Date Night Advice in the Hamptons and the Best Burger!?

So a few years ago, I did a posting about how when it comes to dating, where you go can tell you a lot about the person.   It’s also a good guide to picking the right location for someone who is truly special.  Well as we all know, it’s always changing here on the East End with new restaurants and some of the old favorites.  So here is my updated 2012 dating guide for Hamptons restaurants.  This is more geared towards the ladies but guys, use it as a guide as well.   Perhaps you can make a better impression on your next blind date.

Restaurant: Nick and Toni’s , The Palm or East Hampton Grill

What does it say: If it’s on a Friday or Saturday night.. it means they have connections. They’re also not short on cash and willing to go head to head with some of the biggest attitudes in the Hamptons. If they order the zucchini chips (N&T) onion rings (Palm) or buttermilk biscuits (EHG) they’re daring… not afraid of calories because they’ll be at the gym in the morning. It also says, they really know the menu. If the bartenders or waitresses know them by first name, they’re generous and good tippers. They deserve a least a second date or to go a few bases. If you’re date is on a Sunday or prixe-fixe night, it’s up to your discretion.

Additional Advice: My advice hasn’t changed much since last time on these, avoid topics or conversations dealing with the following: ex-wives, alimony or investing with Bernie Madoff.  Notably missing from this list is the American Hotel which I think has truly earned it’s reputation as the wax museum of the Hamptons.   If you go on a date there, you’re probably double dating with someones parents and as Whoopi said in GHOST, “you’re in danger girl!”

Restaurant: Players Club & Agave (Bridgehampton)


What does it say: Chances are your date is a summer renter here in the Hamptons. They’re still new to the scene so if you’re waiting for that invitation to Gwyneth’s or Sarah Jessica Parker’s forget it. If this is a first date, finish the evening and change your cell number. You can do better.  Besides, if it were in the city you know they’d be taking you to Scores or El Torito!

Additional Advice: Avoid topics relating to home ownership in the Hamptons, real estate, St. Barth’s at Christmas and flying coach versus first class.

Restaurant: 1770 House

What does it say: Your date obviously knows some of the hidden treasures of the Hamptons. It also says, they’re willing to go to a quiet place and they’re not afraid to hold a conversation with you.  You’re date is likely confident and not afraid to spend a little extra for something special. Now, I want to be clear we’re talking about the upstairs restaurant here… if you end up in the downstairs pub it only says one thing to me; THEY’RE MARRIED!

Additional Advice: If your upstairs you can pretty much discuss anything, they obviously are open and willing to talk. If your DOWNSTAIRS avoid discussing wives, mistresses, explaining difficult things to children and commuting to the city from Nassau County.

Restaurant: Almond

What does it say: If it’s Friday night and he’s taking you to Almond, he’s gay! If you already knew he was gay… then just enjoy he probably knows a lot of people.

Additional Advice: If it’s Saturday, I’m not quite sure what to do but I think you’ve done ok. If it’s Friday and your on a hetero date… avoid topics like musicals, football and closets. It will only make you both uncomfortable.

My last note today and probably the most obvious!

Restaurant: Cyril’s or Murph’s Tavern

What does it say: People go to Cyril’s and Murph’s for one reason; to drink!  If someone actually takes you there on a date it could be they’re  fresh out of rehab or about to go! I would also be suspect of everyone your date just said hello to, odds are they’re tomorrow’s date! If you drove separately (hopefully you did) pretend to get a text message and leave immediately to deal with a “personal issue.”

Additional Advice: Avoid such topics as binge drinking, rehab, STD’s, sobriety or monogamy!  Also having the number for a cab service in speed dial will be really helpful!

If like last time,  today’s blog offends anyone.. I apologize, it was written with a sense of humor. But remember, there’s a little bit of truth in every jest!  Finally, a little poll…. Who has the best burger in the Hamptons.   I’ve asked a few folks and these five seem to be the frontrunners.    Remember to vote early and often!

 

How to de-haunt your house… some restaurant obits.. and Bieberfever to hit the Hamptons?

I don’t know what to say, I’m so annoyed at myself for neglecting my little blog. At one point I was getting about 300 to 400 hits a day but alas, I took a few weeks off due to a cold, exhaustion and creative drain. You don’t think this blog just writes itself do you??! So how can I make it up to you? I’m not sure but here it goes.

