!! YES!!! I USE TOO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!! BUT I’M TALKING WINE,PUPPIES AND WHAT TOWN IS FOR YOU!!!

For the party animals in us all!

It’s not the dog days of summer yet but its time for some doggone fun!   UGH.  Even I know that is a really bad pun!  First a little advertisement for a REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD CAUSE!   The Southampton Animal Shelter holds it’s Fourth Annual Unconditional Love Gala this Saturday.   The shelter was originally operated by the town but due to budget cuts, the town shut the shelter.   A group of concerned locals got together to save the shelter and formed the Southampton Animal Shelter Foundation!  Ok, I’m a total sucker for animal charities.   I give to the ASPCA, ARF and I bought a ticket to this event.   I know my stigmata wounds are already acting up… I’m a saint!   It’s a great cause…. a really fun benefit and you can help out some of the cutest Hamptonites around!  You know the cute friendly ones who don’t cut you off, text and drive, brag about their decorator or flash their Panerai!  Bella and Russell can’t go but I know are giving their full support to the benefit.   Thanks to my friends Sarah Alvarez and Molly Molly for telling me about this event!  If you want to purchase tickets and help out… CLICK HERE!

So often I get asked as a real estate agent, “which town is best?”    You know, that’s a really hard question to answer.   I really think every town has some very unique benefits and it’s own pluses and minuses.     So I developed a little quiz here to help you find the town that’s right for you…. it’s fun…
it’s silly… and eerily accurate;  So here we go.

1)   On Saturday afternoons your footwear of choice during the summer is …
a) Barefoot

Where should you go???

b) Gucci or Prada
c) Teva’s
d) Custom Monogrammed slippers

2)    While driving a convertible around town, Paula Abdul comes on the radio.  Do you…
a) Remark “she was a singer? or “Who TF.”
b) Remark “I wish they were playing “Straight-up.”
c) Reduce the volume and hope nobody hears you listening.
d) You would never play the radio while your top was down!

3)    My idea of a memorable evening is…..
a) Not remembering how I got home.
b) Sitting next to Gwyneth and Jerry at The Grill.
c) Getting an invite for sailing and sunset cocktails.
d) Hosting an awesome dinner party and getting some great hostess gifts!

4)     My favorite drink before dinner is…
a) Red Bull and Vodka.
b) A nice Rose or Sancerre.
c) An awesome margarita with
d) A martini… shaken not stirred.

Wolffer Kitchen is open!

Well here are the results… if you answered “a” to more than three of the questions, you need to hang in Montauk baby.   More than 3 “b” answers you should try East Hampton to Water Mill…. “c” It’s Sag Harbor or Amagansett or Hampton Bays…. and “d” it’s Southampton or Quogue.   If you answered less than 3, leave me alone.  I don’t have all day to write this damn blog.

Finally, what’s the latest buzz in Sag Harbor?  Well the Cuddy has set sail and Wolffer Kitchen has arrived in port.   The soft opening was last night and tonight they’ll be serving food and hopefully lots of Wolffer Rose to keep that Summer Buzz going.   They’ll be unlocking the doors tonight at 5.  I’ll ty to stop by or at the very least get the early reviews to you asap.   If you’re curious about the complete menu… click here.

 

DOPPIO’S DILEMNA…. AND YOU KNOW IT’S AUGUST …UMMMM JULY IN THE HAMPTONS WHEN……

Yesterday’s tomorrow is today…. right?

It’s Peyton Place in Sag Harbor these days as the questions abound…. Is Doppio history or on hiatus.   Yesterday, state officials along with a few men in blue (you never know when some employee might want to sneak off with salt and pepper shakers) came in and locked the restaurant down and threw up a “SEIZED” sign!   Well it didn’t take long but a few hours later one of the owners or employees was out there with a sign and free lemonade promising it will be “back to business as normal.”   Well it’s now 11:30 am and Hamptons Chatter was late to go to press today and the doors are all still locked and there isn’t an employee in site. There is also no lemonade today but did you really think someone could serve free drinks in Sag Harbor without getting into trouble?

Rumors about Doppio’s demise have been floating around since this winter.    After a promising start and lots of fanfare last year bad attitudes and mediocre food turned the eatery into a ghost town by Labor Day.   This year I have to say the food has improved and the staff is a heck of a lot friendlier.    Everyone should get a second chance and I’m hoping they make it work.    I’ll keep you updated on the progress and update here as needed.    It would be fun to set up a webcam, right?

UPDATE 2:38pm:  It’s still closed, still dark and Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.
UPDATE 4:19pm:  The day glow orange sign is gone and they’re getting ready to reopen.  A stirring saga is over. 

Bad reviews can’t stop this bear!

