t see that and I read it!”  After interrogating said friend with a “True or False” quiz about Hamptons Chatter, I knew they were telling the truth!   But apparently this person along with everybody else never scrolled down to the bottom of the page.   Sheesh, ( singing “or by a comma when the feeling is not as strong!”) You people are l-a-z-y!   So here they are again in all their internet glory.  By the way, a little bird told me they’ve already sold about 1/3 (1000 of the approximate 3000) of the permits!!!!This is getting insane. It’s only February and we have a foot of snow on the ground!    Anyway, happy thoughts…I’ve also included a few links to some recent articles about the Hamptons markets!  Happy Permitting all!

BEACH PERMIT LINKS!
East Hampton Village Beach Permits
East Hampton Town Beaches
Southampton Town Beaches
Southampton Village Beach Permits

 

NOWS THE TIME TO SNAG THAT SUMMER RENTAL, NY Post:
http://nypost.com/2014/02/12/nows-the-time-to-snag-that-hamptons-summer-rental/

THE NEW RULES OF THE HAMPTONS, Wall Street Journal:
http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702304428004579355200190620442
HAMPTONS HOUSE: MAKE MINE NEW, NY Times:
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/09/realestate/hamptons-house-make-mine-new.html?_r=0

The Hottest Hamptons Housewarming Gift…. plus a quick Summer 2014 Rental Guide… AND LINKS TO GET YOUR BEACH PASSES !

The best house warming in the Hamptons!

One thing new comers will discover when they come here is the cell phone service out here is the pits.    I’ve had both AT&T and Verizon and I don’t care what their ads say, both their coverage out here stinks!    From Noyac Rd. to Scuttle Hole Rd to Sagaponack South to the Northwest Woods, getting even one bar from any service is wishful thinking!   Hello, can you hear me now????  NO!    Although this particular condition is particularly handy when listening to boring conversations from friends discussing their latest posting on face book.  “I’m sorry, the signal out here is terrible.”

This is the reason that one of the hottest house warming gifts on the east end, from this agent at least (and a few other smart agents)  is a “micro cell tower.” I live in East Hampton outside the village and I was long been frustrated by getting 10 voice messages every time I left my house.   But no more! I fixed that by getting the AT&T 3G MircoCell.   Now in my house I get about 5 bars, where before I got zippo!   The cost was about $150 from AT&T or you can do a quick search on E-bay where you can get them for as little as $99.    I’ve given several away to friends and customers and it was a hit and for a few a life saver (well not literally maybe more of a social life saver).   I’ve heard stories about the providers sending the towers for free if you bitch badly enough, but I hate groveling and I’d rather just pay the money and move on!   If you need more details, call your provider and ask them, “can you hear me now?”

This coming weekend for many real estate agents on the east end marks the beginning of the traditional summer rental season.   While summer rentals can start as early as the prior year, most Hampton visitors tend to look east beginning President’s Day Weekend.    Well before you trek out here, let me remind everyone that renting out east is a bit different from renting an extended hotel room.      For 3 months a year at least, you pretty much own a house.    Also, unless you’re ready to shell out a big hunk of change, odds are you’ll be driving your car to the beach rather than walking.     So before you pile everyone into that Plymouth Duster you better make sure you have a parking permit sticker!     Last year, I posted a quick video on the “Ask Elliman” site, to give a good overall introduction to spending their summer at the beach.   I’m posting it again to remind everyone… that along with the links for east town’s permit website.   So you can get the ball rolling for Summer ’14 in the comfort of your own home.

BEACH PERMIT LINKS!

East Hampton Village Beach Permits
East Hampton Town Beaches
Southampton Town Beaches
Southampton Village Beach Permits

 

Are Rich People trying to Impersonate Me?! I Smell a Scam in East Hampton!

What can I say, it’s been busy in the Hamptons lately and this weekend will be no exception, even in the middle of WINTER!   Yes, WINTER… the Winter Warlock is working overtime this weekend; there’s snow, the winter Olympics .. very little day light….
Winter Winter Everywhere!

and Sag Harbor hosts it’s Third Annual Harborfrost.    It’s relatively new tradition with fireworks, parties, art exhibits and the locals coming out of hiding to celebrate all things cold and frosty.  But if you really want to know what Harborfrost is really like, let me quote what a friend of mine calls it, “Spring training for St. Patrick’s day in Montauk.”   Anyway, here is the schedule and web site for HarborFrost 2014!   Go have fun people and be safe!  Also, take heart, EH Village beach passes are now on sale!  Winter will soon be a thing of the past like “Beliebers.”

Meanwhile, It’s been a weird couple of days.   First, there was the angry man calling from “Microsoft” who wanted me to give him access to my computer, apparently there getting error message from my “windows computer.”  As he demands,  “Push the Microsoft Flag key and control,” I inquire who exactly he wants to speak to… I mean he has my computer registered in his files, right?    Once again he demands I listen to him but he still doesn’t know my name!  If you’re really interested, google it apparently it’s a common scam.  I actually find these scammers kind of fun to tease, I’m lonely!

