Summer Showdown Part 1…. Time to Pencil the Calendar with the Best Benefits!

A worse Saturday night Janis Ian never imagined!

Guys, I hate to break the news to you but in spite of the temperatures, Memorial Day is right around the corner.    So while you’re thinking it’s time to trade in your Spanx for that moo moo you might want to also starting contemplating how your calendar is shaping up.    I mean really, nothing is worse for your social standing than having an open calendar!   So, if you don’t want to spend your early summer nights driving through the Burger King in Southampton, please consider going to these fun events and supporting their great causes!   I also did you the favor of giving you links to buy tickets for each event, just click on the event name!

Edit Windsor hosts the GLBT Network on 5/24.

Kicking it all off on 5/24/14 GLBT Services Network Summer Kickoff –  A newcomer to the Hamtons, “The Network”  offers a community center that serves as a safe place with counseling and various services for members of the community and most importantly of all, at risk youth.    The kickoff event will start at 2pm and is hosted at the Southampton home of Edie Windsor who you may or may not know was the driving force for the fall of the DOMA.   Tickets are reasonably priced at $75 now, $125 at the door.  The best reason to go:  It’s early in the day plus you get your chance to potentially meet the woman who could be considered the Rosa Parks of this generation.   Potential reason to skip it:  Probably not the best benefit for single women looking to meet the man of their dreams. But hey, you never know!   So after you had your first round you can head to…..

 The Miracle House Summer Kickoff – Miracle House is a non-profit extended stay facility that provides housing, counseling and support for those seeking treatment in NYC and need assistance.   The location is the Bridgehampton Surf an Tennis Club.. and this is a huge event.  While it started as an AIDS charity and therefore has a strong guy following,  it benefits everyone from young to old with any illness.  Tickets start at $300 and go up!  The best reason to go: Great atmosphere with a fun crowd and since most of the boys shame their friends that eat those puff pastries and pigs-in-the-blanket, there’s plenty of food!  Potential Reason to skip it:  You get shunned for eating the puff pastry!  But hey, I can live with being shunned.  Now pass that tray!

Fresh Air Home Sale and Auction Benefit Gala!

6/7/14 Southampton Fresh Air Home Sale and Auction Benefit Gala – Southampton FAH provides a camp experience for physically challenged youth with sailing, swimming, hiking, etc.   The benefit is held at their facility on Barkers Island Road in Southampton  It’s one of the more mellow benefits of the season but it’s a who’s who’s mixer for everyone in Southampton.   Tickets once again go for $300 and up.   The best reason to go:  The furniture in the silent auction is amazing stuff… plus it’s some of the best people watching ever!   Yes, people really do wear bright yellow pants with lime green tops! Potential reason to skip it:  The best auction items here go early and these are not TJ Maxx prices but hey it’s for a great cause!

6/21/14 The Ellen Hermanson Foundation Summer Solstice – Hosted at the Southampton home of

Chuck and Ellen Scarborough host Summer Solstice.

Chuck and Ellen Scarborough, the event offers cocktails and some of the best bites around!   Tickets are starting at $300.  The foundation is a grassroots organization that has become a truly amazing success story promoting women’s health issues through awareness and providing counseling and medical services on the East End.  The best reason to go:  When was the last time you were invited to Chuck and Ellen Scarborough’s house?  DUH!   Potential Reason to Skip It:  No you can’t stay overnight! Chuck and Ellen will be asking you to leave their house after the event!

6/28/14  American Heart Association’s Heart of the Hamptons – The Heart of the Hamptons Ball has raised over $2.5 million for the American Heart Association since it began 15 years ago.   The event is held at the Hayground School in Bridgehampton on Mitchell’s Lane.  Tickets start at $175 for after dinner party tickets and $500 for cocktails and dinner.    The best reason to go:  Great star spotting at this event…this year journalist Rita Cosby is emcee and everyone from Rudy Guiliani to Christie Brinkley have been spotted here!  You may even see some Z listers like Star Jones too! Potential Reason to skip it:   Lot’s of great music and dancing on a hot summer night equals lots of sweaty and ruined expensive outfits!   It’s not pretty!

