The weird and wonderful world of Hamptons Real Estate!!! Part 1,324,9897… and some potentially grate I mean GREAT news for Southfork Kitchen!

It boggles my mind sometimes how people think the Hamptons market works and what the agents actually do out here.   The following tales have no particular theme, thread or commonality other than they both make me scratch my head with a big WTF?!    The first hilarious tale I have this week involves an e-mail I received earlier this week.  I think it’s kind of a perennial here on the east end and I call it….

Fast Times and Hamptons High!

Here’s what it said: 
Hey my friends and I are having trouble finding a house available for rent for the weekend of the 20th to 22nd of June and were wondering if you had any eligible houses. It would be around 40 people for two nights. You can reach me at (516) 996-xxxx!

 

Ok, 40 people for 2 nights at the end of June?  Now, I’m not exactly a rocket scientist but something tells me this is a graduation party.   Besides, does anyone really want to stay in a house for two days with 40 people.   I can barely stand when there’s more than 4 in my house and I have plenty of space.    Also there is the part about, “my friends and I are having trouble finding a house.”  REALLY!?!?!?  I’m shocked, doesn’t everyone want 40 people to rent their house for 2 days!?  What could go wrong? By the way, I really wanted to correct the grammatical errors and send it back to the sender, “are you really sure you’re ready to graduate?”

Bad Ideas… 40 people for a two day rental!


War of the Roses – Hamptons Style
A while back I was handling the sale of a property where the owners were going through …. shall I say… a bitter and nasty divorce.   To give you some idea, if they had a baby Solomon would’ve had to cut the kid in two.  There was no middle ground!   But wait, it gets better they were living in the house together until it sold!!!   Yep, it was fun.   Well, one day, we had scheduled an open house and I spoke to the husband and left the wife a message.     I assumed all was well until I arrived and found the wife’s boyfriend parading around the house naked.   As I was putting out my wrap sandwiches for the fellow brokers and prospective buyers said boyfriend informed me “I fell off my bike and scraped my butt, so I can’t wear any pants.”  Hmmmm.   What about a blanket?  Nope, that won’t do it either, the fabric would be irritating.     Can you go into a room and I’ll keep people out of that one?  Sure, that sounds liek a good idea.  Well despite my best warnings a neighbor who was “curious” didn’t listen to me and went into the room!   OMG…SCREEECH!   If only I had foresight to sell tickets!!

Therapy and Miscellaneous Sightings!  
Your broker knows more about you than you think.   Especially if you’re the type that likes to leave everything out in the open.     Some of the things I’ve come across  (I don’t particularly like this part of the job) range from the weird to the gross and the down right crazy.   Now, some were former listings of mine and some were left in the open of houses I have shown for rent and for sale.    Once agin here are some of the wackiest things, in no particular order: condoms new and used (ewwwww), humongous bongs, the book “Toxic Parents,” weird porn dvd’s,  half eaten sandwiches with 3″of mold, phallic toys, lice shampoo (ewwwwwwwwww again),  self portraits on velvet, labeled urns with an entire family on the fireplace mantel, court appearance notices and my personal favorite a geek shrine to C3P0 and R2D2 (literally A SHRINE!).    I really can’t make this stuff up.

 

Southfork Kitchen

Finally a little bit of news that’s a tad more normal.   A change of hands at the Southfork Kitchen in Bridgehampton.    A recent press release announced,  “Glad you made it through the winter of 2013, Southfork Kitchen did not.  We have passed the torch to the next chef, Todd Jacobs who will continue with local, season and sustainable cuisine.  We thank you for your patronage….”  I’m not sure if he’s the same Todd Jacobs but if he is the one I found in Google.. it sounds promising.  According to his bio of Atlantica Restaurant in Long Beach, “Todd Jacobs, chef/owner of Tierra Mar and Atlantica is a graducate of the French Culinary Institute in Manhattan.  He spent six years running the kitchen at the American Hotel which received the Di Rona Award while he was there.”   Sorry Southfork Kitchen but I found your menu, expensive odd and pretentious.   Here’s hoping for new and better things!

My head is spinning from this one… and getting your caffeine fix just got easier!!!

They say perception is often more important than reality.   I have to say in the Hamptons this is truer than you know.   I mean I work in real estate for crying out loud!   But truth be told, even the keenest eye (I’m including myself in that one) can be fooled.  Take a look at the video below.  It’s a classic example of something called the McGuirk Effect.    Really it’s cool, trust me and watch this video.  Since it’s named after a street in East Hampton village, I feel it’s totally appropriate for this blog.

Meanwhile, something appears to be brewing in Southampton.  The Hamptons Brewing Company is expanding their empire to a new location (the old Mini Cooper showroom) next to Southampton BMW.   The upside, a new location with great coffee and sinful scones.   Yes, the scones are really that good!    Now, I’ve been told that it’s going to be more of a “coffee experience” location.  Hmmmmm a coffee experience… a java journey… a jaunt with Joe!  I know I’ll stop it now!

