hamtpons.

Mysterious Moves on 27 in East Hampton!

According to their Facebook page, Highway diner in East Hampton has indeed changed hands and the lease was sold to an “very talented group.”      There was a lot of speculation about what was to become of the most cursed location in the Hamptons since the Water Mill

The end of the Highway!

shopping center!   By the way, any news on how West Elm is actually doing?    A few weeks ago, some eagle eyed readers noticed there was an ad for waiters and waitresses needed at the diner but nothing much happened.  The “Reopening in March” sign came and went and now it’s gone and so is much of the restaurants interior.    Construction crews have been there morning till night and it looks like there are some training sessions going on for staff inside.    But here’s where the news gets a little more depressing, apparently they are going to open as a new Japanese restaurant…. yes another Asian Restaurant!    This I think may be a nail in the coffin of Zokkon which was being operated by the former chef Suki Zuki, which in spite of some really good food, the place appears to be struggling.    I just hope for their sake Highway Diner isn’t becoming a Nobu.

I drove by and asked one of the employees in the lot what’s going on and they indeed confirmed a Japanese restaurant.   If you got the real inside scoop, please let me know.  Here’s the posting on the Facebook page.

Highway Diner & Bar has been sold. Thanks to all of the guests who made the Highway a special place in our community. We will leave it to the new owners to announce their future plans but we can reveal they are a very talented group so you can expect great food in a beautiful space. Have a wonderful Summer.UPDATE:  Someone pointed out that the know-it-alls at Curbed.com already got the inside scoop on this one!  Here’s the LINK!

Now for the other mystery in East Hampton.   Why has there been an East Hampton Town Police car sitting there for the past 2 weeks.   There doesn’t appear to be anybody in the car and it sits there empty day after day keeping a very watching eye on the Highway Diner and the green tank!   I’m only waiting for someone who is texting and driving to side swipe or hit it.   Is it me or is does this seem like an accident waiting to happen?  Does anyone know why it’s there?

The Thing That Wouldn’t Leave…. Dealing With Guests that Don’t Take Hints!

It’s about a week to go till all hell breaks loose here in the Hamptons.    We’re of course talking about the official beginning of the summer season.   So while we trumpet the return of warm weather,  the traffic jams and Lyme disease there’s also something else on the horizon.   As anyone who lives on the east end can tell you….. it’s the return of the house guests!

Now, I know that my house is definitely much more fun now that ice has finally melted on the driveway.     So, it comes as no surprise to me that the casual requests for weekend visits increase ten fold when the mercury starts rising.

While I love the guests there are times when having visitors can become a scene more frightening than a Steven Segall movie marathon!     In fact it reminds me of the old Saturday Night Live skit (back when it was funny) of “The Thing That Wouldn’t Leave” (see the video below).     So, what do you do with guests that really believe “mi casa is su casa?”

Can you get them to leave with out being insulting?   Of course you can and I’m here to tell you how to do it!   It’s a simple three phase tactic that Martha Stewart would love and yet you’ll still have them running for the doors.  You might even get a thank you note later too!

The Thing Wouldn’t Leave from AFTRS Radio on Vimeo.

Phase 1:  Internet Interception – It’s a fast paced world and one would think that when visiting one of the most beautiful locations on earth, visitors here would actually enjoy shutting the world off!   HA!  Right!   In the Hamptons where dinner tables are silent only because everyone is texting someone else more interesting at another table, staying in touch is like air to breathe.    So what better way to give a guest a gentle nudge then to cutting off their connection to the world in addition to severing them from Netflix and sending their “House of Cards” addiction into a tailspin…. unplug the wifi router!    The fear of actually having to carry a conversation is often all you need to get your life back again and send your guest fleeing.  By the way, if my sister is reading this it actually did go down when you were here last time!  I swear!

The breakfast of chumps!

Phase 2: The Morning Jolt –  They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day.   So what better way to suck the energy out of the overly intrusive guest then starting their day on the wrong foot!  Here’s how you do it!  You hide the Keurig, the Starbucks and the bagels and instead replace them with something terrifying;   Instant coffee, generic cereal and tang!    Nothing says you couldn’t care less than spending less!     After day one of having to run to town to actually get something potable and edible your guest will be dreaming of a blanket in Sheep Meadow!   “Trust me guys, Toasted Oats are actually better tasting than Cheerios!  Really!”

Yes, they’ll have a headache and you’ll get rid of one!

Phase 3: The Cold Shoulders – After a day of Soulcycle, beach combing and a walk down Ralph Lauren Boulevard….errrr… I mean Main St. East Hampton,  there is nothing more refreshing than a hot relaxing shower.   So what’s a guest going to do when the hot water runs out before they have a chance to freshen up!   But alas you won’t have to fib to your guest about a faulty hot water heater, you’ll merely tell them it’s part of your fitness routine…. you know using the cold to burn fat!     Think about this way, you’re also helping them prevent their skin from drying out and invigorating their day since they didn’t have any coffee that morning!     It’s the alternative to Canyon Ranch and the only cost is you leave the house a day early!