Random Musings Vol 1. .. Cinco De Mayo, Subway and A Senior Project Sells in East Hampton!

Sometimes,  there’s a lot going on in the Hamptons.   This week is no exception.   So rather than try to write stuff and link it together for a blog… not that I ever really write anything coherently…. I’m just going to throw stuff out there and here it is… oh and Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone!

Speaking of Mexican…  Sabrosa Grill is opening in Water Mill next to the Hess Station.  Let the battle of the burritos begin.     While I don’t think Sabrosa will require you to microwave your own
meal, I still have high hopes for their food.    It’s apparently a chain like Chipotle and it’s headquartered in Lancaster, PA.  Everyone knows the Amish are experts in Mexican cuisine.   Check out their website here. 

Size didn’t matter to Hamptonites!

A $5 Footlong Fiasco – Subway in Water Mill is no more…. it recently closed it’s doors at the most cursed location on the East End.   You know the one where there was once a Citarella, Blockbuster, Video, Water Mill Cupcake, Foody’s, Avanti and Muse among others. Apparently nobody cares about size in the Hamptons…. LOL! NOT!I don’t normally stop and take photos but this scene on the corner of Stephen Hands Path and 114 in East Hampton just jumped out at me.    What do you think this picture is saying?

Patriotic decorating in the Hamptons!

 

An innovative high school design!

Lisa Perry’s never ending senior high school home economics project is coming to East Hampton.   I guess if anyone has enough money they can take liberties with the word “style.” This beautiful ditty to the left which just screams fashion sense is now available on E-bay!  No, YOU have to pay THEM!

They go lightly in the night!

Speaking of style… somewhere the stylish Audrey Hepburn is shedding a tear.   The Tiffany and Company on Main Street is no more!  Apparently they went lightly one night a few weeks ago. Sadly, there will be no Breakfast at Tiffany’s in the Hamptons you’ll instead how to go to London Jewelers … “Breakfast at London Jewelers”… hmmmmmm…. not as catchy!
Moon river and me…………….

Finally, is it just me but does driving along Route 27 feel a lot like playing the old video game Frogger?!   Maybe we can make this into an actual game avoid a big hole and get 100 points…  medium 50  points… small 10!?

Kardashian Schadenfreude and Summer Rental Warnings from the PeanutGallery… Volume 3!

If nobody wants them can we put them on Petfinder.com?

In case you were wondering, that giant retching sound you’ve been hearing lately isn’t from a new wave of salmonella poisoning on the East End it’s the reaction to reports there are new residents coming to town.  Yes, the buzz on social media this week is all about the Kardashians!!   Which is also  spawning something I’m calling “Kardashian Schadenfreude.”    Sorry Kortney, Kim and Klanapin the buzz for your impending arrival is not so good.     East Hampton resident’s are cheering they’re “going to Southampton” and Southampton residents are saying “uh-uh, they’re going to East.”   Either way, it could be a Katastrophe for Kourtney and Kompany.  So while only time will tell where they’re actually going, I would like to offer the ladies some advice: learn to spell your names Korrectly and see if Snooki has a share available in her house… you’ll be much happier

So, we are coming down to the wire for the summer rental season.  In spite of the snow this week, Memorial Day is still coming.    So in addition to my warnings for all potential renters about the danger of becoming Earhardt’s (HC  6/6/11)…. and making sure to use a camera or I Phone to record the condition of their house… I have a few more items they may want to double check before signing on the dotted line and sending that wire transfer!  So, why revisit this topic?  Because everyone is a critic.   So after reading a few,  “You forgot to mention, this, this and this.”   So being the professional whiner listen to-er I am, I decided to mention a few more.   Here are some of the top summer rental disasters than can easily be avoided!    And if the peanut gallery isn’t happy, go write your own blog!  (insert a mental happy face emoticon here!)

 

This is not a pool heater!

