In what’s probably one of the better business moves this summer, Sag Harbor staple Provisions will be adding another location at the former site of Citerella in Water Mill shopping center.

Smoothies and Salads and Bears… oh my!

A smart move considering every Saturday and Sunday, the area swarms with Lululemonites loitering after the SoulCycle classes next door.  Which means getting a green juice or smoothie just got a lot easier!! Thank the lord…. or at least the owners of Provisions.    If you’ve never been to Sag Harbor location, it’s probably one of the best natural food markets anywhere and the organic cafe is always packed!!    According to highly placed sources (the guy at the cash register yesterday), the Water Mill location will be opening sometime in Mid-July.     While I’m sure it will swamped like their other location,  they may want to burn some sage to be safe.     It couldn’t hurt to clean some of the possible bad juju that sunk Citarella (in that location), Avanti market (which I loved), West Elm and Blockbuster video (damn you streaming video!)!    Anyway, you can check out their website by clicking here for more details.

Well, the calendar says it’s June and the summer season is defintiely upon us.    But like the traffic jams on 27 and the blooms of the rhodaden… Roudaden….. Rhodamorgenterns… errrr… RHODODENDRON (like you know how to spell it?) there are other signs that that it’s that time of year in the Hamptons!   Here are a few that I always look for…

Wolffer Vineyards becomes the Pumpkin Town of warm weather on Friday Nights!  Screaming kids, parents that ignore them, jazz music and cars lining up and down the highway…. all with Summer in a Bottle… it’s beach living at it’s finest!

People are constantly asking every store, restaurant, real estate office and bank for their wifi password!  Cell service sucks in the Hamptons…. we all know it.    It’s even suckier in the summer!  Period.    Listen I get it…. it’s isolating and frustrating.   But maybe this summer we can try checking our social media accounts when we get home people!?  Nahhhh. I hate talking to people in person too!

There’s a stranded German luxury car on the beach!    If you drive two days a week for 12 weeks a year, maybe getting a Range Rover or MercedAudibeach9es G-Class isn’t such a great Mercedeesbeachidea (also other people need parking spaces too!)   Try starting with something smaller and easier to handle and perhaps watertight like a VW bug.    Just because you have 4 wheel drive doesn’t mean your car is good for beach driving, especially as the high tide is coming!

Restaurant Managers get Amnesia!    If you’ve ever seen the movie “What’s Up Doc,” you’ll remember the scene where Madeline Kahn gets dragged out of a banquet by her heels when her fiance says “I’ve never seen this woman before in my life.”   Well that’s how more than a few of us feel this time of year when we head out to eat on weekend night.   Ummm, I’m the guy who comes in every Monday in October and April and I’m the only one in the place?!   Patrick?!  No!?   Grrrrrr. 

Anyway, enough complaining…. I’m loving the warm weather, the calls from my long lost relatives and paying double for everything!  It’s summer in the Hamptons everyone!!!  Party on!









5 Big Reasons Your House Hasn’t Rented… Plus, News from the 31 Flavors!

So we’ve come to that time of the year when homeowners far and wide start calling real estate offices and saying, “How come nobody has rented OUR house?!”   Well, it’s never easy getting to the bottom of the issue but there are 5 points that seem to be the do or die of Hamptons rentals.    I’ve spoken to agents all over the east end and the common responses seem to be the following….


1) Dated Interiors – Does your home look like a chic clean hotel room or your great aunts house that hasn’t been updated since after the Eisenhower administration?! Think about who the people are that rent for the summer season.  It’s mostly successful urban professionals who  want clean, modern and easy to maintain interiors.   Expensive rugs, white sofas and antique end tables may all look great but they scare the heck out of potential tenants who fear losing money (security deposits).   Just think about it this way, if you were checking into a hotel and it looked like your house, would you wan to stay there?    If not, go to Pottery Barn and get yourself some new digs.    It may not be everyone’s bag but it’s what rents!

2) Smells – Everyone loves the smell of “home” but if that involves wet dog or cigarettes, I can guarantee you nobody is going to want to rent your house.    But that doesn’t mean if you’re a dog lover (like me) or a smoker (like my dog) your out of luck.    Call a local carpet cleaner and have both the rugs and furniture done.    It’s also not a bad idea to cook some cookies before showing the house.    It’s not about the smell, although it don’t hurt.  It’s really about the cookies.  Brokers and agents always like to eat and when they’re happy the potential renters are happy (Hint: Chocolate Chip)!

Man’s best and smelliest friend!

3) Access – Make it easy for agents to show your property.     Be ready to show your house at any time or any day.    Thursday’s between 1-4 while good for you might not work for most agents.    Renting a home is going to be a bit of a task, you’re going to have to keep it clean while showing and be ready at a moments notice.   There’s a reason why you’re getting that big check, nothing in life is that easy!    If your really want to promote your house, think about hosting a weekend open house to encourage easy showing.

4) Be A Fair Landlord – Here’s something you might not have thought of but agents in the Hamptons talk to each other!  Now, how is that going to effect your chances for renting?   Well if last season you involved the agent in a war over a $2000 deduction for a broken coffee cup, odds are you’re a marked man or woman!    As I said in a previous blog, document the condition of your home but don’t look for the deposit to be an income generator!   There are landlords who have a reputation for being unpleasant and difficult and agents avoid showing these homes like the plague.    So you want a few names?  You’ll have to buy me a drink first! HA!

5) Price – ahhhhh the last and most important item on the list.   As a builder once told me on the east end, “there’s a butt for every seat…. it just depends on how much they’re willing to pay for the chair.”
You’re house doesn’t have to look like something from Architectural Digest but then again don’t ask the same price of the house that really was in the magazine!   If you’re curious about what price to ask for a summer rental, my generic rule of thumb has always been 3.5% to 5% of the value of the home for Memorial Day to Labor Day with August garnering half of that amount.     Now, I know not every agent or broker will agree with the formula but I’ve always found it’s a fairly good place to start.

Finally, speaking of open houses… yes I mentioned them in paragraph 3…. My best friends sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who spoke to the broker at the 31 Flavors last night who told me they heard I really don’t give out the I-
Pads at my open houses.  Well I have news for you… yes I do!   I always say agents show what they know and it’s my job to get them there!  That’s my promise to my sellers.  One thing that I’ve found that works is a good “give away.”   So don’t believe me ask Peter Moore of Corcoran, Mary Slattery of Corcoran, Ann Ciardullo of Sotheby’s, Nancy Howell of Corcoran or Justin Agnello of Douglas Elliman among others…. It’s the real deal!   So as for the gossip monger at the 31 Flavors,  “You’re still here?  It’s over.. it’s over.  Go Home!”