LIPA

Book Hampton Sag Harbor is Gone and Mostly Forgotten… and a Way to Prevent Serious Accidents in the Hamptons!

The former BookHampton Sag Harbor

Well it was long rumored and now it’s true… Bookhampton in Sag Harbor is now a memory.  I actually just noticed it gone yesterday but sadly it’s been gone for awhile.  Blame it on Kindle or Ibooks but the

fact remains, retail is hard in the Hamptons.     I just wonder how long before all of Main Streets are entirely empty, then I have no doubt some of the villages will have no choice but to allow some of the larger chain stores to move onto the block.

Perhaps the biggest reason I was slow to figure out that there was a retail shuffle in Sag Harbor was due to the fact that I was out of town (the other that I have Netflix on my Ipad and I’m slowly becoming an illiterate slob).    I was on Cape Cod in Provincetown, MA.     Now, while there are many great things about P-twon as it’s called, the restaurants, the beaches and the abundance of really unattractive drag queens, my favorite thing was the amazing bike trails!   The beautifully maintained National Seashore Bike Trails contain miles of challenging and motor vehicle free biking!    They feature views of dunes, forest, ponds and even the ocean and are one of the bigger and popular attractions on “The Cape.”  Now, my question is why don’t we have this in the Hamptons!?!

Imagine bike trails here!!

With more accidents in the Hamptons than ever before, no doubt due to drivers being distracted by their smart phones, the time is now for the east end to create some safe areas for bikers.    This is perhaps the reason why one employee at a local bike shop told me, “anyone who rides after 10 am on a weekend is asking for trouble.”    If you have any doubt about this, go to any of the villages on a weekend.  It’s crowded beyond belief and nobody is watching where they go!   Yeah, I know it’s important stuff they’re doing like checking Facebook or Foursquare or texting about the next Soulcycle class.

So here’s my idea, someone talk to LIPA about a good will gesture that if they execute, I will forgive them the 2 weeks I spent in the dark after Sandy (It was horrible, I had no Netflix).  They take the area under the high tension wires on the East End, you know the ones they refused to bury and pave bike trails underneath.   These things go for miles (look on Google Earth) and a bike trail from Southampton to Montauk could easily be created (IMHO) and hopefully encourage folks to bike to the village instead of taking their Escalades and Hummers.   It’s a win win for everyone!    It might even help alleviate some of the fist fights in the parking lot of those spin studios.  Imagine, bicycling to a spin class!   So how do we get this done?!

OVERHEARD:   While standing in line at the Red Horse Market deli counter in East Hampton.  After ordering a pound and a half of smoked turkey breast the customer asks the employee, “Can you count those, I need to know how many slices I have there!?”   Only in the Hamptons.

2012 Hamptons… a year in P.U.review …. The worst of the worst!

Horatio:
Have after. To what issue will this
come?

Marcellus:
Something is rotten in the state of
Denmark.
Well Shakespeare could have been writing about the Hamptons in the year 2012.   Luckily there was no Mayan Apocalypse – much to the disappointment of the  History Channel – so it really wasn’t all that bad – but there were a few flops and misfortunate incidents that are worth mentioning.    Here they are in no particular order;

Hurricane Sandy, trouble in the end.

The LIPA response to Hurricane Sandy – Sure it was fun for the first night but when it came time to empty my refrigerator the fun had worn off… and I don’t think candlelight is much fun anymore after using it non-stop for two weeks.  Listen we know it was tough but at least give us some idea of when you think we’ll be back on the grid.  This way we make decisions as to where and how we are going to eat, live and watch Revenge on Netflix!

They look so friendly!

The Mitt Romney Fundraiser – So Ron Perleman decided to throw a little party for his friends and low and behold it turned into mass chaos with rumors of cheap booze, man on man kissing, water boarding and worst of all no Chex Mix! In case you don’t remember what happened, click here for a little recap. Now, I happen to have some inside scoop on the whole situation. Apparently it was all some big misunderstanding. The said protesters/crashers were actually just hoping to borrow some Grey Poupon. How embarrassing! I guess uber-rich people aren’t really as friendly as they appear in mustard commercials.

The Whole Foods Pop Up Store – What happens everyone waits with baited breathe for arguably one of the best stores around to open up in the Hamptons. Well if it was the Whole foods in Wainscott they will stay away in droves. Now, how did that happen!?!? Well, If you want my two cents… and apparently you do… I can sum it up in two words. SOVIET SUPERMARKET… there was nothing on the shelves and what little there was had a hefty price tag. Now, I love Whole Foods in the city but I’m not going to make a special trip to Wainscott just to buy their store brand of Cheerios! Hello! WHOLE FOODS, IF YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT… DO IT RIGHT! By the way, we love you, please come back and try again!?