Then I got an e mail from someone saying, “I hope you don’t mind me e mailing you at this address?   I googled real estate, hamptons and Patrick and I found your business contacts.    Apparently the e mail we’ve been communicating on has been redacted!”  REDACTED?   I had to look that word up to find out it basically means deleted.
After I emailed saying, “refresh my memory, what were we talking about?”   The nice gentleman figured out he had been had.     Apparently some clown from god knows where took my photo and my name and proceeded to list a summer rental on Air BNB for a home on Lily Pond Lane, East Hampton!!!   Now call me wacky but do you really think anyone who has an oceanfront on Lily Pond lane is going to list on Air Bnb?    Is Jon Bon Jovi or Martha Stewart perhaps impersonating me on the
The Air BNB ad , I didn’t place!!!

Interwebs?  What, can’t they just send unwanted pizzas or ring the doorball and run away to the neighbors they don’t like?!   I mean this is crazy!!!  Anyway, the nice people at Airbnb.com caught this before me and the ad was taken down.   But how weird is this   (See it below).    So buyer… or renter beware when you’re surfing online!     This is almost as weird as when Amex asked me if I bought 10 cases of horse feed in Kentucky!   Besides if you’re going to steal anyones identity… I mean really… you couldn’t pick someone more glamorous than me!?
Also, don’t mind if I rub this in… DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME FOLKS USE A BROKER OR AGENT!

The Hamptons… Debunking the Myths!I

I’ll never forget my first visit to the Hamptons back in the mid 80’s.    A friend of mine brought me to stay at his parents house which I think was in Southampton.   It was somewhat of a culture shock for me.   I mean I grew up going to the Jersey shore.     Margate, Cape May and Long Beach Island were all I knew of beach living.    So when I first crossed the canal… Yes, that’s really where the Hamptons begin.. it was a bit of an eyeopener.

Now that I live out here full-time, friends from near and far have questions about living in our little slice of “heaven.”   So along with their requests to visit with friends and friends of friends (I’m sorry, the house is being bug bombed that weekend), come misconceptions about what its really like to be in the Hamptons.   So, today I’m here to debunk the myths and misconceptions about life east of the canal.  Where is Quogue anyway?

It’s a movie you idiot!!!

1)  Myth:  If you’re nice to your boss maybe they’ll invite you to their beachfront property for the weekend.      

REALITY: Hello McFly, “Weekend at Bernie’s” is not real life!   You’re not that lucky, your boss isn’t going to invite you and he/she probably won’t die.   So,  even if you do somehow get an invite it’s going to be exhausting butt kissing and sucking up all weekend!   Your boss comes out here to get away… especially from you! It’s the truth.  If they liked you even a little they would have invited you already.    I don’t care if there was a “Weekend at Bernie’s 2” it’s just not going to happen!  In fact, if you bumped into them at the Golden Pear they’re going to pretend they never saw you before!  I experienced that one first hand from Harry C. years ago.  (I heard he now lives in Michigan and works as an assistant manager at Friendly’s, sometimes Karma works!)

2)  Myth: People come to the Hamptons to get mellow, relax and get away from it all.


REALITY: Wait I gotta catch my breath from this one!  MELLOW!!?? RELAX???! GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?     If you’ve ever been to The Palm on a Friday night in the summer you’ll know it isn’t true!  The overcrowded lobby where everyone dressed in designer duds is aggressive, pushy and jockeying the host stand as if they were starving and getting free government cheese (not as good as it sounds and not kind of bland tasting).   Not only that it’s networking central once you get inside the dining room.    In fact, I was there a few weeks ago with 3 friends and we didn’t even talk to each other.    They were talking business deals and I was working the room seeing who wanted to sell!     I always knew good things would come from the 837 Club!

3) Myth: There are palm trees in the Hamptons.


REALITY:  They don’t shoot “Revenge” in the Hamptons.    It’s shot in California or North Carolina or somewhere.    There are many beautiful trees on the east end, especially Scrub Oak (I’m trying to make them the new “it” thing and improve my property value).   Did I say how spectacular Scrub Oak are in the fall.  They’re beautiful in the summer too.  Boy I thing Scrub Oak are THE tree of the super wealthy and stylish.    Call me about seeing my house, it’s on the market.  By the way, whatever happened to Conrad Grayson?

4)  Myth:  The celebrities in the Hamptons at all of the benefits are refined and super glamorous! 

The only “Housewife” I want to meet!

REALITY: I have to quote Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr., “you don’t have to be a star baby…. to be in our” benefit.   I have to blame Andy Cohn for this one.   Now, I love you Andy and I’m happy for your success but those housewives are a nightmare!    I am an addict to the History Channel so I’ve never actually watched a “Real Housewives” of anything.     I know plenty of real housewives and personally most of them really aren’t that interesting.   So why do I care about Ramona (who screams at waiters)… or Jill (who abuses real agents (moi) about “over priced” houses which I know she couldn’t afford anyway)?    Besides, you can’t fool me they’re nothing more than Snooky in Pucci dresses.    Classy!    Now, don’t get me wrong there are some real Hollywood type celebrities out here; Alec Baldwin, Kelsey Grammer, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jerry Seinfeld and Christie Brinkley (who I swear uses a stylist to go to Yummylicious) that are well dressed and well behaved.   But lately I think they’re keeping a low profile on the benefit circuit.  I guess they heard that indicted NJ Housewife Teresa is coming to town.   Although personally, I think I’d kind of get along with that housewife.  I bet she’s been to Long Beach Island.