Can you hear me now??! Plus, Patrons see Red at Stix!

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of being invited to a friend’s wedding in Montauk.    It really was a beautiful reception but the reception at the reception was terrible!   But hey anyone who has spent more than one day in the Hamptons can tell you that.   Its not that I was being rude or doing work but I was trying to upload photos to the old FB and it was a cellular wasteland!  Ironically, after noticing a black fly in my chardonnay, I realized I just got back from a trip to Ireland where in the middle of nothing but sheep and pubs there were at least 3 bars and 4 pubs at all time!   It was a great trip!
So where in the Hamptons are the dead zones?  Well I started taking note and I’m here to share.   So if you’re driving or hanging out east and your boss calls you, if you study my map you can say for example, “I’m driving on Scuttle Hole Road and I’m about to lose you,”  even if you’re in East Hampton Village.   I have ATT and the dead areas are noted by the “A”… Verizon is noted by the “V” and came after consulting a friend.   Just remember, this is just from OUR experience and maybe our  I phones are at fault.  We don’t want no trouble from anyone!
V is Verizon dead zone, A is ATT!

 

The crowd at Red Stix!

Meanwhile, as we stand on the verge of getting another Asian restaurant in the Hamptons (see yesterday’s blog which Curbed already wrote about) the news about the latest entry is mixed at best.   Last week I stopped by with some friends at the very expensive and very crowded Red Stix.  While I can tell you they’re doing gang busters, there were a few frustrated patrons who decided an hour and a half was too long to wait for their stir fry!   The table next to us high tailed it out of there after waiting, while we stuck it out.   Suffice to say, the food was good…. actually very good.  But if you’re going to charge those prices you better get the food out on time!  That’s just my opinion.

 

Putting some Zen in Your Yogurt…. and Surfing for Surf Stats!

 

The Hello Kitty Brothel (google the image you’ll understand) in Sag Harbor better known as Yummlicious is getting some new competition.   Located on Main Street in Sag Harbor at the former Well Nest is “Buddha Berry Frozen Yogurt.”   Billing itself as a waffle and coffee bar  the frozen dessert factory features a solid wall full of contemporary and classic flavors from cookies and cream to old fashioned Chocolate chip mint.   There is also plenty gummy bears, chocolate chips and sprinkles to pile on top and put any spoiled Hamptons child into a diabetic shock!   I mean nothing says healthy like frozen yogurt topped with gummy bears and chocolate!   But wait… or should I say weight….  the frozen yogurt is SELF SERVE and they charge you by the weight!!!   This is pure genius that so why mom and dad are busy texting the yoga instructors and trainers, little Veruka and Spalding (after he gets the foot off the boat) can go to town and force their proud parents to pay the tab.      This is like putting free crappy prizes in Frosted Flakes genius!!!     While I can’t say if the yogurts good or bad, I had no patience to have anyone weigh my cookies and cream so you’ll have to go try it yourself.    They also have a zen yogurt garden too!

Trendy surfers form Montauk!
Meanwhile,  I don’t surf and I have no intention to be shark bait anytime in the near future.  But I know plenty of folks that do and its always great running into them on the beach checking the waves. But here’s a question for my friends who enjoy dressing in Neoprene and hopping into the surf; why not just go on line and check out the conditions online Sufline.   Featuring  live web cams from Main Beach and other local surf spots, boarders (do they call themselves that?)  can also get detailed reports on wind, tides and swell conditions.   Now, isn’t that easier than driving all the way to the beach to check on the surf?     OK, now get off your computer and go hang 10.
Get down tonight!   KC and the Sunshine Band!
Ok, now call me cynical but there is an unintentially humorous interview with K.C. of the Sunshine Band fame over on Hamptons.com.    Now I’m not picking on the poor interviewer who did this one, she probably had no idea who was interviewing.   In a nutshell for those of you who don’t know, they had slew of catchy dance hits in the mid 70’s and had a song on the second album B-side of Saturday Night Fever.  The coffee through the nose moment for me when reading this was, “With so much love for music I wondered why it had been so long since his last album?”   REALLY?  Answer:  Demand… It’s not 1977!!   Now comes the part where I’m nice.   I do have KC and the Sunshine band on my 70’s play list on my I pad and I bet the show this weekend at the Ross School will be an absolute blast with some good retro disco dancing.   If you want tickets to go see one of the “most dynamic front men in music” you can get tickets and information here.    So put on your boogie shoes and get going!  Ewww…. Boogie shoes… gross!