 

Curbed Hamptons

The Yummylicious sign – sure the frozen treats may be yummy but the sign itself made the town of Sag Harbor look scummy!   Imagine if the makers of Hello Kitty decided to open up a brothel in the middle of the village.   Think about it!   You get the picture!  A few years ago they held fundraisers to preserve the Sag Harbor Cinema sign, now they need a fundraiser to buy Yummylicious a new sign.  Come to think of it, the name of that place bothers me too!

ATT Hamptons Cell Service –  NO!  I did not hang up on you I was just driving through Sagaponack…. or at my house…. or on the beach…. or in the Northwest woods…. or on Noyac Road… or… oh enough.    I don’t know if Verizon is any better but I’m getting tired of paying for an I phone that I primarily use as an Ipod!   But you know the good thing is I called ATT and they’re getting back to me on why I have such lousy reception.  Apparently it’s just me.    I just hope they don’t call me back on my cell phone!!

Stay tuned…. the best of 2012 next week!  I’ll probably even talk about where the market is going for real estate!

Five Faux Pas of 2011…. or the Scratchiest Head Scratchers of the Year!

Well to every ying, there needs to be a yang… for every Batman there needs to be a Joker…for every East Hampton Patch there is a Hamptons Chatter and for every U2 there needs to be a Justin Bieber. In other words, you have to learn to take the good with the bad. So in response to the good stuff that we had out east last year, there were some less than stellar moments in the Hamptons. So starting with number 5 and going to number 1, I’m counting down the biggest mistakes in the Hamptons, 2011!

#5 The Empty Red Horse Market in East Hampton – What a waste to let a prime piece of Hamptons real estate sit for over a year totally vacant. It was last fall when Tutto Italiano shuttered its doors in this prime location only to leave shop owners in the center collecting cob webs on their registers. Well the only reason this isn’t number one is because it looks as if they finally have a new tenant there. Prime Meats, formerly of the over cooked and newly scorched Hamptons Market (personally I like uncharred non-burnt markets) moving into the new location along with Gurney’s Bakery, a bread shop and a cheese vendor. Although, I heard it’s the former Pasquale of Tutto Italiano as far as I know that is an unconfirmed. Let’s hope they can stand the challenge if that Whole Foods really goes in the old Plitt Ford as rumored.

#4 The Carvel Drive Thru Window – Now, I love my soft serve and Cookie Puss Cakes as much as the next guy but I’m willing to park my Mercedees before I make a dash for a vanilla cone with sprinkles. Hey, it would have been ok if you called even! I mean, it’s in the store and it’s not melting yet, so relax. In all seriousness, luckily nobody was hurt in this race for the cone. But don’t you think Carvel should have just left it that way?!

#3 Rugosa – Ok, I checked in there once in 2010 and I was the “MAYOR” on Foursquare til the day they closed. Ok, so you’re telling me I’m the only one who ate there!? I know, it looked like it. The food wasn’t bad but the menu there was virtually impossible. While I don’t know who owned Rugosa, I have to ask did they really think there was a big demand in the summer for “squab in plum sauce?” But even if you found something you could eat on the menu, while the food was actually pretty good the service was enough to make you beg for a scrap of bread or a “Hungry Man” tv dinner. So essentially 2011 was a mistake.

#2 LIPA’s Hurricane Irene Recovery Plan – Ummmmm yeah, they’ll be there to fix uh… the.. um.. what do you call it.. the uh…the power lines….ummmm… sometime between… ummmmmm… uh… later today and next Saturday at 5pm! It was like they were getting their customer service playbook from Cablevision. But what LIPA screwed up this past year has been a boom for contractors on the east end. HOW? I have never met more people installing generators than I have in the past 3 months.

#1 THE MTK Festival or Music to Know – Ok guys, first mistake was did you ever look into how much it costs to rent a house or hotel room in the Hamptons during August?! Second, where were all these sort of Woodstockers going to sleep… pitch a tent on some lawn on Gin Lane? Third, the people who actually like Vampire Weekend for example (although I do but I’m very cool for my age) are probably working at the restaurants and stores in August and they can’t take off because it’s busy! DUH! My suggestion, skip the music to know and give me music I already know. I would have paid to see The GO-GO’s, The Pretenders or Duran Duran… or even Neil Diamond for G-d’s sake. But that’s just me and most of the 40 something friends I know. I’m forever stuck in the 80’s and the rest are too tired learn anything new.