Hamptons

Your Real Estate Agent Isn’t as Important as You Thought! Plus, a FRESH success in Bridgehampton.

 

My friend, agent and former co-manager Tom MacNiven likes to quote George McGovern who  proclaimed: “the longer the title the less important the job. ”   Somehow, I always knew they were both right.
Well, now  when it comes to the real estate sharks swimming the waters of the Hamptons, (and the entire state) the State of New York agrees! At the end of this month licensed New York State agents
will no longer be able to display those cheesy fabricated self-anointed monikers that do nothing but take up space on business cards and email signatures.   So, sadly I have now abdicated my crown and will no longer be known as Patrick Mclaughlin, Senior Czar of Hamptons House Hunting and Associate Broker.  Soon, there will be no more Semi-Senior Co-Directors of Whichamacallit or Executive Vice Presidents of the Supply Closets.    I’m happy with this, as long as nobody can one up me!!
Now, there are only two designations are acceptable:  LSA: Licensed Sales Associate and LBA: Licensed Broker Associate.   The latter requires a little more experience and sales transactions but it is NOT an MBA or even a certificate from University of Pheonix.   If you ain’t one, you gotta be the other.   I’ve also just been informed that at the end of this month I must “surrender” my old, titled business cards.    So, if I can’t have a title can I have a raise?

Well the big review is in and Fresh in Bridgehampton must be breathing a big sigh of relief or at least doing a small dance of celebration.  Scoring a “VERY GOOD” review, Fresh has managed what very

www.freshhamptons.com

few have managed to do;  create a restaurant with good food and good service that won’t break the bank.   I think it’s everything the former home of “Southfork Kitchen,” would have loved to accomplish.   It’s just a shame that the old owner was too busy blogging instead of watching the restaurant.  Blogging is such a waste!!

In fact, The New York Times said, “Fresh is an exciting restaurant with innovative portion options and creative, good-for-you food that is also delicious.”   So good for them and when they’re done if they could give some cooking lessons to the folks at a few restaurants out here, the world would be a better place!

Art Hampton.. the poor man’s edition… Plus Helpful Hints for Sellers!!!

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Kerplunk!! Fun AND exciting!

So while traffic continues to be the worst it’s ever been (yeah, I know I say it every year but sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on 114!?).   I’ve had plenty of time while sitting in my car to observe my surroundings.   One of the things I’ve noticed lately is how much people in the Hamptons love art.  I mean this is the land of Pollack and deKooning right?  It only makes sense.  But considering my idea of art is a cat doing chin ups saying “hang in there baby,” I sometimes have a hard time deciphering what the heck some of this stuff is…   take for example the following two pieces.    I’m sure they were expensive but what are they?   I have my own interpretation!     This first one, I call Kerplunk…. named after one of my favorite childhood games!

YIKES!  It’s going to attack!

Then low and behold… my favorite new addition to the Hamptons gallery!  The three Headed Dragon! Are there any more great works I’m missing, feel free to e mail and let me know!   This is located in front of Guild Hall in East Hampton.   I apologize to any of the artists responsible for these works but I only took Art History 101….. and I got a “C.”   Gosh, I don’t know why but I hear Helen Reddy in my head every time I see this thing!    In fact, I’m going to rent “Pete’s Dragon” tonight!

It’s hard to believe but it’s been 12 years since I sold my first property as a professional real estate agent.   But as much as things change, they’ve also remained the same.      One of the constants is a well maintained and modern kitchen helps a house sell!    Every now and then I’ll go to an open house and see a kitchen that hasn’t been touched since ’73 and the agents remarks,  “it has great potential.”    I always want to retort “if you’re an arsonist!”   But alas, being the good agent I am I bite my tongue.

But if you’re thinking of selling your house and don’t want to spend a fortune to renovate, what are you to do!?  Well lucky for you, my friend designer Libby Langdon has some really great ideas.    So here’s some free advice on updating your kitchen without spending a bundle.

Hub Bub over Shrubs… and Forget the Scientologists There’s a New Cult in Town!

The scene of the crime!!!

Well, we’re all feeling it… tensions are at a boiling point in the Hamptons.    Yes, it costs some folks a lot of money to live here and they just want have some fun.     But apparently some cheap kill joy is ruining the fun for one homeowner in the Hamptons!   What are they doing?!  Well I think the photo here says it all.   Landscaping here isn’t cheap and this proves it.   Personally if I were the home owner, I would just plant some poison ivy around all of my valuable plantings.  Now, if anyone wants to write the police blotter for this crime, I’m taking suggestions!