 

  • Meanwhile, it’s beginning to feel a lot like August around here int he Hamptons.   I know every year we all complain the crowds are bigger, the traffic is worse, the lines are longer, blah, blah, blah than the year before.   But you know what?  I’m convinced it really is crazier than ever out here … and there isn’t a Kardashian in sight!   The way I know is the annual tell tale signs, that usually happen in late August are already upon us.   It’s like a swallows of Capistrano situation here but with BMW’s.   Here are the signs it’s bursting at the seams on the East End;

A movie like “Ted 2” can sell out on Sunday night at 10pm.   Yes, it’s only scored a lame 45% on Rotten Tomatoes but it’s doing bang up business in East Hampton.   I can’t imagine anyone wanting to pay to see this after the director’s really really bad “A Million Ways to Die in the West,”  but if your choice is between this and “Me, Earl and the Dying Girl” one title does sound a little better for fun summer viewing.

Scads of Toddlers are playing under hot coffee pots at bagel stores and coffee shops while their attentive parents are texting away on their I-phones!   Now, I always find this annual occurrence to be a bit scary.  I mean I’m not a parent nor do I have any intuitive parental skills but I kind of find it stupid to let children play unsupervised under a scalding coffee pot!    Call me wacky!

It takes an hour to get from Southampton to East Hampton village on a week night and Sag Harbor Village looks like East Hampton Village!    Folks, if you live within walking distance to any of these villages (remember that’s why you paid what you did!), why in the world are you driving a 10th of a mile to get there?!  Getting stuck in traffic on Butter Lane…. I’m sorry I just don’t get it!   But then again there are a lot of things I don’t understand….. like why everyone and their mother is now publishing a magazine this summer!  I read Hamptons Magazine, Hamptons Real Estate Showcase  and Dan’s…. sorry that’s it folks… the rest I toss in the circular file!   I would also read Curbed.com if it ever went to print… I hope I earn brownie points on these.

The uniform at Rowdy Hall is Gucci, Prada and Birkin  The home of Hamptons casual and arguably one of the best burgers around becomes a tornado of tags and logos as the normally low key crowd gets outnumbered and out dressed.    I know it’s competitive out there and everyone wants too look good but isn’t this a casual beach community?  Couldn’t we all just embrace the softer side of Sears?
hahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahaahhahhah

ARE THE TICKS REALLY WORSE THIS YEAR?? … PLUS, WHEN GOOD STREETS GET BAD NAMES!

I’m sorry but I’m confused.   This past Winter sucked… tons of snow… tons of cold…. a loooooong winter and yet “the ticks are worse than ever!”   I thought if we had a cold winter then the tick population would be smaller.   They froze right?!  But now, I keep hearing the ticks are worse this year because we had a cold winter!  My head is hurting.  This is more head ache inducing than watching Madonna act…. the same bad actress who apparently doesn’t like paying taxes for her Hamptons spread!! Hmmmmmm.

PREVENTION !

But I digress, Recently I got an e mail from a Mr. Richard Feder from Fort Lee, NJ who writes.   “Dear Hamptons Chatter, So what’s the real deal on the ticks this year?   Which kind of tick just bit me?  Do I have Lyme disease or Lime disease? How do I remove a tick?   Is it really worse this year than last year?   What can I do to help keep ticks away?”     Well Mr. Feder, you ask a lot of gross questions that I don’t want to answer. So instead, I’m suggesting you go visit the University of Rhode Island’s website www.tickencounter.org.  There you’ll find the answers to everything you wanted to know about ticks that I found too gross to answer.   One thing they do say on the site is that it is indeed worse this year than last year because of the cold.  Uggghhhhh.  Anyway, from the site… some good advice for parents….

Another thing about the East End that I also find puzzling is the name of some of the streets out here. I mean it’s the Hamptons!   Shouldn’t all the streets have beautiful and idyllic names?   Well that’s my point.   If you’re a home owner on one of these following streets, I suggest you get together with your neighbors and push for a name change.   Not only might it help improve property values, it might also look a lot better on your next holiday card’s return address.    In no particular order by the way here are some streets that could benefit from a name change.*

Prime location… questionable name!

Swamp Road -EH- As my friend Bill Mccuddy says, “only in the Hamptons will people pay $2 million to live on a road called Swamp.”     My suggestion is to rename this Cedar Vista Way.    Isn’t that better?!

Widow Gavits Road -Sag Harbor- OMG… really?   So sad.   How about we call it, “New Chapter Lane.”   I mean no disrespect to Mr. Gavits but don’t you think it’s time she moves on?

You named a street after him?

Van Houton Street – Southampton (Riverhead) – They named a street after Millhouse?  The geeky kid?!  How about Bart Boulevard instead.  It still has that comic appeal but less nerdy!