The way my source described the new location, gave me visions of The Central Perk coming to the
Hamptons!!  Wow, I can’t wait to hang out with Rachel and Chandler!!!  The only downside.. there won’t be a full kitchen like they have in Water Mill.   I have to admit, it’s a recent discovery for me to go to the Hampton Coffee Company for lunch but I had a great experience and a fantastic breakfast burrito there.     But hey, you can’t have everything, right?!

Put down the cookie! There’s 40 some odd days till Memorial Day!

You bought the beach pass, you have the Vilebrequin, the Herve Legere and the Birkin.    It’s official you’re ready to hit the beach, as long as you don’t have to pass a mirror first.  Yeah, all of those holiday cookies, turkey, ham, brisket and chocolates have finally taken their toll.    Well have no fear, I’ve done the research for you and if you’re willing to put on your sneakers you’ll be looking like Keira Knightly after a juice cleanse in no time!

It wasn’t that long ago when a new spin studio that I can’t remember it’s name (unless I read one of my old postings) opened and disappeared faster than the free food at a real estate brokers open house.   This time around Westhampton Beach’s CrossFit Hamptons is going into the location.    I stopped by the other day and apparently  classes are already underway.  If you want more details on times and class schedules you can visit their website.   www.cfhamptons.com   If you mention P-11 for some reason they’ll even give you a free week.

Also, some of your old favorites are back and ready for the Summer of ’13.    I’m getting tired so I’m just going to give you the lowdown on some of the more popular places to work up a sweat on the east end.  In no particular order…..
1) SOULCYCLE – 68 Newtown Lane, East Hampton.   The funky spin classes that you can hear on the street are back again for another season.   www.soul-cycle.com
Best Reason to Go – It’s one heck of a workout and the instructors are more like coaches than drill seargents.
Reason Not to Go – Cult like following.  Friends of mine talk about SoulCyle like it’s the Scientology of fitness and that just scares me.
2) FLYWHEEL – 65 Montauk Highway, East Hampton next to the bowling alley.  Also in the Summers at Sag Harbor Gym, 1 Bay Street Sag Harbor.   This is the place with “stadium” bikes where they post your workout on a monitor for all to see.  So if you’re looking for mellow workout this isn’t where you want to go. www.flywheelsports.com
Best Reason to Go – A great work out and some good celebrity spotting at virtually every class.
Reason Not to Go – They post your work out on a monitor and that’s not fun when you’re trying to sweat out the alcohol from the night before!
3) B East – 199 Main Street, Amagansett.   Call it spinning with a twist or an angle.  B East features “core bikes” which actually turn and twist to give you more of a workout.   I have to admit, they’re a little scary at first for the uncoordinated like moi but if you just relax you’ll eventually get the hang of it.   www.eastfit.com
Best Reason to Go –  A more casual and fun atmosphere.  Not everyone there is in Lululemon!
Reason Not to Go – It’s next to Mary’s “friggin” Marvelous!  A workout doesn’t count if you have the amazing tuna salad followed by a coconut cupcake chaser after the class.  Screw the class I’m hungry!
4) Barry’s Bootcamp – 352 Montauk Highway, Wainscott. Now I’ve never been but they have locations everywhere from London to LA.  According to their website “Since 1998, Barry’s Bootcamp has revolutionized group fitness by delivering “The Best Workout in the World” to a legendary following, including many celebrities.”   Their gyms also feature “night club lighting, urban décor.”  Hmmmmmm… I’m not so sure about that last part.    www.barrysbootcamp.com
Best Reason to Go –   Easy parking in the Wainscott shopping center.
Reason Not to Go – It’s a boot camp!!!
Finally, everyone has been talking about those two Wall Street guys that were stupid enough to leave notes trying to cut out the broker after being shown properties out east.   Do you really think this is the first time this has happened?

Design of the TImes!

So everyday, I have people ask me, “why hasn’t my house rented/sold!?”    While I’ve spoken about things like pricing, marketing and bad agents there is also one that comes up often.  It’s the house that hasn’t had a make over in 20 years.   While there are some savvy home buyers who can see the potential with any house with good bones, most can’t see through the chipping paint, worn out carpeting and dated furniture.

So what can you do to make your home more marketable?  Well you can hire an interior designer or home stager for one.  One of my friends who also happens to be MY home designer Drew McGukin (I may be stylish but my taste in home decor is a bit “off” so I hired him) recently stopped by to discuss what is “in” and what is “out” in home furnishings.   He also gave me some great ideas for what’s in , what’s out and where to get the best bang for your buck!   I hope you find this as fun to watch as I had talking with him…