1) Hot, Hot, Hot!  – In case you weren’t aware, many times the agents who rent your home are not the agents who put the house into the listing system.  Mistakes happen and unfortunately when an agent rents a home saying there is central air when there isn’t (this one happens more often than you think) it get’s uglier than a “Mama’s Family” reunion movie!  For renters, look around for the vents for central air, check the thermostats and do a quick scan for window units.  If you’re a landlord, make sure you go online to the agency that’s renting your home and check the information they have on their website.    While I can’t say how it works at other companies, at Elliman.com, it’s as easy as writing your address on the search bar.  It’s also not a bad idea to make sure the heat is functioning for those early and late summer nights.  Come to think of it.. you may have rented house with a heated pool but it’s not such a bad idea to make sure there is an actual heater.  Sorry but coffee warmers do not constitute a pool heater.

2)  Tour Groups – Now I’ve been on every side of this equation and it really isn’t much fun for anyone involved.   The house is rented and a listing agent has to show it! Many of these tenants have paid top dollar to spend their summer out here sitting on Route 27…errrrr.. I mean enjoying the beach and fresh air of the Hamptons.  Imagine how they feel having truck loads of people coming in and out of their homes while trying to recover from the night before at Pink Elephant!   In fact, I showed a listing last year where my customers were contemplating a purchase only to be told by tenants, “the house stinks!”   It’s only too bad the listing agent wasn’t there to run interference.    So get an agreement before hand, it could prevent everyone from being perceived as nasty tenants, mean real estate agents, nosey buyers or crazy landlords.    Speaking of landlords, you may also want to make an agreement about when they can stop by as well to get that jacket out of the storage locker or their kids bike pump.   It’s good to keep everyone happy… happy… happy…. like that Pharrell song!

Sweaty summer sittin’

3)   Sittin’ and Grillin’ – Once again, it’s a good idea to have your agent get a list of what lawn furniture is included in the seasonal rental and if an outdoor grill is part of the deal.   Some leases include all of this others don’t… read your lease and find out!    In fact, if the furniture is yet to be purchased, I suggest making sure it’s indicated in writing what type of furniture will be made available.  I couldn’t think of anything worse than thinking of a nice teak set which instead turns into a strip nylon folding chair.    Landlords have been known to do it… and it’s a no-no…  an ounce of prevention!   Also, It would be a disaster if you had our daughter’s wedding at the house and there was only one lawn chair not as described! *
*obscure 80’s reference, if you get it let me know and I’ll owe you one!  No googleing!

4)  “Dah Plane Boss Dah Plane” – Yes, we know you come to the Hamptons for peace and quiet but we also have highways here and airports… and a train too!    Here’s two simple words I can tell everyone “Google Earth.”   Yep, check the address out and look at the aerials.  If you’re near an airport or a train or a highway, you know you’re going to hear things.    But remember, it’s not Queens so it’s probably not going to be as bad as you think but it doesn’t hurt to be forewarned.

Now, hopefully this is my last dire warning rental blogs.   I’m starting to feel like Chicken Little!

 

Do You Make the Cut?! Take the Quiz to See if You Qualify for The Hamptons “A LIST!”

When I was younger, I once asked my mother about one of my friends who always bragged about the  money his family had.   She told me, “real money whispers, it doesn’t scream.”    Hmmmmm….. “does that mean we have money?”  She then laughed and said “hardly.”    Anyway,  I kind of feel the same way about a lot of things.   I don’t trust the guy who always claims he’s “honest” and I don’t believe the person who brags about their social status.

If you booked it 20 minutes ago, you’re A List!

That being said, It was the late 80’s and I was living in NYC having fun, care free, poor and young.    I had no clue about how some people view the world.   So, it was a shock to me when one of my close friends at the time announced to me he no longer wished to hang the same haunts with me anymore because, “there are no “A” list people in this crowd.”   OK!   Who knew New Orleans (where this person lived before NY) was a training ground for New York’s elite.    Silly me.   Well low and behold that same person is here in the Hamptons and no doubt glomming where ever there is glomming to be done!  So that had me thinking.  How do you really know if you’re on the “A” list in the Hamptons?   After consulting with some of my fave’ Hamptons Chatter consultants I came up with the following quiz to help folks know where they rank in the hierarchy!    So take the quiz if you dare!    I’ll let you know how you did at the end!

