Hamptons

The Hamptons… We’re Not as Expensive as You Think!

One of the biggest complaints I hear about the Hamptons is that it’s “expensive.”   While it’s a valid complaint when you consider things like the “lobster salad” at Loaves and Fishes (Loans and Finances) with it’s hefty $80+/lb price tag, for the most part we’re not that much different than any other seasonal beach resort.   I’m here to make you feel HAPPY about living on the East End.  Things are expensive in nearly all resort towns and here are that stats to prove it.    Just know I didn’t pick any crazy overpriced outlets, this is a legit comparison.  It’s very scientific statistical analysis too and I should know, I took Stats #202 twice!

Beach Picnic w/ Lobster:
Seafood Shop – Wainscott    $45/person  –  includes lobster, some corn and a few other sides.
Clam Bake to Go – Martha’s Vineyard MA. $38/Person – includes lobster , some corn and a few other sides.
Now, that isn’t too crazy a difference is it?!  But then again, we’re not comparing this to say Seaside Heights NJ.  I mean, let’s not go overboard!
Sam’s Pizza…. pizzzzzzaaaaaaaaaa.
Pizza:
Sam’s Restaurant – East Hampton – $20.50 for a 16″ pepperoni pizza.
Panzone’s Pizza – Beach Haven, LBI – NJ – $19.90 for a 16″ peperoni pizza.
I could have done a comparison here of say Little Caesar’s… but once again pizza-pizza should be compared to pizza-pizza.   Sam’s only serves pizza.  I’m really trying to keep this comparison fair.
Oceanfront Home:
5 Bedroom Oceanfront Home with pool – Longport NJ – $6,595,000 asking price over 5000 s/f
5 Bedroom Oceanfront Home with pool – Southampton (Meadow Lane) -$28,000,000 asking price for over 5000 s/f
Killing property values???
Ok, so when it comes to everything but housing, the Hamptons are a bargain.  As long as you don’t go anywhere too nice, or too expensive and don’t need a place to live!   We’re just like everyone else!  We’re just like small town America, except we have Tiffany, a zillion Ralph Lauren stores, Saint Ambrose and Gwyneth Paltrow.    All we need now is a Wal-Mart!
Finally it’s the home stretch folks, a few days left till Tumbleweed Tuesday.  But guess what I’m already searching for 2014 seasonal rentals.  Seriously!

The Hamptons… Debunking the Myths!I

I’ll never forget my first visit to the Hamptons back in the mid 80’s.    A friend of mine brought me to stay at his parents house which I think was in Southampton.   It was somewhat of a culture shock for me.   I mean I grew up going to the Jersey shore.     Margate, Cape May and Long Beach Island were all I knew of beach living.    So when I first crossed the canal… Yes, that’s really where the Hamptons begin.. it was a bit of an eyeopener.

Now that I live out here full-time, friends from near and far have questions about living in our little slice of “heaven.”   So along with their requests to visit with friends and friends of friends (I’m sorry, the house is being bug bombed that weekend), come misconceptions about what its really like to be in the Hamptons.   So, today I’m here to debunk the myths and misconceptions about life east of the canal.  Where is Quogue anyway?

It’s a movie you idiot!!!

1)  Myth:  If you’re nice to your boss maybe they’ll invite you to their beachfront property for the weekend.      

REALITY: Hello McFly, “Weekend at Bernie’s” is not real life!   You’re not that lucky, your boss isn’t going to invite you and he/she probably won’t die.   So,  even if you do somehow get an invite it’s going to be exhausting butt kissing and sucking up all weekend!   Your boss comes out here to get away… especially from you! It’s the truth.  If they liked you even a little they would have invited you already.    I don’t care if there was a “Weekend at Bernie’s 2” it’s just not going to happen!  In fact, if you bumped into them at the Golden Pear they’re going to pretend they never saw you before!  I experienced that one first hand from Harry C. years ago.  (I heard he now lives in Michigan and works as an assistant manager at Friendly’s, sometimes Karma works!)

2)  Myth: People come to the Hamptons to get mellow, relax and get away from it all.


REALITY: Wait I gotta catch my breath from this one!  MELLOW!!?? RELAX???! GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?     If you’ve ever been to The Palm on a Friday night in the summer you’ll know it isn’t true!  The overcrowded lobby where everyone dressed in designer duds is aggressive, pushy and jockeying the host stand as if they were starving and getting free government cheese (not as good as it sounds and not kind of bland tasting).   Not only that it’s networking central once you get inside the dining room.    In fact, I was there a few weeks ago with 3 friends and we didn’t even talk to each other.    They were talking business deals and I was working the room seeing who wanted to sell!     I always knew good things would come from the 837 Club!

3) Myth: There are palm trees in the Hamptons.


REALITY:  They don’t shoot “Revenge” in the Hamptons.    It’s shot in California or North Carolina or somewhere.    There are many beautiful trees on the east end, especially Scrub Oak (I’m trying to make them the new “it” thing and improve my property value).   Did I say how spectacular Scrub Oak are in the fall.  They’re beautiful in the summer too.  Boy I thing Scrub Oak are THE tree of the super wealthy and stylish.    Call me about seeing my house, it’s on the market.  By the way, whatever happened to Conrad Grayson?