A Tale of Two Restaurant Openings…. Plus, Everyone Really Is A Critic!

Ok, the dust has settled and we’re back to a calmer and more civilized Hamptons, well up until July 4th weekend anyway.    That being said, I’m exhausted the guest, the traffic and the difficult cocktail conversation.  “Yes, I heard that Saint Barth’s is not what it used to be.”  Oi vey!  But other than the buzz about where everyone else went and where I didn’t there were a few topics that seemed to be on everyone in the Hamptons lips.   The state of the real estate market on the east end and what new restaurants have come to town!    But if you thought today’s blog was going to be about the market, you would be wrong!    I’m going to spill the beans on the two biggest openings of the last week!

Now, while I didn’t go to any restaurants this past weekend I do have sources that braved the openings of two highly anticipated new restaurants in Sag Harbor; Doppio and Harlow.   The menus and pedigree of both are very different and the reaction to both was pretty much the same…. VERY DIFFERENT!

Harlow which arrives in town with very high expectations opened it’s doors recently.   Located at the

A rough start?   But oh what a view!

old B.Smith’s location on Long Warf, it comes from one of the partners of the infamous Nobu and already has one location in the city.     Billed as similar to their city outlet with a more “low key East End atmosphere,” the restaurant will none the less attract a similar crowd with offerings such as their signature oyster bar.   So,  was it a home run?   Well according to  friends of mine who went this past Saturday, it was a more of a strike out.   They described the restaurant as a complete “cluster f***!”  In spite of having reservations they were put off not 1…. but 2 hours before they called it quits and headed off to The Cuddy instead!    They said the staff was also very surly and I’ve also heard mentions about the bathrooms not working and patrons having to go down the block.    So as you can tell, I have no reports on the food just yet!

Now, I get it!  It’s Memorial Day weekend and you got slammed and we’ll give you some time to get your bearings.   But then again, it’s not like you didn’t know it was going to be a crowded holiday weekend!    We’ll check back in a few weeks and see how they do especially since it is one of THE best locations on the east end and the menu looks really impressive.

Doppio is up an running!

Meanwhile, down the street at the home of the former Madison and Main the folks at Doppio apparently got off to a very auspicious start.   Billed as an artisan bistro, the restaurant with the
“dopey” sounding name obviously came to town ready to do business.    I’m hearing  the crew in Sag Harbor is a well oiled machine with good food and good friendly service!    Let’s hope they can keep up the good work!    The last thing in the world I wanted on the east end was another Italian restaurant but Doppio sounds like its worth the trip!

Speaking of customers and their restaurant experiences, if you ever want a good laugh look no further than some of the reviews for Hamptons restaurants on YELP!    Now, I know sometimes people are just plain pains in the butt and that’s why I take the caveat here, I didn’t write these comments, I’m just reporting them.   I mean, god forbid people do online reviews of this blog!   I can hear them now; “How can you not know the difference between they’re and there.”   “You have all the wrong punctuation.”   “Lousy spelling.”   Yeah, well you know what….  lighten up Frances, it’s a blog not the New York Times!    I know I’m not Tom Wolfe but at least I’m no Bret Easton Ellis!   So anyway, here are some of my favorites that had me squirting my Sauvignon Blanc through my nose!    But more importantly it proves my point Hampton diners are sometimes hard to please!