In summary, this blog was done in the name of helping OTHERS.   All of the guest in my house are welcome to stay as long as they want… family is welcome to stay the entire month of July….. and guests of guests of relatives of guests are also welcome!  ANYTIME!

MY FINAL THOUGHT OF TODAY:  I see they’re advertising a “new” production of Les Miserables on Broadway.    I was wondering do you get a choice of fish or chicken with this production?!

It’s so good you’ll drop your fork!

 

Tesla apparently made summer quicker in Montauk… and lock your doors and hide your porridge a fairy tale about summer renters!!!

So my blog has been a little spotty lately but what can I say?! We’ve actually been selling houses out here on the east end. You know, I must work since I don’t make enough money on this blog to eat let alone afford a pair of Ferragamo’s.

Well my first tale is one that I’ve never heard before, although a few have told me they have! It starts with my getting my brand new watch fixed and somehow it folded into the mystery and legend surrounding the Montauk Project. If you never heard of the Montauk project, according to Wickipedia it’s described as THIS. So, when I went to the jewelry store the other day to get my watch repaired the sales woman asked me to describe what was wrong. I explained how the hands would sporadically just start to spin. It was her question next that stumped me, “were you in Montauk?” I said “no, why do you ask?” She went on to describe how they get people in the store all of the time for watch repair describing a problem similar to mine. Their watch just started spinning! Woah, holy Bill and Ted’s Excellent adventure. Are people going into time warps in Montauk? According to the sales person (who I won’t disclose) some locals feel it’s the result of the experiments that happened back during WW II. So did Tesla plant a giant magnet under Navy Beach!?!? Leonard Nimoy we need you to go “In Search Of” now!! Let me know if any of you have had similar or have heard the same story!

Finally, a little fairy tale about the Hamptons and a warning to folks off Wainscot Northwest Rd. Once upon a time there was…er.. is a little… well actually….a big share house full with wall street kids from the firm of “Holdem Backs.” Yes, these young male and female heirs apparent to Goldilocks and perhaps Bernie Madoff searched high and low for the perfect summer retreat in the Hamptons. Well they found one that was just right. They settled in quickly and merrily played and perhaps partied a little too hard. So hard in fact, they lost their way through the scary Northwest woods!!!

So, what to do when you’ve had a little to much to drink while in the forest. I mean woods… and you need to take a nap!? You naturally go for a walk! I mean neighbors are friendly here in the East Hampton forest, right?! So later that summer evening a family of homeowners came home to their house and notice the flat screen was on! “Someone is sleeping in our living room” the poppa homeowner declared! Yes, the family was surprised to see someone sleeping in their bed… er I mean their sofa! So were they friendly to Mr. Goldilocks? Nope, they called the police and notified the landlord who was none too pleased to hear about so many bears…er… summer renters were sleeping in his beds (damn this would have been funnier if Bear Sterns were still in business, right?). But just one final note and little mixing of tales here… neighbors are looking high and low for the prince who slept on the sofa. It appears he left a flip flop behind, perhaps I should have instead called him Cinderfella!

As far as I know… no bedbugs in the Hamptons… but we seem to need a lot of beds!!! Plus good bagel…bad cupcake!

Ok, remember that fancy men’s store Belhause in Wainscott. Yeah, they were trying to be the Fred Segal or Jeffrey of the Hamptons and it just didn’t work. Well back in December of 2009, the show was loaded up and shipped out in the middle of the night. Literally!

Well, the space has now been occupied. So, is it a good Mexican restuarant? A Pottery Barn? A gourmet market like Whole Foods or Trader Joes? Is it anything we really want in the Hamptons!? Wishful thinking folks, it’s a Sleepy’s! YES… ANOTHER SLEEPY’S!!! Now, by my count that makes 5 for the Hamptons area from Hampton Bays to East Hampton!! I know there is a need with rentals for new mattresses every now and then but do we really need 5!!!? Maybe folks in the Hamptons are sluttier and more promiscuous than I thought. I have visions of mattress filled rooms with weekly bacchinals all season long! Of course we need more mattresses! By the way, I bought all of the mattresses at my house at… you guessed it, Sleepy’s! If you dont’ have a Sleepy’s near you, visit them at www.sleepys.com

Now a quick note of caution. I want to first say, I love Twice Upon A Bagel. They have some of the best bagels in town and their sandwiches are pretty awesome. The problem I have is with their cupcakes, they’re two for two with me. Both times I bought cupcakes there (and I’m not talking buying the day olds) they were stale! They were like little confectionary rocks with sprinkles!! Come on guys, good bagels… great tuna salad… great salmon.. YOU CAN DO BETTER. So my advice is buy the bagels but skip the cupcakes. By the way, please don’t say it. I know I shouldn’t be buying cupcakes anyway.