4)  Myth:  The celebrities in the Hamptons at all of the benefits are refined and super glamorous! 

The only “Housewife” I want to meet!

REALITY: I have to quote Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr., “you don’t have to be a star baby…. to be in our” benefit.   I have to blame Andy Cohn for this one.   Now, I love you Andy and I’m happy for your success but those housewives are a nightmare!    I am an addict to the History Channel so I’ve never actually watched a “Real Housewives” of anything.     I know plenty of real housewives and personally most of them really aren’t that interesting.   So why do I care about Ramona (who screams at waiters)… or Jill (who abuses real agents (moi) about “over priced” houses which I know she couldn’t afford anyway)?    Besides, you can’t fool me they’re nothing more than Snooky in Pucci dresses.    Classy!    Now, don’t get me wrong there are some real Hollywood type celebrities out here; Alec Baldwin, Kelsey Grammer, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jerry Seinfeld and Christie Brinkley (who I swear uses a stylist to go to Yummylicious) that are well dressed and well behaved.   But lately I think they’re keeping a low profile on the benefit circuit.  I guess they heard that indicted NJ Housewife Teresa is coming to town.   Although personally, I think I’d kind of get along with that housewife.  I bet she’s been to Long Beach Island.

 

Skip Spin Class and Instead Hit the Pavement for a Good Cause!!!!

It’s the worlds largest free fitness class.  Well sort of…  I’m just encouraging everyone to take part in a great event that’s a great work out,  raises money for a great cause and will make you feel great.   This is the alternative to running to an overcrowded fitness class or gym that’s all about YOU.  Now, don’t you feel guilty?  Good you should.   So, I’m going to tell you how to feel better about yourself again.  

Ellen’s run will be celebrating it’s 18th year of leading the fight against breast cancer on the East End with it’s annual race/walk on starting at 9 a.m. on Sunday, August 18th.    So rather than just being all about YOU again…. help raise money for the Ellen Hermanson Breast Foundation.   Started by Julie Ratner in honor of her sister Ellen who lost her battle with the disease, the foundation has become one of the most prominent and pro-active organizations for women’s health in the Hamptons.   Recently I sat down with Julie to discuss the start of Ellen’s Run and the work of the Foundation.  

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The Rich are Fleeing and the Gays are Flocking… plus it’s DesignerShowcase Time!

No more rich people??!

Who cares if it took you 5 hours to get here this weekend and Nick and Toni’s had nothing available after 5 o’clock, The Hamptons are over!   Well, they’re over for rich people.  Well it’s over for rich people according to Richard Kirchenbaum, “noted rich person’ and New York Observer columnist.  But while I’m convinced it’s only over for people named Richard Kirshenbaum.   He believes he and his friends can’t deal with the “social pressures of summer on the East End.”   So, while they’re getting their Grey Poupon elsewhere , I’m pretty convinced we’ll be fine here on the East End, especially now since Fall is the new “Second Season!”

Love on the rocks!  The East End is booming !

One of the factors that I keep hearing over and over again contributing to the September-November boom is weddings.   But to be more specific, it’s gay weddings that are infusing some much needed bucks into the “Second Season” in the Hamptons.      One recently wedded couple of gentleman told
me it was a no brainer to tie the knot here rather than in NYC.   “We have more space to host family members and close friends for dinners or overnight as opposed a two bedroom apartment in the city.”   They also went on to say there’s ample hotel rooms and they’re available at off season prices.  Even I know it would be crazy to try it anytime between Memorial Day and Labor Day.   The traffic alone would cause blood to spill and make for a tension filled event to say the least.

Two of most frequently mentioned locations among these newlyweds are East Hampton Point and Wolffer Vineyards.    In fact, Wolffer Executive Marketing and Communications Director Judy Malone expressed it’s been good to their bottom line, “we’ve had several over the last few years and all of the weddings here were quite elegant and Unique.”   It’s no doubt that the spectacular settings of a vineyard or sweeping sunset over the water are part of the draw but it’s the Hamptons welcoming attitude that is also attractive.

Bridgehampton Florist Michael Grim and his partner Jim Osburn tied the knot in a small ceremony here last year and they also did flowers for several gay nuptials. “Last year we did about 6 gay weddings, which is a lot, considering we don’t accept many wedding jobs.”   I guess there are only so many weddings you can do on a Saturday or Sunday.

One of the few standouts in the showcase!

So forget the Rich or Richard folks Hamptons people we’ll be fine and we know the boys like to spend their money on a good party!

Meanwhile, the new Hamptons Designer Showcase house is opening this weekend.   While I don’t want to say anything bad since it benefits a great cause with Southampton Hospital.     I will say, I’m not a fan of cramming as much furniture and art work in one room as possible but there are a few stand out rooms.    It’s worth the visit to see the house built by Frank and Dawn Bodenchak.  It’s well appointed and features a great lay out.    So, what are the standout rooms?  I liked the works of AnneMarie DiSalvo, Brian Del Toro, Hagins & Mortimer and especially Lynn Scalo’s amazing dining room.