Pierre’s Bridgehampton:  While the over all rating for Pierre’s was 3 out of 5 Stars, there were a few scathing remarks that have not doubt been responsible for a dent in their status.   TB from Manhattan said on 7/22/13 “below average food, fighting cougars…. and beyond obnoxious.”    Is a restaurant full of cougars a bad thing?

Calvin from NYC wrote on 8/30/13 “Too arrogant!  French man…. Do not give them a credit card for reservations and the reservation never on time.”   Well Calvin,  if you can own a credit card you can obviously afford to buy a verb.  Calvin you are a stupid American!

Sant Ambroeus, Southampton:  Overall they got 4 out of 5 stars, so why not 5?   Well, TF from Atlanta wrote on 6/12/13, “I tipped a very small amount because of poor service – about 10% but later on my credit card statement I noticed that they ignored the tip amount I wrote and “updated it to 18%.”  Sorry TF, zeros and 8’s look so similar it’s an honest mistake.  Maybe they were just agreeing with you and put another zero on top of your zero!?  See… it can happen!

Well apparently service with attitude is their biggest issue.   Christy G from Greenwich Ct. wrote on 7/7/13 “if you don’t walk in dripping in gold and Versace they assume you shouldn’t be there.”   While S.P. from Denver, CO. wrote 4/14/12 “why give a wine list if you ‘re never coming back to take the order.”   When in Rome you two!

LT Burger, Sag Harbor:   3 out of 5 Stars.   Josh M. from Manhattan wrote on 1/28/14 that he “wouldn’t go there if my eyebrows were on fire and the place had the only water in Sag Harbor.”    I guess he didn’t like it?

Trust me they get better but I’m trying to be nice here guys!    Some comments involve bad food and cases of Montezuma’s revenge!    All I can say is it’s rough out there!

Old Stove Pub, Sagaponack: 2 out of 5 Stars.   Michael S. from New York wrote on 8/23/13… “If you enjoy sea bass that smells like a soiled diaper served, eventually, by a shiftless and competent waiter than this is your joint!”

In the age of social media EVERYBODY IS A CRITIC!

Madison and Main gets ready to split… and The Foot Fetish in the Hamptons!

Times are apparently tough for many restaurants on the east end.   Depending on who you ask the off season crowds are not what they used to be and that could be why we recently saw the departure of

Foody’s says goodbye!

Foody’s in Water Mill and imminent change at Madison and Main.   The former shuttered it’s doors with a big blow out Sunday night.  While Madison and Main which seemed to be doing steady business is changing to what my sources claim will be a brick oven “pizza and pasta restaurant.”    The building on Sag Harbor’s main street was recently sold and the new landlord apparently got an even better deal with an “up island italian restaurant.”   I don’t know if these whispers are true but that’s the rumor heading around town.   So can rumors like this be trusted?  Well, someone once told me “if you walk and pass wind on one end of main street in Sag Harbor, it’s already being discussed at the opposite end of town before you get there.”  So true!

The new… what would you call this anyway?
In the meantime, what is the biggest trend in the Hamptons these days?  Is it a new designer?   Is it a hot new developer? No and no… it’s actually foot massage places.   The success of Happy Feet in Sag Harbor is apparently sprouting a cottage industry on the east end.    There’s already one in Southampton and now East Hampton is getting one across the street from Chase Bank on The Circle.    According to workmen in the location, the new… what would you call this anyway….. foot massage place will be opening sometime in the next month.    I guess it’s the $35 price tag for an hour of pampering that caused this place to be a hot ticket.    By the way, if you ever see me there run the other direction.  I have a tendency to pass out and snore when getting my happy feet!
Meanwhile, what’s going on at the former home of Well Nest?    The sign said, see you in the spring of ’13… then see you in the spring of ’14…. and now the sign says available for rent!?   I hope Well Nest comes back somewhere!  It was a great store and a cool concept.   Just please not another real estate office or bank in that location.