East Hampton

Bikini Busters… the 7 deadly sweet and savory sins of Hamptons Dining! Plus it’s a time warp in Sag Harbor this weekend.

In case you missed it, a few weeks ago the Wall Street Journal announced that the Hamptons have gone  healthy.    The opening of the new Juice Lane in Wainscott, Soul Cycle and Tracy Anderson apparently have constituted a trend and now we’re all supposed to look like Brangelina.    Well, not so fast WSJ!   While, I’m not saying they’re going to start serving fried Coca Cola at Nick and Toni’s (look it up, it’s a real thing) there are quite a few pot holes and road blocks on the road to wellness here in the Hamptons.    So, here are my favorites and I hope you find as tempting as I do…

Dangerous territory!

1) Sam’s- East Hampton – It’s the pizza and chicken Parmesan that get me every time.     The cheese is thick on both and the sauce is thick and tasty, just like my mama never made (she was Lithuanian and Irish neither which are known for good cuisine).

2) Round Swamp Farm- East Hampton – What’s not to like?!  The cinnamon buns, the coffee cake, the guacamole, the chicken salad, the chocolate chip cookies…. oh, the list goes on and on your gut!    This place is not where you want to go while dieting.    I dare you to go into there and leave with just one thing!  It’s not going to happen!

3) Dreesen’s Donuts at Scoop Du Jour – East Hampton –  The donuts are freshly made and need I say more!?   It’s deep fried dough with sugar!   You could serve me deep fried wood with sugar and I bet I’d eat it but the dough is a little easier to chew…. fluffier too!

4) Bobby Van’s – Bridgehampton – If you’re allergic to shellfish you may want to avoid the shrimp nachos at Bobby Van’s.  But if you’re not, get ready for a spicy blob of shrimp, chips, jalapenos, guacamole and enough cheese to keep Lipitor profitable for the next century.    Yeah, the Chinese Chicken Salad is good too but for some reason it doesn’t seem as decadent.

Yeah, they look sweet and innocent at Mary’s.

5) Mary’s Marvelous – Amagansett – When Ina Garten shuttered the Barefoot Contessa years ago, I went into a deep depression.  WHERE WILL I BUY MY COCONUT CUPCAKES?!    Yes, I could go buy Ina’s cake mix but that would leave evidence around the house.    Luckily Mary’s is there to fill the void!   Her sandwiches and muffins are great too but it’s the coconut cupcake that is the standout!    If you don’t know my cousins Eileen and GiGi or Ina for some CC’s of lovin’ (as I call them) make sure you go to Mary’s and eat them there.   Coconut shreds are often a dead give away.

6) Fresno – East Hampton –  Tons of good stuff on the menu and a bar/restaurant scene that’s fun and unpretentious is what keeps me going back to this East End staple.    From some of the same people that bring you Red Bar and Beacon this is the closest to my house so I’m a little biased.  I’m also terminally in love with the Sticky Toffee cake desert.   I also drool over their …staff… I mean burgers and fries.   Gosh, I only hope I look attractive in my Sans-a-belt pants with Spanx
when I got there next time!!!?

Fat Free Biscuits at Grill…NOT!

7) The East Hampton Grill – Yeah, I know I write a lot about this place.  I’m the mayor on foursquare.com and yes they know my name ( no, smarty pants I tip well so that’s not the reason!).    The buttermilk biscuits, the ribs and the home made hot fudge (that I think comes with Ice Cream) are all impossible to avoid.  Although I don’t eat them all together at the same time…. hey wait… hot fudge on ribs and buttermilk biscuits on the side… no stop it… wait…

On an entirely different note, they’re having a Soap Box Derby this weekend in Sag Harbor.   The big event will take place this Sunday afternoon on High Street.   The festivities will begin with a parade down Main Street at 1pm (they have a parade for everything in Sag Harbor) followed by the big race on High Street.     While my 25 year old nephew had no clue what a soap box derby was, I proudly told him to keep an eye out for the kids named Spanky McFarland and Alfalfa Switzer.   They’re both heavily favored to win!    There’s still no word if Darla and Petey will be there.

Advice for city folk buying in the Hamptons. Plus, the cheesiest prix fixe meal on the East End!

Now that it’s summer, agents and brokers in the Hamptons are being inundated with folks who are being charmed by our little slice of heaven and want to buy before interest rates go too much higher.    Since most of our buyers are coming here from the city, much of our time is being spent educating them to the differences between, co-ops, condos and owning a home.     One of my bits of advice for those buying in the Hamptons is to use a local attorney.    It’s very different out here.   In fact, I’ve had deals with city attorneys (not all) who really were at a loss for how things get done.   Recently I sat down with Bridgehampton attorney Adam Miller who has also experienced doing deals on both sides of the East River.    Take a look…

While I’m excited for the summer, I get the feeling there are some Hamptons establishments that just don’t want my business anymore.  While I can’t consider myself a local ( I was born in NJ and I have a heart felt appreciation for Superfund sites) I am definitely a year rounder.   That means I’ve been here for more than 5 years and yes this is my primary residence.   I’m here on Tuesday nights in January.     You know the time of year and kind of night when if there are more than 5 tables at a restaurant, it’s a busy night.    It’s a time when we all get along!

