burger

Bikini Busters… the 7 deadly sweet and savory sins of Hamptons Dining! Plus it’s a time warp in Sag Harbor this weekend.

In case you missed it, a few weeks ago the Wall Street Journal announced that the Hamptons have gone  healthy.    The opening of the new Juice Lane in Wainscott, Soul Cycle and Tracy Anderson apparently have constituted a trend and now we’re all supposed to look like Brangelina.    Well, not so fast WSJ!   While, I’m not saying they’re going to start serving fried Coca Cola at Nick and Toni’s (look it up, it’s a real thing) there are quite a few pot holes and road blocks on the road to wellness here in the Hamptons.    So, here are my favorites and I hope you find as tempting as I do…

Dangerous territory!

1) Sam’s- East Hampton – It’s the pizza and chicken Parmesan that get me every time.     The cheese is thick on both and the sauce is thick and tasty, just like my mama never made (she was Lithuanian and Irish neither which are known for good cuisine).

2) Round Swamp Farm- East Hampton – What’s not to like?!  The cinnamon buns, the coffee cake, the guacamole, the chicken salad, the chocolate chip cookies…. oh, the list goes on and on your gut!    This place is not where you want to go while dieting.    I dare you to go into there and leave with just one thing!  It’s not going to happen!

3) Dreesen’s Donuts at Scoop Du Jour – East Hampton –  The donuts are freshly made and need I say more!?   It’s deep fried dough with sugar!   You could serve me deep fried wood with sugar and I bet I’d eat it but the dough is a little easier to chew…. fluffier too!

4) Bobby Van’s – Bridgehampton – If you’re allergic to shellfish you may want to avoid the shrimp nachos at Bobby Van’s.  But if you’re not, get ready for a spicy blob of shrimp, chips, jalapenos, guacamole and enough cheese to keep Lipitor profitable for the next century.    Yeah, the Chinese Chicken Salad is good too but for some reason it doesn’t seem as decadent.

Yeah, they look sweet and innocent at Mary’s.

5) Mary’s Marvelous – Amagansett – When Ina Garten shuttered the Barefoot Contessa years ago, I went into a deep depression.  WHERE WILL I BUY MY COCONUT CUPCAKES?!    Yes, I could go buy Ina’s cake mix but that would leave evidence around the house.    Luckily Mary’s is there to fill the void!   Her sandwiches and muffins are great too but it’s the coconut cupcake that is the standout!    If you don’t know my cousins Eileen and GiGi or Ina for some CC’s of lovin’ (as I call them) make sure you go to Mary’s and eat them there.   Coconut shreds are often a dead give away.

6) Fresno – East Hampton –  Tons of good stuff on the menu and a bar/restaurant scene that’s fun and unpretentious is what keeps me going back to this East End staple.    From some of the same people that bring you Red Bar and Beacon this is the closest to my house so I’m a little biased.  I’m also terminally in love with the Sticky Toffee cake desert.   I also drool over their …staff… I mean burgers and fries.   Gosh, I only hope I look attractive in my Sans-a-belt pants with Spanx
when I got there next time!!!?

Fat Free Biscuits at Grill…NOT!

7) The East Hampton Grill – Yeah, I know I write a lot about this place.  I’m the mayor on foursquare.com and yes they know my name ( no, smarty pants I tip well so that’s not the reason!).    The buttermilk biscuits, the ribs and the home made hot fudge (that I think comes with Ice Cream) are all impossible to avoid.  Although I don’t eat them all together at the same time…. hey wait… hot fudge on ribs and buttermilk biscuits on the side… no stop it… wait…

On an entirely different note, they’re having a Soap Box Derby this weekend in Sag Harbor.   The big event will take place this Sunday afternoon on High Street.   The festivities will begin with a parade down Main Street at 1pm (they have a parade for everything in Sag Harbor) followed by the big race on High Street.     While my 25 year old nephew had no clue what a soap box derby was, I proudly told him to keep an eye out for the kids named Spanky McFarland and Alfalfa Switzer.   They’re both heavily favored to win!    There’s still no word if Darla and Petey will be there.

Date Night Advice in the Hamptons and the Best Burger!?

So a few years ago, I did a posting about how when it comes to dating, where you go can tell you a lot about the person.   It’s also a good guide to picking the right location for someone who is truly special.  Well as we all know, it’s always changing here on the East End with new restaurants and some of the old favorites.  So here is my updated 2012 dating guide for Hamptons restaurants.  This is more geared towards the ladies but guys, use it as a guide as well.   Perhaps you can make a better impression on your next blind date.