Sad news… very sad news….one of East Hamptons favorite spots Turtle Crossing is no more! But more on that in a minute… also sad… La Fondita, the best Mexican food in the Hamptons will soon be closed for the season. What’s worse is they won’t be selling their amazing tortilla soup and tacos at Town Line BBQ this winter!! Two years ago it was great to go to town line and have your choice from either menu. I’m sad. I will say that Estia in Sag Harbor actually has some pretty good Mexican options on their menu if you’re going into withdrawal. The tacos and the home made chips and guacamole could hold their own at any cantina in the city!

Now, Back to restaurants closing, according to their facebook page “Turtle Crossing” in East Hampton has shuttered their doors for good. Sad news! They’ve entered the zone of restaurants past along with … here’s a shocker… RUGOSA! What there wasn’t a demand for “roast pheasant in plumb sauce” in the Hamptons!?” We all knew Rugosa’s location there is a little jinxed or at least haunted. And speaking of…

So, this may be a day late and a dollar short but a website called www.creditsesame.com is offering some tips on how to keep your house from being haunted! What are some of their ideas? Nail a horseshoe over the front door! WHAT?!!! HAVE THESE PEOPLE EVER SEEN A ROADRUNNER CARTOON!? Horsehoes are deadly! How about a nice MEZEZUAH instead? Yep, that’s one of their suggestions too. Along with painting the porch “Haint” blue, because it resembles water and ghosts are apparently afraid of water. Hmmmm… ok.

Also, make sure your stairs don’t have a number that is divisible by 3! This is of course the Filipino tradition of “Oro, Platta, Mata.” Of course we knew about that already. Divide by three? I’d be better at calculating 3% or 6% for that matter (realtor humor)! Anyway, if you want to read more… go the website and check it out and click in the blogs section. By the way, I hear Murph’s in Sag Harbor is allegedly haunted. I don’t think they need to paint the porch blue if they want to get rid of the ghouls in that place, they just need to raise the prices!!!

Finally, is it true or not? A broker friend of mine allegedy got a call from some guy who says he works for Justin Bieber. Apparently the Biebster is looking to find a house in the Hamptons. Fashon trend alert, tupperware bowl cuts for everyone!!! Oh the humanity!

Me, SJP and 13 nice things about the Hamptons!!

Last night I was at the NY Sheraton for the annual Empire State Pride Agenda, fall dinner. It was actually a really great event for a great cause. Senator Kirsten Gillibrand was there as was Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Governor David Patterson. The event was hosted by Andy Cohen of Bravo and Sarah Jessica Parker. Now, I’ve known Andy for years and he introduced me to Ms. Parker or as he calls her SJP. I have to say, she was more attractive in person than in any of her movies or on the TV show. She was also absolutely charming. So now, if you read this blog you know I wasn’t crazy about “Sex and the City 2” the movie. Well, I take it back. I’m going to only say nice things about the Movie and SJP! She’s my new BFF.

So that had me thinking. Now that I’ve turned over a new leaf of saying only nice things about S&TC2, maybe I should say nice things about some other places and people I’ve often slighted. So, since today is Friday the 13Th I’m going to add some positive energy to the day and say 13 nice things. Here it goes….

#1 Bay Burger in Sag Harbor … nice thing… they have a very smooth parking lot!

OK, how did I do? I’ll keep going….

#2 The smell of the East Hampton Gym and the stale smelling towels keep me alert when working out!

#3 Bagel Buoy in Sag Harbor… the bagels are very round!

#4 Joan Jedell’s Hamptons hot sheet is great for starting bonfires!

#5 The traffic on 27 isn’t really that bad on Sunday mornings in January!

#6 The Golden Pear’s $10 gazpacho makes me spend $10 less on wine!

#7 That agent that looks like Ms. Piggy is much better looking than their boyfriend!

Gosh this is hard… I’m thinking… I’m thinking… hummmmmm….

#8 The produce in Walbaum’s isn’t as rancid as it looks!

#9 Riverhead is a great place if you like fast food!

#10 Murphs in Sag Harbor has a floor that’s very difficult to slip on!

#11 I don’t have to ever worry about sleeping too late, now that I have my Beagle Russell!

#12 ATT’s lousy reception keeps me from spending too much time talking to long winded real estate agents!

and…. drum roll….. #13 the orange parking ticket on my window looks so great with all of the Fall colors!!!

Whoa! Oh before I forget. I have to post this video. If you haven’t seen it yet you should. What do you think happens to a McDonalds Happy Meal after 6 months. Take a look. Bay Burger may not seem so bad now!