One of the things the local restaurants offer to get us out of the house as opposed to doing binge viewing on Netflix is to offer a nice reduced price menu when things are a little slower.     In the winter, this keeps waiters busy and cob webs off the chairs by offering good meals at a reasonable price.   I know it’s the Hamptons, the season is short and the rents are high.   I get it, I really do.   So I’m never going to pay TGIFriday’s prices anywhere on the east end at any time of year.    But when you offer a prix fixe please don’t insult us by giving us a dish that even Kate Moss would say is a joke!
Case in point the photo here!!   This meal was $35 dollars and included a small Caesar salad, this dish and a small desert.     Yes that is an actual full portion of chicken next to my fork with 2.. yes two whole roasted new potatoes.   It looks like a french cut throw away from a Swanson’s TV dinner.   Now,  I’m not going to say the restaurant name, you can figure it out.    The choices out here are limited and I’m afraid to burn a bridge.   I only wished they liked me as much as I like them!

One of the Biggest Health Threats to Hamptons Dogs… and a New Threat to My Waistline… SIENNA East Hampton!

In my book there are a few sayings or truth’s that I believe to actually be true.   A few of the ones I believe are:  1: Let sleeping dogs lie especially if they’re a Jack Russell/Beagle mix (my dog Russell).  2:  In real estate, every home owner thinks their house is “unique and special.”  (Yes, I know the cherub grotto in the foyer was custom made!) 3: Never go to a restaurant on an opening night.   Well now, I can say I’m reexamining things now that rule number 3 has actually been proven wrong for a second time.  The first time was when the East Hampton Grill opened a few years ago.  They hit the ground running and are still going strong.  The more recent was last Saturday when friends of mine took me to the opening night of Sienna.    Located at the site of the former Lilly Pond/Phillipe’s.  The new restaurant is run by the folks behind the successful “T Bar” on Manhattan’s upper east side.

Sienna… a great first night.. and it can only get better!

Well it’s apparent these guys know what they’re doing.  Some of the reviews in Zagat’s have said about T Bar that the food is “delicious,” with a “pleasant and gracious crew.”  Well it’s pretty much the same thing here in the Hamptons at Sienna.  My table mates pretty much gave thumbs up to every dish including the shrimp cocktail, the Caesar salad (creamy but not too heavy), chopped salad, a perfectly done tuna (rare but not still swimming and delicious) and steak.    Not only that, the service was on the ball, while not perfect it was a solid B+ and better than most restaurants that have been open in the Hamptons for years.   It was the first night and the food came out on time, hot and with a smile!  It was the first night!!!  So you know me, I’m not like other publications that say nice things about everyone because they’re hoping they advertise (Blue Parrot is good!?!? Really???? Rugosa??!  Enough said).   Although if they want to advertise  I’ll do another good review.  I can be bought and cheaply.    Anyway, take my advice and go check out Sienna at 44 Three Mile Harbor Rd, East Hampton  631-604-6060.  I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Meantime, what is one of the biggest problems for dogs on the east end?   The answer may surprise you.   Recently I sat down with Dr. Barry Browning from Sag Harbor Veterinary Clinic (yes, I had to spell check veterinary because when I was a tv producer I got into trouble with veteran’s groups once… enough said) and he filled me in.

What’s wrong with Walbaums…. it’s Fresh Direct to the Rescue… and since most locals never see it, a peek inside East Hampton’s Baker House!

Soviet Grocery or Walbaum’s check out line?

I often compare the Walbaums in East Hampton to a soviet era grocery store.  I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again.    The selection is thin and it takes an hour in line to buy a loaf of bread.   Now, I don’t blame the employees there for the chaos of this EH establishment.   They are for the most part an overworked and very friendly bunch.   The problem is the fact that on a typical day, there are two cashiers scheduled at the height of the rush hour along with those stupid automated self-checkouts that are rejects from Spacely’s Sprockets!  OPEN THE POD DOOR DAMN IT! It’s enough to make someone go postal!!    I’m not even going to mention the “wages of fear” parking lot!

I primarily do most of my dinner shopping at The Red Horse Market, which I love.  But they really don’t have a great selection on things like paper towels and k-cups.    Thus I’m always running to in EH.   If only King Kullen were closer!  But soon I’ll have an alternative.   According to their website, Fresh Direct will be firing up their Hamptons service next week.  So skip the lines… avoid the aggregation and spend more time on line reading this blog and ordering on line!!

Walbaums

I don’t often like to admit this but I grew up going to the Jersey Shore.  But my Jersey Shore was not the one of Snookie and The Situation.    So when I get calls from friends who want to come visit the east end for the first time I have to explain there are no Hyatt’s, Hiltons (well except Paris in SH sometimes) and W’s.   Here in the Hamptons, the choices are fewer but that doesn’t mean there aren’t exceptional places to recommend.   Since most of you who read this have never been inside any of the resorts or B and B’s out here (unless of course you love afternoon delight)  I’ve taken it upon myself to give you a little education and preview.   So you can feel confident telling your friends the perfect place to rest their heads after a day of sitting in traffic on 27.   My first preview is of East Hampton’s Baker House 1650.   You can visit their website for rates and reservations and click below for a video preview starring yours truly!