Question 1:   It’s a Saturday night in July and you have 2 house guests.   There are 4 of you total and you all decide at the last minute to go out to dinner.   Do you…

A)   Not sweat it, there are like 5 restaurants you can call who will sneak you in!
B)   Run over a few minutes early and hope they remember you and get you to the top of the list.
C)   Go to the restaurant of choice and put your name on the list and wait.
D)   Suggest the Princess Diner.
E)   Burger bites to go from the Hess station in Wainscott.

Question 2:  When it comes to getting a beach sticker, you….

A)  Ask “what’s a beach sticker?  I just walk out my door! ”
B)  Get a new one and put it on your “beach car” next to the past 5 years of stickers!
C)  Don’t need one, we bike!
D)  Convince everyone Mastic-Shirley is still the Hamptons and hop in the car!

Yeah, Mariska is A list!

Question 3:  When discussing Hamptons Magazine or Dan’s, you remind everyone…
A)  “I’ve been on the cover.” (or in the case of Dan’s painted the cover)
B)  “Been profiled and or been on the “list” more than once!”
C)  you were once in party picture, because you “photo bombed Alec Baldwin.”
D)  you’ve “never been in Hamptons or Dan’s” but you’re a “regular in the Press police blotter.”

Question 4:  Location is everything and your home is …
A) South of the Highway and super close to the beach.
B) Village/Village Fringe and definitely a good hood.
C)  A 30 minute drive to town away from it all but really we don’t mind.
D) Can’t really say, they make us move the trailer every two weeks.

A “C” list event!

Question 5: My typical Summer Saturday night consists of…
A) Inviting everyone to a fabulous benefit and I’m on the host committee.
B) Going to a fabulous benefit and my friend is on the host committee.
C) Hiding a bottle of booze, grabbing dinner from Citarella and heading to a beach.
D) Going to a dinner followed by Kareoke at my real estate agent’s house.
E) I desperately remain at home, inventing lovers on the phone.

Question 6:  How would you best describe the interior of your home?
A)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer create a unique style.
B)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer help me from DWR/Restoration Hardware.
C)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer from Home Goods in Riverhead.
D)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer help me who was institutionalized in ’73.
E)  I had my mother give me her old furniture.

Question 7:  In the Hamptons being spotted with a celebrity is social gold!  Would you say you hang with…
A)  Madge, Jerry, J-Lo and we rotate hosting!
B)  My friend who won a Emmy/Grammy or Tony back in the 80’s/90’s!
C)  My friend who was a Real Housewife!
D)  Khloe and Kourtney … in fact, I found them their store location!
E)   My friend who was a guest on Jerry Springer!  But the kid wasn’t his.

Question 8:  When traveling to the East End in the summer do you…

Dan’s your gateway to A- List!

A)   Stay put at the beach till Labor Day.
B)   Have your driver take the back roads on Thursdays and Tuesdays.
C)   Take the Ambassador or Luxury Liner.
D)   Take the NJ Transit Casino bus to AC with the $15 in free quarters.

Question 9:   One institution in the Hamptons is Murph’s Tavern in Sag Harbor.    You ….
A) have been a few times with the nanny or tennis instructor so don’t tell my spouse.
B) Remark, “That bar on 114,  I went a few times.”
C) Get your mail delivered there!
D) Sniff “Never, someone might see me!”

Question 10:   A topic of conversation at dinner is …
A) The difficulty in finding a good personal chef!
B) The difficulty in finding a good caterer!
C) The difficulty in finding good take out food!
D) The A****** on the “B” weekend who keeps stealing your booze out of the refrigerator!

So here’s the key…. A answers are worth 10 points.  B- 8 Points  C- 7 Points   D-6 points
E – minus one point and if none of the answers apply 7.5 points.   Now grade yourself like you were back in High School!  If you scored…

90-100 –YOU ARE “A” LIST!!! You are Hamptons Royalty and probably shouldn’t be reading this blog.  Trust me it’s beneath you.

80-89–    You are definitely B-List.   I scored an 80 so I made B-List by the hair of my chinny chin chin!  So there you have it my friend had every right to dump me!  I’m soooo not A-List!

70-79    You are on the C list but loving life and I want to hang with you!

69 and below  Can I recommend Wildwood Crest or Seaside Heights?

FINAL SCORING: Minus 90 points if you took this quiz seriously you loser!    Otherwise, let me know how you did!  Post away!