Mount Misery – Sag Harbor – Put on the Barry Manilow albums and get me a razor blade!  It’s actually a really nice street and close to Sag Harbor Village  But oh that name!!   So what to do? Let’s rename it Fallon Way… after Jimmy Fallon!  My favorite Hamptons celebrity who seems to always be happy and friendly to everyone!  OK, how do we start this petition!?

Dead Trail – Southampton – It’s located right off of Bridies path…. so why not call it Groomies path? Everyone loves a bride and groom.  It’s a good location and surrounded by trees but what a bummer of a name.  Although it’s a perfect location during Halloween!  Insert scary laugh here!

*not sure if it will really help values but hopefully you got a good chuckle.

RECON FROM HARBOR MARKET AND THE BEST OF OVERPRICED HAMPTONS!

The New Harbor Market!

Hi all, just remember Hamptons Chatter is not a daily, a weekly or any other type of regular anything.  I also refuse to take any sort of literary Metamucil!   I only speak when I feel inspired to speak, when the muses have touched me or when something around town really pisses me off.    So guess what? The muses haven’t touched me but I am a little…. wait no negativity here either.   I need to breathe.   Hmm.   OK now for the not angry edition of Hamptons Chatter or as Curbed.com editors have been known to call this “HC.”    I can live with that… HC!

Well, I finally had the chance to go the new Harbor Market and Kitchen in Sag Harbor to see if all the fuss and arguing was worth it.  Well, here I am to tell you it was much ado about nothing!   The place looks fantastic, beautiful barn doors, cedar shingles and the whole exterior of the place is totally in keeping in with the neighborhood aesthetic.     The food by the way, is also pretty good especially the pizzas but only order when you’re not in a hurry.   As for the much feared industrial sounds coming from the roof and the awful unattractive roof…. well it’s pretty damn quiet and its way more attractive than that house on 114 that looks like it’s being built for the Munsters or the hideous colors radiating from Yummilicious!   Not that I don’t love Yummilicious.

I don’t know the owners of the market but I can tell you they’ve had their hands full battling to open the market… remember this is the same street where panties were twisted over a huge pair of legs…. but there efforts have paid off.    The interior is beautiful and the sandwiches, salads and the macaroni and cheese are pretty good too!    So go, check it out and decide for yourself…. and decide if the world really changed that much on Henry Street!?

But you know different things find different things offensive.     What do I find offensive??????   Some of the prices we are forced to pay here around town in the Hamptons!  Here is my brief list of some of the worst offenders.  Now remember, I don’t mind paying big bucks for the guacamole at Round Swamp Farm because it’s amazing.   What I do resent is mediocre products at premium prices. But remember, this is not an angry blog.  I’m staying positive.   So here are some of the most positively overpriced items I can think of on the East End…. 2015 Edition!

No supersizing here – Sanscerre that is Sen-sationally expensive!!

Sen Restaurant – This Sag Harbor establishment is always packed and I get it.   The food is good but a dinner for two with a few glasses of wine and some sushi shouldn’t cost nearly $300 bucks!    Well, part of it might have been the very stingy pours of Sancerre wine, I’m convinced that I the owner or manager was inspecting before going to the waiting tables.  REALLY? It’s a $14 dollar glass of wine… you’re not going to lose money if they give some lucky diner an extra ouce!    It will be a long time before I go to Sen again, instead I’ll head to Zokkon in East Hampton which is a fraction of the cost and just as good.   It’s also never packed there…. but it should be… great food and friendly prices!

Any Taxi in the Hamptons – I recently went from the Hampton Jitney to BMW in Southampton.   How far was that?  What 300 yards?!  It cost me nearly $20 dollars because it was a flat rate. Apparently that is for all cabs across the board… or so I’m told   Now before you all go saying I’m lazy and should have walked, I had a ton of luggage.   But really… $20?!  I could have taken a cab from the Upper East Side to Midtown for less.   But hey, it’s the Hamptons where some take the motto “if you have to ask the price then you shouldn’t be here!”

Babette’s East Hampton –  How much would you pay for a Western Omelette?     How about $18.95 at this Village eatery.   There really isn’t much to say here… I mean it’s an omelette!    Instead of getting eggs here, how about getting the same dish at Princess Diner for $9.95.   By the way, what’s with the .95 cents, is it some sort of weird egg law or tax?   For crying out loud people, say what it is for real;  $10 and $19.

East Hampton and Southampton Parking Tickets – Go to the beach without a permit or park on one of the lanes and you’re going to get slapped with a $150 parking ticket.   Yup, that’s like getting two California Rolls and a glass of wine at a certain restaurant!  By the way, don’t try messing with any of the brownies – the kids that write the tickets… nothing to do with Tate’s or Round Swamp Brownies…. wait I’m hungry!   OH, don’t mess with the kids writing tickets in any of the villages, they may be taking their SAT’s in the fall but these kids do not fool around!

Well, I’m back to pure happy thoughts now!    So I’m done writing.