Restaurant: Nick and Toni’s , The Palm or East Hampton Grill

What does it say: If it’s on a Friday or Saturday night.. it means they have connections. They’re also not short on cash and willing to go head to head with some of the biggest attitudes in the Hamptons. If they order the zucchini chips (N&T) onion rings (Palm) or buttermilk biscuits (EHG) they’re daring… not afraid of calories because they’ll be at the gym in the morning. It also says, they really know the menu. If the bartenders or waitresses know them by first name, they’re generous and good tippers. They deserve a least a second date or to go a few bases. If you’re date is on a Sunday or prixe-fixe night, it’s up to your discretion.

Additional Advice: My advice hasn’t changed much since last time on these, avoid topics or conversations dealing with the following: ex-wives, alimony or investing with Bernie Madoff.  Notably missing from this list is the American Hotel which I think has truly earned it’s reputation as the wax museum of the Hamptons.   If you go on a date there, you’re probably double dating with someones parents and as Whoopi said in GHOST, “you’re in danger girl!”

Restaurant: Players Club & Agave (Bridgehampton)


What does it say: Chances are your date is a summer renter here in the Hamptons. They’re still new to the scene so if you’re waiting for that invitation to Gwyneth’s or Sarah Jessica Parker’s forget it. If this is a first date, finish the evening and change your cell number. You can do better.  Besides, if it were in the city you know they’d be taking you to Scores or El Torito!

Additional Advice: Avoid topics relating to home ownership in the Hamptons, real estate, St. Barth’s at Christmas and flying coach versus first class.

Restaurant: 1770 House

What does it say: Your date obviously knows some of the hidden treasures of the Hamptons. It also says, they’re willing to go to a quiet place and they’re not afraid to hold a conversation with you.  You’re date is likely confident and not afraid to spend a little extra for something special. Now, I want to be clear we’re talking about the upstairs restaurant here… if you end up in the downstairs pub it only says one thing to me; THEY’RE MARRIED!

Additional Advice: If your upstairs you can pretty much discuss anything, they obviously are open and willing to talk. If your DOWNSTAIRS avoid discussing wives, mistresses, explaining difficult things to children and commuting to the city from Nassau County.

Restaurant: Almond

What does it say: If it’s Friday night and he’s taking you to Almond, he’s gay! If you already knew he was gay… then just enjoy he probably knows a lot of people.

Additional Advice: If it’s Saturday, I’m not quite sure what to do but I think you’ve done ok. If it’s Friday and your on a hetero date… avoid topics like musicals, football and closets. It will only make you both uncomfortable.

My last note today and probably the most obvious!

Restaurant: Cyril’s or Murph’s Tavern

What does it say: People go to Cyril’s and Murph’s for one reason; to drink!  If someone actually takes you there on a date it could be they’re  fresh out of rehab or about to go! I would also be suspect of everyone your date just said hello to, odds are they’re tomorrow’s date! If you drove separately (hopefully you did) pretend to get a text message and leave immediately to deal with a “personal issue.”

Additional Advice: Avoid such topics as binge drinking, rehab, STD’s, sobriety or monogamy!  Also having the number for a cab service in speed dial will be really helpful!

If like last time,  today’s blog offends anyone.. I apologize, it was written with a sense of humor. But remember, there’s a little bit of truth in every jest!  Finally, a little poll…. Who has the best burger in the Hamptons.   I’ve asked a few folks and these five seem to be the frontrunners.    Remember to vote early and often!

 

COOL WINE GLASSES

Who has the best burger in Sag Harbor??? Well, I just snapped this picture of Bay Burger in Sag Harbor and it appears to be another busy day at this hoppin little burger joint. Better yet go to the CORNER BAR in Sag Harbor, they have one amazing burger adn the price is right and the staff are cool and friendly. For something on the finer end… The New Paradise Cafe… sit at the bar and make sure you tell Howie I sent you! I’ll talk more about Howie in another post.. he runs the Cheers bar of Sag Harbor. I like to think of myself as the Cliff of town.
Since I often go to place where everybody knows my name… and no, I’m not talking about my group therapy sessions…. I’m often forced to entertain poolside at my humble little chapeau! But what am I to do when all of my friends are rude and clumsy!!! I serve them drinks in plastic cups! But all of you know I’m too elegant for simple Dixie Cup!!! If you go to http://www.simplysmartliving.com/, you can buy the most amazing polycarbonate stemless wine glasses. They’re $9 bucks a pop and look identical to the Reidel glass ones. They’re chic and very cool… for a cheaper version of these glasses go to http://www.govinowine.com/ ….
these are the ones I use. They retail for $2.99 band have a nifty little indentation for your thumb. No more slippery Soave Bolla. They’re not great in the dishwasher – – – handwash these puppies but heck these are so cool I don’t mind soaking my hands in dishwater… besides I use Pomolive!!! Anyway, my two cents for today. Have a great weekend and maybe I’ll check in tomorrow!!