Cult or fitness movement!?

Speaking of tensions the cult that is known as Scientology  er, I mean Soul Cycle is continuing its plans to dominate the universe.  Their latest conquest is now in the Water Mill shopping center.  Yes, the home of Citarella, Water Mill Cupcakes, Avanti Market, Blockbuster Video and Muse Restaurant will now be the newest location for Soul Cycle.     Apparently someone read my blog and has decided to open an outlet with ample parking.    I do have one bit of advice for anyone opening a business in that shopping center;  burn some sage and higher a witch doctor, that place is cursed!   By the way, I really do miss Water Mill Cupcakes!

 

Holiday Hangover … How to make the Hamptons Happy… Again!

I’m back after the holiday week/weekend.  It wasn’t that I was lying back and taking it easy.   In fact, it continues to be for me along with most real estate agents, one of the busiest seasons in recent memory.    So, I took a breather from the blog and immersed myself in the summer of 2013.

While every year people seem to say the traffic and the crowds are worse than the year before, this year they’re right.  It’s a war out there!   But there is a chance for peace in the Hamptons and I’m making my attempt for a Nobel Peace Prize for my fine work right here with Hamptons Chatter.     So how can we turn our little piece of heaven into a shangri-la?
First of all, you avoid the places that make your blood pressure boil.   Last year, I had one of my most successful blogs ever talking about the most unfriendly places in the Hamptons (Hamptons Hostility 7/13/12).    But this year,  I’ve learned to be more of a “glass is half full” kind of guy.  I’m going to offer solutions for the problems of the east end.   So here they are in no particular order, my “pointers” for making a happier Hamptons.

Terror awaits the hungry diner at Topping Rose!

1)   Improve the Service !   –  Last Monday, I went to the Topping Rose in Bridgehampton.  In case you weren’t aware, this is celebrity chef Tom Colicchio’s new restaurant at the spa and Inn of the same name.   While the food was actually dynamite the service made me want to go postal.   Now, I don’t mind mediocre service when I’m at a…. say… Friendly’s or TGIFriday’s.     But when you’re paying top dollar for the food, you shouldn’t have to wait 50 minutes after your reservation time just to get seated and another 10 minutes to get water! UGH!   I’m sorry throwing a skimpy cheese plate on the house doesn’t compensate for getting dinner at 10:40pm on a 9pm reservation.      Guys, people are spending the bucks on the food and the booze so hire the extra bus person and the extra cook.  Also, it’s not a bad idea to admit you screwed up and not blame it on the other patrons!   Other than the Topping Rose, this is also good suggestion for Serafina (updated… had dinner there tonight… AWFUL service and no air-conditioning) and The Living Room.       By the way, I know none of you are going to listen to me so go try it yourself!

The devil is in the machinery!

2) Get Rid of Those Auto Check Outs and HIRE SOME PEOPLE! –  Here’s my ancient Chinese secret, if you need more Calgon on the weekend, wait.    Besides the way the lines move at the K-Mart, CVS and Walbaum’s stores in South and East Hampton it’s quicker to order it from Amazon!    I know, I keep harping about this but at least hire some extra check out people.   Those scanners don’t work!!!    Besides, there are some people who these things just scare the bejeezus out of.  It’s the equivalent to them of appearing on stage!  They sweat!  They panic!   They freeze… then they freeze the machines!    It’s like Lucy in the chocolate factory.   I like my machines in movies…  example “The Terminator 2”.. not when I buy my milk.

3) Get Ample Parking and Force  Commuting! –  As anyone who’s been to Soul Cycle, Fly-Wheel or any of the gyms out here knows, half the work out is finding a parking space.   I’ve actually heard reports of fist fight in one particular spin studio!!!  Blood is not a good color on Lululemon!   So here is my idea… ride your bikes to spin class people!!! DUH!   You don’t have to do two classes this way and

It’s my space and class is starting!!!

you’re actually helping to save the planet (watch that Al Gore movie it will explain)!    On top of that gym/spin studio owners could help themselves by offering incentives to patrons that commute!   How about free water for everyone who comes in a car of two or more.  I know free water… it still cracks me up I’m willing to pay $2.50 for water!   My grandmother is rolling her eyes in her grave every time I do it!   But back to the topic… how about at least a free stain remover for those who have blood stains from the fights in the parking lot!!?  I know, it’s a brilliant idea!    OK, there it is my treatise on how to make the Hamptons happy again!  Have a great summer everybody!!!